Reunion Post New moon
by saya4haji
Summary: Set 8 years after edward left. Post New moon. Bella has changed, she is a different person, stronger, a professor and who should turn up in her class? Edward, but bella is now izzy and her new protector OC Clara has secrets and a shared past with bella.
1. Chapter 1

Author:

This is my first fanfiction. Let me know what you all think. I apologise in advance becaus the first 3-4 chapters will be set up chapters with limited dialogue so they will be long and take time to read. pls stick with it and enjoy. it will speed up after ch.2 i hope.

I want to of course thank project team beta for their time and all their help. I seem to be completely illiterate when it comes to punctuation. I took this chapter down and had it beta checked and improved which I hope to do with all my chapters shortly. Thank you so much PTB and especially the beta for this first chapter: anythingzombie – mod edit.

Chapter one:

Bella POV:

The drizzle continued to fall, splashing like a drum beat off my little Chevy's windscreen as I sat watching the multitudes of new college students swarm around the car park and wash over my sanctuary.

That's how I thought of Washington state university now. It had been my home for two years. It had become my refuge, my place of safety. I had lived all over Europe: Ireland, France, but mainly Britain and Russia in the last eight years. Since Edward left, so much had changed. I ran. I ran from my life, from my pain, from my friends, from my family and from my home. From everything and everyone who could be put at risk simply because of my presence. "Danger magnet," that's what I was. I giggled in a choked sort of way as I remembered that phrase. How _he _always saw me as some delicate flower, to be protected by _him,_ my guardian angel. What a crock of crap that turned out to be.

My lips turned down as the familiar hole in my chest rippled under its many layers of camouflage. As I said, a lot has changed: I learned to cover up that pain, to forget it, to hide it...to ignore it so it was like it didn't exist..._nearly_.

I sighed loudly and gathered my briefcase and started to climb out of my car, it was time to start work and to ignore the memories of him, of my brothers, my sisters and Esme and Carlisle. Their names I could think; they were like parents, always a comforting memory...

With ruthless efficiency, I buried those thoughts, climbed out of my red and black Chevy and squared my shoulders.

When _he_ left and everything changed, when I had to run to survive, had to hide to protect my family, I buried myself in education. It'surprising how education, reading books, critiquing them and sitting exams, can help you cope with thoughts of homicidal vampires tracking you; how "distracting" education can be. I suppose that's why the Cullen's kept repeating school and college...

I winced at the thought and, for the third time this morning ,cut them from my mind.

When my new protectors hid me, when I ran to the places I had dreamt of travelling to with him, I studied, I attended universities, wrote papers. After Laurent found me in the woods, and the truth of the protectors around me was revealed, I first ran to Florida where I completed my undergraduate degree in English literature. There the sun offered safety, where my protectors could catch a break. My masters in communications and written language was done on the hoof between France, Russia and Ireland. A different university and identity every few months made it difficult... that and the closeness of those who hunted me which required the movement obviously. When most of the threats passed, England offered relative peace; it was there I finished my doctorate. It was there that I rediscovered pain, where I and my protectors paid the price for my infatuation with a vampire.

But it was also England that gave me the inspiration along with Clara to write my dissertation, an analysis of Romeo and Juliet's communications with a strictly feminist interpretation. The paper made me something of an academic celebrity. No one else, it seemed, had ever dared to so blatantly tear apart the iconic lovers of romantic literature. But being hunted by vampires and being a broken shell of a person had given me a unique outlook. I saw the classics with colder eyes, no longer impressed by age and unafraid after the troubles of my life, to say so.

It was this outlook that got me my job back here in Washington University. I taught a range of courses, gender studies, modern poetry interpretation, and communication studies. Mainly theoretical classes for PhD students or basic introductory 101 classes. I enjoy it; it's a life, it's a distraction.

Being in Washington means I can visit Charlie and the wolves after my long absence, something my poor, long suffering father and friends deserved after my near six years on the run. Yet I'm still far enough away that if any danger comes creeping out of the woodwork he's far enough away to hopefully be safe.

The courtyard of the university is thrumming with new students laughing and joking. Pathetic humans. I can see now why vampires think so little of us; we are just so ignorant of reality, our concerns so pathetic. No one here truly knows pain or suffering.

"Good morning, professor Black-Swan" Anita, the receptionist at the entrance to the humanities building, waved as she buzzed me in.

"Hi comes my blunt reply as I try to smile back but my melancholy mood, my sad memories and the fact the rain has made me look like a drowned cat in my black pencil suit has made my mood sour at best.

"Your new schedule is on your desk and I e-mailed all the TA students, so they should be at your introductory classes. Mr. Wood from the English department wanted to speak to you about your new Shakespeare course, something to do with 'not being too hard on the classics.' You know he just doesn't want the bad publicity. Also he wants to discuss the gender and communications discourse curriculum so if you could e-mail them ASAP that would be great."

Anita smiled hesitantly as she dragged in a deep breath after her speech. The two professors must have been hounding her about this. The douche bags were always lazy and last minute with their classes and it annoyed me. I like Anita, though, she tried and was polite. She minded her own business too.

"Sure, sure, Anita, I'll e-mail them. You know Woody, he's just blinded by age. If Shakespeare was modern, his books would be in a 99cent bin. And as for Keane, well, he's still pissed I turned him down for the end of year dance in may." I smiled, feeling more human already. These little interactions always made me feel 'normal'.

I heard Anita laugh and call a "thank you" as I marched down to my excuse of an office. The timetables and notes were on my desk as Anita had said. The old building of the humanities department reminded me of a maze in a bad horror movie: it was all key code doors, dim lights and bland mirror image corridors of pale yellowing paint.

The class schedule was nothing of interest, with the new year starting I had five 101 classes to teach in English, feminism and communication. All broad topic classes to give mindless unsure freshers an idea of what college could offer. I would go to the class, give my usual no nonsense welcome to my class, be prepared to work, these are your TA's so don't bother me, talks. I smiled faintly at thinking of scaring the new students. The years had hardened me and it showed. I was no longer above taking a little cruel pleasure in scaring my new students into working had. I didn't get the reputation as a cold hearted aloof professor just by wearing black suits and a sharp tongue.

I never interacted with colleagues outside of the university. I worked hard, published numerous critiques on my subjects and readings and had bounced more lazy students from my class than any other professor. If a student worked, they did well, if not I had no time to deal with them trying to "find themselves," switching classes every two minutes while drinking and partying on daddy's dime.

I sighed heavily and lifted my bag. I had to get to lecture theatre 301. I had two hundred students to introduce to modern critiques of Shakespeare English class and assign to their new TA's.

I weaved my way through the narrow corridors of the humanities buildings that acted as a labyrinth. A person in the know could move right across campus to the newest buildings without once going outside; if they knew where to go in the basement levels.

I climbed the stairs quickly, my heals clicking as I marched across the foyer of the new lecture theatres building to room 301. New students like sheep bleated and followed one another into the room. I entered with haste, keeping my eyes fixed to the front of the room.

I made it to the front of the room to find my four TA students waiting as Anita had said. I smiled at them and at Anita's organisation.

"Good morning, here are the class lists, the seminar plans, the test objectives and my contact details. I will do a quick introduction, you can then call out the lists of who is in each class group and then this lot can skedaddle back to bed and you can get off to work on your PhDs." I smiled warmly at the four students before me. I had known them all for two years, they were the best of my students and knew that I worked like this. No nonsense, no pleasantries: professionalism all the way.

I walked to the microphone and cleared my throat as I called for silence and my eyes wandered the class.

"Ok ladies and gentlemen, silence please, this is..."

I began telling the room the name of the course, gave those in the wrong room a chance to escape and was about to state my name when my eyes landed on a pair of golden orbs, wide with shock.

"My name is Pro...pro..."

Oh my God! It was _him_. It was the damn marble Adonis God of my dreams.

The hole in my centre ripped wide open, my careful disguise fell apart as I felt my mouth gape open and my voice dry up. It was _him_. Oh god! how flawed my memory was, among all these bland students: _he_ sat! _He_ sat, cutting a figure of pure masculine beauty that the gods of Greek myth would have called a sin. _His_ eyes wide in shocked awe, locked on me. They swept up and down me.

Why was he shocked, surely Alice...

"No!" I scolded myself. _He_ doesn't care, they don't care. Of course they wouldn't have given you a thought, never mind a vision. _He_ was surprised: because like him, I was no longer meant to exist.

He shut his mouth and his face became stoic as emotions I would easily mistake for pain, longing, anger and sorrow washed over his face, before it became blank. Of course he was angry; the distraction was back. _He_ was sorry _he_ would have to see me. The human that was 'no good' for him.

My TA's were whispering to my left as I struggled to not swallow my tongue and beat back tears. _He_ didn't want me.

I whirled around to the white board and lifted a pen. Feeling more composed with my eyes fixed only on the white of the board even as I felt the amber eyes burn into my back.

I coughed, "excuse me." I smiled painfully as I sounded almost normal. "My name is Professor Black-Swan and I will be your course co-ordinator...

I wrote my name and began explaining the class, how I was a feminist, how I used this view to examine the flaws of Shakespeare's work, how I would expect them to use their views to independently find flaws of their own in Shakespeare and to analyse it but also to use scholars critiques to back up their views or to at least show how very different their view was.

I rambled with my back to the class, even as I heard them and my TA'S whispering. My face heated to a faint blush for the first time in maybe five years. I had to escape; I had to get away from here.

"Now my TA's will introduce themselves and split you into your classes. I will teach two lectures a week with all of you here, you will also have one seminar in smaller groups of twenty or less once a week with a TA and I will take each TA's seminar class at least once to check in on your progress in a more personal manner."

'Personal manner'...my mind screamed, oh crap...damn my off the wall teaching style, I was going to have to see him at least twice a week and then in a small group, in a small room at least once. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit!

**Escape!** Is all my brain could scream.

I whirled around still trying to stem the salty water building up in my eyes, "If you will excuse me then I have some appointments I need to take care of."

He _stood_!

As I took my first step toward the door, he _stood_! What the hell was he thinking...I didn't need another talk...there were no damn woods here! I had to escape. I summoned every ounce of strength I had fought for in eight years and turned my gaze to _him_. I fixed him with the hardest look I could and growled out in my sternest steeliest voice, "_All students_ will remain here until their TA has assigned them to their class. No distractions allowed." In the brief glance of him I got before I nearly ran out the door I could swear it looked like he had been punched.

Glad I had outgrown my clumsiness I ran back to my office. I ignored all the stares, ignored Prof. Wood calling after me, I ignored Anita's concerned look as I stormed back to my office telling her I would be expecting a visitor shortly and she should let her through.

I slammed my office door and collapsed on the floor letting the tears come unabated. The hole tore and writhed as I cried out the sorrow, loss, pain and heartbreak which I had hidden for eight years. Between the tears and quelled screams, I pulled out my phone hitting speed dial one.

Before a word could be spoken when the phone answered I gasped out,

"Clara, I need you, the...C- C-Cullens... they're here. Plea-se Clara I need you –gasp- please!"

There was a soft grunt and the sound of something metal hitting the floor before a familiar rough gravelly voice came down the line, "I'll be there in a minute Izzy hold tight petal."

I gave in then. I dropped the phone and curled up on my floor in the foetal position. I mirrored the very eighteen year old girl I had come to despise in the past 8 years. I cried and heard and felt nothing but the loss of my one time love. So much for feminism.


	2. Chapter 2

**Pen name:** saya4haji

**Story Title:** Reunion: Post new moon

**Story link:** I have uploaded a few chapters onto so as to spur me on to write more and test the waters on my first draughts. My aim however is to have this first draught Beta checked and to improve it before submitting it to Twilighted.

.net/s/6194090/1/Reunion_Post_New_moon

**Chapter number:** Chapter 2

**Story Rating:** M or R

**Genre:** Post new moon AU

**Story Summary:** Set 8 years after Edward left. Post New moon. Bella has changed, she is a different person, stronger and working as a Professor. Who should turn up in her class? Edward, but Bella is now Izzy and her new protector OC Clara has secrets and a shared past with Bella. Bella doesn't forgive Edward, she is angry and keeps the secrets of her past closely guarded. Will Edward ever earn back her trust? Eventual E/B but unlike other n/m AU that will take a while.

**Chapter summary and aims:** This is my second set up chapter. It is designed to give the necessary background on Edwards past since leaving Bella and then his POV of the events in chapter one.

**Beta One: Sarahsumbrella**

**Beta Two: pineandapple**

Chapter 2:

Edward's POV:

I clutched my head cringing as the thousands of inane, pathetic, and boring thoughts buzzed their way into my head. It became so loud sometimes I would forget which voice was my own and lose myself to the babbling masses. This uninhibited noise was close to driving me crazy. One dull and uninteresting thought at a time. Like a woodpecker constantly perched on my head and battering my sanity.

If there was something more painful than the constant hum of countless human's thoughts threatening to drown my mind, I hadn't encountered it...

That's a lie.

Life without my love, my Bella. _That_ is hell. That is torture!

It had been eight years since I cut out my own dead, un-beating heart. Eight years since I left Bella, since I committed the worst blasphemy, a mortal sin worse than the act of becoming the monster I am. I left my reason for existence, I abandoned the most beautiful and selfless girl. I hurt her!

_Her_ beautiful face, _her_ soft lips and _her_ chocolate brown eyes. They haunt me everywhere I go, in every thought I have. I can still see the pain of my lies on her face. But it was right, it was just. In my long, unnatural life I have paid two penances. I hear every thought; I have never found peace, never known silence, except around her. The pain of those thoughts, the metaphorical headache is one of my acts of penance for existence.

Then there was Bella. Protecting her, leaving her to be free, to live... to love... that was my most selfless act ever, my one truly good deed. Perhaps god would have mercy on my soul when I finally died or perhaps this life without her is really hell, perhaps I have died already and being separated from her is my true hell.

After I left Bella, my family was broken. Alice lost a best friend, she blamed me, and on some level she hated me. She tried to hide it but I could hear the truth. She missed her only friend, her sister. She couldn't forgive me. My closest sister couldn't stand to see me, nor I her.

Jasper blamed himself for my decision to leave Bella. All he did was make me face the truth. Between my soul-destroying pain and the families sorrow, Jasper suffered guilt and the heartbreak of Bella times six. He could only spend short periods of time around us.

Emmet who was always joking and never serious had a shift in demeanour. He laughed less, joked less. He was the embodiment of a big brother and losing Bella stole something from Emmet. The big lug was too soft to deal with it. He retreated to spending more time alone with Rose.

Rosalie only cared about Bella's loss because it meant she had to move, because it made Emmet sad and it upset her family. Rose may be self-absorbed but she loved Emmet and she missed his old playfulness. She noticed, no matter how he tried to hide it, he was hurt by Bella's loss.

Esme and Carlisle were similar, they had lost a daughter. Esme, with her capacity to love, had accepted Bella as her daughter. She saw how happy Bella made me and only left because I persuaded her with lies, despite her pleading. Carlisle loved Bella too; her humanity made her more fragile, she needed his doctoring and it had fostered in him an even stronger paternal response than with the rest of us 'kids'.

As for me, well I couldn't cope. I spent the first year roaming the globe trying blindly to forget. Huh, there was no distraction from my Bella, I merely had to kill time, before time killed Bella and then I would find a way to follow her. To finally kill myself.

After the first year wallowing, I spent the second searching for Victoria. She deserved death for her crimes in aiding James, but I was useless at finding her. After losing her scent in Rio, I collapsed there. The next thing I remember was waking up with a deer at my mouth and my mother muttering that everything would be okay. I had apparently spent months in Rio going mad with thirst, until Alice saw and sent the family to get me.

For the last 5 years we moved from place to place, as I tried to function. 'Try' being the operative word. I mainly sat silent like the marble statue I am. Suffering. Lost in my memories of Bella. I can barely think on what little I have done in these last 8 years. The time without talking, without my piano, without any purpose and without my Bella has dragged on mercilessly. We had just resettled in Washington State. So close to my beloved yet obviously so far. I am merely a couple of miles from her physically but it may as well be thousands. Bella was always too good for me and I can never return to her now after so long. She would be 26 this year, perhaps married and with kids? The thought tore at my heart.

I couldn't cope with that line of thinking so I ignored it, looking around at Washington State University. I wonder if Bella came here or went to Florida State. Or did she even go to college? I'm sure she did, she was very intelligent.

The family had settled here, some eight hours from Forks. We, the 'kids,' were all attending university, giving the high school charade a break for a while.

I was doing an English degree. It shocked the family when Alice announced my decision. It was a step away from my science, engineering and medicine based degrees, but literature gave me a connection, no matter how tenuous, to Bella.

It had taken a great effort to get out of my room this morning; my siblings were trying not to be 'couply' as it just made things more difficult for me seeing them so in love. They left in Emmet's jeep ,and I left later by myself after much indecision.

Carlisle, my father for all intensive purposes, had come up to my room the previous night, interrupting my moping. He sat on my bed, watching me as I sat in the corner, wearing the same clothes Alice the elfin demon had thrust upon me nearly two weeks before.

"My son," Carlisle sighed. With those two words I knew this was going to be one of his rare fatherly talks and not just his usual conversations. His golden eyes were filled with sadness as he looked at me. He recited the medical case histories of several patients with STD's to keep me from his thoughts. My cringe had his lips quirking for the slightest moment.

"Edward, I cannot begin to imagine your pain, nor I believe, can Jasper truly ever know it. No one can. I often wonder if leaving Bella was the wrong decision. Until the end of time I will question that decision along with if I was wrong to damn you all to this life with me."

I interrupted him then, "Carlisle it was the right thing. Bella will be safe, she will live a natural life. It hurts more than I can ever say, but it was right. And you know that no one here blames you for the lives we live, the love you show us." I tapped my head indicating how I knew these things even as his thoughts slipped to how croaky my voice was from under use, how long it had been since I had spoken.

"Edward, I know that going back to college will be hard for you but it will help with our cover and we hope it will give you some sense...no matter how thin...of normalcy. Sitting in this room alone isn't a life, my son. Perhaps seeing other people or just living a bit will help pass the time more painlessly. Please my son, do this. If not for yourself, then for Esme, for your family. You know we worry for you...even Rose."

My father's words echoed in my head as I climbed out of Rose's Mercedes. I couldn't bear to drive my Volvo anymore. It still sat in the garage at home...at home in Forks.

I looked at the schedule Alice had given me, along with the fresh clothes. I was set to go to an English 101 class, then a literature lecture on modern critiques of Shakespeare. This thought made me smile. At least that's what I think my face muscles tried to do as I thought of Shakespeare and Bella's ragged copies of Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet.

The class was filled with over two hundred people when I walked in, all with inane thoughts. God, was there anything more predictable than new college students? Worries over new classes, over careers, where they were going, money, where they lived, who they lived with, who they were having sex with!

My head swam as I took my seat and watched four older students stand, shuffling at the front of lecture hall 301. Their minds were dull. They must be the teaching assistants.

One was called Henry and he was thinking about the course and how he wished he could have been in Mr. Mullen's class instead of this Professor Black's class. He didn't like her views, or her overly Professional manner. Under his thoughts, I caught the stream of rejection. He was angry that this Professor apparently had not even noticed his existence. This Professor was what he considered a cold fish. After all, there wasn't a woman he couldn't get on her back.

I looked at my schedule and the module plan. This Professor Black was going to spend this semester critiquing Romeo and Juliet. If Henry was right, I was going to find her feminist outlook on it dull and downright wrong. Modern scholars never really understand the 'classics.'

I was about to flip to the next page of the module guide when I was hit by an overwhelming scent. The scent wafted to me, hitting my senses like a wrecking ball.

It was like that first day: freesias, strawberries...mouth-watering. I clenched my fists as I looked around frantically, swallowing venom. In this moment I was nowhere close to human. But I was not vampire either; I did not thirst for the scent of that blood. I thirsted in the way a man does for a woman, the way one soul thirsts for its perfect match. That scent meant she was here... my love.

My Bella was before me.

I spotted her then, striding to the lectern.

"Ok ladies and gentlemen, silence please, this is..."

Her voice like the sweetest music to my ears. She wore a straight black suit that hugged her body... it was positively sinful. It hung and clung to every luscious curve on her now fully developed, womanly body. Her breasts and hips outlined perfectly by the black fitted suit, contrasting with the cream and ivory of her flawless skin, the flowing velvet of her hair and then, the chocolate pools of her eyes.

My mouth hung open as our eyes locked. She stopped mid sentence. It was just us in that moment. Her eyes latched onto me, shock her dominating feature. For a moment I rejoiced for she recognised me, she had not forgotten. Hope, an actual emotion...Hope ...love... flared in my cold body but was quickly dashed as her expression changed to pain, anger and heartbreak? I schooled my face to a blank I tried to work out what this meant. She turned her back to me and my heart nearly broke at losing the sight of her beautiful face.

I was trapped in awe...Professor Black-Swan...

What? _What the hell_? Bella is saying she is the Professor. She is Professor Black? She is my Professor? My vampire mind quickly catalogued a dozen X rated teacher/student fantasies, to be replayed later, before I could stop the 17 year old virgin impulse.

Black...why do I know that name? Why is she using a shotgun name? How did she end up a Professor? A feminist? Critiquing Romeo and Juliet? What the hell is going on?

The thoughts of the TA's at the front invaded my mind.

"_what's wrong with Professor Black?"_

"_she looks freaked, the robot has emotions..huh, who knew"_

"_is she blushing?"_

"_what is wrong with Professor Black she looks close to tears"_

My Bella turned around and I tuned back in to what she was saying... she was leaving..what?..._No!_

Before I could think I was standing and in the next moment Bella was speaking. Her loving eyes turned cold and piercing, trained on me as never before.

She was ordering me to stay like some stupid student?

'Distraction', she said. Oh no ...oh god no, that word, that blasphemy! She hates me, she quoted the darkest of lies. Her words were like a physical blow, they were like a punch to the gut as I realized my love hated me. She still believed the lies!

Bella almost ran from the room. I itched to leave as the TA's rambled on. I noted that I was in the vile Henry's class and then bolted from the room to the parking lot. I needed to phone Alice. The rotten little sprite must have known...

I was weaving between the other students as a motorbike flew past nearly knocking me over, the rider was tall, lean and wearing black. The bike kicked up fumes and a scent of decay as it tore forward at break neck speeds towards the humanities buildings. Ordinarily I would have commented on the illegal speed, or my appreciation for it or the scent in the air but right now I had only five thoughts:

I have to kill Alice.

Feminism critiques on Romeo and Juliet suddenly sounded very interesting.

_I have seen Bella and I feel alive once more. _

_I can never leave her again._

_I have to make her love me anew._


	3. Chapter 3

**Pen name:** saya4haji

**Story Title:** Reunion: Post new moon

**Story link:** I have uploaded a few chapters onto fanfiction .net so as to spur me on to write more and test the waters on my first draughts. My aim however is to have this first draught Beta checked and to improve it before submitting it to Twilighted.

.net/s/6194090/1/Reunion_Post_New_moon

**Chapter number:** Chapter 3

**Story Rating:** M or R

**Genre:** Post new moon AU

**Story Summary:** Set 8 years after Edward left. Post New moon. Bella has changed, she is a different person, stronger and working as a Professor. Who should turn up in her class? Edward, but Bella is now Izzy and her new protector OC Clara has secrets and a shared past with Bella. Bella doesn't forgive Edward, she is angry and keeps the secrets of her past closely guarded. Will Edward ever earn back her trust? Eventual E/B but unlike other n/m AU that will take a while.

**Chapter summary and aims:** This chapter was designed to introduce my OC character Clara, to give a little bit of background on their relationship and begin to show some of the ways in which Bella has changed.

**Beta One: **

**Beta Two: **

Clara's POV:

I got Izzy's phone call while at work, Michael and Jason seemed shocked to see me drop the socket wrench and dessert the Mustang I was working on restoring to jump on my bike and head out. As a rule I turned up at the garage before the lads arrived and closed up after they left. This garage was my baby, my dream, to own and run a business of my own.

I called out there was an emergency and I had to go. Michael looked concerned but didn't comment. He knew that it had to be serious for me to leave work while Jason ever the more intuitive asked if Izzy was ok. I didn't even have a chance to answer I was out the door so fast.

Izzy and I had been best friends for eight years since we met on the beach in La Push. I had been 16, stupid, alone and hungry when we bumped into each other. We immediately saw in each other a shared pain. The elements of us that were broken. I was alone and on the run, a kid who had lost everything and who had become something else, while she was a girl who was alone too, she had lost her love and was used to dealing with the somethings that lurked in the shadows.

We had held each other together then, Bella sorted me with a roof over my head(Jacobs garage but it was better than the forest) she had kept my secrets, fed me, and we held each other together as we grieved. When they came for her we ran, and we had been all each other had ever since. Friends...Sisters...it just isn't enough to describe what we are to each other. What do you call the only person who really knows you, who saved you?

I clung to my Yamahara bike using all my inhuman reactions and agility to push the bike well past 150mph while not crashing. As I entered the college car park I saw Izzy's car and had to weave in and out of the stupid human kids. It was then I smelt the sickly sweet smell of one of them. A vampire.

As I approached the humanities building I spotted him. Pale, bronze hair, beautiful and with golden eyes just as she had described to me through tears, all those years ago. I took in every detail of the scumbag leach who had broken Izzy's heart in the split second as I passed him, nearly knocking him down in the process.

We had feared vampires for years. Learned to fear the sight or smell of those red eyed demons who could kill us, torture us, but it was these vegetarian Cullen's who posed the greatest threat in my opinion. Izzy claimed she was over him, but I heard her sleep talk, heard her cry through the walls of our flat. She still loved him, still loved this family that deserted her. Their hold over her heart in my opinion made them more dangerous than even Victoria herself. She could kill Bella, but the Cullens could cause a pain worse than death.

I skidded to a halt outside the old humanities building. Minutes is all it took to get here, but it felt longer.

I jumped off the bike feeling my jeans pull as I strode at a near inhuman speed to the door. The human students cast glances at my striding figure. Grease and oil stained, dark brown hair flowing, jeans, biker boots and a black leather jacket made me look an impressive site in this academic environment even without my supernatural aura that told the lesser beings one thing...'Danger! Not what she seems!' Quite ironic actually considering I looked like a 16 year old high school student who couldn't punch her way out of a paper bag.

Like repelled magnets the college students in my vicinity moved aside. I came face to face with a shocked little blond behind the humanities desk who looked up with a gasp at my sudden appearance.

"huh...who..where..." the little blond asked. I knew this was Anita, the receptionist Izzy had often mentioned. I felt bad for scaring her and my eye contact was obviously causing her heartbeat and adrenaline levels to rise quickly. Izzy held this woman in quiet esteem for her professionalism and I was being rather rude.

I tried to unclench my teeth and smooth out my tone. "Hello, Anita I believe? I am Clara, a friend of Izzy's."

"Izzy?" Anita's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion and I wanted to groan and just jump the barrier to the staff offices but that would piss Izzy off by causing a scene. Seriously, Izzy needed to stop being so stand offish, these people didn't even know her nickname. I was the inhuman freak and I had more social skills.

"Professor Isabella Black-Swan. I believe she is expecting me, could you buzz me through please?"

Anita's face smoothed out as she blushed and she gazed at her keyboard, her hands, anywhere but me. She breathed in as if to ask a question but then quickly shook her head as if shaking off a bad thought or question.

"Of course. Miss. Black said she was expecting someone, go on through. End of the corridor turn left then right, then third door on the left." she whispered as she buzzed the turnstile to let me in.

I smiled quickly before going through. It was no wonder why Izzy liked her; quiet, shy, blushed like Izzy used to and she minded her own business like Angela once did.

In the empty corridors I moved at a natural speed. Well natural to me.

In a second I was outside Izzy's office and I could hear her quiet sobs through the door. The sound I hadn't heard in two years made me see red, if I had my way I would have called Jake and gone Cullen hunting years ago. I wanted to play hurling* with the vampires heads. My hands clawed and joints cracked as my body responded to my emotions.

'Calm. Think now. Help Izzy. Burn the vampire later.' I breathed in and out, deliberately slowly; repeating the phases in my head.

After a few seconds I knocked lightly on the door before opening it gently.

Izzy lay curled up on the floor sobbing like a child.

"Oh Iz!" my voice was a lament as I rushed to my friend. I gathered her up like a child, cradling her. To a stranger it would look odd me holding this obviously older woman. My mind jumped for a second back to many years ago when our roles were reversed and I cried like this in Isabella's arms, grieving the loss of my loved ones, of my...

I snapped out of my thoughts, rocking Izzy, whispering calming words.

After about twenty minutes of this I was at a loss.

"Izzy *mo chara, come on darlin' you know after a quick pat on the shoulder and a 'there there' I'm at a loss as to what to do. Come on, tell me what to do, you're the kind one here. – she hiccupped at that and laughed hoarsely- What should I say? You want me to go tear them apart and use them for barbecue kindling?"

"NO!" She sat up looking horrified and scrambling away from me to give me a supposedly stern look.

I laughed, "Um Izzy you know you don't look too impressive giving me the stink eye when your all frazzled and tear stained."

She harrumphed and pulled out tissues as she spoke.

"Clara, don't talk like that, it's not their fault Edward didn't l-love me. Please don't go looking for a fight."

I gave Izzy my own stern look, "Fine, but first you tell me exactly what happened."

I leaned against the wall as Izzy dried her face and over the next half hour, between two more fits of tears , explained the events of her morning.

"So he was getting up to talk to you?" I interrupted.

Izzy rung he hands while looking out the window. "Well I guess, he got up and I think he was. He looked like he had something to say. But I didn't want to hear it anymore."

"That's more like my Izzy" i said.

"What?" Her eyebrows knit together.

"I said that's more like the 'no bull shit Izzy 'I know. You're not 18 anymore honey; you're a Professor, an adult and technically older than him. You know your worth. Your one of the kindest, strongest people I know. You have survived things over these last few years that would have broken...killed a lesser person. You have the ability and right to look Edward freaking Cullen in the eye and say, Fuck you!"

Izzy's eyebrows shot into her hairline before that pensive look of concentration overcame her. Her bottom lip being gnawed between her teeth.

I let her think. "Fuck him?" her lips quirked. "Fuck him." ... "Fuck him!"... "FUCK HIM"

I smiled as she repeated the mantra. "Your right" I nearly chocked at the shock of her admission. "I usually am, but which bit this time" I shot back with sarcasm.

Izzy shot me the bird and stood up. "I have lived the last eight years without Edward Cullen or his family, they left me. They left me to a living hell. I owe them nothing. I am his teacher nothing more?"

The last part came out as more of a question and I knew Izzy too well to accept this change of heart so quickly. I could almost hear the unspoken words. "but I still love them" floating in her head.

I sighed. "Let's grab a coffee and discuss this. "

"what? why?"

"Izzy, you're his Professor, you will have to see him again. Likely even speak to him, maybe see his family seen as you always said where one was, all would follow. Personally I would like a good cover story. You seem adverse to me char grilling him and his family so I would prefer he not realize what I am. We need to work out a story of the last 8 years, what you've been doing, who I am etc. What you'll say to blow him off as quick as possible."

Izzy's face fell as she realized the reality of the Cullen's re-emergence. "Oh ok, but I'll need a drink for this."

I couldn't help it, I cracked up laughing.

Izzy looked pissed. "What? You think I'm going to calmly discuss my vampire ex and what lies we'll tell him and how I'll avoid him ... while sober! Sod off Clara, you'll be lucky if you don't have to carry me home."

I couldn't help but laugh harder as I choked out. "Sure sure. Don't worry, I'll make sure we get home ok."

"See you do.- she lifted her phone- I'll ring Anita and tell her to cancel my two afternoon classes, then we'll go to Scholars bar and sort this out. Preferably with whiskey and simple lies that even I can tell."

I laughed even harder.

3hours later

We had been in Scholars for a few hours now. The student clientele had finally stopped staring at their Professor getting tipsy with someone who looked like an underage grease monkey. Christ if I got carded one more time when I went to the bar I would kill someone. Sometimes I hated not ageing.

Izzy and I had agreed to just play dumb. It wasn't like she actually owed the Cullen's any answers anyway. We would continue as normal and play it by ear. We spent the time then just relaxing and reflecting on old times. It seemed to take Izzy's mind off the Cullen's and she was laughing, red cheeked from some whiskey chasers and cider.

I stubbed out my cigarette "Right you, if you drink anymore your students will see you make an ass of yourself and I won't be able to drive. I'll settle the bill and drive us home. You can cook and I'll go shut the garage. Deal?"

Izzy looked around at the student populace in the bar, then at her watch. She seemed to think very hard on something for a minute. "Yes I am tipsy, you and your inhuman liver better drive. You pay, I'll cook." She nodded as though settling an internal argument then swung her legs off the stool and walked to the door with only a single stumble.

I paid the bill and was walking to the door when I heard Izzy's gasp from outside. My eyes widened, I couldn't smell anything but booze and smoke. I raced outside to the sight of Izzy standing like a statue encased in the arms of a vampire!

"Oh Bella I've missed you soooo much!" Her high pitched voice whistled like bells and chimes, her scent stinging my nose. Oh hell no... not another Cullen. This one was short, like dwarf MTV midget wrestling short. She had spiky inky hair and golden eyes. Alice! My mind supplied. Her supposed best friend. Oh how I pined to turn this imp into a jig saw puzzle.

Before I could advance the little vampire froze. It was like she had just realized Izzy wasn't squeezing her back. Izzy was a statue. Her face cold. If I was the vamp I would be scared, I had seen that look a few times when I pissed Izzy off. I sighed in relief realizing that I had subconsciously been expecting Izzy to fall into the Cullen kids arms, to forget me and forgive her. If experience told me anything it was that Izzy was about to create some fireworks.

The little vampire slowly released Izzy.

"Bella?" Oh shit, now she was in for it.

Izzy's pale skin went ashen. "Don't you ever say that name again _Cullen. _My name is Professor Isabella Marie Black-swan. To my friends I am IZZY. It is the only term of endearment I answer to. A term you don't get to use. " Izzy bit off each word, and with each breath the pixie stepped back like she had been burned. Oh what a beautiful thought.

"But. But..b-but I missed you, you're my best friend. Bel-...I-Isabella I've missed you. –Alice's vampire gold eyes focused on the small trace of the edge of a scar exposed on Izzy's neck from beneath her blouse-What happened to you? Why are you using that name? Why do you smell of alcohol? Isabella please talk to me, you have the right to be angry but I'm so sorry I never wanted to leave, Edward made..."

Bella flinched and began laughing quietly..."you Alice, have never done anything you didn't want to, so don't you dare lie to me. Don't you dare blame Edward _you_ left me. You lost the right to know me, to question me long ago. You haven't even been an acquaintance never mind a friend in 8 years so don't you dare say the words 'best friend.' I, Alice, am 26 years old, I am old, I am an adult, I am a little drunk and I don't really care to speak to you...so...so...piss off!" Izzy gasped as did Alice, who's mouth gaped like a fish out of water.

"You...you...Bella..." the imp clenched her fists and stepped forward. "you don't understand..."

Izzy was about to lose it and I didn't want her trying to hit the marble dwarf. I stepped between them then, looked her dead in the eye and spoke with cold steel , "You heard her, imp, she wants nothing to do with you, so beat it, before I beat you!"

Alice looked me dead in the eye, she probably expected me to flinch, to cower, but I was far from human. Alice face twisted from pissed off, to amused, to straight up shocked by my bold words, she looked me over. "Who is this kid" she shrilled

Oh hell no, I was going to kill her, I stepped forward only to be halted by Izzy's hand on my shoulder. "This is Clara, my real best friend, back off, I have nothing more to say to you Alice. Come on Clara take me home."

Alice flinched at the words 'best friend' and stepped back. She looked like she had been set on fire, her eyes black and welling up with tears that could never fall. She shook invisibly to human eyes.

As we walked toward the car park I heard her whisper, "what..what happened?" in a broken voice.

Izzy walked tall but I could tell she was barely holding it together. As we made it to the bike and I handed Izzy a helmet a velvet voice carried on the breeze and Izzy froze.

"Bella?"

Translation...

*Hurling= An Irish national sport played with a ball called a sliotre which is as hard as a stone and hurling sticks. The game is high speed and volatile.

"*Izzy mo chara" = This is Gaelic, the Irish dialect of the old language meaning "Izzy my friend"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter summary and aims:** This chapter was designed to show the new fiery nature of Bella and to show more background. It is the first interaction between Bella and Edward. I also wanted to give an insight into Alice's mind. Thanks again to my beta's on PTB for this chapter:

**Beta One: Great Chemistry**

**Beta Two: ms. ambrosia**

Bella's POV:

"Bella?" The word froze me. It wasn't a word;it was a sirens call, a lament. Oh god, how I wanted to believe that was love I heard in his voice. _His voice_. It was richer than velvet. It made me shudder and a thousand memories washed over me. All of them beautiful and the happiest of my life. But all forbidden and all painful.

I didn't need to turn around to know Edward was standing behind me. I could feel him. I could feel him like a lamb who feels it's being hunted. His presence was electric. I could tell Clara had moved between me and my beloved...'my beloved,' Christ, I was pathetic.

_Stay strong Izzy, _I told myself.

Clara's heavy boots dragged on the tarmac. God, this day couldn't get any worse. I wonder if Clara would let me slip back into the pub.

Unlikely. She knows me too well .I'd go straight for the whiskey, no, cider. Attach it to my vein maybe? I wonder if there was any of that weed left in the house from Clara's last birthday. We had hated it and had sworn to never touch it again. However this wasn't the experimentations of youth. I wanted to forget.

My stomach rolled, bile rose. I took two deep, calming breaths trying to calm my heartbeat, my nausea. I had just bitched out Alice Cullen. I had already seen, and avoided, Edward once. I couldn't take anymore today. Sensing my struggle, Clara spoke, her voice low and gravely from smoking. A bad habit, but it was hardly going to kill her.

"Professor Black-Swan is done for the day. If you have a problem talk to your TA or make an appointment."

I let out a breath. It was a good strategy; Clara was treating him like an annoying student. I turned, and my eyes fell upon Edward. God, why was it possible for someone who could hurt me so bad to look like the best thing on earth? I wanted to jump into his arms and beg him to never leave again. But that was the past. That was impossible. I had changed. He was responsible for so much pain.

Edward stared at Clara speculatively, his eyes black with anger.

"I am more than a student! I have a private matter of great urgency to discuss with Bella." Edward's diction was curt and rigid as he spat his retort. His eyes wondered to me and they turned pleading.

Clara again spoke up, "_I know_ you are _Izzy's_ piece of crap ex-boyfriend. _I know_ she wants nothing to do with you! _I know _she has nothing to say to you! _And I know_ you were listening to what she said to your sister so you know all of this. Therefore _you know_ she doesn't like to be called 'Bella' any more. Now, if you will excuse us."

Clara put her helmet on and hitched her leg over the bike while Edward looked at me bewildered. I raised my own helmet to put it on, when I saw Edward move. He grabbed my arm and was looking at me with ...rage? His eyes zeroed in on the helmet and then pinned me in position.

"Why are you letting this brat speak for you, and what the hell are you doing getting on a motorcycle? Are you insane? You'll get hurt. I won't let you endanger yourself. She" – he stabbed his other finger in Clara's direction- "reeks of alcohol. Have you a death wish? You promised to be safe. What happened to you? Please Bella, my love, talk to me? Let me explain."

I don't know what it was: Edward touching me, his damn gall at giving _me _orders, my latent feminism, the alcohol in my system, Alice walking over to us, him talking to me like a child, Clara taking in a breath to speak for me again or maybe it was the word love that seared my heart like a red hot knife. I don't know which of these hurt more and set me off. _He_ had to explain? _'My love_?' What the hell was he talking about? Did he need another distraction?

I lost it for one or all of these reasons. I could speak for my own damn self.

I saw red! My breathing was harsh. When I spoke my voice was low, monotone and almost a growl.

"Get your fucking cold hands off me, Cullen, before I rip them off!"

Ok, so it was an empty threat, but it sounded good, and I am sure Clara would oblige if necessary. Either way, Edward dropped my arm like it had burned him and staggered back... "B-B-bell.." he stuttered.

Clara was laughing as her head whipped from him to me.

"And you can shut up too Clara, I can speak for myself!" Clara went still meeting my eyes, her mouth opened to speak but I guess my look of death gave her pause. Clara's mouth clamped shut and she nodded slightly.

I whirled on Edward then as he continued to stutter my old name.

"Don't you dare call me _Bel-la_!" I spoke my old name like a curse, drawing it out sarcastically, dropping it from my mouth as if it tasted foul.

"I know damn well you were listening when I spoke to Alice. Your stalker crap never changed I see. I am your professor; you are nothing but a student, so you will show me respect. If you _ever_ try to order me around again, I will have your ass bounced right out of this university and the Cullen name black listed at every university in the continental US. We both know your cover wouldn't do well with that."

I smiled maliciously. Edward flinched and I revelled in causing him this small pain. I even spared a brief thought to Rosalie. If Edward ruined their cover story, she would kill him. I smiled more, and it must have looked twisted as Edward stumbled back as I continued.

"Secondly, you, like the rest of your family lost the right to question me eight years ago. But in the interest of clarity, so your distractible mind will learn, let me break a few things down for you.

That 'brat' is my best friend: Clara. Clara is twenty-four years old, she is my house mate and the only damn person who gave a fuck after you did your 'gone in the wind' stunt eight years ago, so you will show her some respect too. "

Edward's blank gaze wandered over Clara, at first looking shocked, perhaps at her age, then apologetic and finally settling on confused. I guess he was trying to read her mind and struggling. Natural resistance to vampire abilities, combined with Clara admittedly thinking a lot of the time in Gaelic (a language that Edward, the last I knew, couldn't speak) must be making her about as easy to read as me.

"I am getting on this motorbike because I am drunk and can't drive my car while Clara although having had a drink is safe to drive _(oh boy was she safe to drive, she could plough the bike at top speed into a wall and make sure we both walked away without a scratch)_ although why it matters, as it is none of your business, I will never know.

On a side note, I also happen to own my own bike. I have ridden it, crashed it and broken bones on it in the last eight years without any sign of you or your _concern, _so you can shove it up your sparkly rear end."

I was in a moment now, the words kept flowing as blood rushed to my face, my fists clenched, and I continued to berate a now open mouthed Edward with a dumb struck Alice standing behind him.

"What about my promise to stay safe... _my promise_? What about _your _promises? _You_ said I would forget. _You_ said you didn't want me and now you won't leave me alone! _You_ promised _you_ would protect me, to never leave me, to ...to ...to...love me..."

I was mortified! Tears trickled down my face and my voice broke to a whisper. I had said too much, shown too much feeling. Alice looked at me with pity; I didn't need her pity.

Her eyebrows were scrunched together in confusion as she looked at Edward. Her eyes black. Edward flinched casting a glance at Alice. She was saying something to him in her head, something angry? Painful? Why?

I didn't care, I gave Edward's shocked/pained, whatever the hell face it was, one last look and climbed onto Clara's bike.

"Take me home," I whispered.

Alice POV:

My best friend hates me. Bella actually hates me. When Edward came home in a rage I couldn't understand it. If Jazz hadn't jumped him, he might have torn a few chunks out of my new Calvin Klein jacket. As well as me too.

Bella was here. So close. It took nearly three hours to convince him that I hadn't seen Bella in years. I hadn't even looked, just as he ordered.

Edward explained the events of the morning as Esme held him and Jasper tried to calm him.

Why would Bella run from Edward? She had every right to be angry. We left without a goodbye, but surely this wasn't right.

I tried to look for Bella in the future, but nothing came. I was panicking, so Jazz sent bursts of calm at me. He said it was probably because I hadn't seen Bella in so long.

I tried to see our future then. To see myself going to meet Bella. To see us make up, to see us going shopping together, so I could buy her new clothes for her new (according to pervy Edward) womanly body. Yet when I looked, there were just shadows in my mind.

Edward had me by the arm then, demanding what it meant. I sure as hell didn't know.

The house descended into anarchy, Carlisle came home to us shouting and arguing. Honestly, it was the most passion this family had seen in years.

Carlisle had been euphoric, so proud his daughter was a professor at a major university.

Emmet was still laughing that Bella was teaching a course with feminist ideals.

Rose, well Rose seemed happy that Emmet was happy.

Jazz looked pensive. I knew he still felt guilty over Bella's birthday, but he was acting a bit high because everyone was so happy.

Esme was beaming. She kept asking when Edward would go see her, could she come see us etc.

Edward, looked more alive than I had seen in years, but behind his eyes I saw worry. He nearly started world war three when he said we couldn't see Bella. He claimed we must wait until he had checked if she wanted to see us. Something didn't feel right to me.

I had snuck out while the others argued. I missed my best friend. I had to see Bella and I had to apologise for leaving without a goodbye. I had to see that she was ok, check that my visions weren't faulty.

I went to the university and traced her unmistakable scent to a bar of all places.

What I had found nearly killed me. Bella hated me! She wasn't Bella. This "Izzy" was different, something terrible had happened! There was that scar on her neck that disappeared under her blouse. Something not unusual for clumsy Bella, but it looked jagged, long...it was in a strange place and she was going to great lengths to conceal it and avoid explaining it to me. Her defensiveness told me there was a story behind that scar that she didn't want us to know.

She was drunk; she spoke to purposely hurt me. This wasn't our Bella. She was cold, and there was so much pain in her eyes.

She had replaced me with this Clara kid. Bella couldn't be serious! She smelled weird...maybe it was just the alcohol and cigarettes.

Then she had spoken to Edward. He had said he didn't want her? He had said she would forget? _What the fuck was she talking about?_

I started screaming at him in my mind.

_"You said she understood why we left!, You lied, you told her she was nothing to us! What else did you say? Oh fuck, no wonder she hates us! Bella thinks we used her, we abandoned her! I am going to kill you Edward Cullen! I will never forgive you if you don't fix this, none of the family will."_

I watched in desperate horror as Bella climbed brokenly onto the back of that death trap motorcycle. She clung to her friend like a life vest.

Although tall, Clara looked like a sixteen year old kid and yet Bella clung to her, trusted her. Felt for her as she once did for me.

With a guttural ear splitting rev of the engine, a cloud of dust, and a side skid, the bike shot off out of the car park into the dying evening light. I turned my onyx eyes to Edward. He looked so broken I couldn't even speak. I wanted my Jazzy, I wanted to scream, I wanted to go home.


	5. Chapter 5

**Pen name:** saya4haji

**Story Title:** Reunion: Post new moon

**Story link:** I have uploaded a few chapters onto fanfiction .net so as to spur me on to write more and test the waters on my first draught. My aim however is to have this first draught Beta checked and to improve it before submitting it to Twilighted.

.net/s/6194090/1/Reunion_Post_New_moon

**Chapter number:** Chapter 5

**Story Rating:** M or R

**Genre:** Post new moon AU

**Story Summary:** Set 8 years after Edward left. Post New moon. Bella has changed; she is a different person, stronger and working as a professor. Who should turn up in her class? Edward, but Bella is now Izzy and her new protector Clara has secrets and a shared past with Bella. Bella doesn't forgive Edward; she is angry and keeps the secrets of her past closely guarded. Will Edward ever earn back her trust? Eventual E/B but unlike other N/M AU that will take a while.

**Chapter summary and aims:** This chapter was designed to give a deeper look at how the encounter with Edward has affected Bella. In conjunction with this it was also designed to reveal a fact of Clara and Bella's past. Furthermore I wanted to show the fissures and differences in the Cullen family as well as explain some of the lies Edward has told.

This fanfiction is NOT a femslash. Clara and Bella are close, their history bonded them in a way that ranged too far once. I wanted to show this connection but from reviews some people took it as meaning this was a femslash which it isn't, eventually this will be E/B. Izzy and Clara went through dramatic events and this lead to them taking things a little too far. Izzy in a moment of pain seeks comfort but their relationship is no longer like this. This backstory will be explained in later chapters.

Chapter 5:

Clara's POV:

I pressed the motorcycle as fast as I dared with Izzy clinging to me. Once we were about a mile down the road I felt her arms around my waist tighten again as her body shuddered with silent sobs. I did all I could to comfort her, which wasn't much. I pushed the bike faster and using my inhuman balance drove with one hand as I used the other to softly touch her hands clasped around at my front. I stroked her hands and knuckles comfortingly, white from their grip upon me.

Bella's POV:

Clara drove us home as quickly as possible. I didn't look up, but the drive home, which was usually a thirty minute drive, took under ten minutes.

The bike lurched to the side as Clara skidded to a stop in a wide arc outside of our building in her trade mark flamboyant parking style. I looked up swallowing more sobs. I would not make a scene;I would not give these cutain-twitching neighbours a show.

"Why aren't you parking in the carpark?" The benefit of our apartment block was its private subtareanian parking lot, which we had multiple spots reserved in for our motorcycles and Izzy's car.

Clara smiled slightly as she took my helmet and guided me toward the door. "It's not going to rain and no one will stea my bike, Izz. It's quicker if I just leave it here.

My throat constricted again. I wanted to just hug Clara then and I did, taking her off guard as her arms hung limply for a second before encasing me. Trust Clara to always think of me, even the smallest of things, after all she had sacraficed and suffered because of me. The small gesture to get me home more quickly brought on another rush of emotions:pleasure, appreciation, guilt, longing, shame, unworthiness and self- hatred.

Clara whispered in my ear, "You want me to carry you?"

I laughed and pulled back to see Clara was only half joking. "No thanks, I can make it. Besides, if Jerry sees you carrying me he'll think you're on steroids, I laughed to lighten the mood and walked toward our building.

Clara was silent as she watched me. Apparently she thought I might be about to break down again.

I strode forward wiping my eyes with my sleeve, and plastered a fake smile on my face. Jerry, the night guard for this apartment complex, opened the door. "Miss Black-Swan." Jerry said in his high pitched voice. His tone was very odd for a man in his mid thirties, and the first time he spoke I thought it was a joke.

I nodded and walked past him with Clara hot on my heels. Jerrry, of course, did not miss this. I rarely came home before six, while Clara was home by half past five every day. We never came home together. This fact, and Jerry's nosey nature, made his eyes narrow. The fact that he only knew Clara's first name, and the fact that our relationship was a topic of hot debate in the building, had somehow made Jerry determined to find out as much as he could about us. Were we sisters? Was she my daughter? My friend? My niece from a drug lord uncle banged up for life? The rumours Clara had overheard provided hours of entertainment.

"Evening," was Clara's stellar greeting as Jerry regained his bearings.

"Oh hello, Miss..." Jerry dragged out the Miss as if expecting her to fill in the blank. Clara's lips twitched as she looked at me and stepped past him, ignoring his poor attempt at ferreting out information. The elevator dinged and we stepped in.

Once the doors shut, I laughed. I couldn't help it; it was laugh or cry.

I looked up at Clara- she wasn't laughing. She watched me intently and then out of nowhere said, "I'm proud of you."

I sagged then, the weight of the day hitting me. "Why? I cried like a baby. And ran away like a coward."

Clara slung her arm over my shoulder as tears again began to leak out. "You didn't cry too much, you didn't become a bawling puddle of goo begging him for some connection. You held firm. You didn't break again, you showed them that you're different now, you're stronger now." Clara tightened her grip on me. "I couldn't believe the looks on their faces when you stood up to them both, it was hilarious." Clara giggled, a rare sound, a true laugh not tinged with bravado or bitterness.

"Yeah he looked like I had grown horns. He didn't look too impressed by you either though. Were you thinking in Gaelic?" I asked.

Clara nodded as she stopped laughing, "Aye, I switched to thinking all in Gaeilic in my head as soon as I spotted him. Not that he would get much from my head unless I actively wanted him to anyway."

I smiled faintly as the elevator doors opened to the opulent corridor of the tenth floor penthouse. The east facing wall was glass and a thick, red carpet stretched to our door. Professors were paid surprisingly well, especially if you got the university publicity by being controversial. Combined with Clara's inheritence and her steady income from the garage, we had everything we needed. I opened the door to our apartment.

The massive open plan kitchen, dining room, and sitting room sprawled before us. The apartment was awash with colour. Completely different to the Cullens' white house. Why did I always use them as a comparison?

The kitchen appliances and and metal work were farmhouse beaten brass. The walls and tiles a deep green colour. The dining area was seperated from the kitchen by the abrupt change of wall colour to royal blue, with pine furniture. The sitting area had two massive plush Lazy Boy chairs and two corner sofas. All were deep red, soft and plush, contrasting with dark hardwood furniture and floors. Each area occupied a part of the huge open plan space but was distinct. Each space with an individual purpose and drastic colour difference melted togther in an odd but beautiful way. The dining table overlooked the balcony and the back wall held three doors, two leading to two huge bedrooms and the third to a split corridor leading to a small office and a gargantuan double bathroom in black marble.

This was home; this was safety. This was colourful, and this was mine.

"Izzy?" Clara sat on the sofa. I must have been caught in my own thoughts for longer than I thought.

"Hmm," was my genius reply.

"Izzy..I don't want to upset you, but...never mind."

Clara was never scared to talk; she was brash and honest. "Spit it out," I sighed as I took off my jacket and put on some coffee.

"It's just that he called you 'love,' and I thought you said..."

I cut her off then before my heart could rip itself from my chest.

"Don't. Just don't Clara. I told you what he said, he obviously just wanted a distraction or he felt guilty for ...for something...I don't know. Just leave it alone please."

Clara was behind me in a second rubbing my back with soothing circles and i t felt so good. "I'm sorry. It just didn't make sense. He looked pained. He doesn't know about what happened or he'd have said so. Why would he feel guilty?"

I broke then. "Thats right he didn't care. He abandoned me. He stole my family. I wasn't good enough. He left me to be hunted like a dog. Ok ? Are you happy now? I said it! That's the truth, that's what happened, so just leave it!" I cried openly, loud hacking sobs.

Clara held me tighter, apologising rapidly, she seemed lost. She hadn't meant to hurt me I knew. Clara just wasn't very tactful.

After what seemed like a lifetime, but was probably only half an hour or so, I found myself on the sofa under a blanket. Clara had never stopped rubbing my back and she whispered softly, "It'll be ok. I swear."

"Do you want some Chinese? I was just about to order so there's no need to cook tonight. My treat." Clara smiled.

"No thanks. I'm not hungry. I just want to go lie down," I replied gloomily.

Clara frowned, but she nodded tightly as I went to my room. I lay down and just stared at the ceiling. What the fuck was life going to throw at me next?

Clara's POV

I had just watched Izzy break down and then go to her room. I watched boxing and some Gaelic football, then some Aussie rules football while eating enough Chinese food to feed a small army..damn inhuman metabolism. I started my fifth chicken curry, rice, and chips combo meal while staring at the fifty-two inch plasma screen. I was doing anything to keep my mind occupied, to stop me from hunting down the Cullens and turning them into a forest of body parts.

With no Izzy to defend this time, just all out attack in mind and the element of surprise on my side. Taking apart seven vampires would be childs play. A vicious smile played on my lips as I ignored my sports and visualised my attack. Ah! But a dream. Izzy would never allow it...no matter how she fools herself. I know Izzy is still too kind hearted. She would still not wish the Cullens' harm. She would still probably die for them.

The thought made me break my chopsticks.

-Some time later-

With my inhuman hearing I could hear Izzy's breathing and heartbeat in the next room. After an hour, of restessly rolling in her bed and sighing loudly, she had fallen asleep. It was nearly eight o'clock when her nightmare started;her breathing increased and her heartbeat raced.

"Please, No, No don't leave me. Too green. Stop! No more, kill me!" Izzy cried out beween moans.

It was the same nightmare, back again. I sighed clenching my fists. If Cullen was here; I'd turn his marble ass to dust.

I was in Izzy's room in a second. Normally I never entered her room without knocking or without asking. I never woke her anymore, the rare time she had a nightmare about _Him_ or about _Her_. This was different.

"Izzy. Izzy, wake up honey. You're having a nightmare." Izzy screamed, rolling over in her lavender bed sheets. "Izzy!"

She sat up. Her brown eyes wide and scared. "Oh god, don't leave me, please!" Izzy's voice was harsh as she sprung forth and grabbed me.

I held her on my lap as she clung to me. It had been years since this had happened. We were doing so well. We were nearly normal.

I sat rocking Izzy for some time, until her breathing evened out. I looked up into her eyes, holding her pained gaze as she tried to crack a small smile.

Izzy's heart pounded and then her lips met mine. I reacted instantly by pulling back. "No Izz, you don't want that. I'm not a replacement or a fall back," I said instantly in a soft but forceful voice.

Izzy turned red and walked across her room, her voice a whisper too low for human ears, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I know that was wrong. Thank you."

I raised myself heavily. It had been years since our lips had met. Since our two broken hearts had sought comfort in each other. Since our two broken halves sought to make a shakey whole. We were stronger now, indpendent.

"Izzy, you are my best friend, my sister, you... you... you are my family. I can't be a substitute, a crutch. We can't be like..like...like _that_. Not ever again. We agreed, it shouldn't have happened, that one time.

Izzy's whispered voice interrupted me.

"I don't regret it. I understand what you're saying. You're right, I shouldn't have done that. My head's just frazzled...thanks for not taking advantage." Izzy turned, shooting me a half hearted smirk trying to lighten the mood.

"Sure, sure. If you need me, holler," I said, as I quickly left the room.

Bella's POV:

The morning light streamed into my room. I groaned as it burned my eyes and I remembered my catastophic screw up. It had been over a year since my last nightmare. Clara was just doing the right thing and I made her uncomfortable. What an idiot. It was such a stupid impulse, trying to fill an Edward shaped hole in my heart, even if it was just temporary. A "distraction."

I gathered my clothes and went to shower using my ensuite. After I was dressed and clean, I took a deep breath and walked out of my room.

Clara sat at the dining table with a stack of food, smiling.

"Breakfast?" she chirped.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and grabbed a plate. Thank god for Clara. She was going to ignore last night and continue as if yesterday had never occured.

I sat down at the dining table, grabbing some food. The dining table was brimming, stacks of bacon, toast, eggs and sausages. "Is there any food left in the fridge?" I quipped.

"Nope, I ate the two packets of bacon, a dozen eggs, the pack of sausages and the loaf of bread. I was starved. I felt guilty so I ran out to the store and got more. I figured you would want to eat too."

Clara's smile was mischievous. "You put the wolves to shame sometimes with your metabolism," I joked.

Her face darkened and I thought perhaps I had hit a nerve, but usually Clara was fine about her less than human differences.

"Hmm. You tell Jake that the next time he calls. The mongrel won't let me forget he ate more burgers than me at the last bonfire. I had eaten that day already and I'd just fed too." Clara cringed casting a glance at my covered arms.

"Sure, sure. Excuses, excuses." I giggled, focusing on the childish rivalry and not the memory I knew had cast across Clara's mind when she mentioned feeding.

I downed my coffee and put my plate in the dishwasher, noticing my arm was shaking.

Clara handed me her plate as she lifted her jacket, her eyes zeroing in on my arm.

"You take your medication? All this stress isn't good for you, you know." Her eyebrows were drawn together in concern.

"_Yes_ mum, I answered, leaking as much sarcasm into my tone as possible.

"I took the potassium, injected the ampya steroid and I am calm."

Clara still looked concerned so I sighed. "I have my annual physical for my college insurance on Thursday. Chill out, I'm fine."

This placated Clara as she strode to the door."I need to leave now if I'm going to get a cigerette, take your alcoholic butt to college, and get to the garage on time. Come on."

The rest of the journey was quiet as Clara drove at legal speeds to the campus. I hopped off the bike to some odd looks from students who were unaccustomed to seeing their professor arrive on a motorcycle with another young woman. I was about to walk off when Clara grabbed my arm, "I um, if you want I can stay...just in case, one of them..."

I put up my hand and smiled. "I am an adult Clara. I can do this, besides I don't think you could sit quietly at the back of my lectures. I will be fine! " I smiled for effect, feeling much less confident inside.

Clara smiled back weakly. "Ok, but if you need me, just call."

I nodded and turned on my heel marching toward the lecture theatres.

_The Cullen home, the previous night:_

Emmet POV:

I was speechless... it was rare but it happened. Alice and Edward had come home in a dark cloud of despair. Alice flew into Jasper's arms crying tearlessly. The whole family gathered in a blink as Jasper tried to calm Alice, and the questions began to fly about what happened. Edward stood motionless.

"What happened? What did Bella say?" Esme's voice rose to drown out all others, her eyes pleading. Edward flinched.

Alice turned into the silence, stifling her sobs, and began to speak, in a broken voice, just above a whisper. Something was wrong, this was not our bubbly Alice.

"She isn't our Bella anymore, she calls herself Izzy, but then she doesn't consider us worthy of calling her anything but Professor Black-Swan anymore."

The words Black and Izzy fluttered in conversation. Carlisle took command. "What do you mean, Alice?"

Alice curled into Jasper. "She thinks we abandoned her. Edward lied to us and to her, and she hates us. Something is wrong, Carlisle...something awful has happened. She's not Bella anymore."

I couldn't understand. It was like following Edward's mental conversations. "What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded.

Alice's eyes cut to Edward with such hate I nearly stumbled. Edward was Alice's favouite sibling, what the hell?

"Well, coward. Are you going to tell them or will I?" Alice's voice dripped venom.

Silence loomed and then Edward whispered, "I didn't tell Bella I was leaving to protect her, she didn't agree with that thinking. You know she lacked all sense of self preservation so... so I lied... I took her into the woods..."

Edwards words flowed. Phrases and lies standing out.

"Don't want you..."

"Not good enough..."

Edward explained the truth, word for word.

Esme fell back into Carlisles arms with a gasp as Carlisle looked Edward in the eyes. I had never seen Carlisle disappointed in Edward, but it was there as he breathed the words "Oh Edward, what have you done?"

Esme jumped forwad then until she was standing before Edward."But you said she understood, you said you told her good bye from us, you said she said she loved us and understood! If you lied then ... Oh god!"

It took me a minute to piece together the ramafactions. Alice said abandoned, Edward's words, Esme's words, we thought Edward had said goodbye for us... he lied... oh god! My little sister thinks we abandoned her over night without a thought! Without a word... she thought she was a distraction, nothing more...

I looked up in time to see Esme's hand blur, and thunder sounded.

Esme... ESME... mother..image of love...gentle...pacifist... mom had just slapped Edward!

Everyone was silent...Edward's head hung to the side. Esme looked shocked and her eyes filled with tears.

Carlisle stood behind her, holding her shoulders pulling her back as Esme whispered apologies... "I'm sorry..I'm sorry..My daughter thinks I abandoned her...You lied... I'm so sorry. Oh, god."

"It's my fault... I deserve it," Edward mumbled.

It clicked. It sank in. The last eight years of pain was this asshole's own fault. Jasper's head snapped toward me, obviously sensing the odd change in emotions. He tried to send me calming vibes, but I pushed them off.

"_Stop_ that Jasper." My voice was monotone, no pitch, no joy, no humour. I don't ever remember hearing my voice like this. I turned my gaze to Edward... I had no thoughts, there were no words. Edward's expression was one of confusion. He looked at Jasper and then at me. My mind was never in turmoil, always thought to action...too clear- "a clear pool of the mind, easily read," Edward said. Fucker!

I let the thoughts and words flow at the same time, giving him no chance to prepare. "You took us away from my little sister. You made her believe we abandoned her. Made her think she was a toy. "

"It wasn't like..." Edward interrupted, but I was in no mood... I talked louder

"You made me leave my sister because of your own selfish, self loathing, emo _bullshit!_ And now Bella _hates us_! _You stole my sister_, _Alice's friend, Carlisle and Esme's daughter, you're own chance at happiness_! So now Alice thinks something happened to her because we left, because you lied...something bad hurt her and we weren't there... because of you!"

I snapped. When I regained my vision, I was snarling over my brother, his arm in my right hand detached from his body, my other hand crushing his throat while Jasper and Carlisle tried to drag me off. I tossed the arm at a sobbing Edward who was apologising and curling up on the floor as Carlisle tried to fix his arm.

"Shove your apologies; shove your crap Edward. You are _not_ god. You fucked up, so now _you_ fix it...

The room went quiet as everyone looked at me including Edward...

"You heard me. You fix it...You go to college tomorrow and you see Bella, and I don't care if it takes you begging for ten years... on your knees...kissing her feet...you win her back..." I screamed as I turned to leave for a run with Rose, my back to my family.

"You fix this Edward, you fix this family, get Bella back, get my sister back. You fix this Edward and never hurt her again...or _I swear brother_...you won't need the Volturi..I'll kill you myself," I growled as I walked away.

"Emmet!" Esme gasped, along with a few others. I didn't care. This was his mess and I wasn't coddling him anymore... by the looks of it... no one was.


	6. Chapter 6

Author:

First to clarify a few points mentioned in reviews.

No Clara is not a werewolf. The Cullen's would have smelled that. She is something other. A different supernatural. Any guesses lol ;-) won't be long now until her big reveal to the Cullens, her temper can't hold.

Thank you to everyone who liked my interpretation of Emmet. I always saw him as a teddy bear but he is also a grizzly if his family is threatened and I always found the Cullens weak reactions so unrealistic considering the traumas they are meant to feel and they are as vampires meant to feel so much more.

Thank you to those who understood the Clara/Izzy interaction. This will not be a femslash as I have always said. Izzy and Clara had a moment in the past which will come to light and be explored more but they are not destined mates.

Okay, onwards. Stick with me and reviews are really, really appreciated.

**Chapter summary and aims:** This chapter was designed to reinforce how Izzy has changed and show her standing up to Edward again while also giving an insight into the day to day norm of her life. I also wanted to show Jasper so he could act as the tool for setting up future events. Jasper's forgiveness is also a well trodden event in New Moon AU lore so I felt I would have to address it. Furthermore I wanted another Cullen to meet Clara and to show their impressions of each other.

Big thank you to my two project team beta, betas for this chapter:

Beta one: Mel/mcc101180

Beta two: AFWife

And as always a big thank you to my twilighted beta content1

Bella's POV-

My morning passed in a blur, I spoke with the administrators, replied to some e-mails, and took a rather dull class on the outdated notions of Shakespeare. Oh, the joys.

The morning was uneventful, but I was tense throughout. At one pm, I had to teach an English interpretations class...Edward's class. I spent the morning in denial. Pretending that this thought did not bother me. I pretended that my nausea was caused by bad eggs from breakfast, rather than the obvious anxiety I felt. Then I would flash upon the idea that Edward wouldn't even be there, perhaps yesterday was all a dream...or perhaps he had decided to leave again. This thought inevitably, led to dual emotions: a flash of relief, followed quickly by heartbreaking loss and pain. I feared seeing him but craved his presence. Maybe like a drug addict I could wean myself from him. Possibly his appearance in my class, strictly as a student, would be a way to finally get over him.

Christ, I was delusional.

I watched the clock's hands tick closer to one. There was no avoiding this; I was destined to be doomed.

I grabbed my leather satchel and trudged out of my office, barely hearing Anita's chipper greetings and unsure whether or I replied.

I kept repeating my mantra in my head... _Fuck Edward Cullen!_

As I approached the lecture hall, I saw Professor Wood. His eyes seemed overly excited to see me. _Shit!_

"Ah, Miss Black-Swan. the very person I was looking for." -He handed me a small envelope- "Here's your invitation, or should I say summons, to the annual dinner dance."

I groaned before I could help it. I had never liked social events of this sort. They reminded me of prom, but the university held one every year and attendance by the staff was mandatory. We were expected to schmooze and brown-nose with the upper crust types who donated to the university and its scholarship programs. It was degrading, almost prostituting one's self for research funds or donations.

Mr. Wood smiled sympathetically. "I know you hate these things, Miss Black-Swan, but we both know we need the money and you are a great asset to the university. The hob-knobs always love arguing with you, and if you don't mind me saying so, flirting with you too. Inevitably, you always help get a great deal of donations." Mr. Wood blushed, scratching his neck before looking at his shoes."If you're worried about getting hit on too much, I would be glad to accompany you," he stuttered.

_Oh crap_, I thought. "I ... I ... that's very generous of you... but ... but, eh... I..." I mumbled.

"You're seeing someone ...of course, I'm sorry. A beautiful woman like you... and me..." Mr Wood interrupted.

"No! No, it's not that. It's just...I'm used to going alone. That way I can circulate the room faster, do the job and go home. Thank you for the offer, Mr. Wood, but" —I tried to inject some humour into my tone to save this poor man's pride—"I am a feminist after all; we prefer to work alone." I cringed... What was I thinking? Cheesy!

"Oh sure. Well, I've got to go. It was a pleasure speaking to you." He smiled and hurried off. This guy was simpler than Emmet.

I sighed in relief, then noticed I was late and hurried to get to the lecture hall. In my rush I had forgotten my apprehension.

I tripped through the lecture room doors and flung my bag and jacket on the table as I affixed my microphone to address the two hundred or so students. I whirled around. "Okay, sorry I'm late. Let's begin..._Quiet, please_!" I shouted.

The room went silent and I took a deep breath to begin my lecture. It was then that I looked at the front row. Not six feet from where I stood, sat the marble Adonis. Damn it.

His buttery, gold eyes were fixed upon me, indicating he had just fed. He breathed in deeply, obviously tasting the air, and a light shudder ran through him.

_Enjoying the bouquet_, I thought wryly. I hoped it burned his damned throat to ash. I immediately regretted the thought; the idea of anything causing Edward physical pain was so repellent to me. I took a deep breath myself and trained my eyes upon a fixed point at the back of the hall.

The words "Fuck Edward Cullen" repeated in my head. I would stay strong; I would not fall apart again. I could do this. I could ignore him, and I could focus on Romeo and Juliet_._

They were a safe topic. As I spoke, I couldn't help but find my eyes drift to Edward's wonderful form. I was an addict. He was now my heroin...how ironic.

"To understand _Romeo and Juliet,_ we must understand the historical context. For example, they are considered the pinnacle of romance and love, yet when this play was written it was normal for families of nobility to marry off their children between the ages of fourteen and sixteen. With this as the context of the play, Romeo and Juliet could have been as young as fourteen! Now, how many of you could understand all the hormones in your body at fourteen? How many of you could understand the complexity of love? Thus Romeo and Juliet, in my opinion, may not be the archetypes of love, but rather the archetypes of childish infatuation, teenage drama and angst! Heck, even at seventeen I couldn't understand the complexity of love, of such emotions, and of how to build a relationship..."

I rambled on like this, almost on auto pilot. Sometimes Edward would flinch. Perhaps the thoughts of the other students were bothering him, or like me, perhaps he was drawing parallels between our time together and Romeo and Juliet's: blind infatuation, ending in tragedy. Some part of my mind rebelled at that idea, but I crushed it.

Over the hour, my eyes were drawn more and more to Edward, whose perfect gaze never left me. Once, I could have sworn, I caught him checking out my breasts, but surely that couldn't be.

It was over this time that I noticed something. Edward had changed. Don't get me wrong, he was still orgasmic to behold. He wore tight khaki trousers and a loose shirt which hung perfectly on his muscular frame. His hair was in perfect bronze disarray, like sex hair only more rugged. These were not different, for I knew vampires could not change, but Edward had altered in some deeper way. He actually looked... tired! His body hunched slightly, as though a great weight sat upon him. His eyes seemed tighter, holding an ancient grief. His mouth and jaw even seemed to be set in a harder line.

It was nothing tangible, yet I could see it as plain as if someone had bleached his hair. It made my heart ache to see him like this.

After sixty long minutes I ended my lecture.

"That's enough for today. Next week we will get into the actual text so have the play read and with you," I called.

I turned to retrieve my bag and jacket as students swept to the exits. When I turned back to leave only a few stragglers were left, including Edward. He now stood within mere inches of me. His cool breath washed over me like the most intoxicating drug. God, I could drink him like a tall iced whiskey.

"Professor Black-Swan, may I please speak with you a moment?" His voice was velvet smooth, but I could detect the control he was exerting to beat down his agitation and his obvious dislike at having to address me in this manner. Internally I giggled, thinking of how my new name probably drove him mad. Edward never liked not knowing things; his curiosity was probably the only reason he was interested in speaking with me.

I was in shock however, as Edward Cullen was doing as I said. He addressed me as I demanded. A rush of pride, at having made him listen to me, surged through my body. It made me light headed while a strange streak of something darker and more primal gripped me in another more private area. I revelled in this dominance over him.

Sweet Jesus! What was wrong with me?

I took a deep breath, pulling on my jacket. "I have nothing to say to you, Mr. Cullen. I said all I had to say last night. If you have a problem with my class, make an appointment or speak to your TA," I moved to leave, but suddenly Edward was standing in front of me. He loomed over me, his eyes darkening as his brows pulled together in a painful frown. How I wished to smooth away that pained expression.

"Isabella, please, this is more important than some class. Although your belittling of love in _Romeo and Juliet_ is something I would like to discuss later. I need you to listen to me, five minutes, please!" His eyes locked with mine, and I felt weak. This ass was trying to dazzle me!

I whipped my head around at two students, who were watching my interactions with Edward. It was obvious that we were not discussing my grading style but rather something more private. This could cause trouble.

"Listen to me, Edward Cullen; I am not a kid anymore like Juliet. You can't dazzle me. You are my student! Interacting with me, in any way outside of the norm, could get me in trouble, and I have worked too hard to get _my life_ how I like it. You will not steal this from me, or upset my life here. I am a professional. I believe you said enough the last time we spoke in those woods. That talk had ramifications you could never comprehend, and I don't need to hear it once more. I will never listen to you again. You approach me like this once more and I will use all the influence I have here to get you bounced out of this university," I whispered in a sharp voice.

Edward's face was a mask of pain as he stammered. "No... You don't understand... Ramifications? What? Please!"

I could laugh; Edward Cullen was at a loss for words. He was actually stuttering. I moved past him and without further comment left the room and a dumbfounded Edward.

I expected him to follow, but he didn't. He must have finally heard me. I could swear I felt the last fissure in my heart break open.

_On to my last class and then home for a drink and maybe a mini breakdown_, I thought. I squared my shoulders and strode to the adjoining lecture hall.

Jasper's POV.

I sat in the lecture hall, surrounded by over two hundred, hot-blooded, defenceless and delicious smelling humans. My throat flamed and burned like acid was being poured down it. I swallowed the venom filling my mouth, took another deep, masochistic breath of the burning scent and forced my body to relax. I had worked hard these last eight years to control my thirst. I had almost killed my sister, destroyed my family and hurt my Alice. There was little better incentive to eradicate the weakness I felt. I was a soldier and weakness was unacceptable.

Over the last eight years, I had exposed myself more to humans, hunted less and went longer between feeding. Carlisle brought home bags of blood, and I would have Emmet hold me down while they sat open in the room, their scent intoxicating and torturous.

It had taken much effort and training, but I was stronger now. No longer a burden to Alice or a liability to my family, I could attend classes alone.

Too late though. The damage of my crimes had been done. Edward may have lied and left Bella, but it was my actions that made it happen. It was because of my weakness.

I sat in my communication of language class waiting for my first sighting of Bella in eight years. When I had learned she was here last night, I immediately checked my schedule and found I was in one of her classes.

I was nervous and apprehensive. Bella's reunion with Edward and Alice had gone so wrong. My poor Alice; she cried all night. Without her visions to guide her, she felt hopeless. My idiot brother Edward had a lot to answer for. Bella believed we abandoned her. She believed we did not love her.

What would she do when she saw me, shout? Ignore me? Run screaming from the monster who had attempted to kill her? Yes, that was more likely. Back then, I could barely speak to Bella, and for good reason, but I loved her as a sister. I loved her because Alice loved her. I loved her because she brought Edward to life. I loved her because she was brave and loyal in the face of a demented vampire like James.

The door to the lecture hall opened and in strode an obviously frazzled Bella. Her emotions hit me like a Mack truck: anger, exasperation, grief, sorrow and pain. _So_ much pain I nearly fell out of my seat.

Bella had changed as the others had said. She was a woman − a little taller, flawless pale skin, thinner than I remembered − and she looked tired, like the world had been set against her.

Bella didn't even look up as she began speaking. "I'm in no mood today for shouting. If you can't shut the hell up, I am going to kick you out."

I was in shock, that wasn't very professional. Bella turned around and oddly was smiling; I caught it then, a burst of mischief and humour as the class sat in quiet shock.

"Well, that got your attention, didn't it? Now. what was it that got your attention? That got you to be quiet? Hmm. Was it the order? My tone? Would this work in ordinary conversation, or is it too confrontational? These are the questions we will be looking at in this class. How something is communicated is very important in considering the response you will get. Language both written and verbal can be used to dominate, to lead someone, to command etc. It is these differences and the techniques of using communication to your advantage that we will study," Bella explained.

I was impressed at how Bella had changed. She was comfortable here, confident and an interesting lecturer. Suddenly, I felt very enthusiastic about this class. Bella continued to speak when abruptly she stopped. I looked up and smiled weakly. Bella had spotted me. To her credit she only stopped for a moment before recovering. To the class it was easily missed but not to me.

Bella's emotions began to race − anger like I had never felt before surged, followed by exacerbation and then acceptance. I was in shock; her emotions were so strong, like a vampire's. What shocked me most, however, was that her feelings of pain never let up the whole time; they were always there in the background, always present. What had we done? What had happened to Bella?

When the class ended, I jumped from my seat and ran at a human pace to speak with her I would need to remember to not call her Bella though; she sadly hated that now, and it wasn't who she was anymore. I caught her just as she left the room. My hand brushed her arm to gain her attention. She flinched, and I immediately felt guilty.

"Not again..." came her exasperated whisper. I assumed I wasn't meant to hear that so I ignored it out of politeness. Edward's attempt to speak with Bella must have failed again.

I had to say it before she cut me off, before she ran. Before Bella could say another word, the words were tripping out of my mouth...

"Please, Professor, forgive me for bothering you. I know that you don't want to speak to me or any Cullen. I can 'sense' it, but I have to offer my deepest, most sincere apologies for my deplorable behaviour on your birthday. It was one of the most disgusting acts I have ever committed in my long and destructive existence. I know it's too late. I know you probably hate me, and have every right to never forgive me, but I have to say it..._I am sorry, Isabella._ I should have been stronger, and I want you to know I have tried every day since then to ensure it will never happen again."

I was actually out of breath when I finished, the words were muddled and rushed. My southern accent thick from nerves as I studied Bella's face and emotions.

She stared at me in shock ...awe. It took a moment, but her face settled into a frown and then her anger began to flow in waves. Here it came ... Exactly what I deserved.

"Jasper, this is not the place. Follow me, we need to talk, she said curtly.

Bella swung around and walked away. I assumed I was meant to follow her. I was astonished; what was she going to say? She must want to scream at me so she wanted somewhere private. It was what I deserved; I would take it like a man. I began to follow.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Edward. He looked confused and his emotions were in a snarl. He must have been listening. Jealousy, anger and desperation all flowed from him.

"How did you get her to talk to _you?_" he whispered, too low for humans to hear. His voice was gruff and accusing.

"_She probably wants to shout at me, I deserve it. I did kind of ambush her and just blurt out an apology. Go away Edward. If she sees you, she'll get angry at me ...even angrier... this is between us,"_ I thought at him.

His brows furrowed and then he cut past me in the crowd, pushing an envelope into my hand. "When you're done give her this," he whispered. I took the envelope grudgingly and nodded. Bella was marching forward, unaware of our exchange.

BELLA'S POV:

He was apologising for my birthday..._for that_!

I was furious. I marched past Anita. "I will be in a meeting with this pupil, hold my calls and no interruptions." Anita nodded quickly, casting an admiring glance at the blond leonine man following me.

I entered my office and told Jasper to sit down. I examined him then.

This was the closest I had ever been to Jasper without him attacking me. He actually looked... frightened? I almost laughed, a vampire scared of me. Clara would crack up when I told her. Jasper must have caught my amusement because he looked confused and then worried.

I better put him out of his misery. I like Jasper; it wasn't his fault what happened, and he called me Professor like I had asked. He was trying to be a gentleman, to do the right thing. Perhaps because we hadn't been close before, it felt easier to talk to him.

"Frankly, Jasper, as you can no doubt feel..._I am pissed_. You idiotic, self-righteous vampire. How dare you apologise for something I forgave you for eight years ago. Something that was not your fault, something that you could not help and I never blamed you for!" I yelled.

Jasper looked shocked, his mouth gaped. "But I tried to kill you over a damn paper cut!" he choked out.

"So? You are a vampire, and it was my fault for being clumsy. It was only natural for you. I forgave you for _that_, right after it happened." Jasper looked stunned and sceptical, so I focused on forcing as much sincerity and forgiveness at him as possible.

Jasper's head snapped up and he gasped. He smiled warmly and it made his normally so serious face, look so beautiful. "Thank you, Isabella."

I gave him a hard look. "You're not forgiven though. I'm still angry. What are you doing in my class?" I asked.

Jasper looked like I had hit him; he was confused as my angry emotions returned. "What? But you just said..."

I sighed."I forgave you for attacking me eight years ago, not for everything else." My voice dropped and I slumped into my chair.

"Isabella, I'm so sorry. You have to understand, what you think happened and our version are two completely different things. There is so much we have to explain. Please hear us out. I'm sorry you feel we abandoned you. I'm sorry that it's all so messed up. I'm sorry for whatever has happened to you in our absence. Please, Bella, we love you, we missed you. Let us explain."

Jasper's jaw snapped shut as he cringed. He must have felt the surge of pain I felt at his words. The disbelief and self loathing for the brief glimmer of hope and longing I let seep out. I crushed the feelings, I hoped before Jasper sensed them.

"No, Jasper, I can't accept your apologies, and I don't want to talk to any more of you. What happened after you left is none of your concern, I replied coldly.

I had more to say when a knock came to my door and without waiting for a reply, Clara stepped in.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt. I thought I'd come take you to dinner. I figured you needed a treat." Clara spoke to me, but her eyes never left Jasper as they weighed each other up.

I was relieved at the interruption and made a note to pay for dinner. Clara was a life saver.

"Jasper, this is Clara. Clara, this is Jasper Cullen. He was just leaving. I'll be getting my bags and we'll head off," I said.

"Cool," was Clara's only reply as she continued to give Jasper a hard stare.

I could tell that Jasper had registered that something was different about Clara. He studied her openly, a confused expression marring his features. He must be hitting upon her natural immunity to his powers and this combined with Alice and Edward's troubles was bound to not go unnoticed.

Jasper turned, looking from me to Clara before saying, "You know, Alice is worried about you. Her 'intuition' is acting up, if you know what I mean, Isabella. I love my wife and she misses you. Please consider speaking with her. I hope that we can speak again soon."

Clara's lips twisted as she caught Jasper's true meaning. Alice's visions were blocked by Clara as well and Jasper was noticing the trend.

Jasper rose to leave but then stopped and dropped something on my desk. He was at the door before he said, "Please read that, Isabella, then decide if you really want rid of us from your life. We will respect your decision, I swear. The whole family misses you. I _know _how Edward feels. I have_ never _lied to you, Isabella, so trust me when I tell you whatever he says in that letter is true."

With that he was gone and the white envelope sat upon my desk.


	7. Chapter 7

Author:

Thanks again for all the amazing reviews. The more reviews the faster I write.

Feedback from reviews. Yes clara was the person on the motorbike in the first chapter and her scent is significant. Sh is NOT werewolf.

The act of bella/izzy's arm shaking was significant. It will come to light later. Potassium is necessary for nerve impulse transfer in the body and the drug bella took a real treatment used to build up neurones in human nerves to prevent fits. Spazams/epileptic fits etc.

Bella's POV:

I stood frozen looking at the white envelope on my desk. The envelope was blank but I was no fool, there was only one person who it could be from. I grabbed it and dropped it in the bin beside my desk as if it were some dangerous unstable chemical.

Clara was watching me intently. She strode across my office in two steps, lifted the envelope from the bin and flattened it out upon my desk.

"what are you doing?" I asked, my voice sharp.

Clara looked down upon me as I slunk into my chair. Her dark green eyes pierced me as her pupils almost disappeared. She was tired, she hadn't slept yet this week and she needed to feed.

Clara's voice was matter of fact as she spoke ignoring my question.

"I overheard your conversation, That Jasper could be a problem, he's smart, sincere and fearsome."

"What?" Was all I managed to say as I screwed up my face trying to decipher Clara's random comment while obtusely ignoring the envelope before me.

Clara sighed and folded her lean form into the chair opposite me, pulling a cigarette and lighter from her pocket.

"I know you hate me smoking but it's been a shitty 48 hours so sue me. Crack the window there."

I rose opening the window not complaining as I usually would about Clara's bad habit. Clara never smoked in our house and only smoked if we were out drinking when I wasn't adverse to one myself or on the rare occasions when she wanted to speak plainly to me about something important. I sat down skewering Clara with my eyes as she inhaled the menthol cigarette. Her lips lightly holding the end as she slowly inhaled, closing her eyes and exhaling as though she hadn't breathed in years.

Eyes still closed Clara spoke, her voice tired, "You said you didn't know Jaspers past but from what I can see he's a fighter, a warrior, a survivor. His skin is covered in scars...scars like yours.

Clara paused allowing this to sink in, my scars were vampire teeth, their razor sharp nails. Newborns.

I didn't speak, my heart racing at the memory.

"He has a hard past, by the looks of it he ain't someone to mess with...well not if you want to walk away unharmed anyway. No problem for someone like me but its interesting still, it gives me a few ideas about his past. He knows pain and suffering, that makes him more human and I can tell he genuinely feels bad about what he did and what has happened to you. His past however makes him observant. You don't beat newborns without being observant, fast and smart. He's worked out theres something off about me, whether he just thinks I'm some kind of shield like you are or if he has worked out I'm not human anymore is a different question. We'll have to play this by ear and tread more carefully with the cullens if I'm going to keep running into them."

Clara took the last drag of her cigarette and was at the door before I saw her move; before I could speak she spoke again,

"You're no coward Izzy, that letter offers answers to questions you are itching to ask. You won't be able to ignore them. They have proven in two days that they aren't leaving anytime soon, they want contact. There's four more cullens who will no doubt run into you at some point. Until you have some answers I know you won't be able to ignore them, or deal with them if thats what you choose. Read the letter Izzy, things seem more complicated than you think, thats what jasper thought anyway. Read it, I'll be at home with take out when your done."

With that Clara was gone, a blur as my door closed.

I stared at the envelope. As usual Clara had spoken the truth, since the cullens reappearance I had been thinking on and off about them.

I still missed them and seeing them had just reopened old wounds. Edward calling me love had made my heart swell with hope, I had felt the old joy, I had felt alive for the first time in years...even just for a moment. Then the old pain of rejection stung, his words from the wood. I couldn't survive that pain again. Alice.. seeing Alice had made my heart ache, she was my friend, she was sooo bubbly and it took everything I had not to just hug her back and ask her to never leave. Jasper said there was a misunderstanding, an explanation for the last 8 years of pain..but what could explain away 8 years of pain and suffering. I missed them sooo much Emmet, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme. My family ... ex-family. The hope that this letter could bring them back to me swelled. Curiosity clawed at me, what could they mean. what could explain why they left me, why I was treated as a pathetic distraction, excuse them for ruining the last 8 years of my life.

I couldn't think anymore, my hands acted without command, the envelope was ripped open to reveal a thick piece of paper.

The letter was folded in half, written on expensive thick parchment paper. My lips twitched. Typical cullens, money was no object.

I opened the letter to reveal a page of black curly formal writing in perfect lines. A professional calligrapher would give his right arm for Edwards handwriting. I knew it would be his writing but the sight of the familiar form for the first time in 8years had me struggling for breath. I set the letter down reaching to the bottom drawer of my desk. If I was going to do this I needed to settle my nerves. I retrieved my emergency flask of Powers whiskey. Pouring the malty liquid down my throat. The liquid fire hit my throat spreading artificial warmth through my veins and steadying my shaking hands.

I put the flask back remembering I had to drive home. Lifting the letter again and diving in.

_My dearest Isabella,_

_In 108 years I have never struggled for words but now I find myself at a loss. This letter is my confession my last hope of redemption for it is you alone who holds my fate in your hands._

_Isabella, I am a vampire, a monster, a liar. I told you this often yet you in your wonderful way always sought to see the best in me, accept once. The day I told the darkest lies, the worst blasphemies 8years ago in the forest behind your home._

_Isabella I never had the right to call you mine, yet for a time I did. For a time I knew true happiness yet it was selfish. My love for you was destructive, first James broke your body, made you fear for your life, for your fathers safety. I deluded myself I was your protector but then my own brother attacked you. It was my fault, if not for me you would never have been put in either position. You wanted immortality; you would lose your soul, your family, your chance at a normal life, at children. I could no longer be so selfish. I could no longer put my happiness above your safety. _

_Thus I left you Isabella, but I knew that you would not let me go to protect you... so I lied. I said the cruellest of lies which burned my mouth, broke my heart and condemned, if it still existed, my soul._

_I lied to protect you. I left to protect you. But this is not the end of my sins. I lied to my family; I deceived them in the worst possible way. I told them that I had explained to you that I must leave to protect you, I made them believe that you finally saw the danger we presented, I made them believe you accepted our departure, even welcomed it. I told my family that I had give you their love, their best wishes, but that actually saying goodbye would be too painful. I convinced them with the darkest lies, using my mind reading to play on their fears, to play on their desires to protect you, their love for you. _

_Isabella, I know that I will never deserve forgiveness for my sins, my family hate me, I hate myself. The last 8 years without you were hell, there was no distraction from your loss, our family fell apart; I deserted them and literally hid from the pain. I beg you Isabella if you cannot forgive me, then at least forgive my family, they acted under my lies, my manipulation. They are as innocent as you._

_I have withdrawn from your class Isabella, I do not wish to do anything that could harm your life, that could prevent you from speaking to me. Isabella you are my life and if you will let me I will never again let you down I will never again hurt you. I would step into fire before hurting you again. _

_You are my world Isabella ,I will take anything you can offer. To watch you with my family, to merely be your friend. Please Isabella let me get to know you again, let me understand what has happened in my absence. You hold my heart, I only ask that you allow me a chance to prove it is worth having. _

_My eternal and only love, I was dead until I met you, alive when I knew you and in the darkest hell when I left to protect you, but you alone are worth more to me than my own selfish happiness._

_Please give me a chance, please my love._

_Forever yours, devoted, blindly and often foolishly yours whether you wish it or not,_

_Edward x_

My mind reeled...it couldn't be. A high pitched whine attacked my ears and it took me a moment to realize the sound was coming from me as tears streamed down my face. I tried to smother the cries but they continued.

It couldn't be, he loved me. He lied! They didn't even know that he had lied. My head hurt it made no sense, my mind buzzed. I re read the letter, again...again..again. The words didn't change but yet I still couldn't understand it. I couldn't make sense of how I felt.

I sat at my desk shaking as tears descended my cheeks.

An hour later and somewhat calmer but still with no comprehension of how I felt about what I had read I folded the letter carefully as though it may disappear and placed it in my coat pocket.

I took some calming breaths, gathered my things and left for home. I needed Clara, I needed a sounding board.

Clara's POV.

It had been two hours since I had left Izzy at the college. I was going to have to give the lads a bonus at the garage for picking up the slack with me leaving early again.

I sat with a pint of cider watching some boring documentary. I heard the elevator open on our floor and Izzys erratic heartbeat come down the hall. In a second I had the TV off, my 12 empty cans in the bin, a bottle of whisky opened on the table beside an Indian take away and a pack of Kleenex tissues.

Izzy walked slowly into the apartment, her movements jerky, her head bowed and tear stained.

I sat in silence, watching Izzy flounce down on the sofa beside me. For a few minutes she stared glassy eyed at the blank television screen. Then without a word or turning to look at me, she retrieved a piece of heavy paper from her suit pocket and handed it to me.

Izzy began slowly eating some lamb roage and rice washed down with whiskey as I read the letter. I could see she wasn't keen on the food again, but she needed to keep her energy up.

I read the letter in seconds and then read it again.

I was shocked to say the least, a litany of fowl words ran through my head. I had hated Edward Cullen since the first day Bella first told me about him. Now I hated him even more but respected him too. This was problematic. He still loved her. I knew Izzy still loved him. He had left to protect her...well that was pointless. The cullens had been deceived into leaving... I didn't know to be happy or blistering mad. Izzy seemed to be in shock.

"are you ok Izzy?" I asked hesitantly

Izzy snorted. "He says he loves me. He lied." Her tone was awed but also cautious as though testing the words on her tongue for truth.

"And how do you feel about all of this?"

"Shocked... he just negated the last 8 years of suffering, everything that we went through was because he over reacted. I... I... I don't know what to think. He's only been back 48 hours..."

"what are you going to do... you want him back?" I asked hesitantly

Izzy was quiet, she put down her fork and sat staring into space.

Suddenly there was a knocking at our front door. I was up and across the room in a second.

Any visitors had to get past Jerry, phone up to our apartment and then come up the elevator by which time we knew they were coming and I could hear them. This visitor had done none of this and had no heartbeat.

I swung the door open banging it violently against the wall. Before me stood a shocked Edward Cullen.

"Yes?" was all I could choke out.

"May I speak to Isabella please?" came his reply as his brows scrunched, the pretty boy was obviously trying to read my mind again. My lips twitched. I would show him something fun.

"Izzy, cen suil Edward tu ach ta me kint thon?" I asked Izzy in gaelic if she wanted to speak to Edward or will I kick his ass?"

Izzy looked up, first shocked and then amused at what I was doing. In our time together I had taught Izzy the glas dialect of gaelic from Ireland. It was nearly a dead language, my family had been some of the last speakers.

My plan worked. Edward looked even more confused as the language the few words he could pull from my head was exchanged between myself and Izzy with ease.

Izzy stood, "ta me deas tu." I will deal with him she replied.

Izzy stood at the door and I headed to my room calling out, "ta me bi i mo seomra leaba ist ta si me tron Edward oisteach." I will be in my room call if you want me to throw Edward out.

Bella's POV:

"What language is that, where did you learn it?" came Edwards voice.

"Its annoying when people talk and you can't understand isn't it? Its just another detail that falls under the heading, none of your business." Was my swift reply, remembering all the vampire quick conversations he had deemed I need not hear all those years ago.

"What are you doing here?"

Edward shuffled his feet and looked abashed. "Sorry I had no right to ask. I just figured maybe we could talk..you read my letter?" Edward watched me, his gold eyes locking mine.

"I read it, " I whispered.

"And?" was Edwards quick reply.

What the hell was he doing here, what did he think, I'd read his note and fall into his arms. If only I could do that. My mind rebelled.

"Leave Edward."

"What?"

"Leave!"

"But why.."

He had left to protect me, a pointless act, done without asking me, he stole my family and my heart. Now he turned up on my door wanting answers! I finally figured out how I felt about the letter... ANGRY. No angry wasn't enough, furious.

I gritted my teeth and snarled out through them, "Edward I just discovered that you lied to me, you stole my happiness and my family without even talking to me. You treated me like a child, you disrespected me by taking away my choices without so much as a word to me. You made me hate myself, think I wasn't good enough for anyone. I was bloody Catatonic in a forest thinking everyone I loved had abandoned me because you were too cowardly to man up and face the challenges of a relationship. – Edward sucked in a breath as if to interrupt but I advanced a step and raised my voice effectively cutting him off-

I just learned that the last 8years of suffering and everything that happened in my life since you left was avoidable, it was all pointless. You left to PROTECT me and all you did was leave me to a living hell! I was scared I was alone, I was in danger, I was suicidal all because you wanted to be noble and dramatic. - Edwards face collapsed in on itself, horrified at my admission, I hadn't meant that to slip out but I couldn't stop now...

God I wish I could hate you Edward Cullen but what makes this so hard is that I still love you. - his face lit with hope and joy, he misunderstood..again-

But I don't trust you and I am so angry right now I could kill you with my bare hands. You asshole! -Edward visibly deflated and his face showed outright disappointment and bewilderment-

What did you expect would happen hmm, did you think I would read your note and just run into your arms like some pathetic novel. This is real life Edward, it doesn't work like that. 8 years ago it might have but now I'm a grown woman, I am not so naive or easily swayed. I'm insulted you would have the front to think that a piece of paper would make it all better. I'm worth more. What you did can't be erased by love ... its just not enough after.. after.. after everything. Now leave."

Tears were threatening to spill out of my eyes but I squashed them down with vicious efficiency and determination. I was not the weak teen he had abandoned.

"But I love you..please let us try to start again, one chance please.." he begged, his hands grasping mine and sending shocks of pleasure up my arms. Edward looked at our intertwined hands, then he froze. His eyes spotting what I so carefully concealed. The scars on my arms, the long lines and gouges on my inner arms running up to my elbows. Shit why did I take my jacket off and roll up my sleeves to eat.

"What happened..." Edwards voice faltered, his velvet voice crushed and breaking as his fingers traced the scars as I tried in vein to squirm away.

"Let go Edward, leave." Edward wouldn't let go, he met my eyes.

"Please Bella give us a chance, oh god what happened."

At that Clara was behind me, her arms encircled my waist and I moved back to the shelter of her body.

"You heard her Cullen, you can't fix this tonight, she wants you to leave. Leave now and maybe she'll contact you, Ignore her wishes again and I will remove you myself and I swear in blood and honour you will never see Izzy again."

I gasped, looking at Clara with wide eyes. Edward was oblivious, he thought Clara a human: weak. Strange with a shielded mind but human. He did not realize the power in the blood oath she swore, Clara would follow it through no matter what, once uttered it was her law.

"Please Edward, go, I can't deal with this now, I need time."

Edward looked at me warily, obviously thinking over Clara and my words, taking in my agitated state. He studied my posture. Finally he released my arms, casting one more look at my arms and said, "I am sorry Isabella, I did everything wrong so from now on we do this your way. I'm sorry i came, I will give you as much time as you need, jus please give me another chance. I will go now but I swear I will never be far from you not ever again. "

Oh hell he was getting the wrong idea, "My heart will always be yours Edward, whether I want it to or not." I admitted almost sourly.

"Then I have hope and for now that is enough" Edwards words were a sigh of relief as his body relaxed.

With that Edward turned and left, Clara closed the door and then I collapsed. The last thing I remember was being set on my bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Author: Thank-you for all the reviews, it was lovely reading them. Please review.

Bella's POV:

Wednesday morning dawned and I felt like shit. That was as polite as I was able to put it to Clara when she came to check on me this morning. I had passed out last night after Edwards visit. Just thinking his name had his letter and his gorgeous face flashing through my mind.

I groaned softly. I had been put to bed fully clothed, and waking up had revealed it would prove to have repercussions just like the whiskey I drank last night.

My neck was stiff, my head throbbing and my whole body felt exhausted.

"You ok, petal, I was about to leave but its not like you to still be in bed when I'm leaving." Clara's eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed as she lazered me with her gaze.

"UH I feel like shit. I think I'm just going to stay at home." My voice was weak and I curled up into my bed sheets closing my eyes.

I heard Clara open my door and come across to my bed, her weight pushed down my soft mattress and then her hand was upon my forehead.

I peeked out of my eyes through my lashes at Clara.

"what are you doing?" I squeaked.

"I could ask you the same question. You're not even running a temperature. In two years you haven't missed a single day of work, even last year after you broke your ankle on the bike or the year before when you had that awful flu. I'm not stupid Izzy, Your avoiding the cullens."

I grumbled, "shows your head isn't all there either Clara, Edward said in his letter he was withdrawing from my class."

"I didn't say Edward. Shows where your heads at!" Clara shot back.

I rolled away from Clara's accusing gaze, to stare at the lilac wall of my room.

Clara's hand rubbed my arm consolingly and it was only then I noticed it was shaking.

"I need to get my medicine, damn tremors are back." My tone was petulant; I turned to see Clara's face was dark and brooding. I immediately felt bad.

"I'm sorry about that, you know if you would let me I would fix it." Clara's voice was unusually low, she still felt guilty.

"You know I won't let you, the price is too high for something so small. Plus its controllable anyway., I just need to stop being lazy and get the meds." I tried to make my tone light but Clara's face remained clouded.

"Stay there, I'll get you your meds and I'll phone the University."

"No! God Clara, you're not my mum..I can ring myself. The meds and some aspirin would be wonderful though."

Clara nodded and swept from the room. Returning in the blink of an eye, with my medicine and a glass of water. I cringed at the steroid syringe. I still hated needles.

I took them from her trying to distract her with conversation, "Did you sleep yet this week, you're looking tired and you will need to go hunt soon too, you've been putting it off and it shows, Edward making it up here without you knowing." Shit wrong thing again, I sounded accusing.

Clara grunted, "I slept two hours last night and then ran out and picked up some baggies so I'm at the top of my game again but that's a shitty distraction, what's the matter with you?"

I sighed flopping back down onto my bed. "It's just, its.. there's just so much. In two days everything has changed. The last 8 years of my life has been given a new meaning, I need time to sort out what I want to do. All the stress has exhausted me, I feel like I went ten rounds with Victoria" Crap definitely not a joking matter

"Not funny Izzy. So what? You're feeling sorry for yourself?"

"No .. NO. Its just I'm tired, my head and neck hurt, these damn tremors have been coming and going more often I just want a day to get my head and body straight. You know?"

Clara skewered me with her eyes. "ok. But if you feel worse or need to talk you call me. Your medical is tomorrow anyway right?"

Typical Clara, giving me my space and worrying all at once.

Clara left shortly after, I rang the university. Anita was all concern and best wishes. She swore she would have my classes taken care of and for me to not worry about it.

I spent the day lounging around. I changed into my fluffy red thermal pyjamas, ate junk food, cried once and read Edwards letter more times than I could count. At three o'clock I received a phone call saying my medical had been cancelled and rearranged for Monday morning as the doctor the University and insurance company used had been called away on a family emergency. I blankly agreed and hung up.

My mind wandered. Vaguely I remembered Clara coming home. She asked if I was ok, If I was hungry. I answered yes and no respectively and told her my medical had been postponed. Clara was not pleased with this but that was life.

I sat in my room thinking. I thought about Edward, the cullens, Clara, the last 8 years of my life. I traced each of my scars, thinking about how different thing could have been if only I had had a spine 8 years ago. If only I had stood up to Edward, if only our relationship had been one of equals, not one where Edward decided and i blindly followed because I thought he was so perfect and infallible.

I retraced every one of my memories of our time together and although I loved Edward I began to see a pattern. Edward was not perfect, he made mistakes, big and small. He decided things or did things against my wishes or did them and gave me no say. If we were to have a chance then things would have to change.

But did I want to give him another chance, did I really wish things were different.

Thursday morning came and I had sat up all night lost in thought. Clara was not amused that I could barely stay awake and would need to stay at home again.

My mind wandered all day.

No I didn't wish things were different, they happened how they were meant to. The events of my life were cruel and painful but if they were not I would not have met the wolf pack, I would not have met Clara, I would not have travelled the world, I would not have gotten my PHD, I would not be the person I am now.

So the question was , was I willing to leave my past behind and give Edward another chance?

I didn't know the answers. This would call for some thinking, thinking meant alcohol, takeout and time.

Friday

Saturday

Clara POV: 

"SHIT" came my loud curse as I threw the spanner I was using across the garage.

GRRR nothing was going right for me today, no matter what I touched it became a nuisance. 'go to a car angry and even the wipers will fall off' was my dad's old saying. Today proved he was right, my foul mood seemed to rub off on everything. The nuts on the chaise of the 67' mustang I was working on were rusted in place and using my strength to persuade them to move had only cause the bolt they were attached to, to crack and splinter making my job ten times harder.

Jason my body work man came sauntering over with his usual mocking grin. "What up chica? It no want to respond to your love? You normally so goud with your han's I hear?"

I was so not in the mood for Jason today. His Latino features, sun kissed skin, dark hair, brown eyes and stylish goatee all matching a body sculpted from hard work made him a woman's wet dream. The problem was he knew it and he took every opportunity to remind anyone within a five mile radius of it.

"Unless you want me to take my anger out on you Jason I suggest you get backt to fxing the bumper on that chevy or you meet the hard end of that spanner next time, not the wall" I growled out.

Normally Jason would laugh and make some crude comment but instead he leaned against the shitty mustang I was abusing and gave me a contemplating look.

"Whatever buggin you quidera I sure it will work out. Is Izzy ok? You said she was sick?"

Damn Jason and his intuitive nature. I SIGHED, "Thanks dude, she's still not herself but she'll get there. Thanks. Now get back to work , I don't pay you to play Dr. Phil." My command was said with no power but mere tiredness so Jason just nodded and sauntered back to his end of the garage.

My mind was distracted, Izzy was still not herself.

She had been in the house the last four days, refusing to go to work, drinking and moping. She said she was thinking, trying to get her head straight about what to do next. I wouldn't normally have minded but her drinking reminded me of the times some years ago when it had become a problem. I was hoping not to go back down that road. She swore she would go to her medical Monday and then back to work on Tuesday but I just couldn't relax, not until she made a decision. Not until I knew if I was going to have to get ready to share Izzy with the cullens. If I had my way I would have torn them apart the first day and then we would have had peace. I knew what Izzy would choose however, even if she didn't ye. The cullens were about to get a crash course in the new Izzy and I would have her back this time. Izzy was too in love with them, too nice to abandon them as they had her.

I was pulled from my thoughts by Michael calling for me."YO kid there someone out front, wants to speak to you."

"There ain't no kids back here M. How about you try again" came my gruff reply. Michael had a chip on his shoulder. He was quiet and worked hard but I always knew it galled him having to work for me. A woman. A woman who looked young enough to be his daughter.

"Boss there a woman here with a lexus wants to speak to you."

Uh lexus, foreign shit. "Book the car in for her, I'll give her a call with an estimate later I'm busy."

There was some mumbling that I couldn't make out over the sound of Jason buffering his bumper.

"She says she wants to speak to you. Privately." Came Michael's retort.

My first thought was "what the hell". I took a deep breath to calm myself before I told this demanding customer to fuck off. It was in this breath that I smelt it. Sickly sweet...Vampire.

I jumped up looking round the corner at the reception area. There stood a a tall female vampire, of around 26. Her hair was light brown, her face pinched in concern. Her eyes gold. GOLD...CULLEN.

"I'll deal with her." I snapped a Michael.

"ooo another of your 'friends' clara, if she needs a personal valet I'm free.!"

"Get back to work M before I kick you back to the unemployment line." I didn't wait for a reply. I grabbed a rag wiping grease from my palms as I entered the reception area.

"I help you?" was my gruff question.

The vampire's face was questioning as she rose. "Clara..uh Isabella's friend?" Her voice was hesitant, she moved forward slowly, trying not t scare me. This vampire looked fragile, like the harshest word would hurt her. I felt the irrational need to be polite. She looked young but could be as old as dirt, and yet her pinched eyes, her pale cardigan and linen trousers reminded me strangely of my mother. The memory brought a lump to my throat.

But this was a vampire, a Cullen, the ones who hurt IZZY, she deserved no calm, polite welcome.

"Yes thats me." Was my curt reply.

"gosh you do look young, ..-my face hardened and this vampire obviously regretted her words, if she could blush she would- for someone so successful I mean, You are in charge I believe, That man called you boss."

My temper was placated by her obvious attempt to smooth over her gaff, I had heard the words often before, it was just another side effect of what I had become. This woman was not being intentionally mean or trying to demean me by my appearance.

"You heard correct, i own this garage, I set it up myself two years ago. Now if you don't mind madam I have work to do so if you don't mind who exactly are you and how can I help?" I played dumb to knowing exactly who this woman was. I didn't want to give away to her that Izzy had spoken about her at length, described her often, cried for her once or twice.

The vampire again looked abashed before her face turned serious and she clutched her bag more tightly in front of her. It probably cost more than my bike but I had to admit it combined with her character she gave off a Martha stuart air.

"My name is Esme Cullen. I'm Edward's adoptive mother. I would like to speak to you if thats at all possible. In Private please. .. only if you can spare the time, I can see your busy and I'm interrupting, I could call back later if you want?"

Esme tripped over her words, she was sincere, so eager to ensure I knew she demanded nothing of me. I couldn't help but feel taken with this vampire. She seemed shy,so motherly, so innocent and almost afraid that I would turn her away. An action I would have taken in a heartbeat ordinarily if it hadn't been for Edwards letter proving that she had not in fact abandoned Izzy.

"Nah I am due a lunch break anyway, come on in to my office." I said

Esme's face lit into an appreciative smile and I couldn't stop my lips twitching in response. Making someone else smile like that was not something I was accustomed to, I felt strangely pleased.

"Thank you " Esme's reply was a sigh of relief.

I walked tall, striding to my dingy office. It was a small room, white walls, a dying vine plant and two converted leather car seats for me and my client.

Esme followed me in closing the door behind her and sitting down while casting quick glances around. Esme looked so out of place in my cramped office i wanted to laugh but instead I forced my face into a serious expression.

"I guess you're e wondering why I'm here ?" esme asked hesitantly fiddling with her bag.

"I'm wondering that and I'm trying to figure how you found out I worked here. Probably the same way your son found my home Wednesday night I assume." My answer was more curt than I intended but I wanted her to realize I was no fool.

Esme's mouth dropped open a little, it was comical, this woman looked like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"Oh ...well...you see...um... – she sighed- I'll be honest with you Clara. My son Jasper who I believe you have met is rather good with computers. He may have found Isabella's information on the college servers and you were listed as emergency contact with here as your second contact detail."

This honesty caught me off guard. I smiled, "I appreciate your honesty. However I would point out that that information is private and I don't like being ambushed at home or at work"

Esme looked ashamed before squaring her shoulders. "My daughter Alice said you are Bella... I mean Isabella's best friend. I wanted to meet you and I was a little desperate. I know it was wrong but I was without my daughter for 8 years. I'm afraid I would go to great lengths in aid of this cause."

I let her use of Izzys old name go and made a note to question her use of the term daughter later. Right now I wanted to get to the point.

"Thats all well and good Mrs. Cullen but again what is it you want? I hope you aren't here to plead Edwards case to me because Izzy will make her own decision in her own time. And quite frankly I'm of no mind to help your prick of a son. Excuse my crassness."

Esme looked amused. "I appreciate your honesty. But no thats not why I'm here. My son has made many mistakes. What happens between Edward and Isabella is their business. What I want to know is if Isabella is ok? I haven't seen her in so long and from what I have heard she is ...different. I want to know if there is anything I can do for her. .. I know that coming to you is a cowards way out but Edward said Isabella wanted time alone and did not want to see any of my family and I wish to respect her choices."

Esmes voice wobbled like she would cry on the last words. She was obviously sincere in her concern for Izzy and this pleased me. However it was ironic she was respecting her wishes now, not 8 years ago when she needed her to stay.

"Forgive me mrs. Cullen,

"Please call me Esme.."

I smiled wanly "esme ... Izzy is Izzy. Even in the 8 years I have known her she has changed greatly. To say if she is ok or not is relative. Right now... her heads all mixed up, shes confused and angry. Is there anything you can do now? No. You have to let her make her own decision, decide to move at her pace."

"of course, of course" esme whispered sadly.

"You called Izzy your daughter. You mind me asking if you're serious?"

That was a mistake. Esme's head snapped up meeting my eyes. If I was human I would have been frightened by the fire in her glare, like a mother lion looking down a hyena getting too close to her cubs.

"Isabella may have only been part of my family for a short time but I always considered her my daughter." Esmes voice was sharp.

"Well then, I heard what Edward did but I have to ask. If it was Alice or your other daughter or Edward himself. Would you have ever abandoned him without a face to face goodbye. I'm just curious cause it strikes me that if Izzy is how you treat family then I'm glad you have so many cause you seem to drop them pretty easily."

Esme Jumped up insulted. Her eyes watered, tears she could not shed. "How, how.. how dare you?"

I felt awful as soon as the words were out but I knew what Izzy had been through. I had to make this woman understand.

"How dare I. Lady I have been the only person Izzy has trusted in 8 years. I know the pain she felt. She considered you a mother. Loved you with her whole heart and no mother leaves their daughter without a goodbye not under any circumstances!"

Esme visibly deflated like I had slapped her, "she thought of me as a mother." Esme's voice cracked.

"Yes, still does I'd say but you have to give her time, she is angry, very angry. It will take time to get her trust back." I spoke only truth.

Esme looked up at me with hope in her eyes flowed by swift resolution. "I made a mistake once, an awful mistake. I won't lose another child." Esmes voice was filled with ancient grief, and pain. I did not miss the word another or its significance.

"I can see you care for Izzy and I'm glad she has you Clara. Thank you." Esme's voice was sincere as she rose and headed for the door.

I walked after her, wiped my hand on my rag and offered it to Esme.

"It was an honour to meet you Esme, I hope, given time, Izzy and myself will see you again."

Esme hesitated before taking my hand, I could see she was afraid I'd notice her difference. Eventually she took my hand.

I gripped her hand tighter than she expected ,shaking firmly, fixing her eyes with mine.

Esme's face showed her curiosity ...confusion, as I did not flinch at her closeness, her vampire aura, her cold grip or her fixed stare.

I released her hand as swiftly as I took it. "Goodbye Mrs. Cullen."

Esme's POV

Saturday had been an intriguing day. I had to get out of our house, our house where emotion raged.

Edward had been sitting in his room since Wednesday and was refusing to move until he heard from Bella. Ah bella, How I missed my daughter. The house had been tense as everyone held a collective breath waiting for some step forward with her.

Jasper had been to classes and reported that bella had been off sick the last three days. We had to restrain Edward from racing right over there, the fool said she had asked for time, to move at her pace. We would do this her way from now on.

Alice was dancing around, she was changing classes apparently and was pleased with her choice. I was glad she was happy instead of the agitated state she had been in the last few days. Bella's reappearance and coldness to Alice combined with her visions failing to see Bella had made her near impossible to live with.

Alices failed visions was another matter to consider. Edward had mentioned that he too had had trouble with his abilities recently; he could not read the mind in full of Bella's friend Clara and what he could get was in a language he did not know. To say he was frustrated was an understatement. Jasper had then come home, withdrawn on Tuesday after meeting Clara. He finally admitted to us that he could not read the girl's emotions.

Carlisle was fascinated at the idea that perhaps the girl was a full shield of some kind. Emmet had laughed as he had not laughed in years, raucously he bellowed "Trust bella to befriend another freak"

Jasper had been quiet though casting off brooding waves. I approached my son about it.

"Jasper,are you ok, you've been quiet all evening?" My son I knew was in shock at Bella's forgiveness of his actions on her birthday. The lifting of that great burden had helped him greatly yet now here he sat quiet and withdrawn.

"I don't know Esme, its just.. is..its stupid forget it. "

"Jasperrrrr?" came alices voice.

"Tell us jasper what's wrong?" Jaspers face lit up as his wife danced into his lap. Then his face became considering and taught.

"its just I know Carlisle has his theories but that girl, she looks so young but is 24 and shes been with bella these 8 years. Its like her and Bella are keeping things from us. I just don't know, my gut just tells me theres something off about her, the way she looked at me..."

"ha ha ha, scared of a kid little brother!" Emmet's loud laughter rang out again. Rose slapped him across the back of the head, but I caught the smile that lit her face seeing Emmet so happy.

"I'm probably just over reacting" said Jasper.

I brooded on what Jasper said, I wanted a link to Bella and in a fit of unrest I left the house to see this Clara, this link to my Daughter.

She was not like I expected.. our encounter was intense and direct, on leaving I agreed with jasper, this girl was exceptional.

SUNDAY:

Clara's POV:

I had spent the last 5 days, deep in thought. My head had been spinning. What to do?

My mind jumped from thought to thought. Clara's confession that Esme had come to check her out on Saturday to see how I was doing had thrown me for a loop. My heart had swelled. She still cared.

8 years too late a little voice in my head whispered.

This is what it all came down to, 8years with no one caring, no one checking on me. Abandoned one way or another. You don't abandon family without saying goodbye no matter what. And in those 8 years so much had changed and happened.

This time it would have to be on my terms, at my pace. I couldn't rush this, my heart couldn't take it. It would take time to trust them again, to trust Edward. To build relationships that were worth having. Was I going to try. YES

Why? Because no matter what I tried to tell myself I STILL LOVED THEM, i couldn't not take this chance.

I walked into the kitchen to find Clara plundering the fridge.

"Clara I'm going to give them a chance, I'm going to go to my medical tomorrow, go to class, and then play things by ear. If I see any of the cullens I'm going to talk to them. I'm going to try and move forward."

Clara turned around and between bites of a huge sandwich garbled out "about time!"

I was in shock, I had expected her to be pissed off for running back to them. I expected shouting not exasperated acceptance like it was inevitable.

"What?" I gasped."

"Oh come on kid, it was a no brainer, you have the purest heart I have ever known. I know you still love them Izz. You're not some stupid kid anymore though so I trust you to be smart about this. ... That and I know if they fuck up again I'll kick their asses." Clara smirked knowingly taking another massive bite of her sandwich.

"Thanks clara, "I choked out.

"Sure sure, but what about Edward?"

I swallowed hard, "I'm not sure, he's not in my class anymore. I will see how things go with the rest of the cullens, I'm sure I'll see him when I see them so I'll wait and see?"

Clara looked sceptical before nodding. "Ok but if you need anything call me, don't tell jake or the pack when you check in with them or else they'll land up here to beat sense into you and for all thats holy take your medicine and go to that medical tomorrow your tremors are getting worse!"

I sighed, "Yes mom" I laughed and dodged a piece of ham aimed at my head.

Monday morning here I come.


	9. Chapter 9

Author:

Thanks again for all the reviews. I know that people have been saying that the story is a bit too angsty too little action but I assure you there will be action in later chapters and the M rating is warranted because of the language, future lemon and violence. Right now I am building the backgrounds, the mystery and bella's forgiveness. I was always annoyed by previous new moon AU's where bella forgave the cullens and was in bed with the Edward by chapter 5.

Reviews are appreciated; they only take a minute and make writing a 2-3000 word update daily worthwhile.

Bella's POV:

Monday morning came quickly. I slept better last night than I had in days. My decision to leave my past there and to attempt to move on with the cullens having put my mind at ease.

I had my medical this morning followed by my Shakespeare interpretations class and I had agreed last night in an e-mail to cover Dr. Mulwinny's Feminism theories class as she was having her medical that afternoon and she had kindly covered for me during the week when I had been absent. The class was simple introductions to feminist theories and scholars so I wasn't out of my depth as my literary interpretations in feminist perspective had given me a solid foundation to use for such basic courses.

I chatted to Clara over coffee about work and bills. Mundane things that were the usual staple of conversation. I reassured her again that my medical was this morning and I would mention the increase in my tremors.

Washington state hospital was a forty five minute drive away and I enjoyed the chance to drive fast and with music blaring.

The hospital when I arrived was chaotic as usual, I made my way to the side entrance for out patient appointments. The usual compliment of people on crutches and in bandages or coughing awaited me in the reception area.

The receptionist hardly looked old enough to drive and to my distaste she had her iPod in as she sat bopping her head, eyes glued to her computer screen. It was only on my third cough that she glanced up and saw me waiting.

"Yes" she said tiredly as she pulled one ear bud out and the melodic droning of heavy metal filtered up to me.

I cast a glance over this youthful receptionist. Her dyed black hair, lip ring and obvious disinterest had me again wondering how exactly such people got jobs dealing with the public.

"Good morning, I am Isabelle Marie Black-Swan here for my medical. I normally see Dr. Mckendry but I hear he is off with personal problems."

"Yeah his wife hit the bottle again." Grunted the young girl and I frowned thinking how unprofessional and disrespectful such a comment was. The girl took in my obvious distaste and then turned her eyes back to her computer, tapping away as she spoke, "Ok I've booked you in, there's a replacement doc on doing the assessments today but he's also on call to the A&E so you may have a bit of a wait. Take a seat."

I didn't reply to the girls dismissal, rather I lifted a magazine and trudged to a spare seat between an obese man and a woman with a hacking cough. LOVELY!

I kept my head down and read an article on female confidence in business. How interesting. Not!

Half an hour later and my quiet morning was smashed,

"Miss, Black-swan. Please" Came the melodic voice across the reception area. I looked up in shock into honey gold eyes shining amusement, compassion and anxiety.

Carlisle Cullen was standing across the room expectantly. Dumbly I closed my magazine and on jelly legs walked across the room to Carlisle.

Guess my resolution to move forward with the Cullen's was being tested.

"Carlisle, Your my doctor for my medical?" Of course he was, the universe was having a great laugh at my expense.

"yes, I'm filling in here today, quite a coincidence. – Carlisles face became worried- If you prefer I can arrange for someone else if that makes you more comfortable?"

I couldn't help but smile, typical Carlisle. how had I ever doubted him. Always so compassionate and caring.

"Of course not Carlisle,I'd be honoured to have you do my medical" I smiled warmly being rewarded as Carlisle's face split into an expression of pure joy. Oh geez.

"Right this way miss black-swan" Carlisle led me down the corridor to a small side room.

"Right Isabella, lets see what we are doing today. " Carlisle flipped though some notes as he entered the office after me. "A basic medical, check heart, breathing, do some blood tests, blood pressure and a quick evaluation of your medical history to make a recommendation to the insurer."

My spine stiffened... oh no. Carlisle was going to see my medical history, not good, Not good! Seems my past was about to catch up with me once again.

Carlisle saw me stiffen and chuckled. "still don't like needles hmm, I'll do the bloods first and have them out of the way. Ok?" I relaxed a bit forcing my muscles to return to rest. I would just stick to my cover stories, oh god I was going to lie to Carlisle. And how was I supposed to get out of a physical exam, that usually meant taking off ones shirt, I couldn't let him see my scars.

I nodded weakly as Carlisle began collecting his paraphernalia and then sat right in front of me. Once again I was shocked at my memories flaws; they had not done carlisle's beauty or gentleness justice. Carlisle began feeling my hand for a vein and I needed to distract myself.

"so how have you been Carlisle?" I wanted to smack my head off the table, what a perfectly contrite question.

carlisle's lips lifted into a deprecating smirk. "Fine. Better this last week than I have been in many a year. I believe the better question is how have you been?"

I smiled at his implication. MY HEART SWELLED. "oh you know, I've been getting by, studying, travelling :the usual I suppose."

Again Carlisle smiled at my vagueness and my, self deprecation, "Yes I hear you have a doctorate in English, with some strong views on the classics. We shall have to discuss them some time. I was very proud to hear you were a professor at WSU."

My breath caught in my throat. Carlisle was proud of me. I don't know why it struck me so but I was suddenly choked up. "Thank you Carlisle." Came my weak response.

"All done there Bella, I mean Isabella." Carlisle cringed as he used my formal name. He turned his back taking the blood samples with him.

I suddenly felt very guilty. This man had been like a father to me and he felt he had to be so formal because of what I had said.

I decided I needed to set the record straight and offer an olive branch.

"Carlisle?" Carlisle look at me please." Carlisle turned around.

"I know why you left now Carlisle. I know Edward lied and although I still find it difficult to accept that there was something Edward could have said to make you all leave, I have accepted that, that is what happened and I must move on. I forgive you Carlisle but rebuilding our relationship will take time. I still love you all despite the anger I feel about how things turned out and given enough time I hope that we can be as we were... one day. So in the spirit of moving forward please call me Izzy, Carlisle. Bella is the old me and she doesn't exist anymore but Izzy is what friends today call me and you Carlisle I always considered a friend, a father figure. So if you are prepared to accept the new me and to move forward please call me Izzy."

Carlisle had looked pained through my little speech, but his face gradually softened. "As I once said Izzy, You have always been very generous with my family and I thank you for that. I am honoured you are willing to try and forgive us and move forward. Thank you."

I stepped forward into Carlisle's embrace, "I have missed you Carlisle," I whispered.

"And I you"

We stood like that for a long moment until Carlisle spoke hesitantly, "when you say you are willing to move forward with us does that mean..."

I stepped back cutting him off, "me and Edward will sort things out in time. I haven't decided when i want to see him again. I can't guarantee anything but given time, maybe. Now what's next Carlisle."

That was the best answer I could give at the moment, suddenly i just wanted to leave.

"Certainly Izzy." Carlisle then proceeded to check my blood pressure and my pulse.

"Ok, that all sounds good, I'll just take a look at your history and then listen to your lungs."

Carlisle moved around to his desk and lifted my thick medical notes, leafing at vampire speed through it.

"I see you are still prone to injury by the thickness of this... –carlisle flicked through the folder his face becoming questioning- I see you weren't kidding about travelling. Florida, Alabama, Russia, France, Ireland, England. You really have travelled a great deal. Did you travel alone?"

I smiled getting my story straight in my head. "No my friend Clara wanted to travel and I decide that I wanted to get out of America before I got tied down with a career, see a bit of the world I suppose. We travelled together.

I completed my undergraduate degree in English literature in Florida first, then went on a road trip across America before hopping the content to France, Russia and Ireland. While hopping across the continent I did bits and pieces at different universities, it took longer, a lot of paperwork and determination but I got my masters in communications and written language. Then I spent time in England doing my doctorate in Shakespeare's work. It was an interesting time, I did a lot of growing and exploring those few years." My smile felt tense on my face.

"That sounds like a lot of work and like it was rather... d- (he wanted to say dangerous I could feel it) difficult for two young girls alone. But very exciting I'm sure." I could see the concern in Carlisles face, if only he knew why we were travelling across the globe. Humans were the least of my worries then. Clara could take care of them with ease.

"Yes well it just seemed to be the thing to do. You know me, Miss responsible. It was well planned and Clara although young, has always been street savvy, she is a strong person. We looked out for each other." Carlisle nodded as I tried to reassure him. He continued to flick through my notes, and as he did so I could see his brow furrowing.

"Isabella why are you on seizure medication?" Carlisles' voice was worried.

This was the beginning of the intricate web of lies. "Oh well yeah I suffer from seizures, but the medication keeps it to just light tremors now, I can drive ok and everything, I just have to take the potassium supplement and the steroid injections."

Carlisle was examining me with his eyes, looking for answers in my face.

"I can read that here Izzy but your notes are distinctly missing the reason for this condition, as far as I can remember you did not have this problem when you lived in forks."

Damn it Carlisle was determined to weedle answers from me. His perfect vampire recall meant he knew every medical treatment I had ever had when we lived in forks none of them for seizures.

"well after You left forks I kind of had an accident. I was hiking with Clara and I fell, I hit my head pretty hard, was in a coma for a few days. When I woke up the seizures started. The doctors found I had, had a small bleed in my brain. It caused some minor damage, but nothing long lasting other than the tremors." I said this as nonchalantly as possible shrugging for emphasis.

Carlisle looked shocked, "You ..You went hiking? Izzy if you don't mind me saying, hiking for someone with your co ordination sounds like asking for trouble. You could have been seriously hurt and we weren't even there to help you"

That hit a nerve, "Well I have actually grown out of most of my clumsiness now but it was shortly after you all left, I suppose not having a vampire there to catch me was just another consequence of you all leaving."

Carlisle looked taken aback, I had never spoken rudely to him and I instantly regretted it.

"I apologise Isabella, that was uncalled for on my part. Now lets see previous medications... surgeries.."

Carlisle dove back into my medical notes, using them as a shield to the awkward moment. Little did he know ,that was the wrong place to seek solitude from my past.

Carlisle's eyes widened as he read and then his face became paler than was even acceptable for a vampire.

"Isabella would you mind telling me why your history notes diazepam, lithium, Prozac and cortazone as medicines you were prescribed and why there are a number of x-rays here which appear to show multiple breaks requiring pinning?"

I sighed heavily... "Your a doctor Carlisle you know exactly what those medicines are for. (Note: they are sleeping pills, tranquilisers, anti depressants and anti-anxiety medicines.) Lets just say I had a hard time after you all left me and leave it at that."

Carlisle paled even more.. he looked like the white wall behind him. "Oh Bella...I'm sorry, Izzy. I am so sorry, I can't even begin to imagine what you went through..."

I cut him off " Thats right you can't and I do not wish to speak about it" my voice was tight, Carlisle hesitated for a moment before nodding tightly.

"And the x rays?"

"I had a bad motorbike accident in England two years ago." Was my quick reply.

Carlisle watched me as though he could see through my lies, I knew he couldn't though, I had become a better liar over the years.

"I had heard you were inclined to ride motorbikes from Edward. From these x rays it must have been horrific. – Carlisle rose shaking his head- hiking, travelling the world, motorbikes? You really have changed Isabella. And that includes your name."

Carlisle looked at me questioningly. "The accident was pretty bad I suppose. And I have changed. I had to." I replied casually

"and your name, that was a reflection of that?" Carlisle just kept pressing.

"That's right, new me, new name. As I said no one calls me Bella anymore and my name Black-swan, it's to remind me of a friend" My answer was matter of fact, sharp. Carlisle must have heard the end of that line of questioning in my tone. I did not intend to discuss the real reasons for my new name, my numerous aliases.

Carlisle lifted his stethoscope and walked forward. "Ok Izzy, can you lift your shirt? I need to listen to your lungs and your stomach." My body froze, my hands automatically holding my shirt sleaves over my arms and pulling my shirt further down.

"NO!" I responded emphatically.

Carlisle's steps faltered as he looked at me warily. "Excuse me?" he said as though he could not believe his words.

"I said no..um I'm late, I have to go, I will be late for my classes..." I lifted my bag and took a step toward the door. I had to leave I couldn't show him my scars, too many questions.

Carlisle grabbed my arm effectively cutting off my escape with his iron grip.

"Izzy is this to do with the scars on your arms, Edward told me about them. Are they from the accident?" Carlisles voice was soft as if he was scared of frightening me.

"I have to go. Please Carlisle let me go, I'm not ready for this, not yet, not now, let me go please." I pleaded my voice desperate.

Carlisle's face was concerned, and confused. Finally he looked at me with the face of a father. Loving and indulgent. "Of course Izzy we'll do this at your pace. When your ready to share things with us we will be waiting. I think I have enough to sign off on your medical anyway."

"Thank you Carlisle. I have to go. I will call you maybe, when I'm ready."

Carlisle smiled. "Anytime Izzy, the whole family is looking forward to seeing you."

I nodded and slipped out of the door. I marched toward my car. I had to go. I had to get to class.


	10. Chapter 10

Author: Thank you to everyone who takes time to leave me a review, they are greatly appreciated and keep my momentum with writing up. Constructive criticism welcome.

Bella's POV:

I was in a daze as I drove back to WSU. My mind in a haze. I had lied to Carlisle about my past. He believed me. He was proud of me. He knew I was hiding something though and he had let me go. He wanted me back in his family's life. He was giving me the time I needed.

I had never been so glad to return to the University. My safe haven. Here I was safe , here things were black and white. I climbed out of my car and rushed to lecture hall 301 to take my Shakespeare interpretations class.

On walking into the lecture hall I stopped and surveyed the room. Edward's angelic features and golden eyes were nowhere to be found. He had kept his promise, he had withdrawn from my class, and he was giving me the space and time I needed to think.

I let out a mental sigh of relief while my heart in contradiction called for his presence. This was not the time to study this emotional dilemma.

With grim determination and professional air I lectured. My voice robust, I focused only on the class, only on Shakespeare. It was all I could do not to think about him. About how we could possibly work, about what I would say to him.

The class ended it seemed in the blink of an eye and I hurried to lift my bags and make my way across campus to the Columbus building, here I was to fill in for Dr. Mulwinney's feminism theories class.

I entered the room without hesitation or preamble calling out "My name is Professor Black-swan I am your substitute for the day. The sooner you are quiet, The sooner we finish and you can all escape to your usual student lives of debauchery!"

My eyes lifted to be met with two pairs of golden orbs. Oh the universe seriously needed to leave me alone. Note to self: never ever do anyone a favour ever again!

Alice Cullen sat 3 rows from the front her eyes locked with mine and an expression mixed between joy and anxiety lit her face. I grunted, well I suppose after my gruff hell the last time we spoke I couldn't expect anymore.

To Alice's left sat the witch goddess herself. Rosalie. She hadn't changed obviously. Still the most beautiful person I have ever seen, her hair blond like the golden sun, her symmetrically perfect face with smoky eyes, pouty lips and high cheekbones all set upon a curvaceous figure any run way model would literally kill for.

Typical the bitch had to be a feminist! I must have whispered the insult under my breath because Rosalie and her damn vampire hearing had heard, sitting up straight giving me a look of death.

Oh hell No! I wasn't some 18 year old kid anymore I had faced death , faced a fate worse than death and then spat in its face. Literally! Rosalie Hale could kiss my ass if she thought I was going to blush and shrink before her.

I squared my shoulders, glared straight back at her with a look that said, "You heard me. So what?"

Rosalie's face softened and I could swear her lips twitched into a small smile. What the hell was that about? Alice had anxiously been watching the exchange, then she smiled a sad shadow of her usual grin and said to Rosalie, loud enough for me to hear, "I told you she had changed"

I ignored that comment. I had decided to move forward with the Cullen's, thus them being in my class was no big deal.

Wrong.

I felt edgy and like a dog put on show to perform. Well perform I did, without further hesitation I launched into full "Professor takes no shit" mode.

I spoke about Frederick Engels, Sarah Moore and Elizabeth Cady. Jumping from one feminist historian and theorist to another with ease while keeping the class's full attention and dismissed in no uncertain terms any student whose attention wandered.

The hour passed in a quick whirlwind of feminist theories and pro women propaganda.

Throughout the whole class Alice watched me with quiet wonder and pained sad eyes. While Rosalie's stare I found much harder to ignore. Her gaze was calculating almost predatory as her full attention weighed upon me.

I dismissed the class and watched as they stormed the exits for a moment before turning to retrieve my belonging.

"Hi Isabella." Came a nervous weak voice.

I turned slowly to find Alice and Rosalie standing before me.

"Hello Alice, Rosalie. Did you enjoy the class?" Came my over casual reply.

Alice's head whipped up staring at me as though she couldn't believe I had been cordial to her.

"uh, yes, yes, you were wonderful..." came Alice's halted reply.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and then gave me a sweeping look, taking in my grey pant suit.

"You weren't bad, at least you seem to have grown a spine although your dress sense still hasn't improved." Rose stated

Alice looked as if she wanted to kill her sister, she dragged in a breath to speak, but I cut her off.

"Yes well some of us don't have eternity to waste on worrying over something so trivial. It makes life more meaningful I find having a time limit, you know a person actually focuses on something as a life work, something with mening. No time to waste on superficial things...or people."

I made my tone sharp and to my shock Rosalie simply replied, "touché human" in a wry imitation of my voice.

"Well I've got to go." I said as silence descended.

"oh really, right of course... would you like to go for a coffee Isabella?" Alice's tone was anxious, I knew she was desperate for some kind of connection. I was all for moving forward but coffee with a vampire. Not so much.

"Yeah , have you watching me drink coffee, no I have a busy evening ahead."

Alice's face dropped as Rosalie watched, looking...annoyed. I turned to leave when Rosalie stopped me, "Isabella may I speak to you please?"

Rosalie had never spoken to me directly other than to insult me, she had never asked me for anything, she had never said please, she was never polite. My mind whirled as I froze, I had a tacit respect for Rosalie, she was the one person I could understand leaving me at Edwards request. She had never made a secret of her distaste for me. I could respect that honesty.

"No Rosalie I'm busy and no offence but I have better things to do than listen to how much you hate me."

Rosalie looked genuinely shocked at my statement but shot back, "I never hated you. I resented you but that's all. Now will you stop being so pig headed and talk to me."

It was my turn to look shocked. Rosalie was always honest; she was naturally blunt so her reply had me genuinely intrigued.

"o-ok. I have some free time now. We can speak in my office.

Rosalie nodded stiffly and turned to Alice. "I need to do this alone. Can you wait in the car please?"

Alice looked alarmed and hurt. She looked between me and Rosalie, then whispered something at vampire speed to her sister before exiting the room without another word.

"Lead the way." Rosalie said, gesturing for us to leave the room. I walked dumbly out of the room and toward my office.

"So what was the pixie pissed at you about? You know that whole whispering so I can't hear thing is really annoying." My voice was curt.

If it was possible Rosalie looked even more amused. "Well now you know how Edward feels about your mind, anyway I hear you and your friend have some language to do basically the same thing. Edward's been going mad trying to figure out what dialect it is. He's pretty sure it's European, old Gaelic or Scandinavian but nothing more precise."

This piece of information amused me, Edward was trying to learn the language me and Clara shared. The sneaky sod. Pity he was on a hopeless mission. Rosalie's pronouncement had pissed me off and it must have shown.

"He stopped when Esme told him off, it took her nearly an hour to get him to understand how you may see it as an invasion of your privacy... And if you must know Alice was just telling me she would rip me apart if I said or did anything that drove you away..well further away from the family." Rosalie was matter of fact but I could see the peace offering in the statement.

We made it to my office then and I sat down heavily. I suddenly felt in no mood for beating around the bush.

"So what is it you have to say/" I said bluntly.

Rosalie smiled openly and sat down.

"You really have changed, grown a backbone at least...I like it"

I smiled wanly, "Thanks, is that it?"

"No I want you to come over to our house, to visit the family, spend some time together."

I nearly fell off my seat. "Looks like I ain't the only one that's changed. Care to explain."

Rosalie's face became stoic. " You think I hated you but I didn't, I RESENTED YOU. You were so weak, so blind to all you were giving up. You were willing to become a vampire to have Edward. So carelessly throwing away your humanity, your chance to have children, a family, a real life. Like you said, things mean less when you have eternity. "

I watched Rosalie's face closely, she was being honest. "but I didn't want kids, all I WANTED WAS Edward, to be with your family, to belong. Your right I undervalued what I had and was spineless and childish but your family would have been enough for me."

"You see you still don't get it, you still don't see what you have, what I would give everything for. The chance to have children, even when I was human it was all I wanted, When I was meant to marry Royce..."

I sat in shock as Rosalie told me her story, as pain, anguish, defiance all flashed across her face. I had never known such horrors as Rosalie or such longing but I could understand pain.

"I am sorry Rosalie." I said after the silence which descended when her story ended. "I m sorry for what happened to you and it's nice to understand why you acted as you did toward me all those years ago. I thank you for helping me understand. But I am not you Rosalie and my desires are different. "

I sat in another moment of loaded silence. Then Rosalie nodded tightly and I relaxed. We may never be great friends but I think now at least we understood each other.

"Why do you want me to come visit your family, why do you care? It's not like any of them have been climbing the walls trying to see me."

Something cold flashed in Rosalie's glare. I knew I had made a mistake in what I had said.

"Don't You dare try to imagine what my family is going though. When we left it nearly destroyed our family. Edward was a mess, he left, he couldn't stand to be around us... he went off and basically sat wallowing, starving in a slum on the other side of the world for two years. Then we dragged him home and he just sat in a bare room barely alive. Esme and Carlisle lost a daughter in you, they loved you and it hurt them. Alice lost a friend, Jasper felt guilty and felt everyone's pain. And my Emmet, he lost something when he lost you, he lost some spark of himself. They all left because they, like me, believed you deserved a safe, human, normal life, something we would all give anything for. They all love you, it broke them losing you. I don't know what happened to you in these 8 years but my family has been in hell.

I may not be your biggest fan Isabella but I love my family, I love my Emmet. More than anything. And since we found out you are here some spark of life has returned to all of them. But your resentment, your distance is keeping that from healing properly. Maybe we don't deserve it but they are doing this at your pace, the only reason they aren't here now trying to hug you into submission of going back to them is because you asked for time to think. For things to be done at your pace. Only you and what you want and you ask for could be more important than what my family needs for themselves!""

Rosalie was gasping for air, If she were human she would be flushed. That was the most Rosalie had ever said to me at once. I was in shock, her words stung my heart and my head as I struggled to process them. One thought stood out, Edward suffered, he left his family, he wallowed, he was broken too. They loved me, they missed me!

Eventually I found my voice, "I d-d-didn't know, I can't... not ready..."

Rosalie cut me off, her eyes downcast, her voice a broke pleading whisper. "Please. Please come see them."

Twice in one day Rosalie had asked something of me, perhaps not for herself but for her family. I could only imagine how hard this was for her.

She had been strong; she had swallowed her hurt and her pride. She had shown strength, now it was my turn.

"O-ok." I said. Slowly hesitantly. Rosalie's head snapped up with a look of such relief and gratitude I had to look away.

"But I have two conditions!" I added quickly.

"conditions...conditions?" Rosalie at first sounded angry and then begrudging acceptance took over her tone.

"The first is that I visit this weekend, You give me your address and I'll drive over. I have too much work on to be coming during the week." This was only half true but I also wanted some time to prepare.

"Secondly, my friend Clara comes with me!"

Rosalie's expression scrunched into one of confusion, "What the human? But we'll have to pretend..."

I cut her off this time, "Yes you will have to pretend to be human, but this is the only way I will feel comfortable to be around you all at least for now."

Rosalie sat thoughtfully for a moment before sighing, "Fine... agreed. So long as you come first thing on Saturday morning."

My face must have betrayed my shock at her having agreed so quickly, Rosalie smiled amused then rose and walked to the door.

"I'll see you Saturday bright and early then.

"Sure, sure Rosalie" I replied dumbly as Rosalie walked out my door.

Rosalie stopped closing my door and said "Oh and Isabella. Call me Rose."

And on that shocking note Rosalie was gone.

I sat dumbly in my chair trying to pinpoint exactly where this day had taken its first head jolting spin which left me with a date at the Cullen home on Saturday morning. Try as I might I couldn't find it. I was suddenly exhausted and just wanted to get home. With all this time off and leaving early I was going to have a mountain of administrative work to catch up on but at this particular moment I couldn't find it in me to care. Home, I thought.

Oh shit, I had just volunteered Clara to spend her Saturday in a house with my Vampire Ex boyfriend's family while I tried to reconnect with them. Clara was my best friend but even I knew her "i'll do anything to help you" comment was going to be stretched by this one.

I better stop off at the supermarket to buy steak to butter her up. Clara rarely ate the stuff(well the good cuts at least considering she could eat 6 pounds of the stuff in one sitting) but it was her favourite food, with mountains of onions and homemade chips. Yep Bribery that's the course I had chosen.

Rosalie's POV.

That had been one of the hardest discussions in my long undead life. I walked swiftly to my red Mercedes suddenly feeling exhausted and wanting to get home.

Alice stood by the car almost vibrating with anxiety and pent up frustration.

"Well what did you say? What did you do? If you have driven Isabella off even further I swear Rosalie Hale McCarthy Cullen I will tear your hair out and burn your Jimmy choo collection.!"

Ah my sister, such a pleasant pixie. I sighed "Enough of the threats Alice, we just had a very long, overdue conversation and now I really want to get home so get in"

Alice skewered me with her eyes before huffing and climbing into the car.

God if I knew this day was going to be such a pain I would have stayed in bed all day with Emmet. My lips quirked, Not a bad idea.

Alice glared at me, making a gagging sound, "Ah Rose, god! now I'll have to spend all day tomorrow shopping" Damn all seeing pixie, can't get any privacy in this house, speaking of which I'll need to start singing show tunes in my head to keep Edward out shortly.

I gave my sister an innocent smirk, "You love the excuse to go shopping all day so everyone will be happy with tomorrows plans."

Alice pouted but it had no force. God it was good to see my sister a bit more lively, and hopefully with Isabella coming over this weekend everyone will be in better form. I was no huge fan for Isabella but I now had a grudging respect for her and she made my family happy. That was enough to make me like her but on top of that I had seen how just the news of her return had made my Emmet more light hearted. The big, stupid, cuddly, wisecracking grizzly I had fallen in love with had started to shine through more in the last week than I had seen in 8 years. For Emmet alone I would beg Isabella swan to come to our home. God love was blind, I wanted to smack my head off the steering wheel, but the simple truth was my family couldn't go on as they had been this last eight years. I knew that and if the solution was swallowing my pride and putting up with the human..well..that's undead life.

We were at our new driveway when I started singing in my head. I pushed the gas going up the drive and then slammed the handbrake coming to a skidding stop outside the houses double garage.

This house bore a striking resemblance to the one in forks. I knew this was no accident, Esme had drawn the plans herself and she wanted desperately to remember happier time.

Alice blurred out of the car dancing into the house. I followed at similar speed.

Once in the hallway I called out "Family meeting, dining room, now!"

I had never called a family meeting before and the confused expressions of my family showed. White blurs from all over the house materialized in the dining room taking their seats at the never used table.

I strode over to the table, I sat taking My Emmet's hand as he smiled at me with his eyebrows knit together questioningly.

"I spoke to Bella today." There was a moment of frozen silence, Alice spoke "Its true Bella agreed to speak to her alone."

"How .. How ..How did you get her to agree to speak to you? I promised we'd leave her alone! What the hell did you say, I swear Rosalie if you.."

Edwards tirade was cut off by Carlisle's interruption.

"I saw Bella today as well. –He smiled- Although she asked that I call her Izzy. She came into the medical for insurers clinic I was running today. She agreed it was ok that I was her physician." Carlisle's face had hardened as though remembering something sad or painful.

"How did you get her to agree to letting you call her IZZY?" Esme looked overjoyed as her voice betrayed her jealousy at Carlisle having made progress with Bella while she still had not seen her.

Edward cut in again, "Carlisle why are you blocking your thoughts" Edwards voice was gravelly suppressing his anger.

"Izzy saw me as a patient. I am bound by patient confidentiality." Carlisle's voice had gone up an octave taking on a defensive edge.

"What are you hiding?"

Esme cut Edward off this time using her motherly tone, "If there is something Bella wanted you to know she will tell you herself. Stop snooping Edward, remember our conversation last night about not invading Bella's privacy.

"Fine." Edward growled out before his eyes swung to me.

"But that doesn't explain why you're Blocking your thoughts Rose. What did you say to Bella?"

Everyone's eyes fell upon me, and I didn't need to know what they were thinking.

They all probably thought I had tried to scare Isabella off, been mean to her or something similar.

Everyone's faces were tense as their eyes drilled into me.

Emmet squeezed my hand, "babe?"

I sniffed in distaste.

"Oh stop looking at me like that, you would think I had just drowned a puppy. If you must know I asked her to come visit us this Saturday and she agreed. I figured if we sat waiting around we would be stuck for another 8 years listening to Edward mope!"

My tone was harsh but my lips twitched. Bet you weren't expecting that I thought.

Six dumb struck vampires stared back at me. One more stupefied than the last.

Then the chorus began.

"What ? " shrilled Alice.

"How?" came Jasper.

A belly laugh and a "woop, you rock babe!" from Emmet

"well done " from an obviously proud Carlisle.

"Bella is coming to visit. Oh gosh I had better clean the house and stock the fridge , oh so much to do!" chimed Esme in an excited voice.

Edward sat dumbstruck before croaking one word, "Why?"

I CAUGHT HIS MEANING, WHY WOULD I TRY TO HELP, WHY WOULD Bella listen to me. The rest of the family became quiet looking at me, every one of them curious as to my answer.

"What? I'm not a total bitch, even I see how miserable everyone has been without her and personally I would like things to get back to normal around here. The dower atmosphere almost gives me a headache. BESIDES YOU'RE MY FAMILY, WHY WOULDN'T I TRY TO MAKE YOU ALL HAPPY?"

I tried to inject as much ego and bravado into my tone as possible but by the touched expressions on my families faces I must have done a poor job.

I sighed, "besides she only agreed to come if her friend could come with her for support or some shit so we'll have to play human. A sacrifice I'm sure you all are _overjoyed_ to make. I agreed and she'll be here Saturday morning." I sneered injecting sarcasm into my tone as a defence mechanism.

Before I could blink, Edward was in front of me. My eyes wide, surely he wasn't about to bitch me out? I thought he would do anything to spend time with Bella.

Edward leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my forehead... what the hell ? Edward barely hugs or shakes hands? My mind cried and I saw his lips twitch, he must be listening to my thoughts. He pulled back meeting my eyes with his golden orbs which swam with unshed tear, "Thank You... my sister" Edwards voice vibrated with emotion, I sat dumbstruck.

Then Edward was gone, I heard his steps on the stairs as he headed to his new piano, his first in 8 years.

Alice and jasper rose and spoke together, "Well done Rose" then they disappeared.

Carlisle and Esme stood at the top of the table embracing each other, they looked at me just as my parents once had according to my now vague human memories. "We're very proud of you Rosalie" Esme said with a smile as Carlisle nodded. They took each other's hands as they walked to the kitchen and Esme whispered everything she should do to prepare for Bella.

It was just Emmet and I alone at the table then, I turned to my husband and was rewarded with the biggest, Cheesiest grin I had ever seen. It was classic and it had been so long since I had seen it my heart swelled.

"What? You all act like I've never done anything nice before!" I said derisively lowering my head. Emmet took my chin with his hand, making my face meet his eyes.

"..!" Emmet said each word so uncharacteristically seriously and then kissed me with such vigour that if I had needed to breathe I would have passed out.

My head spun, the next thing I knew I was hoisted over Emmet's shoulder as he slapped my ass, "Emmet McCarthy Cullen what are you doing? Put me down right now or I swear I will rip off things that won't grow back!"

My voice was loud and commanding but with underlying amusement.

Emmet laughed loudly marching to the door. " I'm taking my wife for a celebratory "hunt" to thank her. I suggest everyone stays out of the woods for at least 8 hours and ignore any loud bangs you hear!"

I squirmed and Emmet laughed all the more loudly and with boyish mischief. His smile so wide his dimples showed. The other occupants of the house laughed and offered their "good nights".

"Emmet!" I chastised.

"You can shout at me later, right now I want to show you how much I love you. Thank you Rosey!" Emmet whispered with love and sincerity.

I would ordinarily have shouted angrily for another while but I had no desire to, I was ready to cry I was so happy to have Emmet back laughing and joking and being the big immature idiot he was meant to be. Even if it was somewhat embarrassing. This is why I had gone to speak with Isabella, for him.

Soon we were in the forest and the trees were filled with shouts of another kind.

Clara's POV:

I came home just after half five, I was exhausted, or as tired as I could be. My muscles ached from working all day to distract my mind from thinking of Izzy and what she had decided to do. I had cast aside my tools in the back of the garage behind closed doors and used nothing but my hands and my true strength. I had lifted engines in and out of cars with nothing but my hands attempting to work out my anxious energy.

I opened the door to our apartment and was greeted by the mouth watering scents of steak and onions.

Oh SHIT! This could not end well. The last time Izzy made me Steak it was because she had borrowed my bike and then scratched it to shit when she crashed.

I was salivating from the wonderful smell. I walked into the apartment to see Izzy standing at the cooker turning a steak the size of an alloy wheel. My stomach growled. Traitor! I thought.

"Hi Clara," Izzy breezed but I could hear the false calm in her voice.

I stood behind her looking at the food. The steak cooked and to the side another pan with a mountain of onions frying in salted butter, turning soft and golden brown.

"Izzy, why are you cooking a bribe that could choke a lion?" I asked in a dry voice.

Izzy, blushed and cast her eyes down. "that obvious eh?" She asked in a small voice.

I grunted.

"Ok well sit down and eat seen as I've cooked it now anyway and I'll explain." Izzy replied.

I skulked to the set dining room table, taking off my jacket and kicking off my boots."

Izzy presented me with a serving dish used for a whole thanksgiving turkey loaded instead with steak, onions and homemade chips. There was enough food in front of me to feed 6 people.

"I have to give it to you, Your bribe looks amazing. I'm glad to know I'm not easily bought at least."

Izzy laughed hoarsely, "Sure sure, dig in." I began eating with relish thinking screw it. I had been eating for about ten minutes groaning with absolute gastric pleasure when Izzy began to explain her day. The further she went the further I lost my appetite.

"... so basically after hearing what Rosalie had to say I agreed to go visit the Cullen's at their house this Saturday. You know I decided to move forward and this seems the next logical step."

This sounded ominous, I put my fork down, "I still fail to see how this involves me or my bribe...delicious as it is."

Izzy squirmed under my gaze, a rare thing indeed. "Well I only agreed to go on the condition that you could come with me." Izzy rushed in a high pitched voice.

Oh SHIT indeed! I thought wryly.

"You want me to miss work Saturday to spend the day with you while you try to reconnect with the Cullen's at their crypt." I said sceptically.

"Yes and don't talk like that. Knowing Esme their house is lovely." Izzy replied bluntly and with a little acid.

"um Izzy does this mean you want me there for you to tell them the truth...am I show and tell." I asked hesitantly.

"No .. NO. God No! I don't want to tell them anything...not yet. They still think your human and they will be playing human while you're there. ... It's just I would like your support, you would be like a buffer , it would help me if you were there and I'd feel more comfortable. Please Clara."

"So they will be playing human hmm..." I contemplated

Izzy saw my plan and cut it off, "No you can't mess with them."

I huffed. "Do I have to?" I knew I sounded whinny but a day with the Cullen's. The Cullen's I couldn't forgive like Izzy, the Cullen's I barely knew.

"Please Clara, this will be hard enough, I know I have no right to ask you a favour. Quite the opposite in fact but..."

I sighed cutting her off. "Izzy you're my friend. You don't need to ask as a favour. If you need this I'll go."

Izzy's face lit up and I couldn't help but pick on her, "But I'll expect you to make another steak dinner Saturday night when we get home AND you do the ironing this week."

"Deal" Izzy said without hesitation... damn I should have played her for more.

"Fine now beat it while I finish this magnificent meal." I laughed good naturedly while my thoughts were distinctly darker: Fun things to look forward to, a weekend with blood suckers. Oh joy!


	11. Chapter 11

Author: Hey everyone, back for another chapter, wow my hands are aching from all the typing. I have 40 reviews now, that's only an average of 4 per chapter which is a bit disheartening considering I have over 50 people subscribing to this story... please people who aren't reviewing, take a minute to drop a quick couple of words. Thanks. And thanks to all those who have reviewed, its because of you I keep writing.

I have a provisional plan in place which sets out the big reveal of what Clara is and the revelations of Izzy's past to everyone will occur after about 4 more chapters. Then there will be the repercussions of that, the knitty gritty of Edward and Bella reunion, their relationship getting back on track(including a lemon..(hey I have to earn that M rating), followed by one more twist and then the ending. That will leave this fan fiction between 20 and 25 chapters. Depending on if I get sidetracked. So from that schedule you can see the last few chapters will be the most intense.

Enjoy.

Bella's POV:

After the whirlwind that was Monday the week seemed to calm down. I saw Jasper on Tuesday briefly during my communications class. Jasper smiled warmly at me and when leaving he whispered, "See you on Saturday Isabella" to me.

I spent the rest of the week catching up on my administrative duties, teaching, answering stressed students e-mails, doing some research for my next critique on Wuthering heights and generally keeping myself busy. The week was as close to any other week from the past two years pre cullen's as I had had and it was calm but strangely it didn't feel enough anymore. My actions felt hollow as my mind wandered to the weekend and seeing all of the cullens again, seeing Edward again.

The week at home had been much the same, accept for Clara's underlying hostility. She tried valiantly to act normal, like nothing was bothering her but I had known her for so long that it was easy to pick up on her underlying distaste and bad humour over the impending vampire visit. I had taken over the cooking schedule altogether this week, in an attempt to placate her and unsurprisingly vast amounts of food had a tranquilising effect reducing her unease.

I understood perfectly well Clara's feelings. She had been with me for the last 8 years dealing with the deadly fall out of the Cullen's departure, dealing with the pain of their absence and within two weeks of their return I was moving back towards them like a moon drawn by gravity. Clara was trying to be supportive but I could not expect her to understand, she did not love the cullens as I did. She was not naturally inclined to forgive as she was to get even. However despite all this she stayed quietly supportive, knowing on some level that this is exactly what I needed.

Saturday morning dawned and I had been up for quite a few hours. When I awoke at 5 am I was shocked to see Clara was gone. It was unlike her to leave the apartment at night, I knew she got bored sitting around most nights as she only slept 4 or 5 hours a week but usually she simply sat watching tv.

In a last fit of bribery I ran out to the local market which was just setting up at this ungodly hour and picked up a few things for a bumper breakfast for myself and Clara.

So here I stood at the cooker when the front door opened and Clara dandered in at 7am.

"Morning, you're up early for a Saturday, couldn't sleep I assume, so eager to enter the home of the undead?" Clara was obviously surprised at first to see me up so early and then her voice turned mocking.

I was unfazed, this was a typical Clara coping mechanism. Water off a ducks back.

"Yes I am actually looking forward to it. Come on and sit down I made you a bumper Ulster Fry for breakfast."

Clara's nostrils flared and she was at the table in a second as I brought her the massive plate of food. "You know what if you are going to cook this much evey time you want to see the cullens I may actually begin to like the puls- less wonders!" Clara shot.

3 sausages, 4 bacon, two fried runny eggs, black and white pudding, vegetable role, beans, fried mushrooms, fried soda bread, fried potato bread, a hash brown , buttery toast a side portion of chips and a giant mug of strong tea made up the massive breakfast. Basically to a human it was a stomach busting, heart attack on a plate. To Clara by the expression on her face it was the most delicious breakfast in the world.

"Yeah well I figured you would be less crabby on a full stomach, eat up. I'm going for a shower and we'll go."

Clara grunted but dug into her mountain of food without further comment.

An hour and a half later I emerged from my room wearing tight stonewash jeans, black boots and my favourite blue and black body armour shirt. My hair was straightened to perfection and I had even put on a little lip gloss. I felt comfortable yet looked good. Ready to see the cullens.

Clara had been washing up and she whistled turning around.

"Well you scrub up well don't ya? Cullen''s won't know what hit them seeing you out of your stuffy work suits."

I had to giggle, "I suppose your right." Come on lets go.

Clara nodded and followed me out the door.

Clara's POV:

I followed Izzy down to the car park under the building heading for her car.

Too casually Izzy said, "So where were you this morning, its not like you to be out unless your clubbing."

I grimaced slightly before I could catch myself and Izzy caught me from the corner of her eye. Ah shit.

"I was uh...just taking precautions...went to get some stuff for a quick feed so I would be on top of my game just in case this little meet and greet went south." I answered hesitantly and honestly.

Izzy visibly stiffened, "So your expecting violence? Thanks for the vote of confidence Clara. Just so you know, I will be extremely pissed off if you hurt any of the cullens."

I sighed, "Yea I gathered that much Izzy" I didn't like being told what to do like a kid, over and over again. I got it already. I was about to make a comment to that effect when Izzy caught me off guard?"

"Do vampires have souls Clara, You'd know right?" My steps faulted, ah hell.

"What vampires I've seen... they did. Dark, disgusting, dying and bruised. But they had them." That was as honest as I was going to be, I felt my whole body tense and tingle I really didn't like where this was headed...

"So the cullens would.." I cut Izzy off. "I don't know Izzy, I never looked and I don't intend to. If they did and they were like the others I would want to kill them to keep them from you and if they didn't then...well what kind of creature has no soul."

Izzy visibly straightened and her pace increased as she moved ahead of me so I couldn't see her face.

"I didn't ask you to look and anyway, the cullens aren't like other vampires. It doesn't matter anyway."

I sighed, knowing to let the topic drop. We moved in silence as we came to our area in the car park. Izzy shocked me as she headed straight for her bike instead of the car.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm driving my bike, I assume you'll take yours, unless you want my car or you want to ride with me?" Izzys's face and voice were all false innocence.

"What's your game Izzy?" I asked even as I worked it out myself.

"Nothing!" she answered too quickly and too shrilly.

"oh yeah so you taking your bike isn't your two fingered gesture to the Cullens after how Edward reacted just seeing you climb on my bike? Besides I didn't even lift my riding jacket." It was true I wore jeans, boots, a white long sleeved top and an open cowboy style blue shirt.

Izzy snorted, "Its not like you have to worry about road rash." Clara stated obviously avoiding my main question.

"So I can't mess with the cullens but you can?"

Izzy's face hardened. "They need to see that I have changed. I thought that you were all for messing with them anyway."

I sighed in defeat, I suppose her trying to antagonize the vampires was better than her running into their arms. "Fine" I let out exasberated.

Izzy got a wicked smile. "excellent, now get on your bike and lets go. Oh but first give me your cigarettes."

This time I stopped and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"huhhh" Izzy sighed "I just want to carry them and then when we get there and you go outside to smoke to give us some "alone" time to chat I'll have to give you the cigarettes, it will reinforce my whole, big girl now, I've changed point! It'll piss Edward off too"

"You know smoking isn't cool, especially when it can actually harm YOU" I drawled even as I handed over my cigarettes.

"Oh shut up Clara" came her wicked response as she shoved the pack in her pocket and climbed on her bike.

Bella's POV:

We flew across the highway on our bikes. It had been so long since I had ridden mine that I revelled in the speed , the closeness to the engine and the road.

My bike was custom made, a gift from Clara on my 25th birthday. I had refused to let her buy me one and with my car I refused to "waste" money on one but still to Clara's distain borrowed her bike for the odd ride. Thus Clara had lost patience with my borrowing and my stubbornness and had used the "I didn't buy it, I built it" loop hole to give me this bike. And what a bike it was? better than any that could be bought. Clara had admitted to spending months buying and salvaging parts from numerous junk yards to build it. The chaise and engine came from Yamahara Japanese bikes, the frame was lightweight fibreglass and the engine had been customised and tweaked to pump out a crazy amount of torque while the body work had been salvaged from numerous Ducati's and repainted a deep dark metallic blood red. The bike was the fastest, scariest, sexiest damn thing I had ever owned.

We rushed ahead on the road, hitting illegal speeds but keeping it below the stupid speeds that only Clara alone could handle so that I, the poor human wouldn't get killed in my attempts to keep up.

Never the less, within twenty minutes belting along at 70 miles an hour we made it to the turn off for the Cullen house. The house was just outside the city limits, at the edge of a national park heading towards the mountains. Typical Cullen residence. Google maps had given us perfect directions to their house and I had the strangest sense of déjà vu going up their driveway. No doubt all the vampires in the house could already hear the loud growling of our engines as we ploughed toward their home.

The driveway lined with trees lead to a white walled and glass house that was so familiar I felt all the air in my lungs wheeze out in shock. Clara in front of me skidded to a stop in her usual fashion while I slammed my brakes and popped a rear wheel lift coming to an abrupt halt.

Beneath my helmet my grin was vicious. I could already imagine Edwards face at seeing my arrival on my "death trap".

The house however did not stir as the cullens kept up their human pretence, waiting for visitors to ring the doorbell.

I leapt off my bike, nodding to Clara as we walked up the front steps to the house across the manicured lawns.

"Deas an eist i teach bhi muid chuaige?" I asked Clara if she had heard anything in the house when we arrived? Her heightened senses coming in handy.

Clara laughed, "Ta. Ta sverna agud mor eistai fianna ee" Yes. Swearing and I heard loud crashing."

I laughed too, "Go maith. Ach na tinneas i gaelic." Good. But now keep your thoughts in Gaelic. was my response.

Clara grinned nodding as I knocked the door loudly. Almost immediately Carlisle answered the door.

"Ahh hello Izzy, it is so good to see you again, I'm very glad you came. –his gaze fell upon Clara who was giving me daggers...oops I should have said I told Carlisle to call me izzy—And this must be Clara, I've heard so much about you."

There was definitely something curious in Carlisle's gaze as he cast an evaluating glance over Clara. Clara I could tell had caught it as she nodded hello.

"Hi Carlisle." I answered even as he ushered us into the house.

"I'm glad you found the house ok, its a little out of the way as before. Sometimes even the postman has trouble finding us." Carlisle chuckled.

"Yes very secluded here, almost a perfect little hide out" Came clara's swift response. I had to bite my lip while giving her a sharp look to get her to stop such leading comments.

Carlisle let it pass, not picking up on her jibe, "Come through to the living room everyone is waiting."

I walked into an open plan sitting area and had but a glimpse of a few pale figures seated on several cream sofas before I was lifted off the floor and swung around in a dizzying blur by what felt like a giant ice cold boulder. "Isa -BELLA!" Came the loud voice of Emmet.

I immediately relaxed into his cold crushing embrace..."Can't breathe emmet..." I squeaked as he relaxed his grip. "Oh sorry little sis."

That did it- tears began leaking out of my eyes as I looked up into Emmet's cheeky face. A face I had missed terribly.

"I'm sorry Izzy, I'm so sorry, It'll be ok, I swear it, we'll work it out. Sorry I got a bit carried away, its been too ..too long!"

I was prepared to be angry at Emmet, to be pissed in fact but I couldn't. I looked at his goofy face, saw those same dimples on this giant bear of a man, saw the tears that could never be shed in his eyes and I just hugged him, "I missed you Emmy bear"

"I know , I promise I won't ever let you be hurt again." Said Emmet. I stiffened at his words and pulled away, "I don't want promises, I have found them to be empty." I whispered but I knew every vampire could hear me as Edward visibly flinched at my words.

Emmet looked at me with sadness but before he could reply a soft voice spoke, "Then let us prove ourselves by actions Isabella. My daughter our actions will prove us" I looked passed Emmet to see Esme's gentle face.

Esme walked hesitantly towards me, she was hunched as though preparing for a strike, as though any words I spoke may shatter her. This woman had been my mother, I had loved her, still did.

I cast a glance at all the anxious faces in the room. They were prepared for an explosion, for me to lash them for their actions. I would have but at this moment I saw with clarity that it was Edward who deserved, in private, the weight of my scorn. These people had abandoned me and it was wrong. A terrible wrong done with flawed reasons but done because of love. Because they loved me enough to give me what they valued most, a human life.

It was wrong but I could see the flawed logic of that love.

I walked to Esme, hesitated for a second and then wrapped my arms around her in a tight embrace, whispering into her ear, "I missed you mom." The room let out a collective sigh at my actions and esme relaxed beneath me a choked sob escaping her as she clutched me closer.

"I missed you Isabella, never again...never"

I cut Esme off as I withdrew from her embrace and said "Hi everyone" to the rest of the room. Rosalie and jasper smiled faintly while Edward and Alice looked pained at my generic greeting.

I noticed from the corner of my eye that Clara was lingering in the doorway of the Dinning room evaluating the scene with calm detachment.

"Everyone, allow me to officially introduce you to my friend Clara"

"Hey" came clara's half hearted greeting as the cullen's nodded.

Esme ever the hostess moved forward. "Please my dear come in and have a seat. any friend of Isabellas is a friend of ours. We have so much to catch up on."

I stiffened at the implied meaning as Clara cast me a glance as she moved forward.

"Hey little sis sit beside me." Came Emmets booming voice.

Clara smiled deviously and then rearranged her features into mild confusion as she innocently spoke. "Why do you call her little sis? Izzy is the oldest person here, and only a few years younger than Esme and Carlisle? Which begs the question, why were you in Izzys foundation class if you went to high school together Edward?"

The cullens froze, Emmet looking guilty for his gaff, I shot Clara an annoyed look,

"Clara druid suas" Shut up. I bit out. Clara looked like she hadn't heard me as she looked questioningly at Edward.

Edward's cool gold gaze lifted to Clara and his velvet voice answered with formal dignity, "As you can see Emmet is rather large so anyone seems little to him. The reference -big brother -was in regard to his size and as for me, you are correct I did go to school with Isabella, I went on and did a medical degree since but have found it uninspiring and I returned to first year to study English this year."

I sagged in relief as did all the cullens to Edwards good cover story. Clara looked mildly amused as she stood. "Oh, ok" she said.

"I'm going outside for a smoke, let you all get reacquainted and then we can decide what to do with the day."

"Thank you Clara a few minutes alone would be greatly appreciated." I answered innocently.

Carlisle looked mildly annoyed, "You really shouldn't smoke my dear, its very bad for you, I could prescribe you some quitting aids free of charge."

Clara laughed hoarsely, "Thanks Doc but I have no intention of quitting right now. We are here for a good time not a long time I reckon. I'll just be outside, would hate to stink up your home with smoke."

Carlisle looked mildly disconcerted, while I tried not to laugh at the "here for a good time not a long time" comment. Ironic as I was the only one aging in this house. The rest of the cullens were giving Clara measured looks, definitely not fans of my friend.

Clara moved toward the door taking her zippo from her pocket and then patting her pockets in an obvious display to find her smokes.

I wanted to role my eyes, Clara called me a poor actress.

She turned nonchalantly and spoke, "Damn I think I left my fags at home, can I bum a few Izz?"

I didn't even look at the cullens as I bent to my purse and hoaked out the pack of 20 marlboro menthol, threw them across the room to Clara and said, "Sure just don't smoke them all ya greedy sod."

Clara laughed, "Love you too, you generous soul." And with that Clara saluted the cullens with the cigarettes and walked out the door.

7 Pairs of golden eyes watched me walk across the room and sit on the sofa.

"You smoke? Are you trying to kill yourself?" choked Edward in an angry voice.

"I should have checked your lungs before I signed off on your medical, really Izzy, smoking?" Carlisle lamented.

I huffed, "Oh please, I'm an occasional smoker, you would smell it on me otherwise. I happen to be a very busy Professor at a major University, an in demand published doctorate in English research and analysis. I get stressed so I have a cigarette when I drink so sue me!"

That was obviously the wrong thing to say, Edward made a growling sound while Emmet whooped, "you smoke, you drink, you ride a kick ass motorbike you rock! Rosalie smacked the back of Emmet's head, "Don't encourage her idiot" came her harsh reprimand.

"Too late this is who I am, has been for years, deal with it." I shot out.

There was silence and I cast a look at an unusually quiet Edward who's face had darkened, he had that listening look on his face.

God but he was still beautiful, being this near him had my body humming as I tried to stomp down my feelings so Jasper wouldn't pass onto Edward how much I want him.

"What motorbike accident?" Edward growled.

Edward was staring at Carlisle. "Stay out of my head Edward" Carlisle grit out.

The rest of the Cullen's looked questioningly at Edward.

"Carlisle's thoughts slipped when he thought of Isabella's medical, her history shows a bad motorbike accident that broke multiple bones." Edward spoke through clenched teeth.

"That is private Edward and none of your business." I spoke tiredly.

Alice spoke up, "What happened?" Her voice held no reprimand just curiosity. I had broken my leg on my bike last year and scratched myself up but the "accident" Carlisle was thinking of was fictitious, a cover for a crazed vampire. I would have to lie and lie convincingly.

I shrugged non chalaunt, "I was speeding, hit a bad corner and took it wrong, the bike skidded so the back wheel got away from me and I hit the metal barrier on the side of the road at about 90 miles an hour, got pinned between a wrecked bike and a metal barrier bent to the shape of my body. Had a few broken limbs, nothing major."

"Nothing major?" Esme looked horrified as she repeated my words.

I wanted a topic change, I ignored the horrified expression in the room , "Well I'm obviously still alive so no big. So what have you all been doing this last 8 years."

Emmet caught my attempt at a topic change and began regaling me with stories. Emmet and Rosalie had taken some time away from the family, they had honeymooned in Africa, Emmet had wrestled an anaconda, but wouldn't recommend the blood. I laughed freely and the room relaxed.

Next Alice spoke about numerous fashion shows she had gone too while jasper rolled his eyes admitting he had gone TOO. He indulged her too much. Alice had also researched her past and had found out a little more about her past. I was shocked and saddened for Alice. I touched her hand gently offering my apologies that she couldn't have found more. Alice grasped my hand and held it like I was a life vest.

Carlisle had worked as usual while Esme had done some design work and most recently designed and oversaw the building of this house.

By the end of their stories everyone looked more relaxed on the sofas and chilled out.

Edward was the only one to not have spoke but thankfully any painful tails he could speak of about my absence were cut short by Clara coming back into the room. The vampires noses visibly wrinkled at the scent of smoke. I smiled crookedly knowing this was Clara's plan also, to cover up the small oddity in her scent that stated she was different.

"You haven't told us anything about yourself in detail Isabella or how you and your friend met." Edward spoke trying it seemed to lighten the mood.

My eyes widened at having to tell how Clara and I met, Clara shrugged and to my relief began speaking, "Ah well I met Izzy on La push beach when I was 16. It must have been November, so a few months after you all left. I had lost my parents and brother you see and was on the lamb as it were from the foster lot. Bunch of ingrates I got lumbered with. I had been on my own for a few months, walking, trying to stay off the grid, I was starving hungry, soaked to the skin from rain and crying. Next thing I know I bump into Izzy there. She's crying too, equally wet and miserable. We apologise and get talking. Izzy was the nicest person I ever met, we became friends instantly, she got me a place to stay with her friend Jake on thw quiet, brought me food and we chatted, hiked, did everything together. Some stuff happened, (nice way to gloss over a vampire attack I thought) and Izzy and Jake managed to get the quiluitte council to manipulate their laws to get me emancipated legally. So bingo, there I am 17, free to get my inheritance and go to school. Izzy and I did everything together, went to school, worked on cars with Jake in the garage I had hid out in, then we started to travel together. I worked and did apprenticeships while Izzy got her degrees. We moved home two years ago, got a place together and the rest is history."

The cullens all looked dumbstruck. They had visibly flinched at Clara's trivial mentioning of her being an orphan, their leaving and my being miserable.

Esme moved to Clara who looked shocked and weary of the action. Esme put her hand on her shoulder and softly asked, "What happened to your family dear?"

Clara shrugged,

"Car jacking gone wrong back in New York. Shot my parents and my brother right in front of me, Popped me too but I lived."

The Cullen's sat silent while Esme caressed Clara's shoulder and whispered, "Oh dear that's awful, I'm so sorry I hope the police got them."

Clara just nodded, "Oh they were punished" Clara's voice was cold and matter of fact. If only the Cullens knew the true ramifications of Clara's family's death, what it had caused to awaken within her once fragile body and the fact that the murderers were not punished by the police. Oh no they suffered a much worse punishment...the touch.

The mood in the room had dipped considerably, and Alice tried to bring it back up. "Who wants to watch a DVD or play Xbox." It was childish but it was the excuse we needed to move away from sadder topics.

Esme and Carlisle excused themselves as the rest of us settled down to play computer games.

The conversation was cordial as we discussed the countries we had visited and the sights we enjoyed. I laughed thoroughly as Clara and Emmet became competitive on some computer game and much trash talking ensued. The whole time I was aware of Edward watching me. After two hours of games, Edward slunk over to me,

"Can we talk?" Came is velvet voice. I knew everyone in this room with supernatural hearing could hear but I just nodded and followed as Edward walked towards the stair case. Without looking away from the computer game clara spoke. "Bel deas me. Tuigann tu?" = You ok? Shout if you need me.

Edward looked confusedly between us and then proceeded up the stairs. "That is very annoying not knowing what you two are saying!" said Edward.

"Just as annoying as when you speak at vampire speed to your family I bet?" was my swift rebuke.

Edward turned shooting me a crooked grin which almost had my knees buckling, "Touche."

"Its an old form of Gaelic, from remote regions of Connaught in Ireland. Apparently its only spoken now by a handful of people. Clara's family were from Ireland originally, moved here for a better life."

Edward mumbled something, under his breath that sounded a lot like, "knew it was Gaelic, can't find the right damn dialect." I laughed because he never would.

We walked down a corridor and then into a room at the end. This was obviously Edward's room, it was massive, A piano sat in one corner, gleaming new, with a bed opposite it and 3 of the four walls were floor to ceiling shelves with only a couple filled with Cd's. The floor was covered in masses of boxes with CD's spilling out. Edward was obviously in the middle of unpacking...how odd, I thought they had been here a while and with his speed he could unpack in minutes.

Edward saw my confusion. "I only started unpacking last week. My room was empty until then, without you I couldn't stand the music or the sight of my piano." Edward cringed.

My heart ached, echoing this all too familiar pain. I turned and sat on his brown sofa.

Edward sat beside me in silence for a few loaded minutes. "Please say something Isabella,, Something, anything, shout at me again if your must please."

I sighed." I'm tired of shouting, of being angry and sad. I want to move forward Edward, the question is do you? Despite of who I have become?"

Edward met my eyes, his hands holding my face as he leaned in, "You will always be my Isabella, You will always be my love. I will always want you. Please let us move forward."

His lips met mine then. The cold perfect stone of his lips moving with mine before I knew it. My blood boiled, my pulse raced, he was delicious. The hole in my chest shrunk with every second and my body reacted to his touch. Oh god in all my dreams I had never gotten the experience of kissing him right.

My brain woke up with a jolt as I pulled away.

"No Edward stop" He turned to a statue, his eyes pained.

"No Edward if I am willing to move forward then this will be a relationship this time, a partnership not some whirl wind of lust. Of springing forward. Edward if we are to work this time I must be an equal and one day I mean that in everyway!"

Edward stiffened but then he spoke, "as you wish, however you wish, so long as you will have me."

It was my turn to freeze. "What? W-w-what? Edward you realize if I give this a chance, if we work I will want to be a vampire one day."

Edward looked at me with so much love I nearly jumped him, "I have existed 8 years without you Isabella, I know how that feels and I will do anything to never feel like that again, even if it means making you a monster. I am too selfish to deny you anymore, in any way!"

Edward was across the room his eyes black with lust as he held me. It was my turn to catch up to what he meant. "You mean... I stuttered.

"I wish to try Isabella. When I have proven myself. I want no barriers between us. " He compounded his point by drawing me closer and I felt him, felt his rock hard length. I nearly choked on fresh air. My mind whirled, my blood boiled.

I HAD TO KEEP CONTROL, HAD TO TAKE THIS SLOW!

"I can't trust you yet Edward, we have only seen each other for two weeks, I want to date, get to know each other again. Do this normally, build some trust." My eyes were pleading as Edwards showed his pain and shame.

HE GAVE ME A CHASTE KISS ON MY FORHEAD. "I WILL DO THIS HOWEVER YOU WISH, HOWEVER SLOWLY YOU WISH TO GO, I WILL WIN YOU BACK!" Edwards words were filled with conviction and love. It was all I could do to not scream "To hell with that take me now" and rip his clothes off.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, "we had better get back downstairs."

We walked down the stairs together and were greeted by the sight of Rosalie and Jasper finishing a game of Chess. Jasper was smug at having won while Rosalie looked pissed. Everyone was gathered around watching.

"You fancy a game, Edward? I hear no one will play you because you're so good." came Clara's voice mockingly confident.

Edward cast a look at my friend. Emmet spoke up, "Yeah Edward give her a game!" He was egging Edward on knowing that Edward could not read the moves from Clara's mind. A fact that the Cullen's did not know Clara was also aware of.

An hour later and all the cullens were laughing as Edward was looking annoyed and Clara was gloating. "Seems you weren't all that after all. Not good at everything are you buddy! Ha ha ha"

Edward looked pissed, "H-H-Ho did you beat me?" It was clearly rhetorical, Edward a brilliant chess player, with over a century of experience had just been torn apart by Clara.

I had to admit even I was impressed and confused as to how this had happened.

Clara stood, "ah well you used logic and strategy mate, but me, I'm pure chaos theory. I don't think too much so you couldn't anticipate my play or strategise a way to win. Instinct and chaos its how I live."

I giggled, noticing the time, "Its coming up on 5 Clara you want to head on and get some dinner.?" I knew they weren't happy as they groaned but the cullens also didn't want to be forced to eat as well to keep up appearances. Clara would have loved to have stayed for dinner and make them play human but I wasn't so cruel.

"Sure sure" was her reply as we headed to the door.

I hugged everyone goodbye and told Edward to call me, getting a heart breaking smile for it. Alice had been quiet all day, watching me and clara interact, I felt guilty. Alice wanted forgiveness, to be friends and I had been blocking her.

I sighed, Time for another olive branch.

"Oh alice I just remembered, I have to go to a dinner dance for the university fund raiser. I was going to go shopping for a gown on Saturday next week. You want to come with me, I think you have a better dress sense than me and Clara combined."

Clara snorted rudely as Alice lunged at me giving me a hug, "Oh yes, Yes oh god yes, I'll pick you, up, I''ll make you fabulous I swear."

I was happy to have made Alice smile, the shopping would give us some time alone to get ourselves right with each other.

Carlisle was smiling, "Well Izzy I'll see you there, I have an invite for that dinner dance. Myself and Edward were going to go, you know make some tax deductable donations"

Carlisle and Edward grinned while I had a dropping sensation at the thought of Edward and I at a prom like event.

"OH great. Well got to go, see you later" I muttered as I dragged Clara out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Author: Hey everyone, I got some lovely reviews this week, thanks sooo much to everyone who took time to let me know what they thought.

This chapter was meant to go differently but Clara kind of elbowed her way in. It seems she wanted her personality expressed. Oh well, seems I got sidetracked but I'll try to focus again. Next chapter the dinner dance!

Bella's POV:

Edward was going to be at the dinner dance. Edward was going to be at the party. Oh hell.

The dinner dance for WSU was an annual event which brought together all the upper crust of society so they could whip out their check books and show how charitable they were. Basically it was a pissing contest in a three piece suit, with food and dancing.

My idea of hell, but never the less I attended dutifully the last two years, wore an over the top dress, skyscraper heals and flattered my way to several rather large donations to ensure my department and my PHD students were well funded for the coming year.

I had always attended these functions alone but the idea this year of being alone at the function while Carlisle and Edward mixed in the same ball room set my teeth on edge. I knew Edward pretty well and I knew my own weakness too, if I was alone and he was alone, much flirting and distraction would ensue and very little funding would be gotten. Well Edward could probably fund a small country with what he considered pocket money but I had survived this annual function without him before and I was sure as hell going to do it again.

However precautions were necessary...time for more bribery.

Clara's POV:

I got home from work late on Friday night. Izzy had been in a spectacular mood since our visit with the Cullens despite some early hesitation and catching her once or twice throughout the week deep in thought and with that worried expression on her face.

In truth I had not seen Izzy this happy in the 8 years I had known her.

This made me simultaneously extremely happy but also slightly jealous and angry at the cullens. Izzy is however the only family I have left and I wasn't going to hurt her by keeping her from the Cullens when it was obviously them that made her so happy. I would support her however I could while being prepared on the sidelines to kill every last vampire with the name Cullen if they hurt her.

The week had seen Izzy come home from work lighter than I had ever seen her. Jasper had stopped after class to chat with her about communication theory and they had even gone for a coffee together. The idea of a vampire sitting down to coffee while discussing academic theories made me want to laugh.

On Wednesday Alice had rung the apartment for a "chat" and her and Izzy had organised their plans for shopping on Saturday. From what I overheard Izzy was at least sticking to her guns and bluntly told Alice that she would not be picking her up for shopping until after 11am. Alice obviously was over enthusiastic and wanted to leave at the crack of dawn for their day together but Izzy had held firm, a fact I was proud of. The pixie needed to learn that izzy wasn't an overgrown Barbie doll for her amusement.

Before hanging up Edward had come on the phone and at first Izzy seemed stiff and awkward talking to him yet after a half an hour they were talking and laughing vigorously. I tried to ignore what I heard with my supernatural ears but I still picked up that they were talking about mundane topics, safe things like books, Izzy's analysis of Shakespeare, what they had been doing this week and Edward's Piano. The conversation made me sigh. It was mundane but made them happy yet on some level they must both surely know that Izzys "take its slow, leave the past in the past" idea would need to end. The fact remained in my mind that they were avoiding the issues of what had happened. For them to ever move on the last eight years would eventually have to be discussed. Relationships built on lies, on half truths wouldn't ever work.

I was pulled from my thoughts as I made my way into the apartment and was greeted by the smell of Roast beef. It wafted in the air making my mouth salivate.

"OH shit" Was my first thought. Firstly it was my turn to cook tonight and secondly roast beef was one of my favourite meals, this could only mean one thing in the recent climate. Izzy was out to Bribe me again and that never meant anything good.

"Izzy?" My voice was low and questioning.

Izzy popped out of her room a shy smile playing on her lips.

"Hey. Um... I won't even lie I have another favour to ask?" Izzy replied.

My mind started racing though all the things Izzy could possibly want, I had already agreed to go to the cullens place with her anytime she needed. Maybe she was trying to get me to look for the cullens souls? Or maybe she was buttering me up to help her explain our true past? No. none of that made sense. I had the sinking feeling I wasn't going to like this.

I threw my work bag, jacket and boots by the door and trudged across the room to the sofa, throwing myself down with a put upon sigh.

"What now Izzy? Can't a gal catch a break I'm bloody knackered." Came my tired reply.

Izzy came and sat crossed legged by my side on the sofa, her eyes focused on her lap as she played with her fingers. Ah hell I so wasn't going to like this.

"I know I've been asking a lot but I have one more small thing I need." Came her hesitant reply. I didn't comment, just raised one eyebrow for her to continue.

"Um well you know this formal dance for WSU is on next weekend and I have to go to schmooze money out of the brass?"

I nodded now totally confused as to where this was going.

"Well you heard Carlisle say him and Edward are going to be there too?"

I nodded again, definitely not liking where this was going.

"Well I figured that me and Edward at a function like that alone might not be such a good idea this soon. You know? And Professor wood has been hitting on me again and all those rich toffs I have to flirt money out of can be a bit handsy... so I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD COME WITH ME?" came Izzys rushed question.

It took a minute for my tired brain to join the dots. Izzy wanted me to go with her. TO a dinner dance to raise money? To a formal event, requiring dancing and etiquette and all that bullshit. Oh and formal wear..a dress!

I jumped up at lightning speed, striding to my room, "Hell no, there ain't a chance that You are getting me all trust up to follow you around at some formal event. Fuck what would all your work colleagues think anyway? You always go to this thing alone, they don't even know me!"

"Clara, please...wait. " came Izzy's desperate voice, no way was I turning around I knew she would have that sad little face on. The woman deserved an Oscar.

"Everyone would just assume you're my friend and really it wouldn't be so bad, we would only stay an hour or two. Go in get some donations, eat some food, drink a bit and leave. You would just be there to make sure Professor Wood and the rich toffs don't get all gropey!"

"Cut the crap Izzy, you can handle those idiots in your sleep. Sure my aura would make them part like the fucking red sea but we both know you can handle yourself against some overzealous rich boys. This is about Cullen!" I said his name as a curse.

I heard Izzy flop back to the sofa as she sighed, "Your right as ever. It's just I don't want to be alone there with him around. Edward would likely take it as an invitation to hang around me all evening and I'm not sure I would be strong enough to resist in that setting."

I turned around to look at Izzy, It was a mistake. She was curled up on the sofa, her eyes glassy with tears and looking very young. Nothing like the strong professor she showed to the world.

My breath wheezed out of me as I trudged over to her, wrapping my arms around her.

"I-I-ITS ok I'll go by myself." Izzy stuttered.

I sighed again, "No you won't, what sort of friend would I be if I let you go alone? Hmm. Heck, It can't be that bad, I'll just stand by the buffet all night anyway." I tried lamely to make a joke as Izzy's arms wrapped around me, "I'm sorry, I swear we won't stay long and I'll pay for everything. What did I ever do to deserve you as a friend"

I shushed Izzy and rocked her gently for a few minutes. "Come on serve me up some of that delicious roast I'm starved.

"You're always hungry" Izzy laughed as she moved toward the kitchen. With that the tension was broken.

I moved toward the dining area but as I did a thought struck me that froze me in place, "oh shit I'm going to have to wear a dress!" My mouth must have been gaping because Izzy turned around and laughed.

Mental note. Pay Izzy back for this.

Bella's POV.

Saturday morning dawned early and I got up around nine. Alice was arranged to pick me up at 11am to go shopping for a dress for next week. I had tried to convince Clara I would buy hers too but I had simply received a curt "no" to my offer. I decided that seen as she was being so good about this I wouldn't push things.

I was watching morning television and eating a bowl of cereal as Clara emerged from her room on saying goodbyes into her cell phone as she walked over to me.

"Who was that?" I garbled around a mouthful of lucky charms.

"Just Sinead and Declan. I'm going over to their place after work and then we're all hitting The LINK for some drinks and a bit of clubbing. I reckon I deserve a night of alcohol and debauchery if I'm going to be tied up at some snooty ball next week."

"Fair enough, there's a bottle of blue label Smirnoff vodka in the cupboard if you want it. You drink that before you hit their house and you'll be more on their footing for going out. Those two really can't handle their drink." Was my casual reply. The vodka was another peace offering as well as a practicality Clara had to take. With her increased metabolism and inhuman constitution the litre of strong vodka was a necessity if she wanted to get the thrill of drinking and to seem to have a normal reaction to her other drinks when she was out.

Clara snorted, "With those two I could drink that bottle, then stay on doubles from the moment I arrive at their house and still be less of a drunk. "

I smiled good naturedly at Clara's foul mood and watched as she lifted the bottle from the cupboard put on her jacket and left for work. I had two hours before Alice was due to arrived so I finished my breakfast and went for a shower.

Alice's POV

I arrived at Clara's apartment at dead on 11am. The nosey security man eyed me with a leering smile that made my marble skin crawl. He rang up to Bella's apartment and within a few minutes she was down in the lobby.

"Hi" I trilled. I was excited to finally have some time alone with Bella to try and rebuild some of our shattered relationship. She had taken so well to everyone else but still kept me and Edward at a distance, wanting to move slowly. I couldn't really blame her, we were the ones who were closest to her and so it only seemed right that our betrayal would be harder felt and thus take longer to fix.

"Good morning Alice, sleep well?" Came her jovial reply as she tried to not laugh while the nosey guard looked on.

My lips twitched at her joke. "Why I slept like a baby. Now come on we have already wasted three hours good shopping time with you insisting on a lie in!"

Bella sighed heavily casting me a dark look and muttering under her breath, "Same old Alice"

"Exactly" I replied as I dragged Bella out to my Yellow Porsche. "You like?" I asked as I ran my hands over the steering wheel.

"It's very you" was Bella's only reply.

The journey to the mall was quiet, Bella played with the radio but we did not speak.

"Isabella?" I hesitantly asked as we were getting out of the car at the mall, "yes" Bella replied.

"I am sorry for leaving you, for not checking on you. But please can't we at least try to have a good day." I knew that my eyes watered unshed tears. Bella studied me for a long moment before sighing,

"No I'm sorry Alice, I said I would move forward but I haven't even tried to talk to you. I have missed you Alice" I smiled at hearing those words.

"Ok then I have 8 years of gift giving to catch up on...lets shop."

"ALICCCE" Came bella's whine. "I need only one dress for the ball, that's all."

"Ok Isabella, but you'll need shoes, a bag, Jewellery and a few other bits too for that outfit. " I knew that while shopping I could persuade her to get a few other little things. I tried to see the future to see what kind of dress would best suit Bella but as was all too common of late all I got was static.

I harrumphed, "What's the matter Alice?" Bella asked.

"I still can't see you in my visions, its taking so long for them to return after not looking for you for all those years. I can't see what dress will be perfect for you"

Bella's POV

I smiled smugly at Alice's comment; I knew that it was Clara's close proximity to me and my life being entangled with her that blocked Alice's visions.

My smile soon faded however as Alice's face took on a mischievous grin. "This is great though, with no visions, you'll have to try on every dress until we find the perfect one.. oh I'm so excited, I wonder what colour we should get."

My stomach dropped at Alice's pronouncement, this was going to be a long day, Bt my answer to her question was immediate, "Anything but blue "I wanted to cringe as I spoke. I would not wear a blue dress. It was Edwards favourite colour and he would think I wore it to entice or please him.

Alice looked confused for a second, before understanding must have dawned and she whispered, "Ok Isabella, no blue."

I blushed lightly but took Alice's arm and led her toward the mall saying "Call me Izzy"

The day flew by in a blink, Alice had me trying on hundreds of dresses, shoes and jewellery. When I found the perfect red dress with a full back and long sleeves to cover my remaining scars Alice frowned, saying it covered too much skin. I raised an eyebrow at the large slit up the thigh and the ample eyeful of cleavage it revealed. I liked it and that's all that mattered so I bought it much to Alice's annoyance but I had seen her buying me other items on the quiet and I wasn't about to let her pay for everything.

Over a lunch break I ate pizza and we chatted about the intervening years, me heavily editing my account and avoidind Alice's obviously probing questions. We even discussed the possibility of me and Edward reuniting which Alice was very excited about. I was more cautious though and made sure she realized it wasn't a done deal by a long chalk.

After dinner we shopped some more, and chatted about some of the hideous clothes people were choosing. It felt like old times, me and my friend, gossiping and shopping.

At 6 o'clock Alice hesitantly asked me if I would go home with her to see the family.

I thought about it for a minute and then agreed. The apartment was empty and Clara would be out until late, I didn't want to be alone.

The Cullen's were all glad to see me, Emmet nearly crushed me with another hug, Edward kissed my forehead lightly and I nearly jumped him again, Jasper shooting me an amused look at me spike in lust.

Esme had prepared some lamb chops for me to eat for dinner and they were delicious. I ate and watched the cullens interact. I had missed this.

After dinner there was more chatting and then I followed Edward to his room where we lay upon his bed watching an old black and white movie. I don't think we really watched it much though. I was lost in re memorising his face.

Edward had since heard from Carlisle's thoughts about the medication I had been on when he left which lead to more apologies and declarations of love on his part as I poorly tried to explain the sense of loss and depression I had felt when he left me. Remembering that pain, the time I spent catatonic and the depression made me remember to be slow and cautious with Edward. His eyes were pained as I revealed this small part of my pain and my history after he left.

Before I realized it was nearly two in the morning and I was exhausted. Edward reluctantly agreed it was time for me to go although I could see in his eyes he wanted anything but. I agreed to see him during the week as I sleepily climbed into Alice's Porsche to go home.

Within minutes we were parked outside my apartment block and Alice was a blur of movement.

"Really Alice I can carry my thing upstairs myself" I Said groggily.

Alice gave me an indulgent look as she lifted up nearly a dozen bags handing them to me and then lifting another dozen from her trunk. My eyes widened not realizing the amount of purchases we had made. "No Izzy I'll carry half. I would carry them all but your nosey security man would flip out if he saw someone my size carrying all these."

I nodded slightly. I had not allowed any of the cullens into the sanctuary of my home yet, it was the one place free of them, just me and Clara. It was I suppose just another step I would have to take.

"Ok then come on ahead" I said to Alice leading the way to the elevator.

I juggled my bags to get my keys to my apartment opening the door even as I noticed the confused expression on Alice's face.

We walked into the apartment and we both froze, Alice sucking in an audible gulp of air.

"Oh shit sorry, Clara!" were my first words even as Clara lifted her head from kissing and sucking on the neck of the petite blond straddled beneath her on our sofa.

Clara's emerald eyes rose to us, her cheeks flush and a languid smile playing on her lips as her companion tried in vain to cover her exposed breast.

A quick glance showed the little curvacious blond was perhaps 24 or 25, 5ft 6", well endowed in the front, with a flawless round face and big blue eyes. Clara could pick them at least. The little blondes denim skirt was hiked up, covering very little and on the floor lay her silver stilettos beside a pair of pink frilly knickers that sure as hell weren't Clara's.

Clara rose as though being interrupted from a game of cards not after being caught in the middle of stripping someone on our sofa and having her devious way with them.

Clara's leather pants clung to her long legs and she rearranged her black halter top. At 5ft 11" Clara towered over everyone in the room yet her lithe, athletic body and young face even with all her makeup on made her look far younger.

Clara lifted the girl's knickers and stilettos and guided her to her bedroom. Once deposited in the room with a few hushed words Clara returned with a devilish grin, "Sorry about that, thought you would be safely tucked up in bed Izzy."

This was an unusual occurrence yet not unique. Clara was supernatural and humans instinctively shied away from her but just like vampire she held an ethereal beauty that made finding bed companions easy. Combined with her skills in bed(supernatural speed and endurance) which I knew from experience, Clara was quite a catch. Although it had been many months since Clara had brought anyone home or stayed out all night so I was mildly surprised.

Alice stood her mouth agape and if she could blush she surely would have been fire engine red. Now I knew what her confusion was as we entered the apartment, Alice was hearing the faint sounds of Clara's activities.

Alice had dropped the bags on seeing Clara and had stood still with her eyes down cast ever since. I nearly chuckled, I suppose being an over 100 years old vampire didn't make a person immune to being surprised. Thank god it wasn't Emmet who had come back with me!

"I see you had a good night at the LINK" I said with definite laughter suppressed in my voice.

Clara smiled widely showing too many teeth, "Oh definitely, its been too long" came Clara's reply as I now noticed her definite vodka scent as she spoke.

Alice's nose wrinkled at the scent and then stuttered, "The L-L-Link?"

"oh my naive sweetie pie, The LINK is Washington's biggest LGBTQ club" Clara answered giving Alice a definite appraising leer. Oh dear Jesus Clara could be tactless when she was drunk.

Alice visibly shrunk, "OH" she said looking abashed.

I couldn't help then but laugh to which I got a definite glare from Alice.

My mind lagging from embarrassed shock began catching up with itself, was Alice surprised or did she disapprove. Ideas about gay people 100 years ago weren't so flattering as now and it was not a topic that I had ever discussed with the cullens. I had never even thought to mention Clara's sexuality...or our one off encounter. That was most definitely something still locked away in the box, "8 year past: not for Cullen eyes"

I was pulled from my thoughts as Clara clapped me on the side, "Right I am going to bed, -winking-We'll try to keep the noise down. See you in the morning"

I rolled my eyes as Clara turned and retreated to her room and her awaiting companion.

Alice looked at me, "You never said Clara was a lesbian? "

I shrugged, "I didn't think it mattered. Clara is just Clara in my mind" I was guiding Alice back to the door to leave even as I spoke.

Alice looked at Clara's bedroom door suddenly obviously hearing something I could not, "AND you travelled with her?"

I didn't Like Alice's tone, "Yes I did and we had _good_ times together" I said it with definite innuendo and even as Alice eyes snapped to mine in question I smiled politely.

"Goodnight Alice Thanks for the wonderful day" With that I shut the door in her face. Let her think on that I thought as I lifted my bags to my room and got ready for bed Hearing distinct little moans from the adjoining room which I dutifully ignored.


	13. Chapter 13

Author: thanks for the kind reviews. I'm glad people are warming to Clara and her mischievous ways. I was going to do another chapter about Edward asking Bella on a date but I know that everyone is looking forward to the Ball so I thought I would just jump ahead and give you all what you wanted. Lol aren't I nice?

Bella's POV:

Sunday morning I had gotten up to witness a messily dressed and red cheeked blond skulk from Clara's room followed by an all too satisfied and smug looking Clara.

Clara spoke momentarily with the young woman at the door and dutifully ignored my jibes and shouts that she should introduce her friend and make her breakfast.

Clara closed the door and walked to the fridge pulling out packets of bacon and eggs. She looked like a breakfast advert: sex hair, long legs, clad only in a baggy Rasmus concert T-shirt. Clara had thrown a piece of paper in the bin on her way from the door which I sneakily picked out. It said: Emma, call me X . Followed by a number.

I sat silently waiting for my moment. Clara eventually sat down with her large breakfast and I slowly folded my paper so as to watch her without distraction.

"You have a good night I assume?" I asked with a smile.

Clara paused in bringing her fork to her mouth and smiled crookedly, "Extremely good night."

"You must have _accidently_ put this in the bin then" I said smugly throwing the piece of paper in her direction.

Clara cast me an annoyed look, "No it was not an accident. I said I had a good time. Doesn't mean I'm going to go looking seconds."

"You are such a bloody player Clara. We're settled here, you could have an actual relationship."

"I am not a player! Come on Izzy don't start this again we discussed it already. So long as I'm not ageing I ain't getting involved. Besides with the Cullens hanging around, the possibility of your past not being altogether gone and me not being human, it's just safer if I don't get involved with anyone." Clara's voice was exasperated and gravelly. She had been smoking heavily last night again.

"Don't start those excuses again Clara. You could age if you wanted to. I don't need you to stay as you are anymore. It's been nearly two years without incident. The Cullens are my issue by the way. You're just using excuses to be a no good heart breaker."

My tone had turned teasing trying to lighten this heavy mood. Clara could age but without a guarantee those hunting me were gone for good she refused to even try. I was Yet again holding Clara back from a normal life. She refused to risk giving up her true self if it meant endangering me.

"Well not being human anymore means I don't have to concede to human principles and morality" was Clara's quick retort as she smiled wolfishly.

"You have no shame" I sighed good naturedly.

"Nope" Clara replied popping the p. "It was hilarious seeing the pixies face though even you have to admit?"

I couldn't help the bubble of laughter escaping me remembering Alice's shocked expression.

"Who knew the century old vampire was a prude. She acted like she's never caught someone at it on a sofa before." Clara continued unabashed.

"Yeah about that, I don't think I will ever be able to sit on that sofa again after last night!" I chastised with mock horror as Clara laughed around a mouthful of sausage.

"So why were you home so late? I really didn't mean to give you a free show?"

"I went shopping with Alice and then back to the Cullen's for a while. Had dinner there and a chat with everyone. Before I knew it, it was the early hours of the morning." I answered over casually.

Clara eyed me knowing "everyone" meant Edward but she didn't comment.

"You OK then?" was all Clara asked, her subtle way of asking if me and the Cullen situation was ok? Was I ok with Edward? Was I close to a breakdown?

"It's all good." I replied and it was.

The rest of the week passed slowly after the weekend. I taught my classes, went to lectures, seminars and did my usual thing. The Cullens had not tried to contact me, either trying to leave the ball in my court or Alice had spilled the beans about Clara and the Cullens weren't happy. If that was the case then I wanted nothing more to do with them.

By Wednesday I was anxious and touchy. Clara finally gave up snapping at me, "Oh Just call the Victorian relic will you" was her ungracious advice.

I hesitantly picked up my phone and rang Edward. He answered after only the second ring. He was by the sound of his voice extremely happy to hear from me. He said that after our talk on Saturday he had wanted to give me time to want to talk to him again. We chatted casually for a time until Edward cleared his throat. An act unnecessary for a vampire. Edward was nervous.

"Isabella You said you wanted to try and do this as normally as possible and it struck me that I had been anything but a gentleman in the past. I have never actually asked you out before. So um- uh well I was wondering if you would like to- maybe-if your free, go to the picture house and a meal...with me of course- uh tonight?"

I was flabbergasted at Edward's hesitant question and also floored by his gesture. He was actually doing this normally, asking me on a date. And he sounded nervous just like a real teenage boy. This combined with his old fashioned term for the cinema, "picture house" had my heart melting.

I agreed and an hour later I was downstairs being whisked away by Edward. We saw some soppy rom-com and then went to an Italian restaurant. Our conversation was companionable and light staying away from harder topics. I regaled him with stories of my student life, my time as a professor and he discussed his new compositions. Inspired by me of course.

Edward did not mention Alice or Clara's little incident so neither did I. The night was lovely. Well almost. Twice I caught Edwards dark eyes looking at my neckline. Ordinarily I would think him thirsting for my blood but I knew better, his dark gaze and hard jaw line indicated he was studying the scar that was visible . Lucky for me he could not see that it spread back over my shoulder and met up with several others on my back. He didn't question it but I felt like him taking notice of it was a quiet challenge.

Then there was the awkward moment as Edward left me off at my apartment door.

"I had a wonderful time Isabella, better than any other in a long time. Thank you for agreeing to come out with me"

I blushed lightly as I stuttered how enjoyable a time I had had. Then our eyes locked and it was like high voltage electricity flowed between us. We stood not inches apart as Edwards Eyes turned black with desire and my heart skipped. He looked down on me like a hungry lion seeing his first meal in weeks. I wanted nothing more than to place my lips to his and let it lead to a haze of lips, hands, naked flesh and pleasure but luckily or unluckily for me the stronger Izzy who remembered the last 8 years reasserted herself. I quickly kissed Edwards Cheek whispering "see you at the Ball" and then slipped into the apartment. I could still feel Edward on the other side of the door as I slid down it. Clara cast me a knowing smirk at my heavy breathing and red cheeks.

Idiot, I should have jumped him my less noble self lashed.

It was too late then and without Edward's touch my week passed slowly except for the brief interruptions of text messages from Edward.

Simple things, "Thinking of you" "I put freesias in my room so it smells of you"

On Friday night he sent me a music file by message and when I opened it the sweet melody of my lullaby filled the apartment.

Of course Clara teased me ruthlessly about how my face lit up and I giggled like a school girl when I received a text message. How I walked around with a constant self indulgent smirk as my lullaby played. It was foolish and immature but was this not normal? Was this not how young love felt, how it felt to be happy? It had been so long I was unsure.

Saturday

Clara's POV:

The week had passed quickly much to my displeasure; it was as if the universe sped up time knowing just how much the thought of the ball was agitating me! On Saturday night Isabella jumped up and spoke, "Right we had better go and start getting ready for the ball."

I groaned as Izzy gave me an indulgent smile. I had seen how happy she was this week as her relationship with Edward progressed, she purposely wanted to keep things slow and I was more than happy to facilitate this and anything that kept that strange new smile on her face.

Like a prisoner walking to the electric chair I slunk to my room to get dressed.

Bella's POV:

Clara had grumbled lightly as she made her way to her bedroom to get ready. I showered quickly; blow dried and straightened my hair, slipped into my red dress and applied my makeup. With my heels on and my small clutch purse in hand I was ready to go. I sat on the sofa waiting for Clara to exit her bedroom after calling us a taxi to take us to the function. I was curious as to what Clara would wear tonight after she refused to let me buy her a dress. She assured me she would get something appropriate to wear but To Clara that could mean anything. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she came out wearing a formal suit!

Clara's door clicked open and she walked out.

I was momentarily speechless which Made Clara stomp her foot, "I look ridiculous, Izzy I swear I will never forgive you for this" came her growling voice.

I stuttered, "N-n-No it's not that. It's just, wow. You look amazing!"

Clara blushed lightly, an occurrence as rare as an eclipse before sweeping into the room. I wasn't lying. Clara wore a formal dress. The first dress I had ever seen her in. It was strapless and skin tight, moulding to her figure giving her curves in places I was sure she didn't have them. The dress was midnight black, with bright red panels on the front and down the sides embossed with lace black roses and black lattices. The design made her seem taller and the slit to the thigh accentuated her long legs. With the high heels, her hair pinned up in a fancy style I could only guess at how she had managed and the dress Clara was an impressive figure. In heals she stood nearly 6 feet 2" tall dwarfing me.

The red in her dress matched mine and the darkness of her black dress complimented me nicely.

"Come on I need a drink or I'll lose my nerve." Clara whispered as she walked across the room.

Jerry almost had a heart attack when we appeared in the lobby and I couldn't help but giggle when Clara picked on him, "Roll up your tongue and mop up the drool Jerry, your married remember."

We climbed into the taxi and within fifteen minutes were at the Hilton hotel. We stepped out and linked arms walking in together. The ball was in the main function room on the ground floor. The room was set up with numerous tables surrounding a large dance floor. A three piece orchestra played delicately in the background. The tables were stacked with numerous types of finger foods and deserts while smartly suited waiters glided around the room with flutes of champagne. Upon entering the room I immediately plucked two flutes for myself and Clara.

"Come on, seen as we have to be here and we're not driving let's see how much of this stuff we can drink" I whispered handing Clara the glass. My eyes popped as I saw Clara take the glass and then lift a perfume bottle from her bag and pour some of its contents into her glass.

"What are you doing?" I whisper shouted.

Clara gave me a withering look.

"It's vodka. Come on Izzy! I could stay here all night drinking this free champagne but I may as well drink water. It's got no kick, I'd burn it off as quick as I'd drink it! If I want to keep up with you I need to add a little extra and no offence but I ain't paying hotel prices for a poxy shot of vodka." Was Clara's all too matter of fact response.

I sighed knowing it to be true. I couldn't really blame Clara. I needed liquid courage to be here and to give Clara shit after I forced her to come would be so unfair.

"Fine" I sighed. "But if you want a proper drink I'll buy it, It was me who dragged you here and I'd prefer you not get kicked out because you smuggled drink in like a high schooler at prom."

Clara cast me an amused look that said she wouldn't mind getting kicked out to escape but nodded all the same.

"Right, you hit the buffet while I try and schmooze some money out of some of those business types over there. I'll be back in a few minutes and then we'll grab another drink."

Clara dutifully nodded and then disappeared in a snake hipped stride across the room.

I introduced myself to the business men. All here looking for scholarships to back. They weren't really generous, they just wanted the tax deductible that charitable donations gave their companies as well as a good PR opportunity. Well that's where I came in, a beautiful professor willing to pose for photos and offer quotes of how thankful we were.

After 20 minutes I had given my name and number to three of the men who all seemed enraptured by my laughing at their jokes, fluttering my eyelashes and promising how good the publicity would be for their companies. If I was lucky one of them would actually make a donation.

I wanted to escape but was being held up as I tried not to gag as some idiot from an insurance company stood closer to me talking to my breasts about donating a few poxy thousand.

My skin was crawling as my gaze swung around looking an escape. At then I spotted Edward across the room. His eyes were black and his fists clenched. Carlisle was furiously whispering to him. I could only imagine what disgusting thoughts this worm was thinking to piss Edward off.

Edward took a step forward as though to come over and interrupt us but he froze just as a slender arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to a tall feminine body.

"Sorry buddy but my date here needs to get some food. Please excuse us" Came Clara's gravelly voice, a subtle threat lacing her words. A steel sword beneath silk, as she gazed at the disgusting man.

Edward's eyes bugged as he watched Clara and heard her speak. I quickly cut my gaze back to the snivelling excuse of a man in front of me. The Insurance Broker at first looked like he wanted to tell Clara to fuck off but in the next second he shrunk back, Clara's inhuman aura reaching his alcohol fogged brain. The man paled slightly as Clara's green eyes bored purposefully into him. He took a step back, "Oh b-but of course." He stuttered before nearly tripping in his haste to escape.

Clara released me from her hold but kept her arm casually around my waist.

"Thanks Clara, he was a sleaze" I said gratefully.

Clara snorted, speaking in a low whisper "Don't know how you do this alone every year. Anyway it wasn't a completely selfless act. Edward looked like he might cause a scene unless I intervened; besides you owe me a drink."

I smiled and nodded as we moved to the bar. I lifted some crab cakes and ate them in one bite. I moaned in pleasure, they tasted so good.

Clara to my side laughed lightly, "Good?"

I nodded, "Didn't you try any?" Clara shot me a condescending smirk, "I ate a tray of nearly everything, had to keep moving around from table to table so no one noticed. I stopped though; have to leave some for the mortals"

I gave her a sharp look as we got to the bar and I ordered, "Bottle of cider and a triple grey goose vodka straight please. Oh and a packet of peanuts for my gluttoness friend"

Clara shot me a look as she took her drink, sipping the throat stripping vodka like it was water.

I smiled good naturedly as we turned around with our drinks surveying the room from our vantage point at the bar.

My arm was suddenly touched by a clammy hand, "Hello Professor Black-swan. Enjoying your evening?" Came the overly enthusiastic voice of Professor Wood. I did not fail to notice that his hand remained on my arm.

"Good evening Professor Wood. Yes the evening is going well. I hope to get enough donations to support my PhD students for years to come." I answered with a false smile keeping the topic on work.

Professor Wood smiled back moving closer. "You look ravishing and from what I saw of you with those business men you will have no problem getting plenty of donations!" His eyes wondered appraisingly over my body and I wanted to slap him. Enough already!

Clara had leaned casually against the bar watching the exchange with a devious smirk. I cast her a cold look to which she innocently raised her eyebrows a fraction.

"Oh Professor, I would like to introduce you to my guest this evening. This is my friend Clara."

Professor Wood looked momentarily surprised when I said I had brought a guest this evening. A change in my loner MO indeed. His face went from shock to disbelief as his eyes found Clara who offered her hand to shake.

"Charmed, I'm sure." Clara drawled sarcastically taking Mr. Wood's hand. His gaze swept hungrily over Clara as she towered over him. Ah what a shmuck. He was going to regret that.

Mr. Wood smiled, "A pleasure. It's nice to finally meet a friend of Professor Blacks. And one so beautiful too."

Clara's smile turned into something more sinister as Mr. Wood's gaze lingered on her body. Clara's hand constricted a fraction on Mr. Woods and I saw his smile falter as he flinched. Clara could turn his hand to mush if she really wanted to but I knew she was merely making a point. Mr Wood's eyes met Clara's and for a moment fear lingered there as his subconscious registered that Clara was not just some beautiful woman.

Clara released Mr Wood's hand and he stumbled back stuttering, "Excuse me I must go to the rest room."

I held back my giggles as Mr Wood turned to leave. "Of course" I trilled insincerely.

Clara cast me a devilish smirk.

"That was rude" I whispered.

"That was fun" Clara shot back and I couldn't help the twitch of my lips.

We stood drinking for another few minutes surveying the room. I had lost track of the Cullens.

I sighed, "I better go circulate and try to squeeze some more donations I sighed." Clara cast me a sympathetic smile before nodding. I downed my cider, setting the bottle on the bar and lifting a much more ladylike flute of champagne from a passing waiter.

I strode across the room to a group of donees I recognised. They were what Washington considered, "old money," the upper crust of society here who donated annually to see who could outdo who in the generosity stakes..

I sashayed over to a small knit group of men and their wives and began chatting. Telling them how helpful their previous donations were, what they had done and why donating again to the English department would be helpful. I flirted shamelessly with the men and even a few of the women. Being assured a few donations in the process and sidestepping offers for dinner.

Suddenly my spine tingled and I did not even need to turn around to see Edward was there. He glided into the group I was schmoozing. The ladies and the men giving the Adonis before them, side way glances.

"Excuse me" Edward interrupted in his velvet voice. I could hear the underlying tension though. "I am Edward Cullen. My father is Dr. Cullen and share holder in a number of multinational companies. I would like to speak to you on his behalf about making a rather substantial donation."

The "old money" stared at Edward. He stared back and his natural vampire Aura made their gazes drop as they quickly made excuses, promised donations and left us alone.

"What are you doing?" I asked between gritted teeth.

"What am I doing? You are the one near prostituting yourself for their money. If you need funding Isabella you know I will give you as much as you need!" Edward's words were sharp and curt.

I was insulted, hurt. "Prostituting myself?" I repeated. Edwards jaw softened and his eyes widened as he heard his tactless word back.

"No...I" He tried to explain but I cut him off.

"I am working Edward, doing what I have done for two years in your absence. This is my job and none of your business. What do you think? You can donate a load of money and buy me? I don't want a single cent from you! I can do this myself."

Edward looked horrified. "No it came out wrong, I would never try to buy you, it's just, you can't hear their vile thoughts about you, I just want to protect you..."

"yes well we know how well your protecting me works don't we?" I spat interrupting him. Edward flinched at the reference to his leaving, and then straightened looking over my shoulder.

"I'm here to do the protecting tonight. I'll get a big stick to beat off the handsey males" Came Clara's amused voice from behind me.

"Hello Clara, yes I saw you intervene earlier. Isabella did not say she was bringing you as her guest" Edward replied curtly.

I did not need to turn around to see the smirk that was on Clara's face as she spoke with a fake innocent tone, "Hello Edward. Yes well Izzy needed a date she could trust to protect her from some of the less stand up attendees of this fund raiser."

I wanted to turn around and slap Clara, she used the term date twice tonight and was using it now on purpose to hurt Edward.

I gritted my teeth for a moment as I saw Edwards eyes darken. He was angry, hurt and by the pulling together of her eyebrows I could tell he was confused.

Before I could comment I was being propelled forward as Clara spoke, "Shall we dance?"

We were on the dance floor in a second and I was held tightly in Clara's embrace. My body naturally fell into step with hers as we moved across the dance floor to slow music, Clara's left hand lay low on my hip, while her right hand was splayed lazily across my shoulder blades holding me closer. I matched her hold and we began moving across the floor in slow sensual movements.

I could feel the eyes of Edward, strangers and my colleagues upon me but I tried to keep my gaze locked with Clara's as her eyes danced mischievously. I didn't even want to consider what the audience were thinking seeing us together dancing . I had in two years never attended any function with a guest. I had never spoken of or even hinted at a relationship of any kind and now here I was held close to Clara's tall striking frame. Jesus Edward was probably listening to all sorts of vulgarity as they speculated on my guest. Perhaps bringing Clara was not such a good idea.

"Clara, Cad'e an é?" –what was that?_- I asked in a whisper between gritted teeth.

"Ta me metra é" – I was messing with him- came her quick reply.

I growled lowly and Clara laughed in my ear as she bent down whispering, "Come on it was funny. I heard what he said, he has to see he can't control everything around him especially you."

I gave Clara a harsh look but kept my mouth shut. It was true, Clara was messing with Edwards head on purpose but I couldn't really blame her. It was mean but I couldn't help but restrain a laugh at thinking of Edward pulling his hair out in frustration.

"Right well I've got to go try and rustle up some more money, can I trust you to be left alone for a little while? Once I'm done we can get the hell out if here." I gave her a stern look.

Clara gave me an innocent look and twirled me off the dance floor, I wanted to groan out loud at the looks I was getting from the other patrons of the ball.

"Good luck.." came Clara's mischievous voice as I headed toward another group of people.

Clara's POV:

I was struggling to keep my laughter at bay as Izzy marched off in a huff towards another group of wealthy idiots.

I just couldn't resist playing Cullen. Knowing that his sister would have told him about my antics, the word date was bound to be playing in his head. He was just too easy. It was petty but in my mind after what he put Izzy through any small torture was warranted.

I headed to the bar for another drink, ensuring I could see Izzy at all times.

"Quadruple grey goose vodka mate, and don't even think about asking for my ID again I showed it to you not 5 minutes ago." The poor bar tender shrunk away from my emerald gaze. Within a couple of minutes I was sipping a tall glass of ice cold smooth vodka. Delicious.

"You should go easy on that or you will be getting scrapped off the floor shortly." Came a smooth but sharp voice. I cast my eyes to my right to see Edward pretending to drink a flute of champagne.

I snorted in a very unladylike manner, "Trust me Cullen me and Izzy can handle our drink."

Cullen cast a dark look in my direction, he was quiet for a moment watching me and then followed my gaze toward a group which was laughing lightly as Izzy charmed the cheques right out of them.

"I will admit you are a good friend to her. I'm glad she has you to protect her." Edward spoke with no hint of insincerity.

I glanced to him quickly. "Yes well I've been protecting Izzy for 8 years, she's family now."

Edward flinched at my reminder that I had been there when he had not. His eyebrows furrowed and he was quiet for a minute. I could only assume he was trying to get inside my head again.

While he was quiet I took out a cigarette and lit up. I took a long drag before exhaling slowly watching Edward cringe at the smoke before I spoke.

"Is there something you want Edward or are you just here to compliment me for being there for Izzy when you weren't?"

Edward's face hardened, looking around. "Do you know what everyone is saying about you and Isabella?"

I turned to fully face Edward taking a long drink of my vodka.

"I can't say I do, not that I would care." I replied casually. I knew where this was heading.

"They are saying you and Izzy are a couple." Edward shot back. I didn't reply, didn't let my expression change, just inhaled my cigarette and watched Cullen with an intensity no human could match.

Edward looked away making my lips quirk as he spoke, "Well, what do you have to say about that?"Edward's voice was tight and angry.

I took another drink. "Well, since you left, Izzy has kept to herself. I am about the only friend she has allowed in. In the two years Izzy has gone to this event and others like it she has never brought a guest. Then we dance together so I suppose people assume." I shrugged uncaring.

"So you are together. That's why she was putting me at a distance on Wednesday. She has moved on." Edward sounded pained, his shoulders hunching as he almost curled in on himself.

I had to laugh, this idiot thinks the reason Izzy is so hesitant with him is because of me. "Would that bother you Edward, if Izzy was with me?" I asked coldly when I stopped laughing.

"yes. Isabella is my life. I love her. I suppose she would be better away from me but I could offer her just as much as you could." Edward answered swiftly his eyes burning into me. I assumed his comment was in relation to children, a fact he was unaware I would guess at. Edward saw me as just illogical an option as him. Absurd!

"However you make her happy. I see she loves you, she trusts you. I want her to be happy and if you are that happiness I will not stand in the way."

I raised my eyebrow at this declaration. "You couldn't stop Izzy even if you wanted to. As you should know she's stubborn." I sighed, Edward genuinely cared for Izzy, I couldn't let him give up on Izzy because of me. It was time to set the record straight.

"Edward I am assuming your sister told you about seeing me on Saturday night?" Edward nodded stiffly. "Do you really think Izzy would want me if I was cheating on her?" I asked trying to get Edward to see the obviousness of his mistake.

"I,don't ...I thought m-maybe" Edward stuttered.

I smiled condescendingly. "Edward I am a lesbian but that doesn't mean I jump the bones of every girl I meet. Izzy and I live together, we are friends, she is my family. That is all now."

Edward looked relieved, then his head snapped up, his eyes focusing on me, "NOW?" he asked sharply.

Ah he was quick. "You were gone for a long time Cullen. I was with Izzy for a long time, through hard times and a lot of pain. That bonded us in a way you can't imagine. We had one night together nearly two years ago. I won't lie, it happened and it was spectacular. But I'll tell you this now, despite the fact I don't think you deserve it.

Izzy has never been with anyone other than me, she has trusted no one else, loved no one else. She was sort of just existing until you returned. Izzy suffered in ways you can't imagine when you left Edward. It's her pain, her fear of losing you again, her remembering the past she suffered through that makes her hesitant to trust you again. Izzy loves you but it will take time to get a true relationship going. When you left it broke something in her, you will have to give her time."

Edwards mouth gaped at my speech, he looked like a fish out of water, "You were with Isabella." Edward looked angry, he looked pained. What a self centred dick, out of everything I had said thats all he picked up on.

"Yes Cullen, me and only me. It's a miracle that is all. What did you expect her to do? Hmm. Curl up and die when you left? Be celibate for life mooning over you like an angsty teenager? Grow up Edward, adult relationships aren't virginal matches of love like in books. Does it really matter, she loves you, you idiot. Do you have the patience and love to want it to work?"

"Of course" Edward answered immediately standing straighter.

"Good" I said finishing my drink and stepping away from the bar. "I better go recue Izzy, it's time we were leaving. It was good to speak to you. "

Edward nodded dumbly; I assume still processing what I said. I stopped mid step turning around and leaning toward Edward, fixing him with my emerald eyes.

"Oh and Edward" I said, my voice becoming low and steely. "She loves you so If you hurt her, this time there will be nowhere on earth to hide. I will make you suffer."

Edward looked at me dumbly, probably amused a human was threatening him, but then his posture changed, my unnatural aura showing through making him uncomfortable. On some subconscious level he understood I could make good on my threat. Edward nodded looking shocked he had and then I turned on my heal, leaving the dumbfounded vampire heading to get Izzy and go home.


	14. Chapter 14

Author: Sorry about the delay, I was in the process of working on some other material and I have been trying to get this story added to twilighted but my punctuation is a big issue so I have had to go to Project team beta for some help. Those people are brilliant. My re-edited chapter one has been posted here so you can have a look at it. Also in the coming days I hope to get accepted on twilighted. I'll keep you informed. Thanks as always to those who take the time to review and please continue to do so.

Chapter 14

Bella's POV:

The ball was exhausting. After Clara recued me from another bunch of idiots we danced again and had another few drinks before leaving early. It did not escape my notice that Clara was quieter than usual and had lost her teasing edge. This coupled with the noticeable absence of the Cullens had me suspicious yet there was nothing I could do at the time. We arrived back at the flat around 1am and after a quick nightcap we retired to bed.

Sunday passed in a lazy fashion, I slept in until late and then much to Clara's amusement spent the rest of the day lounging around the apartment nursing my hangover. Clara disappeared a few times to run some errands of her own, leaving me to force my tired body to do some work, reviewing essay plans from some of my few overzealous students.

On Sunday night my phone buzzed and I was pleased to see it was a text from Edward,

"Isabella, you looked stunning last night. Please accept my apologies for my rudeness. It would please me and my family very much if you would come for dinner at our house tomorrow night around 6. Clara is welcome of course. Please?"

I couldn't help but smile, at the pleading text or at Edwards's obvious peace offering by extending the invitation to Clara. Perhaps he finally understood that having Clara close by made me more comfortable.

When Clara returned home I relayed the message to her.

"I'll go if you want me to. Can't be that bad if I'm getting fed at least. It'll be funny to see them trying to eat too." Was Clara's laid back response.

I was shocked, expecting at least some groans of protest or some dismay at attending the Cullens again. My thoughts must have shown on my face because Clara laughed and replied.

"Hey I'm going soft, I've seen how happy they make you and that's all that matters to me. Besides I'll feel more comfortable if I'm close by in case you need me."

I was touched by Clara's continuing selflessness to help me. I gave her a quick hug before a wry smile took over my lips, "You can even tease Alice if you want although after my comment to her and your performance at the Ball I would expect us to get a few digs from Emmet at least in an attempt to ferret out the truth."

Clara looked guilty as she walked to the fridge, "I would count on it actually." Was her soft reply.

"_Clara?"_ came my reply.

Clara had the decency to look a little ashamed and guilty, "I um maybe confirmed our history in pretty certain terms when I bumped into Edward."

My mouth dropped open as I lifted a pillow and burrowed my head into it.

"Hey don't worry I made sure Edward knew it was in the past, I swear. Come on Izzy we both know it would have taken you an age to tell him and now he knows and it obviously doesn't matter."

I eyed Clara with drawn brows and a childish pout before huffing and going to my room.

Monday:

Clara's POV:

Monday passed slowly as I looked forward to dinner at the Cullens. However I couldn't help the butterflies in my stomach. Would it really be like Clara said? Would my past really not matter to Edward?

I taught my tutorial classes in a daze and before I knew it I was rushing to get home to change and have a shower.

When I went into the apartment Clara was lying on the sofa watching TV in some jeans and a t-shirt.

"What are you doing home?" I asked in a shocked voice.

Clara snorted, "Oh so you're talking to me now? " It was then, my turn to look embarrassed and guilty. After Clara's little revelation on Sunday night I had childishly refused to speak to her since.

Clara sighed, "I came home early from work, figured I better be here if you wanted me to come tonight."

I smiled faintly, "Thanks Clara and sorry." I whispered as I hugged her.

Clara swatted my ass, "Hurry up and get a shower and change then. This vampire better be as good a cook as you claim, cause I am starving!"

I laughed and hurried into my room.

At six o'clock on the dot we pulled up in my black and red Chevy. I think the Cullens by now realized I had changed so the bikes weren't necessary, plus I had no inclination to get soaked in this rain.

We approached the door and it opened to reveal Alice, her smile glowing as she danced aside to let us enter the house.

"Hello Alice, it's lovely to see you again!" I gushed as I was wrapped in her stony embrace.

"Hi Izzy" She crooned back as we walked toward the open plan living room where the rest of her family sat. Alice pivoted in full view of the room spinning to face Clara.

"Oh and it's nice to see you too Clara. Especially now that you are fully dressed and alone." Alice smiled slyly as my mouth fell open.

The elf was making a joke about it!

Before I could bite out a scathing response Clara coolly replied while appraising Alice openly,

"It's always a pleasure to see someone as cute as you Alice, although I can't say the circumstances are as fun as our last encounter. Your mouth looks much sweeter in that smile than hanging open in shock however."

Alice's tinkling laughter rose along with a booming guffaw from Emmet. "Well it's been quite a while since I walked in on anyone quite like that so forgive my goldfish out of water look." Alice chirped smiling and laughing.

I was blushing lightly as we entered the sitting room and Jasper possessively pulled Alice onto his lap on the sofa, giving, what I can only assume was a challenging look to Clara.

"Hello" I said faintly waving to the room. Edward , Jasper and Alice sat on the sofa while Emmet and Rosalie where curled up on the floor playing a video game. I took a seat with Clara in the loveseat at the top of the room.

"Hey little sis, want to race?" Emmet asked pointing to the cars whizzing by on the television.

I shook my head shyly even as Clara spoke, "I'll happily beat your ass again Emmet."

With that the two were off in their own little world taunting each other merrily.

"I hear you were stunning at the ball Izzy, charming money left and right." Beamed Alice.

I cast a dark look at Edward, "yes well I did raise quite a bit of money from the ball. Got lots of donations coming in. I was told by Mr. Wood my department got the most. Thanks in no small part to an anonymous million dollar donation. It will keep my department well financed for years. I really do wonder who it was?" I said, skewering Edward with my gaze as the sarcasm rang out of my words.

Edward shrugged innocently, "You were so dazzling who wouldn't donate to anything you want?"

I harrumphed good naturedly but let the topic drop, not wanting another argument. "Where's Esme and Carlisle?" I asked.

"Oh Carlisle is working late while Esme is in the kitchen cleaning up our plates. We all ate earlier but we kept food for you and Clara." Jasper smoothly replied with a smile.

So this was their way of getting out of eating. I cast a look back at Clara whose eyes met mine in understanding.

"Oh, how sad you couldn't wait to eat with us." I drawled back as Jasper's smile grew.

"Quite the shame darlin'" Jasper said with a false look of regret.

Just at that Esme breezed into the room from the kitchen,

"Oh hello Izzy, Clara. So nice of you to stop by. I made a roast sirloin with all the trimmings for the kids. We had our dinner not long ago I'm afraid. Do you want to eat at the dining table or I can bring it in here on trays if you would prefer?" Esme spoke every ounce the concerned mother.

"It would be nice if you ate in here, that way we could chat and watch Clara beat Emmet again."Edward said. I nodded smiling and thanking Esme as she disappeared into the Kitchen.

Not a full minute later Esme returned carrying two trays with plates loaded up with roast sirloin, carrots, peas, broccoli, gravy, homemade roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings. I inhaled the delicious scent as I raised my eyebrow at Esme's less than human appearance carrying the trays, one on each hand.

Clara thrust her controller at Rosalie whose face looked like she had been sucking a sour lemon. Clara moved across the room sniffing the delicious scent and then took the tray with wide eyes, "Wow, this smells fabulous. Izzy said you could cook Esme but this looks immense."

Esme beamed with pride and smiled, "Well I love cooking, there's a load more in the kitchen if you want extra."

I had to beat back the chuckle knowing Esme had probably cooked enough for a whole family.

Clara sat on the floor watching Emmet try to beat Rosalie around the track. I tucked into my amazing dinner and soon me and Clara were groaning in pleasure at the wonderful food. The roast was perfect. It was melt in your mouth quality, cooked to perfection.

Esme returned looking very pleased with herself as we ate hungrily. "What would you like to drink dears, I have water, apple juice..."

Clara interrupted, "Any chance I could have a beer or something Miss Cullen. Izzy is driving and I had a hell of a long day."

I cast Clara a dark look but she just shrugged looking innocent. I could hardly believe it, Clara was asking a vampire for a drink!

Edward intervened, "We don't have any vodka but I did get some Magners cider. I noticed you were very keen on it." Edward looked smug as Clara looked shocked. Magners or Bulmers was our favourite cider. We had developed a taste for it in Ireland but only the most top end bars or hotels in America stocked it. God only knew what kind of trouble Edward went to, to get it."

"You could even have one if you want Isabella. It alone shouldn't affect your driving." I nodded dumbly as Edward moved lithely to the kitchen and returned with two bottles of Magners.

This quiet acceptance of me as an adult by Edward warmed my heart and Clara and I ate and sipped our ice cold cider with absolute contentment.

Clara finished first as usual and Esme immediately swooped in taking her plate, "Would you like more, dear?" Clara raised an eyebrow to me, a silent question if it was ok for her to eat more as was her norm.

I snorted and answered with humour, "Don't even ask Esme, Clara could eat Emmet under the table. She has some hyped up metabolism. Eats twice what I do and never put on a pound. She'll definitely have more. "

Esme smiled indulgently at Clara, who actually looked embarrassed, before retrieving another plate, stacked even higher than the first with food.

Clara's eyes widened, "Thank you very much Esme. Heck I might start coming here every evening just for the food."

"You're always welcome dear." Esme said kindly and I could swear an emotion I had never seen passed across Clara's face. She looked at Esme adoringly? Damn it, the Cullens found the route straight to Clara's heart, directly through her stomach.

Emmet was appraising my bottle of cider and I nearly blew chunks of potato out of my nose when he tasted it. Emmet's face screwed up in distaste as he struggled to not spit out the golden liquid.

Everyone laughed as Clara asked with a totally straight face, "Not much of a drinker Emmet?"

Emmet laughed answering with sarcasm he thought Clara wouldn't understand, "Oh I am a big drinker, it's just this isn't to my tastes"

I could see the Cullen's trying not to laugh and for that matter I could see Clara attempting to stomp down a twitching of her lips.

"Where did you get a taste for cider Izzy?" Alice asked from Jasper's lap.

"Oh um, it was when we were in Ireland. They were big drinkers over there. Not like the stereotypes you see on TV. They can handle their drink and living there for a while, one either learns to drink their body weight in alcohol or you get ribbed as a light weight." I answered non chalantly.

Emmet whistled, "Wow my lil' sister, drinking alcohol. I bet you're a hilarious drunk. Do you get clumsy?"

Clara snorted nearly inhaling a forkful of beef as she no doubt remembered some of my less than stellar moments when drunk. I cast her a dark warning look as Emmet's head whipped between us, "Oh come on Clara tell us some stories about drunk Izzy" Emmet whined.

Clara cast me a pleading look, then she sighed, "I want to get home Emmet and Izzy may kill me if I reveal such stories. Sorry."

Emmet looked deflated and into the awkward silence came Rosalie's voice, "So I hear you own your own Garage in town Clara?" Clara cast the blond goddess an evaluating look.

"Yeah, I own my own mechanic business. Services, repairs, modifications, body work. All that stuff." Clara answered dismissively.

"What do you specialize in cause I have been working on restoring a, 1965 Ford Cobra and the clutch has been giving me awful trouble. Its worn to shit and I can't patch it up or find a replacement." Rosalie said with an almost smile at having shocked Clara who's eyes were bugging out.

In no time at all the two were lost in a conversation about the aesthetic beauty of the car outweighing the shit handling. Discussing rewiring and custom building clutches. My eyes glazed over listening to the two.

"You want to see it, it's in the garage" Rosalie stated and just like that the two disappeared out the door.

"W-what just happened?" I asked. Emmet chuckled. "What you didn't know my Rose was an engine head? If she could bleed, it would be engine oil." Emmet spoke with adoring eyes. "I'm just glad she has someone to talk to about it, if I had to hear her bitch one more time about that damn clutch I would crack up."

I cast disbelieving looks around the room, "I was abounded for a car!" I shrilled indignantly.

The Cullens chuckled and then Emmet, Jasper and Alice disappeared leaving me and Edward alone.

"That was well arranged" I said dryly.

"Just good timing I assure you love!" Edward smirked innocently.

"_so..." _I said hesitantly. Edward smiled momentarily dazzling me. "I love you Isabella" Edward stated and I relaxed.

"So I hear you and Clara had a talk..." I whispered. "Yes...She put me right about a few things. She cares for you very much." Edward said looking in the general direction of the garage, his eyebrows pulled together in thought.

"You don't want to talk about the past Isabella, so let's not for now. Let's try to move forward." Edward whispered. I did not miss the implication that we would soon have to face my past but for now I was happy to ignore it.

Edward took my hand and guided me to his room. I sat beside him on his piano bench. "I would like to play you some of my new compositions, if you don't mind. I want to see what my muse thinks."

Edwards's crooked smile had returned as I nodded and the sweet music filled the room. I sat, my head leaning into him for some time as he played. After maybe twenty minutes I felt completely at peace. And more than that I realized it was time I set something right.

"I really enjoyed our date last week Edward" I whispered, my eyes still shut.

"Yes so did I" Edward responded. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"But there was something wrong, something I have to put right." I said with more power in my voice.

I felt Edward stiffen beside me and then he was rushing, tumbling over his word, "Isabella, what did I do wrong?...Tell me... I'm sorry... I'll fix it!"

I opened my eyes to be met with his face; marred by lines of worry. I smiled faintly placing a finger over his lips to silence him, "Shh Edward...You think too much." I said as I leaned in placing my lips on his.

Edward's face went from worried, to confused, to downright ecstatic in a matter of seconds. Our lips moved hungrily. My tongue tracing and tasting his bottom lip. My hands wound into his hair and held him. This was home. This was happiness. After a minute or two Edward let me pull away to gasp a breath.

"That should have been the goodnight kiss I gave you. That's what was wrong." I could feel Edwards smile as he held me.

The weeks began to pass swiftly then. Clara hung out with Rosalie, fixing her car. We played video games together, went shopping with Alice, cooked with Esme and even went out clubbing one night.

Edward and I had weekly dates. We went bowling, to the aquarium, to the cinema, for dinner. He came to my apartment to watch films, we visited museums and went to plays. We went to the Cullen home at least once a week. The time there was the best I had ever spent. Edward and I became comfortable with each other again, we kissed, we hugged, we held hands. I ravaged his chest, nearly tore out his hair. We discussed plans for a holiday, discussed books, film, everything but our time apart. It was heaven...It was destined to end badly.


	15. Chapter 15

Author: Ok so firstly sorry about the delay. My uncle and godfather died so my family was a bit of a mess the last two weeks. The big reveal will be in the next chapter or the one after depending on how it pans out. I am going on holiday this week to Spain and then the following week to London so my next update may be delayed again, but don't worry it will come and I will make it worth the wait! The next two chapters will be good. Lol.

Also beta checked and edited chapter two is now up so you can go back and check it out. As ever thanks to everyone who reviewed and please leave me a comment when you're done. Enjoy.

_The weeks began to pass swiftly then. Clara hung out with Rosalie, fixing her car. We played video games together, went shopping with Alice, cooked with Esme and even went out clubbing one night._

_Edward and I had weekly dates. We went bowling, to the aquarium, to the cinema, for dinner. He came to my apartment to watch films, we visited museums and went to plays. We went to the Cullen home at least once a week. The time there was the best I had ever spent. Edward and I became comfortable with each other again, we kissed, we hugged, we held hands. I ravaged his chest, nearly tore out his hair. We discussed plans for a holiday, discussed books, film, everything but our time apart. It was heaven...It was destined to end badly._

_CHAPTER 15_

Izzy's POV

It was a Friday evening in the first week of November, the temperature had dropped rapidly n the last few days, it seemed the snow drifted down endlessly. Covering everything in a fine sheet of perfect white. Pity that it was superficial, much like my happiness.

The last few weeks had been perfect with Edward. We had been spending so much time together. Our relationship had taken on a much more adult feel. We talked about the flaws in our previous relationship, about Edward's upbringing, the morals of his era and how it had perhaps lent itself to his controlling nature. Our conversations were more in depth, more meaningful, while at the same time we still joked, enjoyed comfortable silences and passionate moments.

This both excited and worried me. The more we talked, the more I felt Edward was impatient to hear more about what had happened after he had left me. Edward had so openly discussed his human past and had hinted at what he had went through when he left me. Edward stopped playing piano, stopped going to school and basically expelled from his life anything that could remind him of me. On the other hand I had staunchly avoided even the smallest truths of what had happened when he left.

Furthermore the more adult nature of our relationship meant that once chaste kisses were now heated encounters of tongues, lips and wondering hands. Well I say this but again it is one sided. I have ripped off Edward's shirts, slept in the same bed as him, curled around his boxer clad frame and ravaged nearly every inch of him accept what lies beneath those boxers. (oh I've felt it through his boxers don't get me wrong) but I have refused to remove my shirt, to allow his hands to wonder over my back , down my upper arms or up near the juncture of my thigh and butt.

I want him to. God that's a lie, I burn for his touch, yet my skin is no longer the flawless satin he once complimented me on. My back, upper arms and top of my thighs show the truth of my past. The truth of her tortures. He has seen the edge of the scar at my neck and the smaller scars on my arms and those alone cause his eyes to darken, and a frown to mask his face.

If he felt those scars he would know the truth. And then what?

Would he be angry at himself needlessly?

Would he leave me again out of guilt? 

Would he be disgusted by my deformity?

Would he cast me aside because I am marked so?

I would have to tell him the whole truth, I would have to tell him about Clara. I would have to relive the nightmares.

For now I can't. I can't face those questions, those possibilities. For now I just want to stay as we are. To have Edward, to ignore these problems and the aching I have to truly let him touch me.

I walked into the Cullen house; Clara had smiled and slunk off to the garage to work on Rose's car with her. The two had bonded over engines and some strange masculine version of feminism I would love to research. Clara and Rose talked constantly about cars, joked, chastised the boys and generally hung out. It amused me no end that Clara had made friends with Rose. The one person I had believed would be the hardest to get along with. Instead Clara had invited Rose to her garage, had gloated over it.

Clara played chess with Edward, talked cars with Rose, teased Alice over her shopping, strangely discussed Irish history, guerrilla war tactics and politics with Jasper, played games with Emmet and teased him mercilessly over everything. She had a quiet respect for Carlisle and I could swear on some level Clara loved Esme. Over the last three months Esme had cooked numerous times for me and Clara and the two sat chatting often. In Esme's presence I saw a tenderness and vulnerability I had never seen before. Esme's mothering nature touched something in Clara that had been lost back when she was 16.

It pleased me in a way I could not describe to see my two families getting on so well. It also made for amusing conversations as Clara continued to play dumb to the Cullen's true nature and the Cullens dutifully acted human. I felt bad sometimes seeing them having to act, both Clara and the Cullen's hated it. Yet I was cautious of revealing Clara's true nature. Clara enjoyed feeling normal while I was scared that Edward might see her as a threat if he knew the truth.

"Evening Izzy" called Esme as I entered the kitchen.

"Hi Esme" I answered, "No Edward hovering at the door to meet me?" I joked half heartedly.

Esme turned from the baking tray into which it looked like she was making lasagne. "Listen dear" she said with a small smile.

I froze and strained my ears until the faint notes of Edward's piano upstairs reached me. I smiled moving forward rolling up my sleeves to help Esme layer the lasagne, "He's playing so he hasn't heard me yet."

"Yes, he's playing rather vigorously. Since you came back into his life he has been composing again. He gets a bit lost in it sometimes. I believe he wants to go back to music school in the new year, perhaps learn guitar, compose some more." Esme answered while layering mince, sauce and pasta.

"Yes he told me he wanted to go to music school while I was at work. I think it would be good for him." I replied blandly.

We stood side by side in silence layering the massive lasagne until after a few minutes Esme whispered, "Thank you"

"What for? you could make this lasagne without my help."I answered confusedly.

Esme smiled indulgently, "No Izzy, I was thanking you for my son; you have given him back to us."

My face must have betrayed my confusion at her statement as Esme breathed a heavy and unnecessary breath, "When we left Izzy, Edward was lost to us, for a long time we did not know where he was. Without you he gave up on life, refused to drink. I will never forget having to force feed him." Esme's face was a mask of horror; I'm sure matching mine as she shivered at her memory. Edward had told me a little of what hah happened when he left me, but never anything like this, never anything so horrible.

"Edward just existed. No, less than that. He sat in one empty room after another as we moved fom house to house. He never read, never listened to music, never played his piano. I think it all reminded him of you. He would just sit like a statue not even breathing, then hunt and then return to his room so we wouldn't disturb him by force feeding him again. We're pretty sure he just lost himself in his memories of you. He wouldn't respond when we tried to speak to him, or when Emmet thought rude things at him to get a reaction. Nothing. Once or twice we even heard him talking to himself; he was repeating conversations he had with you, reliving them. His voice was gravelly from not being used."

By now Esme's voice was cracking, her hands shaking and her eyes welled with tears she could not shed.

"It's ok now Esme," I offered weakly as I rubbed her stone back comfortingly. "It is. Thanks to you" she replied.

For a few minutes we said nothing. My mind was racing through all that had been said. I had to talk to Edward about this. "I'll put this lasagne in the oven, it looks like a lot but Clara has such an appetite. It must come from working so hard, the poor dear. Being a human female mechanic can't be easy. Whatever is left over you can take home." Esme said breezily trying to break the heavy atmosphere.

I would ordinarily have been choking back a laugh at Esme's concern for Clara and her comment on her appetite but right now I had to speak with Edward.

I nodded dumbly and turned on my heal heading for the stairs to Edwards room.

I opened the door quietly, hearing no piano music. Edward sat at the end of the bed, his head down and hands clasped. He must have heard me and Esme talking.

"Edward" I said hesitantly. Edward looked up sadly.

"I didn't want you to hear that. It was my own fault. Esme shouldn't have told you." I was fighting back tears. Typical Edward, he was scarred I was hurt, no thought for the fact he went crazy for eight years.

I walked into his arms and sat on his lap, cradling his head, kissing his hair and forehead lightly.

"It's ok. I wanted to know. It sounds stupid but knowing you were hurt as well reminds me that you love me." It was a weak response and 'hurt' was such a stupid understatement but I couldn't think of what else to say.

Edward looked at me like I was crazy, "Of course it hurt. I love you Izzy, now and always." Edward said between kissing me, he drew back and seemed to hesitate before speaking, "You said, 'hurt as well.' Now you know most of what happened, how I was 'hurt,' will you tell me what happened to you after I left?"

I froze. 'Danger! Danger!' My brain screamed, he was pushing again about my past. I had to distract him.

"Later" I said making my voice intentionally husky. Edward looked momentarily annoyed but when my lips devoured his, he only hesitated a second before giving in.

We kissed passionately, his tongue dancing with mine and massaging every part of my mouth. He sucked on my tongue and licked my lower lip before pushing us back onto the bed. Edward hovered over me and trailed kisses from my mouth across my jaw and down my neck. I squirmed and gasped as he sucked, kissed and nipped my neck. My legs instinctively wrapped around him despite the restriction of my jeans and I pulled open his shirt so my hands could wonder his perfect chest. My left had tweaking his nipple and my right following the trail of light bronze hair on his lower stomach, twirling it around my finger tips and pushing my palm hard against his lower stomach as I slid my palm lower.

Edward grunted and pushed his body closer to mine creating a wonderful friction. His lips trailed a new path to my ear and pulled gently on my lobe before whispering.

"Slowly, Izzy, I need to stay in control. –he grunted lightly- This doesn't seem very fair, I think I should expose more of your delicious skin too." Edward chuckled hungrily and for a moment my brain was lost to the pleasure of his lips, the feeling of his body against mine and his hands wandering to the hem of my shirt.

All too quickly my brain clicked back into gear and I made sense of his words and what his hands were doing, he was unbuttoning my shirt, his hands pushing up my sides to find the bare skin of my back.

'No' my brain screamed, I couldn't let him feel my scars, to see the ravages of her. I froze and my hands dropped away from Edward, tingling at the loss of contact. Edward hesitated, his eyes meeting mine, confused at my rigid posture and sudden inertness. My heart still hammered and I could feel tears beginning to fill my eyes.

"Stop Edward" I whispered.

Edward looked shocked and hurt, he froze, "What, w-w-why? He stuttered.

I pushed upon his chest with all my strength. He probably hardly felt it as I tried to escape from beneath him.

"Let me up Edward" I said more sharply, a tear escaping my eye.

Edward looked horrified that he could be hurting me, he jumped to the other side of the room in a blink, "Izzy did I hurt you, what's wrong?" Edward spoke quickly his face contorted with fear.

I fumbled to redo the buttons on my shirt and struggled to walk for the door.

"Nothing, I just have to go." I said, a definite shake in my voice.

"Izzy, wait what did I..." Edward began moving toward me to embrace me.

I couldn't take anymore, a sob escaped me and I was running for the stairs to leave, I stumbled on the second step, my vision blurry with tears. Edwards's cold arms caught me but I simply pushed him away as he spoke asking what was wrong.

"Just leave it Edward I have to go" I said weakly trying to beat back tears, Edward reached for me, his cold grip holding me on the last step. The door was just a few feet away and I was free.

"Izzy tell me what I did, what's wrong? He begged in a broken voice.

"Just let me go!" I shrilled, my voice pleading.

There was scraping of footsteps and banging of doors. I looked around and saw Carlisle had come out of his study and was stood at the top of the steps. To my left Esme stood on the other side of the banister having come from the kitchen and in front of me stood Emmet, Jasper, Rose, Alice and an advancing Clara who looked pissed.

"What happened?" Came Clara's gravelly voice as she stood directly in front of me surveying my tear stained eys and dishevelled look. Clara's hands settled on my upper arms and it was only then I noticed my posture. I was holding myself together as I had done so long ago.

"Nothing Clara, I just need to go home, I'm really tired!" I answered weakly.

Edward's grasp on my arm tightened as I mentioned leaving, an action Clara did not miss.

"cad'e dar a ta tu?" –Clara asked in devalian Gaelic "what did Edward do?"

Clara's eyes skewered me and then lifted back to meet Edward's golden orbs. Clara's green eyes seemed to shine, her pupils seeming to reduce to black pinpricks as she stared Edward down.

I answered in English so the Cullen's knew what was going on. "Edward didn't do anything, I just want to go." I said. My voice was still weak but it was no longer cracking and the tears were clearing from my vision. I met Clara's gaze and pleaded, "Please Clara."

Clara's frame seemed to relax a notch, "Ok, thank you for having us Esme. I'll be back to help finish the clutch with you Rose but right now me and Izzy need to be going, It's been a long day." Clara spoke, her words tight and tense."

From the corner of my eye I saw Esme nod slightly as she cast me worried looks, the rest of the Cullens in front of me moved aside to create a path to the door. I tried to step forward but was quickly halted by Edwards continuing grasp.

"Not until we, talk. Izzy what is wrong?" Edward's voice was broken but intense. I didn't want this conversation, not now. I couldn't handle it.

Clara seemed to sense my distress, "Izzy wants to go home Edward, let go." Clara's voice whipped like a physical strike.

Edward remained a statue staring at me.

Clara released my upper arms and squared her feet, her eyes seemed to widen and I heard the distinct cracking of her bones and joints as the first vestiges of the change began. Clara was restraining herself from just ripping Edward's arm off but her control was not perfect.

The Cullen's eyes zeroed in on Clara's slight frame as the near inaudible sound of cracking bones reached their crystal clear vampire ears despite Clara remaining unmoving and showing no movement or signs which would explain the cracking.

"Let her go Cullen, Now!" Clara's voice was barely a whisper but its normal cigarette husky tone had been replaced with a deeper monotone speech. I knew these signs, the tense set of her shoulders, the rapt stillness, the cracking and popping of joints, the change of her voice, the change in the look of her eyes, the green seeming to brighten and swallow her pupils.

If this situation was not dealt with quickly, I would not need to worry about my secret any longer because Clara would rip the Cullens apart.

I turned my eyes to Edward. I met his gaze and allowed him to almost see my soul in the look I gave him. "Please Edward let me go, I can't explain now. You just have to trust me for now. Please give me this. Please." I begged and Edward's grip slackened, his face morphing to one of devotion and sadness.

"Please Edward, We'll be back tomorrow anyway, hasn't Emmet got some big snowball fight planned for in the back yard?" I released a strangled laugh trying to inject some humour into the situation as I reassured him I would return.

Edward released my arm and the room let out an inaudible breath of relief. Clara's posture relaxed and her eyes dulled as she breathed slowly.

"I will give you anything you need my love. Even if I don't understand it. I would wait for eternity for you." Edward said in a low but emotional, voice. I smiled weakly and place my palm to his cheek,

"I know and I thank you for that. I love you" I whispered.

Then I walked quickly out the door followed by Clara and jumped into the passenger seat. Clara cranked the engine and we whistled down the Cullen drive at illegal speeds. When we were on the main road I took out my phone and typed a txt, showing it to Clara, "Are we far enough away they won't hear us?" It read.

Clara cocked her head to the side and after a moment nodded stiffly. That was all the indication I needed, my emotions come to the surface and I wept bitterly. Clara drove slower and pulled me to her side holding me as best she could.

"Izzy what's wrong, tell me. If he hurt you I'll go back right now and torch him" Clara growled.

I wept freely and then tried between gasps to explain, "We were together i-it was so nice. B-but then he tried to put his hands under my shirt...o-on my back"

Clara stiffened, perhaps at the thought of me and Edward being intimate or at the thought of the marks on my back for which she bore so much undeserved guilt.

"I-it was wonderful, I-I wanted h-him to touch me but –but" I stuttered.

"You were afraid, you panicked. It would mean telling him the truth." Clara finished for me in a low whisper as she pulled me closer.

"Yes, I'll have to tell him." I whispered back dejectedly.


	16. Chapter 16

Author: Hey everyone, thanks for your patience. Spain was amazing by the way! Absolutely loved it. So here is the set up for the reveal. Hope you enjoy it! Next chapter will be action and explanations. As always don't forget to review.

Beta checked versions of chapter 3 and 4 are now up and I have been accepted onto twilighted. Please review and recommend my story to friends if you like it!

Chapter 16

**Clara's POV.**

Friday night at the Cullens had ended abruptly. Izzy wept all the way home as she told me what had happened.

I was convinced Edward had hurt her. In a way that would have been easy to accept. I would simply have killed him. Me and Izzy would have moved away again and things would return to normal. That was the tinted glasses idea yet the real world was not so simple. I had foolishly allowed myself to feel something for the Cullens, to succumb to their charms like Izzy had. Now I couldn't simply kill them.

Besides the true trigger for Izzy's outburst had not been Edward but our past. My failures.

Izzy always tells me her being hurt was not my fault but it is. Izzy is my friend...my family. It is my responsibility to protect her, to keep her from harm and my failings were marked on her skin. Those failings were now what stood between Izzy and Edward.

Izzy and I talked until the small hours of Friday night and after much debate we decided that it was indeed time to tell the Cullens the truth. Or at least some of it. Izzy wants her relationship with Edward to work and that is impossible while she flinches away from his touch every time he comes close to her scars.

For Izzy revealing this most intimate vulnerability will be difficult. Izzy, no matter what she tells me, is self conscious of those scars. On some level, she even fears Edward may reject her because of them.

If he is so petty and superficial as to cast Izzy aside because of her scars, because of her past; then his love is not what he claimed and I will happily mark his marble skin with scars of his own.

It is still within by power to heal Izzy, to fix her. To fix her fits, to stop the nerve spasms and to wash away her scars. Yet Izzy refuses. She won't let me take the risk. The price, she claims, is too high. Personally I would do it in a heartbeat, if she would let me.

We had agreed that Izzy would tell Edward and the Cullens about Laurent and Victoria's return but that she would claim it was the wolves that rescued her. Izzy wants to hide all the other little details like my own inhumanity, the fact that we ran for six years, the torture and my killing of Victoria. Izzy simply wants to tell Edward enough to explain the scars and her fits without having to reveal the whole truth of how bad things were. Typical Izzy, she wants to protect the Cullens from the truth that she was hunted and nearly killed every day for six years. Izzy wants to protect me and make it sound like the torment only lasted a pathetic six months.

Personally I know that eventually the whole truth will come out but if giving it to the Cullens a little bit at a time helps Izzy, well then, I will go along with that.

It is Saturday morning and the snow is still floating down. We are taking Izzy's car to the Cullen's house. Izzy wants us to sleep over. Both of us. Izzy has stayed over at the Cullens plenty of times but I always return home to give them privacy. Esme always asks that I stay, yet I always refuse. Unlike the Cullens I am unwilling to pretend to sleep for eight hours.

However Izzy wants to tell the Cullens her version of events tonight after we have had Emmet's snow fight and things have settled. She wants me there just in case things become too much for her. I will use my inhuman ears to listen in on the revealing of Izzy's past and if the Cullens take it badly or if Izzy can't take the memories this will dredge up, then I will pretend to wake up to interrupt their supposedly secret meeting.

In theory this all sounds great yet as we drive to the Cullens I see Izzy fidgeting in the passenger seat and looking nervous.

It has taken a little longer than usual to get to the Cullens because of the snow. Driving slowly frustrates me, so my movements are jerky and stiff as I pull into the Cullen driveway. As I get out of the car to retrieve our overnight bags from the trunk the front door swings open and Edward frames the doorway. The poor guy's face slides from relief, to joy and then sets on caution as he sees Izzy. He was probably pacing around all last night worrying she would not return and trying to figure out exactly what he did that set Izzy off.

Izzy shouts hello and trudges up the steps to the house in the thick snow calling out a falsely happy, "morning," to Edward.

Edward is still in the doorway as Izzy reaches him and with my eyesight a quick glance reveals the rest of the Cullens lurking in the hallway. They are probably there to support Edward or maybe by Alice's stern look it's to make sure he doesn't upset Izzy again.

Edward begins to speak, "Izzy I'm so glad you came back. I'm so sorry about last night, it's just I need to know..."

Izzy cuts off Edward's rambling in a quiet whisper that all the Cullens can hear, but which they will believe I can not perceive."_Shh Edward. It wasn't your fault. I'll explain later. Tonight at 1am, we'll all meet in the sitting room and I'll explain..everything. Everything that happened."_

Edwards face goes blank and then a small cautious smile lifts his lips as he realizes that Izzy means to reveal to him the truth of her past. Edward pulls Izzy close to him and whispers in her ear, "Thank you, I love you."

Then in a louder voice, to keep up the charade, Izzy says, "Of course I came back, I couldn't miss the chance to pelt you with snowballs!"

I grab our two overnight bags and run perhaps a little too quickly out of the snow and into the warmth of the Cullen house.

"Hi all" I say as greeting to the room. I lift the bags in each hand to draw attention to them and then address Esme, "I hope you don't mind, Izzy said she was staying over tonight and I kind of invited myself along. I'm not too keen on driving home alone in the snow." I pull my face into an abashed smile as I await a rebuke for my forwardness.

Instead, Esme's face splits into a wide smile. "Of course we would love to have you. It's not safe to be driving in weather like this!" Esme says in a warm if not mildly chastising voice as though offended I would even imply she would not want me here. I can feel my face heat slightly with a blush. It has been so long since I have felt wanted like this...loved. It's maternal and makes my heart ache for my own mother. A lump forms in my throat at the sudden memory and I fight to force back the feelings that wash over me.

Happiness at Esme's concern, Love for Esme, sorrow at the memory of my mother. Absurdly, guilt for feeling this way, as though I am betraying the feeling to my mother and finally a more nervous guilt at the knowledge that I am continuing to lie to these people who have been nothing but good to me.

From the corner of my eye Jasper gives me a curious look and I realize I have not been concealing my emotions and he must have gotten a burst of them. I quickly remedy that.

Esme nudges Emmet, "come now Emmet I thought I raised you better than this. Don't just stand watching Clara struggle, take her bags. Put Izzy's in Edward's room and hers in the guestroom down the hall."

Emmet looks abashed "Sorry mum. Here let me take those!" He says lifting the bags from me.

"You would make a cute bell boy in a red suit," Rose shoots to Emmett as he takes the bags upstairs.

Emmet turns around with a devilish grin, "I take it that's a suggestion for role play night!"

Rose snorts looking unaffected by Emmet's jibe and I push my laughter down trying not to craic up. First at the absurdity of Esme assuming I would need help with carrying bags and then at Rose and Emmet's antics.

Izzy then speaks up, "So when is this 'mother of all snowball fights' that Emmet wants us to take part in?"

Really it's a testament to Emmet's child like nature that he still gets excited by snow and even more to how infectious that nature is that he could get nine adults to agree to a snowball fight. A fight, which the Cullens will no doubt be bored by, as they limit themselves to human speeds.

Before anyone can answer, Esme again speaks up in her motherly tone, "First things first, you two" she points at me and Izzy, "Need to have a cup of hot chocolate and some hot pancakes to boost you up if you're going out in the cold. I bet you both just had coffee for breakfast again, or coffee and a cigarette knowing you missy!" Esme says in a chastising tone giving me a hard look. This was a running bone of contention. None of the Cullens liked that I was a habitual smoker or that Izzy admitted to once or twice partaking in my habit. I had to admit their concern was endearing and quite humorous. They were probably worried about my mortal lifespan. Ironic really, considering I could step into fire and walk away unsinged. A cigarette wasn't going to kill me anymore than it would them.

I bowed my head guiltily as Esme sighed, "Right follow me" She commanded.

What ensued was the whirlwind of culinary delights and maternal care embodied in Esme. She made massive mugs of expensive, dark, sweet hot chocolate and mountains of fresh, soft, light pancakes with every topping imaginable. Izzy had three or four while I forcibly stopped myself at number twelve so as to ensure some kind of human cover. While we ate we chatted about the weather, joked about the coming snowball fight and basically discussed anything but last night's little incident.

Myself and Rose had just finished discussing rebuilding the clutch for her mustang when she asked, "Speaking of cars, shouldn't you be at work today?" It was true, I had missed quite a few days in the last couple of months with the whole Cullen debacle underway. Yet today I actually had a proper excuse.

"Ah it's a snow day. I called the guys and shut the garage. Plenty of work for tow trucks in this weather but I haven't branched out to that yet. Most people try not to drive in weather like this so opening the garage would be pointless, passing trade will be down and anyone who needs work done will wait until the snow passes. It would probably just have cost me money if I had opened today" I say shrugging my shoulders lazily. Rosalie nodded.

"Too right, you need a break anyway. You work too hard Clara. You should take better care of yourself. You look tired and by the number of pancakes you just ate I would say you're not eating right either." Came Esme's retort.

Again I swallowed back a laugh at her concern. "Ah I'm fine. Got to work to put food on the table. Trust me Esme I eat plenty and I look tired because I have a touch of insomnia. I just wake up at random hours and can't sleep sometimes." I said casually setting up my story, just in case tonight I had to pretend to wake up and stay awake.

Alice giggled from behind me in the sitting room, "Yes terrible thing that insomnia, it must be catching. Some nights hardly any of us can sleep here too."

Rose sent Alice a quelling look as everyone tried to surpress a giggle at her little joke.

Just then Emmet came bouncing into the room dressed in thermals, a ski jacket, gloves and a bobbled woolly hat which he obviously didn't need, "Ok, snow war time!" he called.

**Edward's POV:**

I laughed heartily as snow balls flew back and forth across the huge field we called our back yard. Emmet had split us into teams. Myself, Izzy, Clara, Esme and Carlisle against Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice. We got the bigger team seen as we had two humans who needed protecting and couldn't make snowballs as fast.

We played at a human speed although when we were sure Clara couldn't see we would make snowballs at vampire speed and the odd vampire fast and hard snowball was thrown between me and my siblings so long as Clara didn't notice and we were carful not to hit her or Izzy.

We were having a blast. Snowballs whizzed through the air. Much taunting ensued and some very imaginative trash talk was exchanged. We were spread across the back yard throwing snow balls at anyone who moved and things had descended into a bit of a free for all as teams were forgotten. Izzy even managed to catch me unawares as she threw snow right in my face. A fact Emmet laughed viciously at, seen as Izzy and Clara were the only two people who's minds I could not read as a warning to the incoming snow.

I laughed freely with the rest of my family and for the next hour our screams, taunts and joyous laughter reverberated in the backyard and surrounding forest.

I stopped for a moment and surveyed the laughing, smiling figures of my family, catching a few snowballs in the face in the process. It had been years since I had seen all seven of us so happy together and Clara and Izzy fit in so well. Together, this was without doubt the best day I could ever remember. Yet at the back of my mind I kept thinking over Izzy's words. Tonight when Clara slept she would tell me and my family everything. Finally I would hear what happened after I left, I would find out what had made her change. Where her scars had come from. I was thrilled that Izzy finally trusted me enough to tell me the truth, yet I was also nervous and afraid. Worried about what Izzy would tell me.

Izzy had said her life nearly ended when I left, she said she nearly died. Did I drive her to that? Were the scars on her neck and arms a result of her own hand because of the pain I caused her? Or was it a car crash, an accident, a vampire? Was I the reason Izzy abandoned Forks with Clara and travelled the world recklessly? Was it on her travels that something hurt her? Did she perhaps still love Clara and that is why she shied away from me? My mind over the last three months had gone over nearly every possibility. My mind raced until I was struck with another snowball by Jasper who gave me a knowing look. I shook my head and got back into the snow fight.

If vampires could get out of breath we would be as we laughed and threw snowballs. It was at this moment that Carlisle's mental voice caught my attention.

"_Edward, Is Clara ok?"_

It was then that I spotted Clara at the edge of the yard peering into the trees, her head tilted back breathing deeply. A snowball shattered on the side of her head but she did not even blink. I looked to Izzy who had thrown the snowball, Izzy's laughter died down as she took in Clara's stance and lack of reaction.

Izzy took a step forward, hesitated and then called out, "Clara, what's wrong?"

The laughter had died away and near silence converged on the snow covered yard. Curiosity and concern reflected in the minds of my family.

Clara's head whipped round and in a rushed, choked voice she spoke, "They found us Izzy, I didn't realize. I wasn't being vigilant..."

Izzy sucked in a gasp of horror as her eyes rounded to saucers and the look of horror was reflected between Izzy and Clara's faces.

My family's confused thoughts became a storm in my mind.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I walked up behind Izzy encircling her waist from behind with my arms. "Who are they? Who has found you?" My mind was buzzing trying to make sense of Clara's words that had caused Izzy to freeze and her to shake slightly in terror.

Clara's eyes lifted to mine, "There's no time to explain now. If you love Izzy, you and your family form a circle around her. Protect her. Kill anything other than me that tries to get near her." Clara's voice was intense and cold.

I was lost. My confusion and that of my families must have read on my face. Clara addressed Izzy, "Stay behind Edward no matter what, I..." Clara was taking a step towards us when two things happened at once.

Firstly a white blur like the snow, appeared from the trees. Clara had just a fraction of a second to see it before her body was knocked clear across the yard like a rag doll and into the trees on the opposite side of the yard.

Secondly the scent reached me and my family as the wind changed. Vampires! Lots of them!

Bella screamed for Clara.

My family dropped their human facade, they moved like the white blur to form a circle around me as I pushed Bella behind my back.

The laughter of the day was replaced by Bella's screams of terror and my family's growls.

The white blur ahead of us was stationary now. It was a vampire, with blazing red eyes and sandy brown hair. In the next second fourteen more white blurs appeared from the forest behind the first. Their eyes redder than the firsts and their growls guttural. Newborns!

We were outnumbered two to one by an army of newborns! Who the hell was this? How did Clara know they were coming? What did she mean they had found Izzy? My head was awash with questions. No answers came.

At the thought of Clara I let my eyes wonder for a brief glance away from the newborns to where Clara had been thrown by the first vampire.

Across the yard at its edge the trees into the forest were broken and blood tainted the air. My vision picked up fallen trees and blood coated splinters atop a crumpled slight frame, a single motor cycle boot poked out at an odd angle, sitting above the carnage of the destroyed trees.

Izzy was straining against my hold and screaming. She wanted to go to Clara. But no human could survive being thrown by a vampire at such speed and force through trees like that. Clara was dead. Izzy's friend was dead. Yet again my world was causing Izzy pain.

Right now my concern was Izzy and the newborns. We were outnumbered and from Jasper's military mind I could see our fate was sealed. My family's minds all reflected the same thoughts: to avenge Clara, to find out why these newborns were here and to protect Izzy. Even if it meant our lives.

I was in awe of my family.

Carlisle's mind was a red sea of barely contained violence. He hated violence yet these creatures had killed Clara without a thought and were now threatening his family. He was prepared to fight. He wanted to destroy them. To protect his family.

Emmet always relished a fight yet his mind was a torrent of grief for Clara. He had failed his sister Izzy by not protecting her.

Rose's mind was filled with rage and grief. To my shock I saw the depths of her feelings for Clara. Rose considered the human her first true friend. She had cared deeply for her and now she was gone.

Esme was just about holding it together. She was in shock and mourning the loss of Clara who she was beginning to see as a daughter. Beneath this rage bubbled thick and molten, a mother lion's wrath was fighting its way to the surface.

Alice's mind was filled with worry for Izzy and how Clara's death would hurt her. Shocked at the senseless killing and pained that she could not see it to have prevented it.

Jasper's mind was that of a soldier. Weighing our chances, which were not good. His thoughts centred on protecting Alice and Izzy above all else. He was trying to ignore the scent of Clara's blood and noting it smelt a bit weird. Jasper was also offering up a sad thanks for Clara's sacrifice, her warning saved us, while her blood may distract the newborns and give us a fighting chance.

"Who are you and what do you want?" I called across the yard.

The first vampire, obviously not a newborn smiled evily...


	17. Chapter 17

Author: I thought it was cruel leaving you all on that cliff-hanger so this is a short chapter to alleviate some of the suspense. The next chapter will be action and explanations now.

Let me know what you think and don't forget to review.

_"Who are you and what do you want?" I called across the yard._

_The first vampire, obviously not a newborn smiled evily..._

Chapter 17:

**Edward's POV:**

"Hello Edward Cullen." The strange vampire said. My body froze. He knew my name. How?

"I say again, who are you and what do you want?" I replied.

The strange vampire laughed and then his eyes zeroed in on Izzy cowering behind my back.

"Tut tut tut" he said wagging his finger dramatically and smiling cruelly. "Now Isabella Swan in all the time you have been back with the Cullens you still haven't told them. I'm insulted!" came the strange vampire's mocking voice.

My eyes widened and my horror increased, this vampire knew Bella and she knew him. What was going on?

"I don't know you!" came Bella's shaky voice from behind me.

The vampire's face contorted into one of rage, "No, but I bet you know who made me!" He growled.

If I had blood it would have run cold at Bella's response, "Victoria" she whispered.

My family's heads all swivelled to look in horror and shock at Bella.

"Yessss" The vampire hissed.

"I am Riley. Victoria, my mate, made me. She hunted you for killing her friends Laurent and James. Just as I have hunted you these last two years." The vampire spoke softly now.

I staggered back a little at this pronouncement. Victoria hunted Izzy! Oh God this was her past! I was so confused. How did Izzy survive so long? Is this why she travelled the world? She was in hiding. What happened to Laurent? I know we didn't kill him he left Denali years ago. And where was Victoria? My head spun.

"The Cullen's are outnumbered this time and there are no wolves to protect you. Thus all I want to know Isabella, before I let my army kill you: is what you did to my Victoria? I know she caught up with you two years ago. I know the Cullen's weren't with you, and Victoria would never leave me alone for two years. So, who killed her? The wolves?"

The thoughts of my family assaulted me. I couldn't process all of this information. There was too much, even for my vampire mind. Victoria hunted her. Laurent was dead. Riley was hunting Bella. He though Victoria dead. Wolves? What wolves? Werewolves? The La Push shifters maybe? Trust Bella to find more supernatural creatures.

The wolves must have protected Bella.

Oh god that's what happened to her. Victoria hunted her.

I saw it in his mind then. Victoria made this Riley to help her, to carry on her terror even if she died. He believes she loved him. He wants to avenge his mate. Victoria and him hunted Bella for years, they were foiled by the wolves in Forks but then Bella went on the run. They tracked her over years, then one day when they had found the city Bella was in, Victoria had returned from walking in the woods excited. Victoria said while she was gone she had found a way to corner Bella, had found the reason Bella was so elusive and protected. Victoria had found a way to use this against Bella she said. Then she had disappeared and never returned. Riley had tracked Bella for years since and now that she was back with us he would make Izzy watch as she lost me, her mate. Before he would then kill her.

I was filled with rage as I read this in his mind.

"Was it the wolves? I will take my army and destroy them next then, after I have killed you and the abnormal golden eyes you love so much!" Riley screamed at Bella when she did not answer.

The fourteen newborns growled and hissed, inching forward, blood and violence in their eyes. We were hopelessly outnumbered. We were doomed. I should have killed Victoria years ago!

Riley smiled viciously, "Time to avenge my Victoria then. Time, at last, for you to die..." Riley's order to destroy me and my family was cut short. The words catching in his throat as a bitter gravelly laugh cut through the air.

Everyone's heads whipped to the side to catch the movement in the forest where Clara lay dead.

The gravelly bitter laugh sounded again. It was half crazed, maniacal, interjected with what sounded like someone choking on blood.

The fallen trees, wood splinters and carnage where Clara had been thrown rustled and then one fallen tree flew across the yard. From beneath where it once lay a bloody, sallow, slight figure arose. The guttural laugh increasing.

Before our very eyes Clara stood, splinters protruding from bloody wounds on her body, her clothes ripped, her head hanging down at an unnatural angle, her right arm dangling from a dislocated shoulder, her ribs crushed flat, puncturing her skin and her matted bloody hair covering her face.

"It can't be..." Riley muttered. The newborns cast each other nervous glances and hissed loudly.

Clara's laughter increased, gravelly and unnatural.

My families thoughts all centred around the same theme,

_Oh God!_

_It can't be!_

_How is she not dead?_

_She'll need emergency treatment!_

_What the hell is going on?_

_Oh god she looks awful!_

I turned to Izzy expecting to see a look of horror or sorrow. There was sorrow and horror yes, but overall Izzy's expression mirrored more grim resignation.

Clara's laughter stopped and violently loud cracks of bones breaking and realigning sounded across the yard making my family and even the newborns flinch.

Clara's crushed ribs seemed to inflate; her bloody body was yanked up like a puppet on strings, standing with unnatural ease. Her head in the blink of an eye twisted violently to the side with a gut wrenching crunch and then her neck straightened out, her head rising but still covered by bloody hair. Clara's whole body seemed to jerk backwards and then whip forward sending her dangling right arm arching forward and then back like a whip. In one smooth motion her shoulder relocated with an audible pop. Clara's right arm raised and stretched, her fingers flexed as though checking for functionality, before once again returning to her side.

Clara's back arched and she released a strangled whisper as the splinters of wood from the trees began pushing themselves out of her body from numerous points. The blood around the wounds seeming to bubble and boil as her body expelled the splinters and the numerous wounds, cuts and grazes closed over before our eyes.

It was a sickening sight, one which if I was still human; I would have vomited violently at. It was like a car crash. Violent, bloody, horrifying, terrifying and unnatural. Yet no one in the yard: not me, my family, Riley or the newborns could tear their eyes away from the sick scene before us. We all wore looks of awe, horror, or shock. All that is, accept Bella; who watched on with a detached look. A glazed expression.

Clara's body had returned to 'normal' yet the changes were not over. Her body again seemed pulled up by invisible strings until her toes barely touched the ground. Her body straight with her feet pointed down at an odd, unnatural angle which seemed totally effortless to her. Her limbs began to spasm and that sickening sound of bones cracking began again. Her fingers, nails and feet seemed to lengthen tearing apart her boots. Her skin taking on an ethereal white glow that seemed to make her form hard to determine, like watching fog or a vampire in full flight, yet she remained still. One after another Clara's joints jerked and cracked until her body seemed oddly fluid, as though her joints now moved in every direction with flawless efficiency. Her limbs taking on that elongated, mist like look. Clara's jaw cracked to the left and then her gory hair blew away from her face by a nonexistent breeze to reveal a new face.

Clara's jaw seemed to have elongated and detached. Her mouth looked like a scream mask. Wide and gaping but filled with teeth. Human teeth accept for one fact. Clara had four pairs of wicked long canine teeth. Her face was gaunt and then there were her eyes. Her eyes which no longer held any white. Her irises had grown to swallow up her eyes and her pupils were reduced to pinpricks. Her usually dark green irises now glowed bright emerald green, seeming to scorch anything she looked at which right then was Riley.

I shuddered. For the first time feeling what humans must feel around us. Subconscious fear. My vampire nature truly took note of Clara for what she was: a predator greater even than a vampire. Riley shrunk back a step involuntarily.

Clara stood at nearly six and a half feet tall now, in shredded, blood stained clothes, her limbs stationary but seeming fluid as her form was hard to pinpoint as her ethereal presence seemed to shift.

From that gaping mouth came that gravelly laughter, maniacal and cruel. It was then that Clara spoke in a deep monotone, her words seeming odd coming from her new mouth.

"Hello Riley! Like my new look!" Clara asked with no inflections or discernable tone.

Riley began to step back again but he caught himself. He glanced at his army and felt reassured by it as he stepped forward. I could hear the disbelief in his mind. Yet he was arrogant believing as a vampire, with a newborn army he was undefeatable. I was not so sure.

"What are you?... It doesn't matter, you will be dead soon!" came Riley's response.

Clara laughed again, "It does not matter what I am, only that it was I who killed Victoria!"

Riley howled loudly and raced forward in a blur, but just as he reached Clara, her form seemed to shift and arch. With one blow Clara grabbed Riley by his arm and threw him back across the yard ripping off his arm in the process.

Riley crashed through a tree looking aghast at his missing limb.

Clara lifted his arm looking at it with detached curiosity before throwing it at her feet, "Tut tut tut, Riley, you had your try. Now it's my turn!" Clara laughed.

Riley's face scrunched into a mask of rage before he shouted at his army, "What are you waiting for; kill her! Kill them all! The blood of the girl to whoever kills her!" he shouted.

The army were more dumb struck now than filled with violent rage.

"We are vampires, you are newborns, against all of you they are nothing!" Riley screamed.

At this the army began moving forward, half towards Clara and half towards us.

Clara's face contorted to a vicious, unnatural version of a smile as she turned to meet my eyes, "You protect Bella. I will kill these fools."

With that Clara began moving, faster than even my eyes could track. Then the carnage began...


	18. Chapter 18

Author: Hi all. I decided to tease out the action and explanation chapter into two seperate entities so as to give better description and to do each piece justice. This is the action chapter, the next chapter will be explanations. In it I will reveal what Clara is and explain how she turned into the creature she is. Also the whole truth of what happened to Bella in the last 8 years will be explained.

After that we have some adjustment chapters, a lemon chapter or two, another two twists and the epilogue.

Enjoy and please review.

_Clara's face contorted to a vicious, unnatural version of a smile as she turned to meet my eyes, "You protect Bella. I will kill these fools."_

_With that Clara began moving, faster than even my eyes could track. Then the carnage began..._

Chapter 18:

Edward's POV:

One second Clara was at the far side of the yard on my left, the next she stood on the direct opposite side. As she moved it was like a misty blur overcame her form. She passed across the seven newborns that were intent on charging her.

Clara now stood nonchalantly. The snow drifted down catching in her bloody hair. The snow looked dull and grey compared to her ethereal white skin. Clara had moved across the snow covered yard without leaving a single footprint as she hovered on tiptoes like a supernatural puppet on strings.

In the blink it took for Clara to move across the yard something else had happened. Four of the seven vampires who had been moving toward her now lay on the ground, their bodies writhing in pain as they howled and screamed, indefinable animal sounds of pain and profanity.

One newborn was missing its head. The blonde males head lay some twelve feet from his now twitching lean body.

Another female with pixy cut brown hair, big eyes and high cheekbones lay on the ground screaming in a high pitched voice. Her legs missing, both ripped clean from her pelvis. One leg lay twitching beside the headless body of the first newborn while another lay in two pieces neatly stacked against a tree opposite her. The woman screamed ear splitting screeches and clawed at the ground trying to drag herself back to her lost limbs.

The third newborn was a bald, pot bellied man who must have been in his late thirties, he was missing both his legs and arms which had each been broken in two and placed beneath his head like a sick, macabre pillow. The man writhed like a turtle stuck on its back, or a spider whose legs had been plucked off by a savage child.

The final male newborn looked no more than sixteen years old. His skin would have been marked from acne as a human. He sobbed weakly as he dragged his upper torso forward on blank stubs where his hands once were. The boy was missing everything from below his rib cage. He had literally been snapped in two. The boy sobbed and between gaping at his stumps he dragged himself in a circle looking for his lower half.

Clara had done all this in less than ten seconds. My family and the remaining vampires looked shocked. Those that were charging us had frozen. Clara stood across the yard with a crooked gaping smile. She pulled her hands from behind her back to reveal the boys missing hands. She clapped them together in a mocking applause.

"What no hand? No applause for my art!" Clara asked in that toneless voice.

The newborns left standing shrunk back in disgust from her words. Their fight or flight instincts began shouting 'flight.'

Then Riley screamed, "Get the human! Get Isabelle and she won't touch you or else we'll kill her."

I tensed and moved forward as my family constricted the protective circle around Izzy.

Clara tossed the hands away and howled an ear splitting scream, the like of which I had never heard.

The ten remaining vampires began to speed forward to rush us at vampire speed. I moved forward to intercept them.

Clara blurred at her speed, faster than any vampire. The newborns were tossed back one after the other, dismembered limbs scattering as the ethereal blur that was Clara moved forward. A newborn whose muscles would rival even Emmets' jumped forward making a dive for Izzy. I moved forward to intercept him when suddenly the vampire stopped in mid air, his huge frame being jerked back.

When my eyes readjusted I saw that Clara stood behind the vampire and was holding him by the scruff of his neck; like a man would grab a bold puppy.

Clara stopped his movement and held him off the ground in her grip like he was nothing.

"I can't kill them and protect Izzy at the same time. I'm not that fast! It's my one weakness. Get back to Izzy! You and your family protect her and I can pick these," she shook the huge vampire like a rag doll, "off one at a time. It's like a war between mice and men for me!" Clara's monotone chastised me. She tossed the vampire back like a hollow mannequin and then pointed toward Bella, "Go!" she said.

I nodded dumbly and streaked back to Bella's side, my family a tight wall protecting Izzy.

It was then that Clara began putting her four pairs of canines and that massive bite to use. Ripping chunks out of every newborn who got too close. Those that tried to escape our yard which had become her killing field; she literally tore their legs off. The newborns had no choice but to fight.

A fight between mice and men would have been more fair.

Clara was a blur of movement leaving screaming forms, detached limbs and headless bodies in her wake. There was an odd beauty to the economy of her movements, to the efficiency and choreography with which she destroyed her enemies. Her face seemed impassive yet determined. There was no goal besides her enemy's destruction. The ballet of destruction progressed to the music of crunching marble limbs, the screeching metal of vampires flesh tearing and those horrid screeches of pain.

One newborn vampire got in a lucky bite. We were too far away to help Clara and the newborn moved too fast for us to shout a warning. Besides, Clara had ordered us to protect Izzy and in my state of shock at what I had witnessed in the last five minutes, I was unable to process any other thought than remaining by Izzy's side. As Clara was distracted ripping the jaw off of a tubby female newborn, the lean, dark red headed male streaked up from behind, latching onto Clara's back and sinking his teeth into the juncture between her shoulder and throat. Clara screeched that awful, unnatural wail. In my mind I remembered the burn of the venom and immediately began worrying what the venom would do to Clara. Some strange and vicious creature she was, yet blood and a heart beat she still had. Thus would the venom kill her? Change her?

Jasper was in my head shouting that we should be prepared to intervene, for some of us to finish the newborns and save Clara. However that thought was cut short by what happened next.

Clara wailed and then staggered forward, as though stunned by the pain of the venom. Her face faltered as did her movements in killing those around her. Clara's face took on a faraway look as though the venom was recalling some terrible memory. For a brief moment Clara's mind was not in this field, yet within the space of one heart beat it returned. And returned with a vengeance. Clara's mouth widened and she released a guttural snarl, more akin to a lion than a human...of sorts. Clara dropped the detached jaw of the newborn she had been pulling apart and in one swift motion reached around her shoulder grabbing the back of the newborns head who was biting her and ripped it clean off.

A large chunk of flesh from Clara's neck was wrenched free, stuck between the newborns teeth. Clara faltered again, dropping to one knee as her hand returned to her neck to try and staunch the fountain of blood leaking from her neck. Only two newborns and Riley remained.

Riley had managed to retrieve his lost arm and at the sight f Clara's weakness he screeched to the two remaining newborns, "Now, now, Kill her!"

The newborns streaked forward but Clara only smiled that toothy smile. The newborns slowed at seeing this but it was too late. They were too close. Clara released her neck even as the blood flow decreased to a trickle. Then like a dancer; she rose and moved forward spinning behind the first newborn as it charged her and twisted his head from his body in one savage movement. The last newborn now stood frozen in horror looking at Clara and the yard filled with twitching body parts.

"Riley help!" the newborn cried. "Riley-" his words were cut off as Clara in the next second stood in front of the young male holding him off the ground by the throat. Clara's elongated hands, fingers and nails like a sick skeletal vice constricted easily around the vampires throat and crushed it. Separating his head from his body in a manner I had never seen before.

Riley was moving for the woods but again Clara was too quick. Riley was running forward one moment and the next his upper body, minus his legs, was falling forward. Skittering across the snow covered grass as his momentum carried him forward.

Riley managed to turn himself over to face the looming figure of Clara. He was trying to suppress sobs of pain and whimpers, as his venom filled eyes looked around at the yard which now held the jigsaw of his army.

Clara carelessly threw his legs to one side and then stood above Riley.

"You killed my Victoria. You are a monster! A demon! I will kill you for this!" Screamed Riley in a half hysteric voice.

Clara laughed. Throwing her head back and cackling in that monotone way.

"Victoria tried to kill me and Izzy. If you had realized her lies you could have moved on and never even met me! Instead you try to kill me and my family. Izzy; a weak human and the golden eyes; who never harmed you. For this I cannot offer forgiveness only a choice!" Clara said in an eerie voice that dripped cold like ice.

Riley's face scrunched in question, "You mean you won't kill me?" he asked hesitantly.

Clara laughed again in that terrible way and Riley cringed back. "No Riley. Your choice is how you will die. If you tell me how many others Victoria made. If you honestly tell me if there are anymore hunting me and Izzy I will show mercy and kill you quickly." Clara said.

"And if I don't, you'll what? Rip me apart like you did my army? Fuck you! You can live in fear of those that may or may not come!" Riley replied in a cold voice. His face hardened and his jaw set.

Clara did not laugh this time, her green eyes merely lazered Riley and she answered in an almost sad voice, "No Riley, I won't torture you. I will do worse than that for your crimes. I will simply take the information I want and destroy your very essence."

For the first time Izzy behind me reacted. She pitched forward, tears flowing down her face, screaming, "No Clara! Don't do it! You don't have to..."

But Clara seemed to sigh, cutting Izzy off. "Yes I do. This time I must be sure you're safe. No matter what..."

"Noooo" Izzy yelled. If I was not holding her she would have run straight to Clara and within range of Riley's deadly hands.

As Izzy screamed Clara turned her gaze back to the cocky defiant face of Riley. Then his face fell. His mouth dropped open in a silent howl of agony and his back arched. Pure agony echoed in his eyes. It was then that I looked down and saw that Clara's elongated, white, blurring hand, seemed to have reached directly into Riley's chest.

There had been no sound of marble flesh breaking. Yet now Clara seemed to clutch Riley's heart. A useless organ to our kind, yet whatever Clara was doing it was a pain worse even than the change. He jerked and tried to scream yet Clara held him steady, her cold eyes never leaving his horrified ones.

Izzy screamed and beat at my marble body trying to get to Clara, shouting for her to stop.

Clara's frame shook slightly and that vicious snarl overtook her again as her hand seemed to constrict in Riley's chest and then in a motion quicker than my eyes could track she whipped her hand out of his chest and staggered back like she had aged a hundred years. Clara dropped to both knees, her eye's never leaving Rileys. Clara's breathing for the first time was ragged and her now massive frame drooped.

"May the gods forgive me" she whispered.

My eyes shifted to Riley who remained statue still on the ground. His skin seeming to have paled beyond that of even a vampire. Before my very eyes, his lips turned white, the colour drained from his hair leaving glassy white locks. Lastly, Riley's blood red eye's dulled. First turning black and then milky white like the rest of him.

It was as Clara said. She had somehow destroyed his very essence. Riley then gasped for one breath and with it he released the most pain filled cry I have ever heard. A sound I am sure will haunt me forever. With the breath Riley had taken, fractures spread all across his marble skin, like the expansion of his chest to breath had broken his skin like a brittle eggshell. The cracks spread with small groans and snaps until Riley was mottled in black lines.

And then he shattered. The immortal, indestructible vampire shattered like fragile glass.

For what seemed like eternity but may only have been minutes the yard sat in absolute silence. Even the minds of my family brought to a halt with shock. Izzy had slumped before me.

Clara rose heavily then and walked like a human toward us.

"They are all incapacitated but must be burned." She said waving a hand to the fourteen newborns scattered across the yard. "Riley created no more. We are free now Izzy." She stated.

While she talked, Clara walked closer. It was then that my mind kicked in. This thing that Izzy called a friend had just dispatched an army of vampire with ease. She had just inflicted upon Riley some horrendous death. And now she walked towards us. For the first time since my awakening I felt fear and my body reacted. I, like the rest of my family, sank into instinctual crouches, hissing. Clara froze mid step, raising those long arms and hands in a gesture of surrender.

"I have no quarrel with you Cullens but if you attack me, my instincts will take over, and I will kill you!" Clara replied in that eerie monotone.

This was perhaps meant to be reassuring but the words 'kill you' were all our vampire minds heard. We hissed and Clara countered by moving back a step. Clara's form was yanked up like it was on strings yet again, her long fingers and nails clawing as her arms extended behind her back and she leant forward slightly. We were both issuing warnings.

Amongst this fog of instinct I had forgotten about my love. About my Bella. She moved surprisingly fast for a human and slipped out from behind me to stand between Clara and my family.

"Stop" she yelled. "You are not enemies. Clara will not hurt me or you, Edward! Just stop making yourself a threat!" Izzy begged.

"Izzy get back behind me. Get away from that thing" I said.

Clara growled and we hissed. Izzy cast me and my family a disparaging look. Ordinarily her kitten temper would have been adorable but not now that she was within reach of that thing!

"Shut up Edward! This is Clara. She may look a bit different but I have trusted her with my life the past eight years and so you will have to just trust me. Clara will not hurt us!" Izzy spat at me.

I was momentarily stunned. My vampire mind seemed to be on a go slow. That thing was Clara. That thing was Izzy's friend. Izzy knew that she was this thing and still trusted her. This thing had protected Izzy when I had not.

I slowly eased out of my crouch as did the rest of my family. We all stood anxiously as Izzy walked even closer to the creature that was Clara.

Clara's eyes looked over Izzy watching us. Watching us like a lion stalking prey.

"Clara" Izzy called.

Clara did not react. "Clara" Izzy called again, this time moving until she was but inches from the creature.

Izzy confidently reached up and placed her soft, fragile palm against the creature's cheek.

I flinched. My natural need to protect my mate warring with my mind, which called for me to wait and trust Izzy.

Clara's eyes darted down to Izzy. The juxtaposition comical. Clara standing six and a half feet tall, elongated limbs, triple jointed legs, inhuman eyes, gaping mouth, razor sharp teeth, blood spattered, shredded clothes and ethereal skin. While Izzy was barley five foot five, pale, long brown hair and wrapped in layers of winter clothes.

Clara's emerald eyes scorched Izzy, but she did not flinch or look away. Truly she lacked any sense of self preservation.

Clara tilted her head until her cheek was gently cupped in Izzy's hand. The tenderness of the action so at odds with the violence we had seen before.

"Clara, it's over. You can come back to me now. You can go back to your true self." Izzy whispered in a gentle tone.

Clara's eyes closed sadly. "This is my true form Izzy. You just refuse to see the monster that I am."

Izzy smiled faintly, "Why is everyone in my life intent on claiming they're a monster?" she asked laughing slightly.

In the back of my mind I saw how this scene mirrored many between me and Bella.

"You are my best friend. You are my sister. You are my protector. You are capable of amazing things Clara... Terrible things sometimes. Yet you have only ever used that power to protect, to help. I have seen you at your worst, but this isn't you. The real you, brings me my meds. Wrapped me in bed when I had the flu. The real you is a concerned friend. I gentle lover. A bit of a rogue too. Your generous, fun loving and too loyal for your own good. Come back to me Clara!"

Izzy ordered in a harder voice.

I listened to Izzy speak and with each statement my mind conjured up images. Clara was always protective of Izzy. Ensuring she was safe. She was happy. Ready to square off against me if I had upset Izzy. I had seen her play games and talk with my family. Izzy told me of her gentleness, of her loyalty. I thought of Clara's manners around Esme. Her eagerness to help Esme and Rose. Her patience with Emmet's teasing. The fact that she worked long hours at the garage yet always made time for her friends.

I was ashamed that I had forgotten all this.

Clara opened her eyes slowly. "Thank you," she whispered.

And with that Clara slumped forward. Izzy struggling to support her massive frame even as it seemed to shrink.

Clara was unconscious, her body returning to normal. Her limbs shortening, her skin darkening and her mouth returning to normal. Now that she was returning to a human guise I could see bruises blossoming all across her body. Her shredded clothes barely hiding her nudity. The bruises mottled her skin and a few wounds seemed to reopen. While a slow trickle or blood began flowing from the remains of the bite mark at her throat.

"Burn the bodies and help me get Clara inside." Izzy said in a strangely detached voice. Her words so cold and strange.

I blindly moved forward to help support Clara's unconscious form. The creature that not minutes ago tore apart a vampire army, now looking like no more than a frail, battered and fragile child.

I heard Jasper giving instructions for the burnings while I lifted Clara and Carlisle flew to my side to check her vitals as we walked dumbstruck into the house.

There was much explaining to be done.


	19. Chapter 19

Author: I got lots of extremely encouraging reviews for my last two chapters and it had me smiling like a fool the last few days. Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed and left me encouraging words. I am extremely pleased you all enjoyed Clara's reveal.

This is the necessary filler chapter leading to the explanations. The next one is explanations and I hope to have it uploaded before tonight as I have already written most of it. Thank you.

Enjoy!

Chapter 19.

Bella's POV:

Edward held Clara like a child. He cradled her weight and carried her swiftly into the pristine white living room. Without any hesitation he gently laid her battered and inert form on the spotless white designer sofa. Clara's blood and dirt, staining its perfection.

Carlisle was checking Clara's pulse and vitals.

"She has multiple contusions; the bite mark is our biggest worry. It doesn't seem to be changing her, alhough I think it may need stitches. Her heart rate is nearly a hundred and forty beats a minute. I'll need beta blockers to slow it or she'll have a heart attack." Carlisle said rapidly to Edward.

"No." The word left me without conscious thought, almost shocking me with its abruptness.

Edward held a cloth to Clara's neck wound while Carlisle was frozen mid step in heading off for his medical bag. They both looked at me with worried eyes.

"What do you mean Izzy, I have to help Clara or else..." I cut Carlisle off before he could begin getting into the finer points of Clara's condition.

"You are taking steps to help Clara as though she were human. A misassumption you just saw in action." I said in a dead voice.

Carlisle moved back into the living room. He looked down on Clara's form and then to me. "What do I need to know then to treat her?" Carlisle asked in his best doctor voice.

I sighed heavily, regretting having to reveal pieces of information about Clara without her permission. "Clara's heart normally beats at an accelerated pace after she uses her abilities or if she is healing a serious wound. Secondly Clara won't change because of the venom but her body will need time to burn it out. It still hurts her and while in her system it weakens her. The bruises and other wounds she will heal herself in a couple of hours. The combination of the venom, the injuries she sustained and the actual act of taking on her other form have exhausted Clara. She will probably remain unconscious for a while until her body heals some more." I stated in a detached, almost clinical voice.

"So there is nothing I can do?" Carlisle asked, his face shocked and his eyebrows up in his hairline in disbelief.

"We can clean her up. Get her out of the bloody clothes. Clean her wounds and have a lot of food on standby. High protein food is preferable. When Clara wakes up she will be starving. Hungrier than any human you have ever seen. She will need to replenish the energy and amino acids she used breaking down her form for the change." I stated.

Esme walked into the room then. Her face a mask of shock, with a sort of blank quality.

"The boys are finishing up burning the newborns. I have plenty of food in the house for Clara. I always kept extra because she had such a good appetite." Esme said.

I snorted before I could help it, "Huh, you haven't seen anything yet. Clara always stopped before she was ever truly full to keep up a human appearance. Her real appetite is huge because of her heightened metabolism. After today's events she will need to eat even more." The words were out before I could stop them.

Rose, Alice, Emmet and Jasper had just walked in from the back yard and now the whole Cullen clan stared as one at me and Clara.

After a couple of minutes of silence Emmet finally couldn't take it anymore, "So, seen as no one else will ask, I guess I will. What in the hairy balls of hell was that?" He asked.

Rose slapped Emmet upside the back of his head and everyone glared at him. I refused to answer, instead slipping from my chair and kneeling beside Clara. I took her hand and squeezed it, searching for some kind of support.

"What Emmet, I think, was trying to ask, was: what exactly did we just witness Izzy? What is Clara? What did she do to Riley? And what the hell happened the last eight years?" Edward asked in a voice I could tell he was trying hard to control.

"You just witnessed the slaughter of a mutual enemy. For now all you need to know is that Clara is my friend and of no threat to you. As for the rest... I will explain everything and answer all of your questions once Clara has awoken and I am sure she is ok." I answered stiffly, my eyes never leaving Clara.

Edward sucked in a breath to respond but Carlisle lay a hand on his shoulder and said, "Ok Izzy. We will discuss this later. As for now...Alice, Rose, will you help Izzy to clean Clara up. Esme will you make sure there is enough food ready for when Clara awakens. The rest of us will go for a quick hunt and to run a patrol around the area to affirm there are no more vampires."

With that the room emptied. They probably wanted to feed so as to be at their strongest if they had to fight Clara when she awoke. It wouldn't matter how strong they were if Clara wanted them dead. Which I knew she didn't. As for searching for other newborns, well the Cullens were wasting their time. If Clara had smelt any when in her other form she would have gone after them.

In the next breath Rose and Alice were at my side. Their arms loaded down with a basin of hot, soapy water, clothes, towels and clothes.

"I took the liberty of fetching Clara's change of clothes from her overnight bag. Alice said in a small, hesitant voice.

"Thank you Alice," I whispered. "I'm sure she would appreciate that."

I tried to smile weakly but my face could not support the action.

I gazed at Clara's form, not remembering a time she had seemed so vulnerable. Obviously I was not the only one thinking so.

"She looks so young, so vulnerable. It's hard to believe she just did everything we saw. She looks like a breeze would break her. When we worked on my car and talked, I never noticed how young she looks. She always carried herself with such confidence and strength." Rosalie said in a hushed, almost reverent voice.

"She's capable of many things. But at the end of the day she's still Clara. She is still just a person, with weaknesses like the rest of us." I said. Then I sighed, "Let's get her cleaned up."

I looked again at Clara's still form. Blood and dirt matted her skin. Flecks of wood from trees covered her. The clothes she had been wearing were blood stained and shredded, barely covering her body.

Alice pulled a pair of large fabric sheers from somewhere, "I use them when I'm cutting fabric for making clothes. I figured her clothes are ruined anyway so we should just cut them off her. It would be easier on Clara." Alice answered when I gave her a questioning look.

Alice made short work of what little remained of Clara's clothes and then we began to wipe down her body with hot soapy cloths that smelled of jasmine soap. As we worked the true extent of Clara's injuries became apparent. Large purple and blue bruises mottled her skin and small cuts covered her. The bite mark was closed at last but it was ragged and enflamed.

"Why has she not heeled like she did when Riley put her through the trees?" Alice asked in a whisper.

"These wound are from blows the newborns got in when she was fighting them. In her other form Clara is near indestructible. She heals rapidly as you saw. However being in that form calls to her instincts and saps her strength. That's why I begged her to return to this form. Clara returned to this form too quickly after the fight though. Her other form wasn't finished healing and so her mortal disguise shows the damage. When she wakes up she could accelerate the healing by changing part way or all the way again. I doubt she will though. Clara hates her other form." I replied sadly. These wounds were my fault. If I had not been worried about Clara and the Cullen's fighting or Clara giving in to her instincts to feed after the touch then she could have remained in her other form and healed properly.

As we cleaned Clara the bruises and cuts became clear as well as some of her scars from older fights. Above the juncture of her right hip, a six inch scar curved. Below it another smaller straight scar. Along her left side three distinct lines of scars run parallel to each other. Finally from her belly button down runs a large jagged scar.

Rosalie and Alice sucked in a breath seeing these.

Rose ran a hand across the scars. Her pale face turning ashen. "These are awful, they must have hurt terribly!" Rose said. I sighed again. If she thought these were bad then things were about to get worse.

"Turn her over, then you'll see what really hurt. We need to clean her back anyway." I said in a dazed voice.

Rose and Alice exchanged worried looks before, ever so gently, turning Clara over.

Rose and Alice simultaneously sucked in harsh ragged breaths. Rose hissed. "Who did this I'll kill them!" she said in a voice filled with venom.

"Too late. Their already dead." I said in a monotone.

Clara's back was a cacophony of scars. These scars were deep jagged overlapping lines, puncture wounds and just above her heart, indistinguishable from the others a small round bullet wound scar. The skin from her shoulders all the way down marred.

Alice and Rose were in disgusted shock even as I began to wipe down Clara's back.

"What could leave wounds on her like this? What the hell could be strong enough to overpower what we saw in the yard?" Rose asked in a scared voice.

"Nothing!" I replied icily.

Alice looked at me confused, "Then how..." she began.

"Clara allowed those marks to be made. She allowed herself to be tortured. Then when the time was right she killed her torturers, but by then the wounds had been marring her mortal form too long, even for her other self to heal fully." I answered in a voice filled with grief and guilt.

"You mean this is them healed? This is a fraction of what these wounds really were? But why?" Rose asked.

"You'll find out later I'm sure. When Clara awakens the truth comes out. We don't have a choice anymore." I sighed.

We finished cleaning and redressing Clara in silence. When we were done she was wrapped in a fresh blanket and propped up on a mountain of pillows.

Clara's breathing steady but deep.

The rest of the Cullen's had returned by then and so we sat around Clara, on seats and the floor. Watching, waiting for her to awaken.

I could feel all their eyes on me. I could sense the questions bubbling in their minds. Heck I could almost hear all the questions Edward wanted to throw at me!

It was after an hour or two of this shocked silence that my mind really began to comprehend the meaning of this day. Clara had said that there were no more vampires from what she took from Riley. That meant I was at last free. I was no longer hunted. Clara had kept her oath and protected me, made me safe.

Yet at what cost? Clara once again lay injured. I could have died today. All of the Cullen's too. And now I had no choice but to reveal the whole truth of the past eight years. Not some sanitized version as I had planned.

_Would Edward still want me?_

_Would they see Clara as a threat?_

_Would Edward make me choose between her and him?_

_What would Edward think?_

_Would he feel guilty?_

_Would he leave me again?_

All these questions ran through my mind.

Rose sat next to me on the floor. Her devotion to Clara shocked me slightly. I could only guess that Rose had truly thought of Clara as a friend.

Esme sat on a chair behind the sofa. Occasionally, running her hand softly across Clara's forehead. Her concern evident.

Emmet and Jasper sat on the opposite side of the room, their gazes calculating. Both it seemed considering the tactical dangers of Clara in a fight.

Carlisle occasionally checked Clara's vitals and her bruises. Her heart rate was slowly decreasing and her bruises lightening even only after a few hours.

Edward sat boring a whole in my head with his eyes.

At 8 pm that night, Clara groaned. I sat up quickly squeezing her hand and softly whispered, "Clara" as her eyelids fluttered.


	20. Chapter 20

Author: Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. Hearing what people enjoyed and their thoughts on a chapter really makes me happy.

At last here is the explanations chapter! Did anyone guess right about Clara? Lol

Enjoy an please review.

Chapter 20:

Izzy's POV:

Clara's eye lids fluttered. Her eyes seeming one moment to be the flaring emerald green of her other form and then normal again. I could feel the Cullen's tension. What did they think? That Clara would attack them?

Clara groaned loudly and then shifted to sit up before sucking in a hash breath. "Ouch. That hurts!" Clara said in a sarcastic voice.

I giggled. I couldn't help the drunk little sound. I was so relieved to hear such a Clara like comment. I squeezed her hand tightly.

"Clara, are you ok? How do you feel?" I asked in a rushed, concerned voice.

Clara's eyes remained closed as her faced scrunched in discomfort before smoothing out. She was forcing a look of nonchalance. Clara never like showing weakness.

"Like I got hit by an eighteen wheeler, then fed through a wood chipper. But other than that I feel fine." Clara groaned.

Her eyes fluttered open looking around the room. It took her a second to focus on me, Clara smiled faintly and then looked around the room. At the sight of the Cullens, Clara's brittle smile faded and was replaced with that cold mask of indifference she wears most of the time. A mask she had slowly been letting drop around the Cullen's before this.

"Oh shit!" Clara said. As descriptions of the situation went, it was rather accurate.

"'Oh shit,' indeed." Edward said in a cold voice.

Clara slouched back into her pillows closing her eyes, her arm wrapping protectively around her ribs.

"How do you feel Clara? Do you need anything?" Carlisle asked. Always the doctor.

Clara opened one eye to peer at Carlisle as though checking he was serious, "I'm fine. A bit hungry but that's to be expected. Once I get some food, I assure you doc, I'll dance again." Clara answered with a mocking smile.

I elbowed her for her sarcasm which probably was a bit mean as she flinched. I must have hit something tender.

Carlisle's face unlike the others was not tight in anxiety, his was open curiosity. Typical Carlisle, he just wanted to understand the latest medical mystery before him.

Clara cast me a sideways glance indicating she had spotted the difference.

"How about some food doc and then we let the Spanish inquisition begin?" Clara asked in a conciliatory voice.

Carlisle nodded even as Edward spoke up, "Enough! What the hell are you? What just happened? Izzy, Explain?" Edward thundered.

This was so the wrong approach to take with this situation.

Clara openly growled an inhuman sound that had the Cullen's tensing. "I don't have to pretend anymore Edward so let me remind you that you ain't the top predator in the room anymore. Thus you don't get to stomp your foot and get things all your own way. Izzy will explain when she's ready. And if she ain't then that's tough!"

Edward was on his feet in a flash as was Clara.

"Stop!" I yelled. Everyone turned to me. "Stop I said. Clara, Edward sit down. I have already decided that I will explain. It's not like I can avoid it anymore after this afternoon. However I will not say another word if you two cannot act like adults!"

Both Clara and Edward huffed and returned to their seats. Clara noticeably more slowly and stiffly.

"Esme, can Clara have something to eat please?" I asked.

"Of course," Esme replied before disappearing into the kitchen.

"You don't have to tell them anything Izzy. I will explain what I am but other than that we owe them nothing!" Clara said. Self sacrificing as ever.

Before Edward could make comment I sighed, "No Clara. It's time I stopped lying and hiding things. If I want any kind of future here it has to be based on honesty." I said, meeting Edward's eyes as I said the last bit.

Esme returned with a casserole dish that could feed a family of nine or ten.

The dish was at least three inches deep, filled with beef, gravy, onions, carrots and topped with potatoes. It was set on a tray before Clara who smiled at Esme.

"Thank you." Clara said to Esme. Then looking at the rest of the room Clara shrugged saying, "I guess I can stop pretending now and eat as I please." With that Clara dug in. The room sat in quiet fascination for the next ten minutes as Clara demolished the Casserole, one huge bite after another. Halfway through, Clara asked for some bread and water. Esme returned with a full loaf and a two litre bottle of water. Both of which promptly disappeared as well.

Clara licked the last spoon of the last mouthful, "That was amazing Esme. It should tie me over until the explaining is done."

Carlisle couldn't hold it any longer, "You're still hungry? How much could you eat? Do you just eat human food?"

Clara cast me a glance. "After what happened today I could eat more yes. I have an increased metabolism to cater to the energy needs of my abilities. It's part of what I am." Clara answered.

Before Carlisle could comment Edward interrupted, his frame stiff and his words clipped, "And what exactly are you?"

The room froze and all eyes zeroed in on Clara. "You're sure you want them to know?" Clara asked me. I nodded and Clara sighed, her face becoming that mask of indifference as she stared out the back window into the yard where a small fire still burned.

"When I was a kid my father used to tell stories about the myths and legends of the Irish people. Stories about leprechauns, tricksters, sprites and spirits. My father was from Mayo in Ireland and my Mother from Tyrone. They were good country people. They moved to America when I was six in search of a better life. They wanted to escape the violence in the North of Ireland. Contrary to popular belief in 1998 although the peace talks were happening the troubles still had a violent face in some parts of Northern Ireland. Punishment attacks and riots still happened. My father said that he didn't want his family exposed to anymore violence. He didn't want the violence in us to awaken from it. Ironic really.

I always laughed at my father's stories about the wee folk and at the legends of soul reapers and spirits in people awakened by different forces. That was until it happened to me. When I was sixteen my parents and I were driving home from a family meal to celebrate my parents 25th wedding anniversary. My dad cut though a bad part of town as a shortcut. We had just stopped at a red light when it happened.

Two young guys from the WK gang (who kares) hijacked us. They had guns and ordered us out of the car. They made us give them all our money and jewellery. They were drug addicts...desperate. My dad had little money left after paying for the meal and refused t give them the pin number to his ATM card so they shot him. Right in front of me. I remember my mother screaming, she couldn't stop so they shot her too to shut her up. My older brother was a big guy, he had won a football scholarship so when he dove forward after they shot our mother they shot him too. I was in shock, I was horrified. I guess they thought in for a penny, in for a pound. I was just a witness then who could ID them so they shot me too."

The Cullens sat in horrified silence and Esme and I had moved to sit on either side of Clara holding her. Edward however was losing patience, "This is all very sad but it still doesn't answer the question, what are you?" he said in a short voice.

Everyone cast him scowls but Clara just flashed a sad smile, "But it will." She said before continuing.

"The bullet just missed my heart, I was in hospital for almost two weeks and had two operations. I was sixteen and alone. I had witnessed the worst violence on earth, the killing of my only family. The only people I loved. Over those two drug hazed weeks my anger increased as I relived those awful moments. The nightmares haunted me.

That was until I snapped...I knew what I had unleashed the moment it happened. My skin burned and I felt like my body was being turned inside out the first time I changed after awaking from one of my nightmares with nothing but pain and vengeance in my heart. I remembered my father's stories. He feared that the violence at home in Ireland would spark the latent gene that he had passed to me. You see my father's stories were actually the history of my family. Much like vampires my kind have many names and many myths surrounding them. My kind were called soul spirits, the green hags, the reapers and many other names. But by far the most common name came from the story which has the most truth about my kind.

This story tells of a woman who lost her sons to invading Vikings. She watched has they were cut down in battle by Viking swords. The woman screamed an ear splitting wail as her sons blood was spilled. The sight of the violence awoke within her the spirit of death. Her form became like mist, like one who wore a hooded cloak she floated above those who killed her sons. The green of her eyes blazing and she wailed that awful cry to herald their deaths. Then she reached into their chests and tore free the souls of those who had so awfully wronged her. Destroying the Viking's very souls and feeding upon its energy. From that day forth the woman lived as the creature, unable to age until her soul was restored by the one she loved. With a whole soul alone could she choose mortal life.

This creature was called the bheann sidh (pronounced van she) or in modern times a banshee. A supernatural force that screams to herald death to those destined to die soon. Her cry calling the headless horseman and his carriage to take their soul.

Much like the stories surrounding vampires, the stories around my kind hold both truth and falsehood."

"You expect us to believe you are a banshee?" Edward asked in an incredulous voice.

"Just as you expect us to believe you're a vampire!" I shot back in my temper. Clara was still lost in her memories looking out the far window, tears swimming in her eyes as she remembered her lost family.

"So what are the truths about your kind then?" Carlisle asked softly.

Clara bowed her head. Here came the truth that would cause trouble.

"I am a banshee and as such I can sense souls and see them if I choose..." Clara was cut off by Carlisle's excited voice,

"You can see souls? Do we have them? What do they look like?" Carlisle asked in desperation.

Clara cast a hesitant look around the room and then at me. "All creatures have a soul or a spirit even vampires..."

It was Edward this time who cut off Clara as he jumped to his feet, "That's a lie we are soulless monsters!" He shouted.

Clara simply flashed him a disgusted smile, "I see souls so unlike you I actually know what I am talking about. I know for a fact you as a vampire have a soul. Although I never said what condition they were in!" Clara answered harshly and cruelly.

Edward froze.

"What do you mean?" Esme chimed in nervously.

Clara cast her eyes to the floor, "Every vampire soul I have seen is dark. It is a shadow, buised, black and wrong. I have seen humans with souls like that yes but most are just dim lights. Some, truly good people glow brighter to me."

Esme looked pained, and Carlisle asked in a broken voice, "So we are damned, despite everything we try..."

Clara cut him off, casting reassuring glances to Esme, "I said every vampire soul I have seen. All those I have seen have been red eyes. I have never looked at the soul of a golden eye like you. And before you ask, I will not look at your souls. It is not my place to stand and judge your souls when my own is deeply bruised."

Carlisle was silent a moment as the rest of the Cullens sat in shocked silence.

"I suppose it is God alone who we must worry about judging our souls. Thank you Clara, it is at least nice to know we still have them." Carlisle said although I could see in his eyes the worry.

Edward was the first to recover, "What else do your kind do? What do you mean your soul is bruised?"

I cringed and all the Cullen's must have noticed as they leaned in skewering Clara with their gaze.

Clara sighed heavily, "Banshee are spirits of the soul. My increased metabolism is only part of how I live. I also need soul energy. This can be obtained in three ways. One of which the stories my father told is a sin to use. The first is by releasing a just soul. Banshees sense souls and if it is time for one to move on we can ease the transition by releasing the soul from the human body. This leaves excess energy which the soul didn't need to struggle free from the mortal body. This excess we can feed on. That is believed to be our primary purpose, our good deed. However this would require me trawling hospitals for the dying good people and would arouse suspicion so usually I use the second method. Soul energy is tied to life blood. Thus by drinking blood I can consume just enough energy to live. Thus like you I feed from animals. Their soul energy is weaker yet is enough to sustain me."

The Cullens sat in silence. "So you are like an angel of death. You ease the transition." Rosalie finally said, giving Clara an encouraging smile.

Clara did not smile back. "That is what we are meant to be, however a banshee is usually awakened by death of a loved one. This act tinges us with pain and vengeance. I am guilty of using the third method to feed. A sin worse than anything that you could ever have done or even imagine."

Jasper grunted, "I doubt that greatly." Jasper said. Clara's head shot up, her eyes tear filled and glowing. The Cullen's cringed back.

"You Jasper only killed a mortal body. I did much worse. The third way of feeding, the taboo is by grabbing the soul of another living being and forcibly cutting the strands that hold it to its body. Feeding on those bindings and then finally by crushing the immortal soul and feeding directly on it. The energy is vast and intoxicating as the very essence of the person is consumed and destroyed all their memories absorbed. I have used this "touch" three times in my life. Twice to punish those that killed my family and then.."

"You used it on Riley... that's what you did to him. That's how you knew there were no more newborns coming." Edward said in a horrified whisper.

Clara nodded heavily as her frame slouched. The weight of the world seeming to settle on her shoulders.

"My senses are more attune, I am stronger and faster than any other creature, even vampires. I can kill not only your body but your soul. I am a true demon on earth." Clara croaked.

The Cullen's sat in abject horror watching Clara as though she were a bomb about to explode.

I could not have this.

"You have all this power and you have only used it three times on the worst this world has to offer. You have protected me over the last 8 years. You sacrificed more than can be imagined for me. You are capable of kindness, protectiveness and gentleness that far outweigh any destruction you can do." I said, slowly raising Clara's head so she met my eyes.

"Explain then Izzy. What happened that last eight years? What was Riley talking about Victoria and Laurent hunting you?" Edward asked hesitantly his eyes darting from me to Clara.

I sighed, "To answer that I must start at the very beginning, after you left me in the woods..."

Edward flinched as I began my story. He had no idea the true horrors I had suffered and that Clara had suffered for me...


	21. Chapter 21

Author:

Hi all. Here is the long awaited explanation of Izzy's past. I hope you enjoy it. Thankyou all again for your reviews. They always make me smile. People seem worried that my Izzy is reverting to weak Bella. Sorry if you thought that and I have caught myself from channelling SM version of Bella too much.

Hope you enjoy. Pls review.

_Explain then Izzy. What happened that last eight years? What was Riley talking about Victoria and Laurent hunting you?" Edward asked hesitantly his eyes darting from me to Clara._

_I sighed, "To answer that I must start at the very beginning, after you left me in the woods..."_

_Edward flinched as I began my story. He had no idea the true horrors I had suffered and that Clara had suffered for me..._

Chapter 21

Izzy's POV:

"After you left me in the woods Edward things changed." I shook slightly as I recalled the worst and most painful memories of my life. Like a cutting North wind they washed over me. I hated remembering this time in my life. It was the catalyst for so much pain and for my reinvention. Honestly, just looking back on that weak 17 year old girl made me angry and sick. I had tried to change but when I remembered myself then, I often see similarities between myself then and now.

I hated those similarities...those weaknesses.

I was taking in a deep breath to really dive into my story when Clara finally seemed to come back to herself. Her head lifted and focus returned to her eyes as she shook off her earlier introspection on her sins and her past. The only weaknesses I had ever seen Clara display.

Her hand gently gripped mine, "You don't have to do this Izzy. We can go home...leave these memories for another day..."

Clara was cut off by Edward's steely voice, "We have waited long enough. Izzy will tell us now."

I had to grip Clara's hand to prevent her from reacting as her body tensed. She drew in a breath, most likely to shout Edward down but this was my fight...my problem.

"Izzy will speak, when Izzy god damn feels like it!" I snapped, my voice harsh and cold. My eyes boring into Edward.

Clara cast me a glance. I could almost hear her mocking voice saying, 'at last you got your fire back.'

"You lost the right to demand things from me Edward. I am only telling you this because I choose to. Now sit down and shut up. Your temper and demands don't work anymore. Unlike you I'm not 17 anymore!" I blustered.

Edward's eyes bugged. He probably thought our recent progress and closeness gave him cart blanche to slip into old habits. To demand and control as he did before. That shit did not fly with me.

Edward had visibly flinched at my jibe about his age and he huffed out a breath as he sat down, visibly locking his jaw with great effort.

"You don't have to talk about this today Izzy, we could wait until tomorrow...or whenever you are ready." Came Carlisle's consolatory voice. Edward shot him a glare but Carlisle must have rebuked him his head because Edward's head ducked.

I quirked my lips slightly, looking around the room. "No I want this over with. I want all the violence and secrets left behind after today. We are going to sit here until everything is out in the open." I stated, waiting for any reactions.

Clara let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know about you Izzy but if we are going down this particular memory lane, I will need a stiff drink and a cigarette." Clara said.

Typical Clara. She was basically reading my mind. Dutch courage was exactly what I needed. Although I doubted a few poxy ciders from the Cullen fridge would be enough.

"I'll go get you..." Esme began when Clara cut her off.

"Sit your ground Esme, I have this one covered." Clara stood, stretched her athletic limbs, cracking and rolling her shoulders and then blurring at her speed across the room and out the front door. The Cullen's visibly cringed a little at Clara exhibiting such speed in her human form. Any false sense of security they had gained thinking her safe, now that she was no longer in her other form quickly died.

"Where is she going?" Rose asked in a concerned voice.

Before I could answer Clara reappeared at my side holding a black backpack. I was the only one in the room who didn't jump at her speed. Edward noticed and gave me a wry smile, while his eyes danced with concern.

"I went to the car. I put this bag of emergency items in the trunk. I figured you would need them if you were going to tell the Cullen's the truth." Clara said. She was, of course, referring to our earlier plan to tell a modified version tonight but things had changed.

From the bag Clara pulled a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, an ashtray, two small tumbler glasses, a box of tissues and then with a flourish and a wry smile to me, produced a litre and a half, glass optic bottle of whiskey.

I smiled and sucked in a short gasp recognising the whiskey. "Where did you get Irish Powers 25 year vintage whiskey from?" I asked in awe.

Clara shot me another sly smile. "I brought it back from Ireland. I've been keeping it for an emergency for nearly three years. You really don't want to know what I had to do to get that young lassie from the Shepherd bar to sell me this pub sized bottle."

Clara cringed at the memory and a bubble of laughter escaped me.

"I can guess and that alone will give me nightmares. The public aren't allowed to buy optic sized bottles of spirits from pubs in Ireland. She could have lost her liquor license. You're a bad influence." I said smiling. It was odd how natural this interaction felt in the midst of this awful situation.

Clara poured two fingers of whisky into a tumbler for me and filled another to the brim for her own inhuman liver. The rich malty smell wafted to my nose, it smelt of smoked wood, cloves and malty musk. I loved this smell, it reminded me of happy times. Of nights out with Clara or cold evenings in Ireland, snuggled up in one house or another while we were on the run.

The golden brown liquid sort of numbed my mouth as I sipped it, the clove like scent clearing my head and the artificial warmth spread across my body as the golden ambrosia raced down my throat. It's artificial fire, scorching my throat.

I sighed in contentment, opening my eyes to see all the Cullen's watching me and Clara. I shrugged, "Its good whiskey." Is all I said.

Clara snorted downing her large tumbler in one almighty gulp. "The best in the world actually" Clara retorted as she refilled her glass and topped mine off.

"I suppose I better begin then. "I said absently. I stared down into my glass. The golden liquid moving in little tides as my hands shook minutely.

"When you all left me I felt like my world had ended. You have to understand, I wasn't being an angsty teenager. To me you were my family, Edward was...is my soul mate and you all were my future. When you left... You took my soul, my support network, my family and my chance at the future I had longed for. I tried to find you Edward after you left. Stupid huh? I walked about those woods for hours, until I collapsed and night fell, the rain was so cold but I can't really remember much else. Apparently Sam found me after about fourteen hours. I was verging on hypothermia and was Catatonic for four days. I couldn't face the pain."

Edward cut in then, "Izzy I'm so sorry, If I had known..." his voice was filled with pain and sadness but I cut him off.

"Be quiet Edward. I don't want to hear it. Interrupt me again and I might not continue. Besides we're only at the beginning. It gets much worse and there are much more awful things for you to apologise for."

Edward's mouth snapped closed at my cold hash words. The rest of the Cullen's swapping concerned looks.

My eyes snapped back to my glass and I sipped some more whisky. "For the next few months I just existed. Picture Edward as you described. Only I didn't have the luxury of being able to run away and be alone. I had school and my Dad to care for. I became a zombie. I stopped reading, listening to music, talking to friends, phoning my mum. I stopped living accept to attend classes, cook for Charlie, answer directly asked questions and to wake up crying from nightmares. Charlie wanted me hospitalised, or to send me back to Jacksonville but I refused either option. Swearing I would try to get better.

Around the same time I made a discovery. If I was in danger I could hear Edward's voice, I could remember him better. It was pathetic, I know now but at the time it offered me relief. A connection to you."

The Cullen's had sucked in little gasps and all eyes burned into Edward when I glanced up. Edward's hands wound into his hair tugging at it erratically.

The room was quiet a moment until Carlisle, always the clinical doctor asked in a hesitant voice, "Izzy you don't still..."

Edward and Carlisle's eyes were now trained on Clara and I could almost read their minds.

"No I don't still hallucinate when I encounter danger. And no, I am not Clara's friend because her dangerous nature helps me hear some disembodied voice." I shot out nastily.

Clara looked between me and the Cullen's in shock, then her face took on an evil mask, "Nice try Eddie But I'm here to stay!" Clara cut out.

I took another gulp and held out my glass for a refill before continuing.

"Anyway, I did lots of stupid things, talked to dangerous looking strangers, mixed with bikers, experimented with alcohol, walked in the woods alone, bikers and then I salvaged some old motorcycles. I had a friend Jacob Black and he helped me fix the bikes. Well he tried. Jacob was only a kid and he had only worked on cars. With Jacob I found my sun though. His personality helped me to feel alive. But he wasn't enough.

I was walking on La Push beach near the end of November, in floods of tears when I bumped into someone. You all know who. It was Clara." I cast her a quick smile as she squeezed my hand.

"Clara was in foster care and had done a runner. Unbeknown to me she was a banshee and using her speed and strength to hide out. You had just finished tracking down your family's murderers right?" I questioned hesitantly.

Clara gave me a half hearted smile. "Yes. I was at my lowest ebb. I had just destroyed the souls of the two men who were accused of my family's deaths. I had used my new abilities to make them suffer. I felt less than a monster, I hated myself. I had nowhere to go, was hungry and soaked to the skin from the rain. You appeared like some saviour on the beach!" Clara replied.

The Cullen's had paled at what Clara had said, finally putting the pieces together on the fact that the police had not punished her families killers but she had. This fact finally registered with them.

"You, you destroyed their souls like you did Riley's." Jasper whispered.

Clara nodded, "It will condemn me to hell, but I will never regret what I did. They took from me everyone I loved." Clara's jaw jutted out, her body straightening in defiance. Daring the Cullen's to condemn her actions.

"I would have done the same. I know something of vengeance and justice." Rosalie said.

Clara relaxed slightly nodding. Once again Clara and Rosalie were on the same level. A strange kinship forming.

"Anyway," I continued. "Clara and I must have seen the pain in each other because we became quick friends. I stashed her at Jacobs shed, brought her food and we talked. Jacob was more than happy to play the hero providing the safe house and in exchange Clara used her mechanical knowledge gained from her father to help fix the bikes I had bought.

Over Christmas and into the New Year we talked, rode the bikes in secret and went hiking. Unbeknown to Clara or Jacob the hole that they had helped to fill after Edward left began to ache again. The bikes weren't enough to keep the hallucinations anymore. So I went in search of the meadow."

Edward's head snapped up, his eyes reflecting the many memories we shared in that meadow.

"Around the same time Jacob started avoiding me and Clara.

One day in mid February Clara and I went hiking in search of the meadow and we found it. It didn't hold the memories I had hoped, but it did hold an unexpected visitor... Laurent."

The Cullen's all hissed. "He abandoned Denali, said he couldn't stick the lifestyle. I knew we shouldn't have accepted his peace offering!" Edward rushed in a choked voice, shaking his head from side to side.

I ignored the outburst keeping my eyes on my whiskey as Clara now rubbed my back, "Laurent said he had been sent by Victoria to check if you all still protected me. I tried to lie but I always was a poor actress. He said he was too hungry, said he would do me a favour and kill me and Clara quickly. A merciful fate compared to the tortures Victoria had planned he claimed...perhaps he was right." I mused almost to myself.

The Cullen's were openly arguing now about their failure to hunt down Victoria. None had caught my musings. Clara whispered to me, "Please never think like that. It was all worth it to survive, to have had the last two years."

I smiled faintly as I looked at the Cullen's arguing forms. This was so pointless, they had heard Riley, they knew she was dead, and I still lived so it obviously had a happy sort of ending.

Clara saw my distress. She shot to her feet in one of her unnatural movements, allowing her eyes to dilate to emerald stones and her voice to drop to that harsh monotone.

"Your pitiful arguing is pointless now, there is nothing you can do but shut up and listen!" Clara growled out. The Cullen's fell into shocked silence, at her words, seeing her other form partially surface.

I stood and placed my hands on Clara's shoulders, "enough Clara. Sit down." I whispered.

"What happened?" Edward whispered as the room returned to order.

I returned my eyes to my glass, sipping, half heatedly as I recalled the memory.

"Laurent snarled and crouched to attack. His red eyes were feral. I was so terrified and yet kind of relieved that the pain in my heart would end. I had almost forgotten he would kill Clara too. I screamed at Clara to run, to leave, but Clara just smiled a wicked kind of smile. I was tugging on her arm. I knew it was pointless to run but we had to try. Laurent launched at us in a blur. The next thing I knew; Clara was gone, Laurent lay headless at my feet and Clara stood on the other side of the meadow in her other form holding his head by his dreadlocks. That's when the wolves burst through the trees and I passed out." I admitted.

Clara laughed, pulling a cigarette from her pack and lighting it up without giving the slightest look to the Cullen's scowls.

"You can only imagine the tension in that meadow. A passed out Bella, five massive wolves and a banshee holding the head of a vampire." Clara barked a hacking laugh as she exhaled.

"It took some imaginative talking to convince the Quileute wolves not to attack me. The enemy of my enemy is my friend kind of deal. I had to explain to the wolves and to Izzy what I was. She typically took it extremely well." Clara said pointing at me with her cigarette.

"Then I was informed of what exactly I had just beheaded. Imagine my shock at hearing there were vampires and werewolves and that Izzy had dated one. It made for right interesting after dinner conversation." Clara said nonchalantly, completely glossing over the shock and near bloodbath that happened that day.

"The wolves informed us that other red eyes were hunting in the area. It turned out Victoria had been stalking me for some time with a couple of newborns but the wolves had been keeping her at bay. My friend Jacob it turned out was the second in command of the pack." I mused. This was the final straw. Edward snapped.

"You went from vampires to a banshee and wolves. Young, immature and volatile wolves. You actually entrusted your safety to those dirty dogs!" Edward burst out. I was going to give him a piece of my mind but Clara it seemed had, had enough as well.

There was a crash and Edward dangled nearly three feet off the ground in an Edward sized dent in the far wall with a pissed off Clara holding him by the neck. Edward's eyes changed from the pissed fury of a moment ago to fear. A new look for a vampire. Clara held Edward by his throat with crushing force. So much in fact even he could not suck in a breath to speak.

Clara brought he face to within an inch of Edward and even from here I could see that her canines were on display.

"You have no right to speak here Cullen!" Clara spat, "Those '_dogs_' are me and Izzy 's friends. They protected us, fed us and comforted us when you were nothing but a distant memory. When you were gone moping like an angsty teenager from a shitty TV show, they were risking life and limb to keep Izzy alive. They risked themselves, they stayed to protect her, they nearly died for us. If you ever belittle them or their actions again in anyway, I swear in blood and honour I will rip you apart! Show some fucking respect!" Clara said in that deadly monotone.

Clara held Edward by the throat staring into his eyes for what seemed like hours. I didn't speak or contradict Clara. Edward was getting what he deserved here.

It shocked me when Emmet then spoke up, "They may not smell too good, but the simple fact is that they protected Izzy when we didn't. They protected my sister from a danger we were ignorant of because of your actions. " Emmet jabbed a finger at Edward, "If anything, we owe the wolves and Clara. Get your head out of your ass Edward." Emmet's face took on a mocking smile, "Beside it looks like I ain't the only one you have to worry about kicking your ass if you step out of line again Eddie boy."

I was a little confused but the last comment but I didn't say a word. I just waited. Clara took a couple of deep breaths, suppressing the cracks of her bones and slowly released Edward. When his feet hit the carpet she blurred back to my side, retrieving her cigarette from where it perched in her ashtray.

The Cullen's seemed to sag in relief as Edward was released and he rubbed his throat casting dark looks to Clara and Emmet.

"Emmet is right. We owe the wolves and Clara. We will not forget our debts." Carlisle said casting Edward a hard look.

I nodded to Carlisle who smiled faintly.

"As I was saying," I began, "The wolves set up patrols and a protection detail. Clara went before the tribal council and because her mythical roots mirrored the wolves as well as her shifting of form, the council granted her honouree membership. The council leaders then used Native American laws to get a loophole which allowed them to emancipate Clara at 17. She got her inheritance and could legally live on the reservation. Clara moved in with Sam the Alpha and his fiancée Emily but was rarely far from my side. Her heightened abilities and reduced need for sleep made her the ideal bodyguard for me."

Carlisle couldn't help himself, his curiosity was bubbling, "What do you mean reduced need for sleep?" He enquired.

Clara looked up and absently answered, "Banshees it seems only need about four hours of sleep a week to function."

Carlisle looked flabbergasted and obviously had more questions but was quelled by my continuing,

"The wolves protected me, took out a few newborns, but Victoria just created more and each time the wolves encountered her, she escaped while getting closer to me. The wolves taking injuries each time, and risking their lives."

"Why didn't Clara just breeze though them like she did today?" Edward asked in a half curious, half accusing tone.

Clara tensed but I intervened. "Clara as you saw today is extremely powerful and fast. However she is not invulnerable or omnipotent. Victoria used multiple point attacks. Simultaneous groups of newborns would attack from completely opposite directions, splitting the wolves while she came in from a third direction. Clara is fast but can't be everywhere at once. The council decided the wolves would split into teams and counter attack while Clara remained at my side as a last line of defence. Clara took out a few newborns when they got close enough but if she left me and was on the opposite side of the reservation while a larger force came from the opposite direction I would be toast. Combine this with the desire to keep Clara's true nature a secret so Victoria couldn't adapt and escalate to using even larger numbers of newborns and you have the logic behind the decision."

"Victoria was smart!" Jasper mused in an offhand way.

"Exactly, and as I said before, I wasn't fast enough to attack the newborns and defend Izzy" replied Clara skewering Edward with her eyes.

I sat in silence. I didn't want to go any further. This was the point from which the really painful memories began.

"What happened next?" Esme prompted gently. I remained quiet and in my thoughts. Clara cast me worried looks, knowing exactly what happened next.

"Izzy you can stop here, we can go home for the day if you want?" Clara said.

Edward looked at me with pained eyes. He noticed the tears I was fighting.

"We could take a break, maybe start again in the morning." Edward gently prodded. Things must be bad if even Edward isn't in a rush to drag answers from me.

I took in a shaky breath, "No I want to finish this tonight." I whispered. I fumbled for a cigarette not even looking up to see the Cullen's reactions. I didn't care anymore, I was lost to the painful memories.

Clara took pity on me and held out a cigarette, taking the lighter from my shaking hands and lighting the cigarette.

I let the rancid smoke burn my lungs as the small nicotine hit gave me a slight head rush. My hand dipped at the weight of my whisky being topped up. I inhaled and exhaled the cigarette. Took one more drink and then said,

"Next I tried to kill myself!"


	22. Chapter 22

Author: Hello all. I got the most reviews ever for my last chapter. Its wonderful having so many people reading and reviewing my story. Thank you so much for your encouragement.

To address some questions I got: My version of Banshees and their abilities and past is based on stories that my own father told me growing up. I am as many of you guessed, Irish. My culture and heritage are very important to me. Thus you will notice I have placed Ireland firmly in my story as one of the places Izzy and Clara ran to. In my head I think they would love my country and so I have made their favourite drinks, Magners Cider and Powers Irish whiskey. My two favourite drinks which I miss when I go away from home. Also Clara's breakfast in a previous chapter was a bumper buster Ulster fry which my favourite cafe at university serves. Its a greasy gut busting hangover cure. Lol. The glass/devalian dialects of Gaelic were once spoken in the Connaught region of Ireland. However they died out quite some time ago. The Gaelic phrases I use are a mix of Ulster Gaelic words and phrases as well as some fictitious words where my own beginner level of Gaelic fails me and I don't have time to research the phrases.

Thanks for the reviews and questions.

Some other people have mentioned that the reveal and the explanation is taking a long time. I admit this but what I had in my head seemed very short yet when I went to write it down, the necessary details have made it much longer. I do apologise for this but it is necessary to make things seem realistic.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and I will try not to end on another awful cliff hanger. Pls review. And enjoy.

"_Next I tried to kill myself!"_

Chapter 22

Clara's POV:

I had sat watching Izzy squirm. Her need for a cigarette an indicator of her stress. My own body still ached as my accelerated healing kicked in. The pain in my ribs and my neck wound still burned, yet I couldn't allow myself to pass out into that healing sleep while Izzy needed me.

Besides, I still had Riley's soul energy coursing through me. That dark sticky, tar like energy. I felt rejuvenated and strong with his shredded soul feeding me, yet my human psyche rebelled at the thought. His memories pushed at my consciousness. The innocents he had killed and the quite rage of his hunt for us bubbled in my mind. I felt sick just knowing I had this awful energy within me, that right now it sustained me. I wanted rid of it. I ached to run, to pound across vast distances, tearing up trees and pulverising boulders. Anything to get rid of his energy.

However now was not the time to think of myself. Izzy sat staring dead ahead, the remnants of smoke escaping her mouth as she breathed out what she had tried to do.

My body hummed with energy. I was prepared to jump forward and tear Edward apart when he reacted. I expected disbelief, swearing, accusations, disgust or plain rage from Edward at Izzy's revelation.

Instead his form seemed to collapse in on itself. His breath left his stone lungs in a rush as though he had been winded, he fell to his knees and his eyes held nothing but pain and regret as he stared in shock at Izzy.

Izzys's form remained tight and rigid as though a slight blow may shatter her. I could almost hear her mind. Her thoughts as she awaited the Cullen's condemnation.

Yet the Cullen's like Edward remained silent and in shock. Esme however seemed more emotional. Her breathing had become harsh and her eyes watered with tears she could not shed. Slowly Esme embraced Izzy.

Izzy sat rigid in her cold arms while I sat feeling useless, holding Izzy's hand in a silent show of support. The only action I could take.

"I have known that desperation Izzy when I lost my child. If you can...Please ...can you explain?" Esme asked in a quiet hushed voice. The voice you used to coax a skittish cat.

Esme's comment threw into focus her change and the true circumstances around her "fall" from a cliff which led her to this life. Izzy's eyes widened a little as her form relaxed. Izzy I could tell was glad that there had been no anger or outburst at her actions. Just quiet acceptance mixed with heart ache. Izzy now knew the truth around Esme's past and perhaps that is what gave her the confidence to speak her explanation.

An explanation I had heard before but still struggled to follow the logic of.

"I had been under the pack and Clara's protection for nearly three months." Izzy began. " Victoria was getting desperate. She sent more newborns and when that failed she got creative. The newborns attacked my house. With me not there, the wolves had left my house unprotected. A group of three newborns attacked Charlie."

Alice gasped and leaned forward while the rest of the Cullen's inhaled sharply. Izzy forced back a half sob as she ducked herhead, stubbing out her cigarette with shaking hands. She took a gulp of whisky before continuing.

"The wolves detected their presence and Clara used all her abilities to reach my father. She was able to save him. In a way." Izzy managed to say between gasps.

Izzy couldn't help the tears sliding down her face now. She curled into my shoulder weeping quietly.

"What does she mean 'in a way' Clara? " Carlisle asked sheepishly after a moment.

I rubbed Izzy's back and looked at the Cullen's over her shoulder.

"I used my other form and I made it in time to intercept the newborns but I wasn't fast enough to protect Charlie and destroy the newborns. Trying to attack multiple targets while protecting another is my one weakness. Charlie panicked and tried to shoot the newborns and me." A sad smile lifted my lips.

"He was a fighter to the end." I sighed as Izzy hiccupped. "I was tearing two newborns apart when the third came from behind. He struck Charlie, bringing him to the ground to bite him. I was able to kill the newborn but it was too late. I just wasn't fast enough. In a straight fight, just me and an opponent, no distractions or defending, three vampires are easy. Heck ten times that is easy."

I growled quietly pulling at my hair, frustrated at my own weakness. For all my power I had failed.

" Charlie had a large head wound from the newborns attack. The wolves came and we staged a bear attack. Charlie had severe brain swelling from his head wound. He had surgery but he never woke up from the coma. We visit him in hospital in Seattle every few months. I could have saved him, could still save him but..." I growled as Izzy interrupted me.

"I'll tell the rest. " She began. "You see Charlie was hurt because of me and it was then I saw what was right in front of me. Everyone was exhausted. The wolves had been injured numerous times and Clara had been pushing herself too hard. I knew that in time Victoria and her newborns would get through again. That they would discover Clara and then come back in force or that one of those days the wolves went out they would not return with gashes and broken limbs but dead. Jacob had only just survived the last attack. My friend was nearly crushed to death because of me. His screams filled my nightmares. I couldn't let someone die in my place. I couldn't be the cause of more pain and death. Jacob and the pack did so much for us. I can never forget their sacrifices. It's why I took the name Black-Swan. So I would never forget.

Anyway that's beside the point. You see, I figured that if I was dead then it would be over. Death at least would relieve my guilt and agony over Charlie. Victoria would have no more reason to hurt anyone if I was dead.

I would have walked out alone to the newborns but of course no one would let me. I was surrounded by wolves and Clara. So I hatched a plan. Just like I did when Jasper was protecting me and I ran to James. I waited until the next attack and when the wolves were off fighting I made my move.

I was being kept in Sam's house with Clara. We were watching TV so I turned it up a bit and then excused myself to the bathroom.

I climbed out the window and ran." Izzy recited.

My fists clenched and my body tensed. I had heard this story before and would always flog myself for letting Izzy escape my protection. For allowing her to play on my distraction. For allowing her to hide thoughts about ending her own life from me. Some best friend I had been.

I gritted my teeth until my jaw ached. I averted my gaze from the Cullens. I couldn't meet their eyes. It was foolish but I had failed Izzy and I did not want to see the accusation in their eyes.

Izzy squeezed my hand and grasped it firmer with her other hand.

"Clara...Clara." Izzy whispered until I looked up.

Izzy smiled faintly. "I can read you like a book Clara. It wasn't your fault. I made my own decisions. I outsmarted seven vampires once to run off to a psycho vampire who wanted to kill me. Don't forget, I'm not an average human either." She said.

I tried to smile but I returned my gaze to my hands as Izzy continued.

"I knew Clara would notice I was gone shortly and I had to end it. I had to protect those I loved.

Jacob had shown us an area where the wolves went cliff diving."

Esme dragged in a ragged breath at hearing this while a strangled noise escaped Edward.

"The cliffs were huge and I knew that hitting water from that height and from the wrong angle would be hard to survive. I ran as quickly as I could. That particular day a storm was brewing. The sky dark and cloudy. Distant thunder rumbling as monster waves crashed against the cliffs and the ocean swelled. I ran, stumbling and gasping. I didn't even hesitate when I came to the cliff edge. What did I have to fear? I had lost so much . My soul was shattered and the thought of losing anyone else I loved, the wolves and Clara, drove me on. I jumped." Izzy said in a half whisper.

The Cullens stood like perfect imitations of statues. Edward seemed to be burning from the inside out. A man who was being burned by the true consequences of his actions.

Alice sat huddled in Jaspers arms weeping since the revelations of Charlie's fate.

Izzy moved slowly over to Alice and embraced her. I took up the story from there.

"Izzy says after she hit the water she can't remember anything." I began. "It's not surprising really considering we figure she hit the water knocking herself out. Leaving her to drown. I realized after a few minutes that Izzy was taking too long in the bathroom. I turned off the telly and immediately noted the absence of Izzy's heartbeat in the house. Jacob returned about the same time. He was sent ahead to tell us the newborn threat had been neutralised. Together we tracked Izzy's scent to the cliff edge.

Looking into the thrashing abyss of the water below we saw nothing but rain, dark waves and rocks. Only we inhuman creatures jumped from the cliffs that Izzy jumped from. I was at a loss." I Croaked.

Izzy held Alice as they both tried to suppress sobs.

I stared unseeing into Izzy's eyes. All I could see were my memories of that horrible day.

"It was amongst the churning sea that we saw the red flash. It was Victoria."

Edward made a choking sound as something snapped from Emmet's chair and he hurled what looked like an armrest across the room.

"Jake shifted and we both dived into the water. There we could see under the water, Victoria shaking an unconscious Izzy like a ragdoll. Her blood turning the water a sickly pink colour. Jake attacked Victoria, who in her distraction with Izzy, was too late to avoid Jake's teeth, taking a chunk out of her arm. Victoria miraculously retreated and I dragged Izzy's broken body back to shore." I gasped, shaking slightly as I retold the harrowing memory.

"Izzy was blue, she was ice cold and had broken quite a few bones, either from the fll or by Victoria's hand. She wasn't breathing and her heart had stopped. Jake started CPR but it wasn't enough. I used my abilities and I could see her soul breaking its bonds to her mortal body."

I broke my daze really meeting Izzy's eyes as I addressed her, "I couldn't lose you. I couldn't let my failure be the reason for loosing you. I swore an oath after my family's deaths to never lose another person I loved. I knew that given time you could survive, no matter what awful things had happened. You just needed the chance. I tapped into my Banshee nature. I forced my change as quickly as possible and pushed Jacob back. He tried to fight me but one look at my emerald eyes had him cowering back. I used the touch on you."

Edward's head snapped up, a growl leaving his lips before he could help it. Carlisle placed a calming hand on Edward who took the time to look at Izzy. The few seconds delay allowed his idiotic brain to catch up to the fact that I had not used the touch to destroy Izzy like I did Riley.

"I used the touch not to feed or to destroy but rather to force your soul to remain in your body Izzy. I forced the energy of my own soul into you. I snapped the bonds tying my own essence my body. My immortal form naturally having more bonds so I could spare a few" I tried to smile but Izzy did not.

The room sat in rapt silence.

"I forced my own essence into you to hold your soul in place. To heal your wounds as best I could, but I hadn't fed that week and was weakened from the incident with Charlie. I couldn't fix all the damage. I restarted your heart, healed your broken bones and cuts. The deeper damage however, like some of the scarring and the deep sub cortex damage to your brain which causes your nerve spasms and fits now, I couldn't fix ."

I lowered my gaze from Izzy. She had always thanked me for my actions. She claimed I saved her from herself, fixing what she called "her mistake in a moment of madness." Yet saving Izzy was a selfish act. I had forcibly restrained her soul. It was an unnatural act and each day I feared Izzy would finally see this and denounce me as the vile creature I am. Yet she never did and this alone gave me hope.

Carlisle's gaze fixed on me, shifting between amazed and curious. I could almost hear the cogs turning in his mind. The possibilities he saw in my unnatural gifts.

Edward however was quick as ever. Always seeing the smaller details where Izzy was concerned.

His tone was no longer accusing. He at least was learning. "If you were too weak then to fix the brain damage then why not just feed and repeat the process until Izzy is healed properly." He queried in a careful voice.

I was about to answer when Izzy stood marching towards me, her face and tone revealing her anger, "That's because this self sacrificing, idiot is glossing over a few facts. In the first place, Clara was planning to use her abilities to save Charlie. To bring him out of the coma. We had it all planned, she would feed and then we would sneak her into the hospital. It all sounded great. Charlie would be healed. But Clara had failed to mention the cost of healing. She failed to mention the effects of her using the touch to heal. "

Izzy jabbed her finger at me, her voice harsh. Then she suddenly deflated and her voice became softer as she spoke to me like we were alone,

"You never told me what it really cost to heal someone. You, being the over protective, most noble person I know probably never would have if Jacob hadn't told me how you had spasms when you healed me. If you hadn't passed out." Izzy said.

I ducked my head as Izzy shook hers and refocused on the room of Cullens.

"Performing the touch while resisting the urge to release the soul or destroy it is excruciating. Its denying the banshee nature. Like a vampire going on hunger strike while a bleeding human stands close by. Its agony and near impossible. On top of that Clara broke her own soul bonds to rebind mine and give me the power to heal. Immortal's souls are tightly bound and forcibly snapping such bonds is unnatural. To say its torture, agony...pure pain, simply doesn't do it justice. Clara apparently went into spasms when she saved me. In too much agony to even scream. The spasms so violent she broke her own ribs and spine. Her eyes bulged and turned red as all the blood vessels burst, before she finally passed out. Saving me put Clara in a comma for nearly a week. She was lucky to wake up at all, it could have killed her. That's why I expressly forbid Clara from using her ability to heal me or my father. I won't risk it killing her or causing her so much pain again. The cost of the healing is too high. No matter how willing she is to try." Izzy stated. The final part sounding like a challenge for anyone to dare to claim that the cost was worth the reward. Something Izzy refused to accept.

The Cullen's remained silent, their gazes back focused on me, like the new strange science experiment. I felt like a lion on display at the zoo for nosey kids.

The silence was broken only by Edward's croaky voice, "It seems I owe you another debt. You saved her life. You protected Izzy when I could not," he said.

I glared coldly at Edward, "You owe me nothing. I didn't do it for you count chocula." I shot out.

Edward cast me a lopsided grin which was a twisted, forced shadow of his normal one. His tone and voice however were deadly serious in a quiet understated way, "Still, you saved her. I won't forget." He said, showing more calm and honour than I had seen to date.

I sighed. "Anyway, after that, it took me a few weeks to heal up properly. Victoria was relentless in her pursuit. Izzy was worried about the wolves and that some newborn might try to finish off her father so I came up with a plan. We would run. I had enough inheritance for the two of us to just disappear. The tribal council leaders knew a few shady characters that they used when they had to hide the identities and ages of wolves. We used them to procure numerous false documents under various names: Marie Gosling, Mary Swift, Isa Signet and Izzy Black-Swan to name but a few. I used my speed and a jumper covered in Izzy's scent to create a false trail out of Forks all the way to Canada. While the Newborns and Victoria followed that we took our fake documents and headed for Jacksonville.

From then on we were on the run. The wolves reported within two weeks that Victoria had left Forks, her newborns it appears she disposed of herself so that she could travel more easily in her search for us." I explained.

Jasper nodded quietly in appreciation of our plan and in agreement to or beliefs about the Fate of Victoria's newborns.

"Travelling newborns in any number tend to attract too much attention. Especially if she was tracking." Jasper said.

"Jacksonville with its sun provided us with a degree ofsafety. Not many vampires chance going into such a sunny place. Vampires that do have to be careful and are mainly only active at night. We stayed with Rene for a little while but distanced ourselves in the hope that her fate would not match Charlie's. Within a year I picked up the scent of vampires near where we lived so we left. We lived like that for six years. Moved to a place under a new identity and stayed until I scented vampire and then we left. We stayed days or sometimes over a year in places. If we scented any vampires at all we left. We could never be sure Victoria did not have new allies. Thus under the guise of travelling students we moved across the world. Izzy got her degree, her masters and PHD to keep her busy while we moved and I worked at various garages. It was productive for a time. Jacksonville, Russia, Spain, Germany, France, Switzerland, Ireland and then finally England where it all ended." I stated matter of factly.

Izzy visibly shook as she paled, whiter than any vampire. She wobbled as she walked over to me and curled into my embrace. Tears trickled from her eyes. Izzy whispered so low even the Cullen's strained to hear, "London. Where she caught up with us and it all ended...where it happened..."


	23. Chapter 23

Author:

Hey all, I back at university so updates will be a bit more spaced out. I have decided to lengthen this story though and it should go on for another while. My writers block kind of melted and Clara whispered how the story should proceed. I was kinda shocked by what she said but if the interest in the story stays high and I get more reviews I'll write it anyway and see what you all think.

Thanks to everyone who has added me as a favourite author and a favourite story. Please review though. Those reviews make all the difference.

Enjoy

_Izzy visibly shook as she paled, whiter than any vampire. She wobbled as she walked over to me and curled into my embrace. Tears trickled from her eyes. Izzy whispered so low even the Cullen's strained to hear, "London. Where she caught up with us and it all ended...where it happened..._

Chapter 23:

Clara's POV:

I tightened my grip on Izzy as her body shook. This was the true horror of our story. This was what Izzy did not want to tell the Cullen's.

"I'll tell this part Izzy." I whispered. Her eyes, filled with tears, stared deep into me, as though she were the soul reader and not I.

"It's both our nightmares to tell." Izzy croaked. I tightened my hug to the limit her frail form could take. Hoping that I could hold her together as we visited this most dark of memories.

I set my whiskey glass down and closed my eyes, forcing my mind back to my ultimate failing.

"It was two years ago that we were in London. Izzy was working on her Shakespeare dissertation so we had moved to Southwark beside the Thames. The reconstructed Globe Theatre and Shakespeare research archives were there for Izzy and I could make do with working in a quick fit garage. It wasn't glamorous but it was heavily populated, had the right resources and gave us a good cover. London had plenty of hospitals so I could freely move around and free souls when needed. Thus feeding my need for soul energy.

We had left Ireland in a bit of a hurry after scenting Vampires quite close to our home, but I wrongly assumed we had gotten away clean. Truthfully I should have moved us further than London, but I wanted to give Izzy the best surroundings to do her dissertation in. It was foolish. A mistake we paid for." I stated as my face crumpled. Even now I still tried to discern how I had been so foolish.

A cool hand stroked my furrowed brow. "It wasn't your fault Clara." Izzy whispered. I nodded weakly to placate Izzy but I knew that she saw threw me.

"Anyway, we were there for nearly a year and with no sight or scent of vampire I…"

"we" Izzy interrupted. I smiled weakly before continuing.

"_we _grew complacent. Southwark was surrounded by middle and upper class areas. Large city businesses and bordered by the Thames. Not exactly easy pickings for a vampire to hunt in without raising suspicion." I recited my failed logic which had so poorly lead to Izzy's pain.

"It was an ordinary day like any other. May Day bank holiday had ended and I had gone to work while Izzy went to the library to work on her thesis. That night when I got home Izzy was still out. At the time I assumed that she was caught up in research. 'Assumption' is the mother of all fuck ups though. After an hour or two I started to get worried so I rang Izzy's cell phone. It rang until voicemail kicked in. By now I was getting worried. I knew Izzy always answered her phone. It was one of our rules. Text each other twice a day to check in and always answer your cell."A sharp bark of sick laughter escaped me at my pathetic safety rules.

Izzy twisted in my lap and to take up the story. "I had been in the library café when V-V-Victoria walked up behind me. She said hello like I was a long lost friend. S-s-she said if I didn't walk out with her nice and quietly, like a good girl she would massacre everyone in the café. Consequences be damned, she would have her vengeance." Izzy said in a voice much stronger than I expected. Her tone detached as if reading a book.

"I looked around at the families surrounding us. The children talking with their parents. Stressed PhD students and the staff I had come to know in passing. I couldn't let another person suffer because of me. So I plastered a fake smile on my face and walked out of the library with Victoria like we were old friends." Izzy's words were monotone but towards the end she shook her head with a choked giggle as if amused by her behaviour.

The Cullen's sat in rapt attention. Alice still recovering from her dry sobs for Charlie. Edward kneeling on the opposite side of the room as though the weight of our words had made him unable to stand. His eyes never left Izzy as she recited her story. His fists clenching and unclenching. His jaw tightly shut but grinding his teeth in frustration and pain.

"I had just text Clara before Victoria arrived so there was nothing she could have done." Izzy said. Her eyes addressing the room so as to absolve me of my crime.

"I followed her outside where she had a boat waiting on the Thames. We sailed for about ten minutes on the dirty water until we came down river to a deserted industrial area. It was there that Victoria took me. It was there that she sought her vengeance. She had another young vampire with her. He was tall and lean with dusky brown hair. He looked so young, yet I quickly learned that his youth did not hinder his sadism." Izzy choked.

The Cullens released collectively low growls before they cut off as though an instructor had scolded them.

"My phone kept ringing and ringing but I couldn't answer. I tried to tell Victoria that it was a wrong number or an operator call but she wasn't that stupid. Clara's name flashed on the display and was the only name on my phone. The idea that I had someone I cared for thrilled Victoria. She taunted me for my weakness. For caring for someone and told me in detail how making me see someone I loved die would be an even greater punishment. She had tracked me using my academic study rather than my name. My research being a little more niche than I had thought. This meant that Victoria had found me by chance at the library but didn't know where I lived. S-she cut me. Burned me." Izzy whispered in a broken voice as more tears brimmed.

Carlisle and Esme leant against Emmet and Rosalie's love seat as though needing support. All fourlooking like an ancient tablo of remorse. Their heads bowed. Edward released a sound of animalistic pain. A single grunt while Jasper's face was a mask of horror. He twitched as he felt Izzy's pain and Alice tried in vain to sooth him.

"S-she hurt me until I broke. I tried…I tried so hard but I couldn't take it. I told Victoria where Clara lived. I broke. I didn't even do it in the hope that you could save me…I did it in a mindless fit of pain. I betrayed you Clara…I- I –I'm so sorry." Izzy hiccupped as she turned to me with pleading eyes.

I rubbed her back soothingly and tried to smile.

"Of course it wasn't your fault Izzy. I know you had no choice. I just wish you had told her sooner!" I whispered in my most gentle voice before returning my eyes to the Cullen's.

"I scented the dusky haired Vampire before I saw him. I knew what his arrival meant so I played dumb. Acted scared when he burst through the door. Listened in horror as he lied that Izzy was in danger and that if I wanted to see her alive again I had to follow him. I played the weak dumb human. When we got to the warehouse I could smell Izzy's fear and blood on the wind. It took everything I had not to rush into that warehouse half cock. And I'm glad I didn't.

When we entered, Victoria stood behind a naked and bleeding Izzy. Her broken bones peaked though open wounds. Her face so beaten she could barely open her eyes from swelling and bruising. The blood literally draining out of her from the lacerations on nearly every inch of her skin. It looked like she had tried to skin her alive. Nothing but blood and muscle. Izzy was strapped like a piece of meet to a suspension cord. Victoria's hand wound tightly round her neck. The young one took her place as Victoria prowled towards me. I am fast. Incredibly so, but with the young one's hand around Izzy's throat I could not risk her life by rushing to safe Izzy. So I played human. Lulled Victoria into a sense of security." I recited these details with a broken voice. With absolute horror. I heard gagging noises, whimpers and growls from the Cullen's yet I could not bear to look at them right now.

Izzy in that detached voice took up the story.

"I was barely conscious," she mumbled. "There was so much pain. More so than when James had bitten me. I begged for death but then of course that was Victoria's plan. It was when Clara arrived that the true torture began. Clara refused to act. To save herself. I could see her eyes glow and saw her jerky movements as the fire to change and destroy, burned in her but she held it back. Held it back waiting for an opportunity to save me. Victoria stripped Clara and began her tortures on her. Cutting open her back, breaking one limb slowly after another. My tears burned my many cuts as I watched. This torture was all my friendship offered. Unlike me, Clara fought back her screams which seemed only to spur Victoria on. I tried to shout at Clara to save herself but my broken jaw made my pleas unintelligible." Izzy murmured. The horror of the memories reflected in the dark brown pools of her eyes.

Izzy shook further and in a second Edward had crossed the room and cradled Izzy to him. They shook and whimpered together. I would have objected but Izzy clung to him. Her soul mate. He alone perhaps could offer salvation from these memories while I was but a reminder.

"Victoria took her time torturing me. Making sure Izzy stayed conscious throughout to observe. That was her mistake. She underestimated me. She should have killed me outright. I forced my wounds to stay open. I beat back the raging banshee as hard as I could, for even the slightest hint that I was a threat would see Izzy dead. I taunted Victoria. Called her a sick bloodsucker. Told her she was a monster and that she was weak. There was no honour in fighting those that could not fight back. Victoria was nothing if not sadistic however. She mocked me right back. Taunted me about how sweet Izzy's blood was. It was this comment that gave me the catalyst to our salvation and an act which blackened my soul further." I said. My voice having become nothing more than an angry whisper. Laced with defeat and pain. Tears I had not shed then, trailed a stinging pathway down my face. I could not wipe them away, there were marks of what I was and what I had done to survive. They showed that perhaps I was not such a cold and cruel monster after all.

"I baited Victoria. I screamed that I would never touch blood. Never! That to drink Izzy's blood was a foulest act. This of course excited Victoria for she loved more than anything to torture. To degrade us past what we held dear. Victoria got that wicked glint in her eye. That cruel idea. That what I so appalled she would force me to do." My words were cut short by horrified gasps but I rallied on. If I stopped now the truth and disgusting honesty of my actions would surely kill me and I would not speak again.

"Victoria dragged my broken body to Izzy. She told me to drink her blood. She said if I did she would let me live. A lie of course. I denied her at first. When she finally broke my last uninjured rib I cried out and agreed. This act had lead me to where I needed to be. I was desperately weak from the torture but Izzy's blood would give me the strength I needed to attack. Secondly being so close to Izzy meant that I might just be fast enough to kill both vampires before they could kill Izzy.

Much to Victoria's shock and her initial amusement I latched onto Izzy's wrist with abandon. Gulping down what little blood had not leaked onto the floor with relish. Absorbing soul energy and feeding that thing that I am."

I sighed heavily, my voice barely able to pass the boulder in my throat as I tried not to sob in large fits.

Izzy peeled away from Edward, "It had to be done! You saved us" Izzy said emphatically.

"I fed from you! My own family I nearly killed you!" I railed back. My own disgust at having forcibly fed from Izzy making me bow my head in shame. I looked away from Izzy and in a thick voice continued.

"I had enough energy then to act. I forced my full change in the blink of an eye. Before Victoria could even realize what I had become I had ripped the arm from her young one who had been holding Izzy and I twisted in a full whirl sweeping Victoria's head from her neck in one savage and ragged movement."

"She died too quickly" Edward growled interrupting me.

I choked a laugh. "Trust me. She suffered." I shot back.

"I'll get to that though." I said with a hint of a cruel smile. "I dispatched the young one with ease. Izzy was on the verge of death, her injuries so extreme. So I did the only thing I could. I performed the touch again. I forced my essence into her but it wasn't enough. I was so badly injured myself I could barely stand so I drew energy from the soul of the young vampire I had dismembered and channelled it into healing Izzy. It was just enough to bring her back from the doors of death." I sighed.

"From there I dragged Izzy to a nearby road. I faked a hit and run and then waited in the shadows for an ambulance to arrive." I said.

"Why didn't you go too dear?" Esme asked, her eyes for the first time meeting mine. Her concern touched me making the tears leak out all that bit faster.

"Oh I needed medical attention but I was determined to ensure Victoria was never again a threat first. I went back to the warehouse and started a fire. I took enough essence from the young vampire to sustain myself but did not destroy his soul. I cast him into the flames and then turned to Victoria's twitching body."

"I hope you tore apart her very soul. I hope you made her suffer." Edward hissed, his eyes onyx black. The Cullen's all hissed.

I drew a deep shuddering breath. "I have only performed the touch three times. I told you this. To destroy her soul would have been but a brief agony with a beginning and an end. Eventually she would have had a form of peace in oblivion. Instead I had a better punishment in mind." I took a long shuddering breath.

"I reassembled Victoria."

"What!" the Cullen's hissed.

"I reassembled her" I repeated. Before they could speak again I continued. "I reassembled Victoria and allowed her to see what I was. She tried to run but I ripped off her legs. I reassembled her perhaps a half a dozen times repeating the process for my own cruel thrills. I tortured her as she had done me. It was delightful." I said with what I know was a vicious and sadistic smile on my face.

"Eventually," I continued, "I felt my energy begin to wane. I needed to get to the hospital to see Izzy and to feed by releasing a soul. I told Victoria that Izzy would live a happy life where she could never get her. This enraged her to a lovely degree.

I offered her the touch. A painful but final end, if she told me how many more vampires she had created to hunt us. Victoria, defiant to the end, refused so my mercy ran out. Izzy and I would have to continue running and this thought combined with the horrors she had inflicted upon us awoke my own most evil tendencies. Mercy was not a word I knew in that moment.

I became the cold hearted monster I am. In a monotone free of any emotion I first told Victoria her fate. I enjoyed the horror on her face as I told her she would know pain like no other and would have no peace, not even in the madness that would come.

Victoria by this stage was terrified. She could not fight me. Could not outrun me. She babbled on trying to reason and bargain with me. I'll admit I laughed. I enjoyed her terror. I wallowed in it.

I spent the next hour slowly ripping her apart into 32 separate pieces. I took my time burning each piece as she watched, screaming and twitching. I burned every piece, with the viciousness of a child burning ants with a magnifying class, until all that was left was her twitching head. I ripped off her gibbering jaw and tore free her tongue as she tried to scream. I gouged out her eyes and tossed all of the pieces into the fire. Finally I burned off all her beloved red hair. Then I took one of the metal barrels in the warehouse, filled it with stones and placed Victoria's head in with them. She would exist for eternity as nothing more than a soundless marble head. Forever in the dark, with but a brain, to ponder her mistakes and all she had lost. All she would have left was her thoughts to drive her insane. Her mind alone would survive, for eternity knowing nothing but agony and horrible memories. Impotent to help herself in any way. I sealed the barrel swam with it to the deepest part of the Thames. I sunk the barrel and buried it at the bottom of the River bed at its deepest point where she will suffer for all eternity." I said in a vicious spitting monotone.

The Cullen's sat in abject horror. All silent, all mouths agape watching me as though they had never realized the true monster that was before them. Now they knew. Now I would have to leave Izzy…


	24. Chapter 24

Author: once again thank you to everyone who reviewed. I got a lot of private messages about the last chapter. I admit it was a bit gruesome for some but as you know from reading my other chapters I like my horrid details.

For those of you who complained or asked how I cam up with the punishment for Victoria I say this: In Eclipse Victoria's death was too easy for someone as protective as Edward. Furthermore I thought how would I react if someone tried to kill my family? How would I react if one of my brothers of sisters were tortured. And honestly I admit I am not a nice person. I would take joy in ensuring that persons torment and destruction.

Hope you all like this next chapter. Please continue to review and send private messages.

_The Cullen's sat in abject horror. All silent, all mouths agape watching me as though they had never realized the true monster that was before them. Now they knew. Now I would have to leave Izzy…_

Chapter 24:

Clara's POV

I sat in the silent room surveying one horrified face after another. Vampires were monsters of myths and fiction. I am the true monster: a destroyer of souls and a condemner to fates worse than death.

"Behold, for I have walked in the shadow of death. I have trodden the path of the horsemen of suffering. And from their shadows darkness has stuck to me. I have become death. I have become suffering. I am the creature you fear." I mused aloud with evident disgust in my voice. My own self hatred eating at my darkened soul.

The Cullen's remained quiet. Izzy's head swivelled from me to each of the Cullen's surveying their reactions.

Finally Izzy broke the silence, her voice taking on a strength I had forgotten she possessed as she strode to my defence.

"You are not death Clara. You are my friend. My family. You did what you thought you must. You saved my life. No-one has the right to judge you for what you did so we could survive." Izzy blustered. Her eye burning with furious determination.

"You condemned another living creature to a fate worse than death. A fate worse than the destruction of their soul." Carlisle stated. His words not a question but a statement as though he had to say it aloud so he could comprehend the magnitude of my actions.

Izzy's face flushed in indignation before a cold steely defiance settled over her.

In the next breath and seemingly without thought Izzy ripped off her jumper and her undershirt. She spun around unclipping her bra so that the exposed skin of her back and upper arms was visible unimpeded. She whipped her hair to the side and held her arms stiffly in front of herself.

The sight that this revealed locked each of my muscles in place. My eyes glowed uncontrollably and my teeth locked in remembered anger.

There, now on display for every Cullen to see were the reminders of Victoria's tortures.

"This is but a taste of what Victoria did to me. This is what remains even after Clara's healing and two years of skin grafts. Look at me and tell me if Clara's punishment was unjust," Izzy yelled with her back to the room. Anger and tears evident in her voice.

Izzy's back was a mottled jigsaw of flesh. Ranging from thick raised, red scars, to pitted, pale wafts of delicate tissue. Izzy's back was a collage of scars moving in all directions. Parts of her back looking like a cheese grater had been set to work on her. A long jagged scar of thick purple tissue extended from her neck, curved down behind her shoulder and around to below her right breast, where Victoria had literally tried to peel Izzy like an orange. Small short scars along Izzy's sides show plainly where her ribs were broken and pierced her skin. At different points scarring from burns that Victoria inflicted are also evident, small gouges of flesh and muscle missing like blank spaces in a puzzle. At a glance the cacophony of damage was horrendous. At closer inspection it was worse, as it extended down the tops of Izzy's arms and disappeared beneath her trousers. One distinct scar at the base of Izzy's neck on her back looks strikingly like a V and J. Victoria marking her and James's territory.

Even after using the touch and two years of healing, Izzy still bore horrendous reminders of that day. Reminders she refused to allow me to remove with the touch. To risk death, to suffer mere agony seems to me, but a small price to pay, to wipe clean these marks from Izzy. The marks of my failure as her protector. The marks which everyday remind her of the horrors she endured.

The Cullen's collectively gasped. Emmet crushed the love seat he and Rose were sitting on as he growled loudly. Rosalie looking angry and disgusted. Esme would have been all out crying if she could while Carlisle despite being a centuries old doctor, covered his moth with his hand as he gasped, surveying the damage done to Izzy.

Edward sat with his mouth agape.

"T-T-This is why I cried last night Edward. This is why I refused to let you touch me. Let you see me. I am not your Bella anymore. I am not perfect anymore, with ivory skin. I- I –I am disgusting." Izzy whispered weakly, her head ducked and eyes averted.

I was humming with the need to object. After our awful tortures together Izzy and I had recovered over a long period and it was during that period of healing and pain that we had become one time lovers. Supporting each other after our shared trauma. I thought that I had shown her how beautiful she was, how desirable. I thought that she knew that she could be loved for more than her skin. The knowledge that I was wrong stung me. I had not even seen that she was hurting. Izzy never admitted to me what she had just said to Edward. Hearing her disparage herself like that, made my heart ache. I would willingly lay down my life to end that pain. It was after all my failure that had caused it.

I waited in the dead silence for Edward to reply. Ready, at but one false word, to repeat the unspeakable punishments I inflicted on Victoria, on Edward instead.

Edward remained on his knees. Shocked into silence for the first time ever apparently.

"As I thought" Izzy whispered in a broken voice. She had taken Edward's silence as confirmation of his disgust and rejection.

My muscles bunched to attack but just as abruptly they then slackened as Edward's head snapped up. His eyes blazed with fire and for the first time since I had met him I could truly see his dangerous vampire nature.

For but one heartbeat I may even have been afraid of him.

Izzy reached to re-clasp her bra and pull on her shirt again but in the same second she moved Edward was behind her.

Izzy's POV:

I would not cry. I would not beg. That is what I repeated in my head as I stood in the Cullen living room, exposed and vulnerable. The deepest scars of my past literally on display.

Edward's lack of response had spoke volumes. He was disgusted. He wanted nothing to do with someone so damaged.

At least now I knew. I would ask Clara for another favour and hopefully we could relocate again. Perhaps back to Ireland. Far, Far away from the Cullen's.

Just as I began to pull on my shirt, two ice old hands, like manacles locked around my upper arms. A familiar shock ran through my system as his cold hard body became flush with my back and his intoxicating breath whirled over me.

Edward stood behind me, his hands holding my upper arms securely but gently. Those same hands slowly moved down my arms and across my shoulders before dipping to the torn mess of my back.

Ever so gently his hands, like silk ghosting over steel, caressed every mark, scar and pit of my ruined back. My breath caught and my heart thumped. In that moment it was just me and Edward until his voice like velvet spoke coolly in my ear. This however was not just the velvet voice. This was the constrained velvet voice as it worked to cover anger.

"You would think me so shallow? You would think my love for you so meaningless that I would not love you because of this?" Edward asked as his cold lips gently pressed a kiss to the longest scar reaching from my neck and down my shoulder blade.

I suppressed the shudder that my body was desperate to exhibit as his cool lips touched me. I welded my lips shut and prayed that this was not a dream. Edward had failed me so horribly in the past yet love was illogical. Love was not pretty. Love; was loving someone despite their flaws and failings. And god help me I love Edward. Flaws and all.

Edward slowly turned me so I faced him. His cool hands cradling my chin and raising my eyes to meet his onyx orbs.

"Isabella Marie Swan. I love you for all that you are. I love you because of how you speak, how you move. How your eyes flash when you're angry. I love you for your laugh. I love you for your curiosity and your intelligence. I love you for your determination and your loyalty. I love you for your ridiculous addiction to strawberry pop tarts. I love how you ride that fucking motorcycle I hate so much. I love who you are. I love who you have become. I love you: body, mind and soul. No matter what." Edward said slowly and distinctly.

"I will always love you. All I ask is for the chance, that I do not deserve, prove this to you." Edward said as his eyes, filled with black fire, burned into me.

I took a deep breath slowing my heart. I wanted to jump him. To run away from all this with him, but I am a teenager no longer, so instead I swallowed hard and said, "A chance then."

Edward smiled a heart breaking smile before slowly and reluctantly breaking eye contact with me. Edward cast his gaze over to Clara who stood as still as a statue watching us. Her shoulders slumping slightly as Edward spoke.

"And it seems I owe you even more Clara. I have sinned by act and by omission. I have done things I can never take back, but thanks to you I have the opportunity to seek to put it right. I will work for all eternity t make amends. For that opportunity, I thank you. And as for Victoria...her fate was still too good for the bitch." Edward hissed.

Clara suppressed the lightening fast twitch of her lips well. Emmet growled and seconded Edward's opinion while the rest remained quiet.

I stared into Edward's eyes waiting for the next disaster to ruin this moment.

Clara stood stiffly as though a light blow may break her.

"I cannot condone what you did, but I can at least understand it." Carlisle said stiffly.

The rest of the Cullen's nodded while Edward and Emmet glared daggers at him.

"I do not need your endorsement, your praise or your forgiveness. Only your acceptance." Clara stated in a clipped voice.

I yawned loudly then and all heads turned to me. In the midst of this story, time had melted by. It was now nearly 2am on Sunday morning. Between the long day, the emotional trauma and the whiskey I was exhausted.

"Clara maybe we should return home tonight. Let everyone talk out what they have heard. We can come back later in the morning" I said, even as Edward drew breath to object and Clara nodded.

"Everyone needs a cooling off period maybe. You can stay over another night. Seen as I don't really sleep my staying here would be pointless." Clara agreed.

Esme protested but one look at Clara's ridged form convinced me we needed to leave. She needed to cool off. To get away from the Cullens. They no doubt had to discuss the ramifications of what Clara was, what had happened today and what I had revealed.

Clara blurred into motion retrieving our bags and stashing them in the car. I hugged the Cullens each goodbye as they each thanked me for coming. For sharing my story. Whispering apologies and promises. They all kept a distance from Clara however. Even Esme not venturing to give her a usual good bye hug. Stiff nods were exchanged between them as I promised to return in the morning and then we were off.

Clara drove quickly despite the snow. I was ready to start a conversation when suddenly Clara stopped the car. I lurched forward and my seat belt cut into my shoulder.

I was about to ask Clara what the hell was the problem, when I turned and noticed her form. Her hands were white on the steering wheel. Her body taught and stiff. Her eyes barely staying a human green.

"Clara?" I asked.

"Izzy can you drive yourself the rest of the way home please. I need to feed. I need to run and to purge some of the energy from Riley as well as some of my anger. I need to destroy something and to feed to replace his energy with something else. Please?" Clara asked in a weak gravelly voice.

"Sure" I agreed. Before the word was fully out of my mouth Clara was gone. Disappeared into the darkness of the night, the swirling snow and the dense forest surrounding the road.

I slid into the driver's seat and much more sedately drove myself home, not knowing when I would see Clara again.


	25. Chapter 25

Author: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I really love hearing what people thought. What made them happy/sad/angry etc. Your reviews are most appreciated. Also the encouragement and understanding for the direction I took with Clara and her past was very rewarding and satisfying. So much in fact that Clara demanded a little chapter of her own.

At the end of the chapter there is a chance for readers o get involved.

Thank you to all who review. Please continue to do so.

_Before the word was fully out of my mouth Clara was gone. Disappeared into the darkness of the night, the swirling snow and the dense forest surrounding the road._

_I slid into the driver's seat and much more sedately drove myself home, not knowing when I would see Clara again._

Chapter 25

Clara's POV.

I was fully changed into my true form mere seconds after exiting the car. I abandoned Izzy to travel the last mile home alone. I simply couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand the swirling vortex of thoughts and memories which bombarded my mind.

I hated this form. It was not who I wanted to be. What I wanted to be. Yet this is what I am now. A banshee. A gruesome spectre.

No matter how much I hate it, my body rejoices in being free. In allowing my muscles to stretch, my bones to lengthen. The change itself is still painful after all this time, yet the pain is only momentary as the banshee revels in being free. Somehow I feel instantly better. The banshee is part of me and letting it out relaxes my mind.

For a short time I am not Clara. I am it and it is me. There is no humanity or morality. Only instinct and power. The feeling is freeing, liberating even. Yet beneath the surface the old human part of my mind cowers in fear at the power and the awful possibilities of this form.

I am a contradiction. I look mortal but am not. I look harmless but am not. I look like a kid but am not. I seem to be invincible but am not.

Within a matter of minutes I am miles away from the highway and the car. I am deep in the dark woods. The trees stand barren and skeletal. Their dark forms coated in a thin, white layer of snow. My lips quirk, as I see how artificially clean and beautiful the snow makes everything look. Yet just beneath the surface is the dirty, dark reality. Just like me.

With my triple jointed legs and supernatural speed I ghost between the trees. I am a white blur. A phantom in the night.

I come to an abrupt stop for no apparent reason in the middle of the woods. With my emerald eyes, I do not need light to see every single detail of the forest around me. The intricacies of the snowflakes, the roughness of the trees bark, the clouds hidden in the shadowy sky. All this I can see. Yet none of it I look at.

Instead, the memories of my past that were trudged up today stream behind my eyes, taking my full attention.

My breath comes in heavy gasps. Not from exertion, as I never get fatigued but rather from emotional exhaustion.

The murder of my family plays over in my head. Again and again it unfolds.

First my father. His voice sounding in my head, as he refuses to give the punks his pin number. The loud retort of the gun, the strange smacking sound as his body hits the tarmac. His last breath ragged and shocked. His eyes; a greyish green like mine, dimming as they stare off to the side. The scent of smoke, gunpowder and blood fill the air. My mother screams so loudly that I swear I can still hear her. My banshee call is nothing compared to her shrills of despair, before being silenced by another loud shot. My brother's strong protective form dives forward to tackle the junkie but his physical strength, his gentle giant body is no match for a nine millimetre bullet. My older brother, with our mothers blue eyes, so strong and quiet. My protector. Everything good in my family he embodied. Quiet, hard working, gentle, strong and kind. He was two years older than me, muscular and popular, while I was stringy and an outsider. Yet he never forgot me. I was always his little sister. He would take time to talk to me, send me text at random times just to stay in touch. He even blew off football practice a few times to drive us down to the cinema and see a film I was desperate to see. What other 18 year old brother would be cool with seeing a film with his dorky little sister without having to be forced?

All three forms lie prone on the dirty tarmac. No respect, no love and no life in the scene. I remember staring into the watery blue, bloodshot eyes of that junkie as he and his gang mate argued frantically about killing me. Better to leave no witnesses they decided, before turning the gun on me. I still remember its chrome barrel glinting and winking at me as they pointed at me and pulled the trigger.

My elongated fingers touch the small circular scar above my heart that they left. Its rough edges cooler than the rest of my skin.

I can't contain it anymore. The rage. The anger.

Riley's energy rolls through my body. Boiling, dark and ugly. It gives me strength but poisons my mind. Mixed in with the horrid images of my dead family are the shattered bodies of their killers after I hunted them down. My blood stained reflection shortly after I had disposed of them and felt no relief. The numerous vampires I had killed. Then bubbling fourth were the numerous faces of Riley's victims. Terrified girls and men. Their screams thrilling him. His memories overflow with mine in a sea of blood.

The memories of Riley's hunts to create his army rise to the surface. The human faces of his army which I had destroyed.

It is at this moment that I see my true nature.

I have skewed what a banshee is meant to be. I was supposed to release just souls. To help the good and kind. I was meant to do penance and wait for love. A love that could mend my soul so I could age. A love, which as perhaps the first ever lesbian banshee, I could not be sure existed for me. I had yet to encounter another of my kind. Was I the last? Was my family the last carrier of this curse? Or were there others in Ireland?

I know the kind of monster I am. I have no desire to seek answers from others of my kind. The gods alone knew what kind of creatures they would be. Crueller maybe than even I.

Every vampire I had ever killed had once been human. They had each had a family. Parents, siblings and maybe lovers. They could have been shown a different way. They could have become golden eyes. Yet I had murdered other living creatures. I had destroyed three souls and condemned another to eternal torment.

I was lower even than the men who had killed my family. The blood on my hands was so thick it would never wash off.

I wailed then. The memories and thoughts overwhelming me. The banshee forced aside all logic. I had to purge this energy. I wailed the banshee call again and took flight.

The spirit soul in the dark forest.

With a mere flick of my wrist I uprooted trees as I ran.

I stopped and pulled apart large oaks. Splintering them. Relishing in the destruction, the loud cracks and groans as the wood gave beneath my cold grip.

I raced forward tearing lumps from trees, clawing at trunks and tearing off tree limbs. When I came to a small outcropping of rocks and stone in the forest I set to work on turning it to dust.

I pictured the faces of the newborns, of Riley, of the Cullens. Their faces shifting from disgust to condescension.

I tore apart boulders, crushed rocks. Ground my teeth into pieces of granite and reduced them to dust. I lifted vast stones and hurled them through the tees, toppling and cutting down vast swaths of forestry.

I was lost to the instinct to destroy, to use up this foul energy. To release my hate and frustration for the world and myself.

I shrieked and growled.

With destruction wrought and my body weakening I moved again in a blur, deeper into the woods. I scented the wild deer before I saw it. Its heartbeat fluttering as it picked up a threat was near. Too late.

I sprung like a tiger, all claws and teeth. My fingers and nails driving deep into the deer's shoulders, spearing it in my iron grasp before my head arched down and my gaping mouth snapped shut with locking canines onto its throat. The hot rush of blood was putrid but soon the soul energy began to flow. My eyes could see it like a dull light mingled into the blood of the poor beast. Its life energy flowing into me.

I drank savagely until the deer collapsed and died. Frustration boiled at its weakness and in a fit of rage I rose up and tore the carcass apart, before sinking to my knees.

For a moment I sat sadly. My breathing ragged. Then the image of Izzy in Edward's arms flashed upon my inward eye.

The image seared what was left of my soul.

Their love was true. It was flawed and bruised, but it was true. Edward had failed miserably in loving Izzy yet he had sacrificed his own happiness to try and give her a chance at what his family valued most: humanity. Something which even I am jealous of. Edward had acted wrongly but he had acted in love. Although it does not excuse his behaviour it makes it forgivable.

While I sat lonely in the Cullen house as a reminder of all that was bad in the word, of all the pain Izzy had suffered. Edward was her comfort, he offered a future. His family offering apologies, love and promises as we left. Esme hugging Izzy in comfort. My heart ached for my family. For my own mum's strong arms. I have nothing left.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks before I registered what was happening. I did not know I could cry in this form.

I had failed Izzy so miserably. I was destined to live alone for eternity, destroying or hurting everyone and everything I went near.

My form began to change back without conscious thought. The quick burn of snapping bones rooting me to reality. I was human and crying on the forest floor.

I had lost my family, failed Izzy, killed both bodies and souls. I had become something I hated. In a way I was glad my family were gone. If they ever saw me as I am now, I fear what they would think of me. Of the cold thing I have become.

The sun had begun to appear over the horizon and with its rising, so too I pulled my body up. I had to return t Izzy. No matter what I was, what I was suffering, I had to be there for her. I had to protect her. She is the only family I have left and until I am sure that Emoward has stepped up to the plate and she is happy I have to be there for her.

I have to do at least one thing right in my existence. Izzy and the Cullens would have to adjust. There would be questions and trials ahead if Izzy was to truly forgive Edward and they were to work out.

I have to be there to support her. To help her in this transition. It would be my one act as a friend. As family.

I shifted quickly and blurred back to the apartment in minutes. I walked into the foyer, ignoring Jerry's sputtering questions about my torn and muddy attire when I arrived.

I opened the door hesitantly to the apartment.

Izzy's POV:

I had slept fitfully last night, worrying about Clara. She had disappeared so suddenly last night. The memories of our past obviously playing on her mind.

I had dreamt of Victoria's tortures and woken up screaming. I was at least glad Clara was not home to witness that.

It was around 9 am as I sat watching Sunday morning television that the apartment door slowly opened and in walked Clara.

I hastily set my cereal down and ran to hug her.

Clara stood hesitantly in the doorway, her body stiff. When I hugged her, she relaxed only slightly, holding me like I was made of glass.

I pulled back and was shocked as I took a proper look at Clara. Her clothes were torn and muddy. Her hair in disarray, covered in gravel and wood chippings.

Her usually dark, greyish green eyes seemed dull. Rimmed with dark bruise like markings from exhaustion. Clara's frame seemed gaunt and tired.

"Clara are you okay? What happened?" I asked quickly.

Clara shrugged and spoke emotionlessly.

"Nothing. I just had to run, to change. I had to get rid of some of Riley's essence," Clara answered.

"You look exhausted. Maybe you're not finished healing. Go sleep for an hour or two and I'll make you a huge breakfast." I replied in my most gentle voice.

Clara's eyes narrowed and her face took on that cold quality. She squared her shoulders and stalked forward.

"I am fine. I'm not hungry. I'll just have a shower and then we can head out to the Cullen's house. I know you're desperate to go. I'm sure they have lots of questions." Clara said testily as she marched into the bathroom slamming the door.

I stood with my mouth agape. I didn't understand. Clara had never been so short with me. She has never looked so tired or refused food. Ever! Something is wrong I know but knowing Clara she will either work it out herself or she will tell me eventually.

With one last concerned look at the bathroom door I walked to my room to get ready for the day ahead.

... ...

Okay so I hope you enjoyed that. Now here is your chance to get involved. What question do you think the Cullens will ask Clara and Izzy after having a night to think over all they heard? I will choose some questions and they will be included in the next chapter.

Please state the character who is asking the question and who it is directed to, as well as any necessary details. Also please don't forget to review as usual. What you like/ disliked etc.


	26. Chapter 26

Author: Thanks for all the reviews. Clara kinda took over this chapter so the next chapter will be the talk between Edward and Bella post the big reveal. It will be set at the same time as this chapter, when Clara goes out, Izzy and Edward will talk but you will have to wait for the next chapter to see that. Thanks to everyone who mailed me questions to use in this chapter. I hope ypu enjoy and please review as always.

Chapter 26

Clara's POV

I showered quickly and pulled on a pair of jeans and a baggy hoody, not particularly caring what I was wearing.

Izzy kept casting me questioning looks as I sullenly moved about the apartment.

"I'll take my motorcycle to the Cullens. Most of the snow has melted now anyway. Are you taking your car?" I asked Izzy as we made it to the car lot beneath our apartment complex.

Izzy wore a pair of tight fitting jeans, Ugg boots, a long flowing shirt and aqua cardigan. "I'll take the car. Unlike you, I still feel the cold," Izzy said, trying half heatedly to make a joke.

I nodded and watched as Izzy got in her car and drove sedately out of the car lot.

I leaned against my old Yamaha bike absently staring after her.

I was in no rush to leave as I could easily catch up to her with my illegal speeding.

I put my weight against my bike and pulled a cigarette from my jeans, lighting it and inhaling in one fluid motion. My eyes casting weary glances around the lot. The last thing I needed was Jerry catching me smoking in here. I don't think my temper would have held.

The smoke whistled into my lungs as I took lazy breaths. The nicotine offering no relief and no head rush to me. I smoke now more out of habit and distraction than actual need.

My mind wandered over the mornings events. I could really have done with sleeping some more and was starving hungry but I simply couldn't find the will to meet my basic needs. I was tired of this life. I did not fancy facing the Cullen's again. Things had changed now that they knew what I was. I did not feel any desire to talk with them. I wanted life to return to normal, just me and Izzy plodding along. It was selfish, but that is who I am.

After about ten minutes I figured Izzy had enough of a head start. I stubbed out my cigarette and slung my body onto my motorcycle. My ribs and back protesting with small jabs of pain.

I should have fed more last night and stayed out longer to heal or at least eaten this morning. The idea of Izzy taking care of me however made my jaw clench. I was the protector and the carer not the other way around.

I kicked the bike to life and screeched out of the car lot at break neck speed, hitting one hundred mph before I had even made it onto the highway.

Within another ten minutes I had caught up to Izzy and we were approaching the Cullen's house together.

Before Izzy had even stopped her car Edward was at the front door and blurring to open her car door for her. I suppose we were well passed the human charades now. He cast me a glance and nodded briefly before resuming his attention back to Izzy. His eyes drinking her in like a drought stricken man seeing water.

Edward and Izzy walked hand in hand into the house, whispering quietly together. I could have listened into their hushed conversation if I had so wished, yet the impetuous was lacking.

My own heavy footsteps crunched deeply on the snow as I sluggishly made my way up to the house.

On entering I found the Cullens once again situated around the room. Izzy sitting beside Edward. Carlisle seemed to study me and his face took on a grim doctor's appraisal. The look of a doctor not pleased with his patient marred his beautiful features.

"Good morning Clara. How are you?" he asked in a concerned voice.

I threw my body lazily into the last free chair opposite Izzy. Carlisle seemed genuinely concerned so I bit back the sarcastic retort which flew too my lips.

"I'm fine," I replied tensely.

The room sat in an awkward silence for a few moments as all the Cullen's eyes appraised me. I closed my own and sighed.

"I assume you all had a chat about what was discussed last night. With that in mind, can we get any questions you may have out of the way?" I asked, forcing my voice to remain neutral.

I opened my eyes in time to see Izzy shoot daggers in my direction.

"Indeed there was a lot of things to discuss last night and I thank you for your willingness to answer our questions." Carlisle replied in his usual diplomatic voice.

Again the room dropped into silence, until Jasper piped up, "Personally, I would like to know why I can't feel your emotions? In fact, why do none of our abilities seem to work on you?"

I didn't think before I reacted, dropping my banshee defences for a moment and allowing Jasper to sense a rather large amount of exhaustion and frustration. Jasper's breath left him in a rush. Alice jumping to his side with a concerned look.

"As you can feel Jasper, your powers do work on me to an extent. As a banshee it seems I have something of a natural resistance to vampire gifts and when I actively try to shield myself this enhances my resistance to them. Basically, if I don't want your gift to work it won't. And before you ask Alice, that is also the reason you cannot see me in your visions. My natural resistance keeps me safe, while also obscuring Izzy as her future is entwined with mine. Anything else?" I sighed.

"Why didn't you tell us you were different, that you knew what we were? Why did you have us pretending to be humans?"" Rosalie rebuked in an obviously pissed off voice.

I smiled sadly. "Isn't it obvious? Telling you these things would have meant revealing our past. Something Izzy did not want to do. We weren't sure if you deserved to know or if you were even hanging around when we first met you. What would have been the point?"I replied in a calm voice.

Izzy flinched at the mentioning of the Cullens not staying. Edward hugging her closer in comfort.

Rose seemed ready to argue, her body stiff and taking a breath to speak when Izzy cut in.

"It was necessary to see if we could trust you. Besides, Clara's nature invites too many questions, questions you were not entitled to ask after eight years. Furthermore, just look at how you have reacted now that you do know?" Izzy snapped.

"Leave it Izzy." I growled.

"What do you mean how we have reacted?" Esme asked innocently.

Izzy's face and voice turned mocking. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe your inability to be near her. Your refusal to hug her. The way you all seem to watch her as though you are ready to attack at any minute. Those kinds of reactions that make her an outcast might have put us off telling you. Here I was thinking you would all know how it is to be different," Izzy retorted.

The Cullen's at least bowed their heads at Izzy's scolding. Esme turned her eyes to me, "We apologise Clara. I assure you, my family and I, did not intend to make you feel ostracised. Would you understand if we said it was just instinct?" Esme asked.

I looked long and hard at Esme. She genuinely hadn't noticed her behaviour. I trusted and respected Esme. Her maternal nature called to something long ago lost within me. Yet I couldn't help but feel anger at these people. I had cleaned up their mistakes. I had protected Izzy and had not stood in her way when she returned to them. They had welcomed me into their home and then given me the cold shoulder when it turned out I wasn't some weak human plaything.

I nodded. "Sure," I said insincerely and then rose from my chair and headed for the door. "I'm going for a cigarette," I called over my shoulder.

There were hushed words in the house as I smoked outside on the veranda by the patio doors. I let my eyes cast over the melting snow and the forest. The back yard seeming untouched after the chaos except for some toppled trees and the remains of a large fire.

My mind was wondering over the fight yesterday when Izzy's warm hand rested against my face. I hadn't even heard her come out here.

"Please Clara, What's wrong?" Izzy asked.

I sighed exhaling a plume of smoke. I tried to smile but I am sure it looked pained. "Nothing Izzy, it's just, I see things are changing. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that you are happy. It's just that I never dealt with change well and I've been thinking on unpleasant things too much of late. I'm fine, really," I reassured her.

Izzy was about to speak when I exhaled another plume of smoke and a hacking cough overtook me. I coughed raggedly and painfully into a tissue. I could taste my own blood in my mouth as I coughed.

There was a slight breeze and then Carlisle and Edward stood behind us looking concerned.

"We smelt blood. We just wanted to be sure you were ok?" Edward said when Izzy cast him a questioning look. _Typical_ I thought. They rushed out thinking I had made Izzy bleed. Idiots.

Izzy's eyes zeroed in on my tissue and then looked between it and me.

"Clara, show me the tissue," she said in a quiet and deadly voice.

I pretended not to hear her, instead looking out across the yard. My head was suddenly feeling light and my ribs burned.

"Clara, I know I'm not bleeding so that only leaves you," Izzy scolded me. She reached for my tissue and I weakly let her take it.

Izzy's eyes widened to saucers when she opened the tissue and saw the spatters of blood.

"Clara, what's going on?" Izzy asked in a small, lost voice.

I could feel Carlisle's eyes on me. Studying me.

I inhaled my cigarette again before bending double as terrible cramps ripped apart my chest. My injured body still weak from the exertions of yesterday, forced me to one knee. Edward's hands grasped me to hold me up, but I shook him off viciously.

"I don't need your help. My system is just a bit run down that's all," I coughed out.

Izzy looked at me with a mixture of concern and fear.

"You should probably come in and sit down then," Carlisle said encouragingly.

I wanted to refuse. Showing weakness here was not an option, but Izzy clung to my arm and weakly began tugging me toward the door of the sitting room.

I must have blacked out for a minute because the next thing I knew I was waking up once again on the Cullen's white couch with Izzy holding my hand.

"Clara, Clara" Izzy called.

"I can hear you," I replied groggily.

"Clara, can you tell me what's happening? Do you know what's wrong?" Carlisle asked in a rushed voice.

I groaned and was going to refuse to answer but Izzy spoke up, "Please Clara, what's happening?"

I could not bear to have Izzy worry unnecessarily.

"It's nothing Izzy. Just the residual wounds from last night combined with low energy after I went on my run last night. I didn't feed enough to replenish the energy I burned through to get rid of Riley's life essence. I didn't force myself to heal last night when I was in my other form, I got distracted and I didn't stay banshee long enough for it to happen naturally. Then I haven't slept in a while and I haven't eaten enough to fuel the metabolism needed to heal and survive without more soul energy. It's just a combination of things. No biggy I swear," I babbled.

Izzy gave me a stern look. "You're worrying me because you haven't been taking care of yourself. Typical!" Izzy huffed.

I groaned and tried to sit up but was pushed back down by a cold hand. Esme stood above me with a stern motherly look. "I told you. You don't eat enough and you need to take better care of yourself," she said.

With that I was pushed back into a half laying, half sitting position. A large quilt was thrown over me by Rose who proclaimed, "You still have a beating heart and need to eat. Stop worrying about everyone else for a minute and take care of yourself, or else I'll kick your ass."

I wanted to bark out an amused laugh but it was cut short as Esme sat a large tray on my lap. It held a plate piled high with bacon and scrambled eggs.

"I cooked all the bacon. There's 24 slices there and an 8 egg omelette with ham, cheese and mushrooms. If you need anymore then just say. It's our turn to look after you." Esme said in a gentle voice. My mouth gaped and I stumbled out a "Thank you" before Everyone except Izzy and Edward blurred out of the room.

I looked questioningly at Edward.

"They want to thank you for saving us and Izzy last night. That and Esme feels guilty about being cold with you earlier. Honestly, I think she was just in shock last night. Expect to be mothered a bit for a while to make up for it. They left to give you some privacy. Let you rest. We can talk later." Edward said. With that he rose and left the room.

Izzy sat in a new love seat beside the sofa glaring at me. "You really should let other people carry some of the burden sometimes. Now eat, " she pronounced in a scary voice.

I nodded shyly and began to eat.

"You know that no matter what I'll be your friend Clara, right? And it's ok to share your worries sometimes. You don't have to always put yourself last on your priorities list." Izzy whispered.

I couldn't meet her eyes but I nodded. It was typical of Izzy to see though me. To cut to the heart of an issue. I ate heartily, then set the tray aside and before I knew it I was in a deep peaceful slumber. Perhaps the first of its kind since my change.

-Three hours later-

I woke feeling amazingly refreshed. Izzy still sat watching me. She was reading Wuthering Heights.

"I haven't seen you read that one before." I said to alert her to my awakening.

Izzy smiled slightly. "It used to be one of my favourites when I was young. I couldn't read it without crying though in the last few years. Today however I just feel at peace," Izzy said sighing contentedly.

I studied Izzy then and saw the ever present curve of her lips, the new glint of hope in her eye and the slight blush if her cheeks. The Cullens may be her ultimate weakness but they are also her ultimate strength.

I stretched languidly, cracking each joint individually as Izzy shook her head in displeasure.

"Where are the Cullens?" I asked.

"They're about. In their rooms, playing games, watching TV and reading. Alice ran out to go shopping. Apparently she couldn't stick the idea of you in a hoody." Izzy giggled.

I groaned louder before stopping and thinking a minute.

"Well, if she's getting me clothes anyway then maybe I could head out and feed. It would help me finish healing and then I would be back to normal. If I was out of your way for a while, I bet you and Edward could at least have that heart to heart you have been waiting for all day." I mused aloud.

Izzy looked embarrassed. "I know you have things to discuss and vampire sharp ears are bad enough without me hanging around. Besides I really don't want to hear you two make out again," I reassured her.

"Well, if you need to hunt anyway..." Izzy began. I cut her off by standing and making my way for the door.

"I'll be back in an hour or two," I said over my shoulder. I stopped and said in a normal voice, "Thanks for looking after me. I'll be sure not to collapse the next time I visit." I knew Izzy could hear me from her close proximity and the vampires would hear me without any trouble no matter where they were in the house.

I strode purposely out the front door and leaped from there across the massive front lawn to the edge of the forest.

"Hey stretch, where you going?" boomed a loud voice. I turned raising an eyebrow at Emmet and his strange address.

Emmet smiled, exposing his dimples. "Ah, come on you have to have noticed you get kind of tall when you do that whole changing thing. You're like Stretch Armstrong," Emmet said between loud guffaws.

I sighed heavily at the immature vampire. "Seriously it was only a joke, I'll stop if you want. So where are you going anyway? Are you okay?" Emmet asked in a suddenly serious voice, so strangely different to his teasing humour of a few seconds ago.

"I'm fine. Just going to feed. Hunt I suppose you call it. I would use donated blood bags from a dodgy little guy at the hospital usually but he's being investigated at the minute so he's lying low" I said nonchalantly.

Emmet looked at me in awe. "Wow, you buy human blood. That stuff works for you too? I thought you had to be a doctor to buy blood?" Emmet said equally casually. It was like we were discussing a local restaurant rather than drinking blood.

"You do have to be a doctor. That's why the guys being investigated. He was selling it on the sly. Blood's blood to me, it all holds some small amount of soul energy. The fresher the better though. After a while the life essence leeches out of it. I can make do with animals, it just means going hunting is all," I replied.

Emmet shrugged. "Cool, so you can use a takeout service. We always hunt. Drinking donated blood would make it harder to live around humans. You know, we wouldn't be as desensitised, "Emmet said looking a bit bashful and a bit ashamed.

"Oh right, sure, " was my stellar response as I awkwardly stared into the woods.

"You mind if I join you. Hunting that is?" Emmet asked excitedly like a kid in a candy store.

I appraised him to be sure he was being serious. "You wouldn't do anything dumb like attack me would you. Remember my heart still beats. So long as you don't get in my way and you're not afraid to be alone with the stretchy freak I see no reason why not," I answered in a self deprecating voice.

Emmet studied me then for a second, "Nah, your weird aura should stop me going for your jugular I reckon. Besides after what I saw yesterday even I ain't dumb enough to attack you," Emmett chortled.

I nodded and began striding into the woods. "If we go north-east for a couple of miles there's a large grazing area the deer use at the foot of the mountains. Easy pickings. So are you going to change for your hunt?" Emmet asked his eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree.

I nodded. "I can run almost as fast in this form but to feed I'll have to change, " I replied in a shy voice. I was always ashamed of my other self.

"Excellent!" Emmet whooped, pumping his fist in the air. I gave him a quizzical look and Emmet laughed. "Oh come on, your change thing is awesome! It's like Hollywood special effects only cooler," Emmet cheered.

I laughed as we walked deeper into the woods. I couldn't help it, trust Emmet to think my monster moments were awesome. Emmet looked at me dumbly. "What? It's true!" Emmet harrumphed.

I calmed myself and felt less self conscious giving Emmet a rare smile. "Ok then, you want to observe my change?" I asked in a mischievous voice.

Emmet nodded vigorously. "Well aren't you the dirty little voyeur! I wonder what Rose would say?" I joked. Emmet looked unfazed and retorted back, "Ah Rosy already knows and she loves it too."

I couldn't help my bark of laughter. When I calmed down I stared at Emmet and then nodded, "You ready?" I asked.

Emmet grinned widely and said, "bring it".

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I wasn't forcing my change at speed now but rather allowing the Banshee to take gradual control.

At first I felt nothing until the banshee realized I was handing over the reins. It began then as it always did. I felt a slight burn in my joints and the beginning of the spasms. My shoulders and neck jerked with loud cracks as bones snapped and joints gave way.

The tremors and heat surged through my body. As the heat spread so too did the spasms. Joint after joint seemed to pop and crack, leaving behind any limitation it previously had. The burning intensified as my limbs and bones began to elongate. The pain rising like the music of an orchestra. It built slowly, limb by limb, cell by cell. I wanted to scream but the change was too far gone and on some level my body rejoiced at being freed from mortal constraints, from the shell of a human body.

From far away I could hear the tearing of fabric as my clothes were torn as my body grew. Then in a gut twisting moment I felt gravity lose its power over me as my body seemed to jerk upwards. I felt like a repelled magnet, pushing myself away from the earth as my body straightened and hovered above the ground.

The final cracks in my jaw indicated I was nearing the end of my transformation. My mouth opening into its new wide gape and the painful toothache of four canines descending from my soft gums made me want to whine. The conductor of the orchestra of pain was reaching a crescendo as all my limbs and joints cracked into their new positions and the tremors subsided. The white hot pain at last receding. I could feel my nose pulling back, my nostrils flaring like a flattened arrow head.

Finally I opened my new eyes to gaze upon the world from some 7inches higher than I was before. My new vision crystal clear and telescopic. I knew that as I looked down on a now rather short Emmet that he was looking into the glittering emerald eyes with mere black dots of pupils. I always felt strange looking down from my new height, seeing my new long arms, my elongated claw like hands and my triple jointed legs. After nearly nine years I still struggled with accepting that this is who and what I am.

"boo," I said in my new monotone voice to Emmet, giving him a large toothy grin. Emmet flinched back quickly but recovered in an instant.

"That was fucking amazing," Emmet wheezed. I laughed in my strange new monotone.

Emmett's face took on a mischievous grin. "Last one to the deer has to help Alice carry in her shopping." He yelled before blurring out of sight. The cheater.

No matter, in this form a vampire's speed was child's play to me.

I laughed heartily and then blurred forward, the world becoming a kaleidoscope of greens and browns as I darted after Emmett. In this form I saw what was twenty metres ahead of me in microscopic detail. Then my body sort of adapted to the terrain using muscle memory. I never looked at what was right in front of me as I ran, that was inefficient. It was so hard to explain how my body worked now. I moved so fast my eyes trained on the future while my body reacted to in the moment to what I had foreseen coming. In seconds I had caught up to Emmet. I slowed to give him some vestige of a sporting chance but when I smelt the deer I gave up on stealth and our game.

I became a huntress. In one fluid movement I leapt from the forest and into the heart of the clearing. I landed squarely on the back of a twelve point stag, breaking its spine and skewering it with my claw like hands. My head swinging down in a vicious arc to rip open its throat. I drank deeply, swallowing blood and separating out its soul energy, its life essence to feed my needs. This all happened in less than thirty seconds and when I looked up Emmet was busy draining another dear which had tried to escape. I pitched my stag aside and blurred forward in chase of another of the now panicked and fleeing deer. I caught a small doe with sweet blood and drained her too before finally feeling sated. My healing abilities at last finished curing my injuries from the night before. I lay languidly beside my kill waiting for Emmet to finish. With my larger bite my prey bled out quickly and my unhinged jaw made for much faster feeding.

"You're awful greedy. You killed two and you got that huge buck too," Emmet whined like a child.

His face became sour then, "Damn it, I have to help the pixie with her mountains of shopping." Emmet groaned as I erupted into laughter.

Emmet watched me with a large grin as I laughed at his misfortune.

"It's nice to see you laugh. You should do it more often," Emmet said in a surprisingly serious tone.

My laughter petered out and I whispered, "ain't had much to laugh about recently."

Emmett stared at me as though examining my soul before grinning and saying, "well that will be my aim then, to make you laugh more."

I tried to smile but it died on my face. "Come on, we better head back," I said as I began to blur through the trees.

Emmett made a valiant effort to keep up with me and I felt bad outrunning him so I purposely slowed, allowing the big oaf to catch up with me. His smile was still in place as we blurred through the trees and he gave me an examining look.

"You're really fast and extremely strong, but I bet I could take you in a wrestling match. I wouldn't have to hold my strength back like I do with the others ," Emmet said in a mocking and amused voice. He flexed his muscles and smiled as he ran.

"Just look at these guns compared to your bean pole arms," Emmet guffawed as he kissed his biceps while running.

I'll admit my run faltered as I laughed again. Emmet was such an idiot though.

"Yeah sure Emmet I'll wrestle you any time!" I laughed good naturedly as we came toward the house. Emmet smiled mischievously and it was only then I realized my mistake. Emmet smiled widely and in a flash tackled me.

We rolled out of the forest onto the Cullen's front lawn, grabbing and pushing at each other while laughing raucously. I hadn't felt so young and care free in years. It reminded me of playing with my brother all those years ago. My eyes watered but I quickly pushed away the negative emotions as Emmet laughed and with all his strength tried to flip me over. I had to hold back but I could tell he was trying, enjoying being able to use his vast strength. Emmet was a little stronger than a new born, his vast strength making me focus on my actions as we tumbled across the lawn.

Emmet grabbed my arm and pushed my face into the grass as we rolled around but he had forgotten that my elongated limbs were not limited by human joints. I twisted the arm he was holding to the side and then with my other arm reached around to grab his shoulder and pull him over me. I was back on top as he came up growling and laughing.

It was only when Emmet froze and looked above and behind my shoulder that I became aware of our audience. I whipped around in a blur to see the Cullen family and Izzy standing at the top of the lawn. Their mouths were all agape watching me and Emmet.

What did they think? I had attacked him?

Honestly, we must look a sight. Both of us covered in animal blood, hair mussed up, clothes ripped to shreds, rolling around on the ground wrestling.

Emmet jogged up behind me and slung his hand up to rest on my broad skinny shoulder. He squeezed gently and smiled before saying, "I have to say, Clara is definitely the most fun to wrestle with. At least she's a challenge."

The Cullens stood in awe while I, in my unnatural form and ragged clothes, just wanted to dissolve into the floor.

To my surprise Izzy giggled lightly and Esme smiled. Then Rose's lips quirked before she said, "muscle head" under her breath.

Alice bounced in place smiling before trilling, "You'll definitely need new clothes now. You should see all the things I bought you. Come on." Alice waved in a gesture for me to follow her as she dashed inside and I dumbly began to follow even as I allowed my Banshee form to recede. With every step forward my human shell recovering.

"Nice to see you're feeling better." Carlisle said as I passed. Rosalie stood surveying the scene and when I went to pass her into the house she caught my arm. "Don't hold back next time, the knucklehead needs to lose every now and then." Emmet whined in the background but I could only hear Rose as her eyes locked onto mine. "Don't put on anything too nice, you still have to help me build that clutch. Now we don't have to work at human snail speed we may actually get it done. I'll be waiting in the garage," She said before turning on her heel and snake hipping it off to the garage.

I was in shock and left gaping like a fish. Rose was acting like nothing had changed. I hardly realized I was moving as Alice dragged me forward complaining about not getting to give me a makeover.

An hour later I felt extremely odd walking out of Alice's room with my hair straightened, wearing skinny jeans and a black top with letters on it that I assume indicated it was some outrageously expensive designer. Alice had complained when I tried to find something as casual as possible to work in while with Rose but the damn pixie had bought all these pieces of 'designer' clothes that, in my opinion, were snooty and impractical.

As I finally exited Alice's room trying to stretch out the damn clingy shirt on the way to the garage Carlisle ghosted out of a room to my right.

He smiled lightly and then asked, "would you mind terribly speaking to me for a minute?"

I cast him a hesitant and cautious glance before stiffly nodding and following him into the room he was standing at.

The room it turned out was Carlisle's office. The red mahogany desk, book shelves and floors all seeming to have come from a gentleman's club of a bygone era. I cast curious glances around noticing large paintings hanging on the wall. One showing Carlisle in a great hall surrounded by red eyes. _Volturi_ my brain whispered.

Carlisle sat behind his desk in a large leather wing backed chair, gesturing for me to sit on the chair opposite him.

I used some of my banshee nature to glide soundlessly and with unnatural fluidity to the chair before sinking lithely into its cold leather.

Carlisle watched me the whole time, his finger steeled beneath his chin as he observed me.

We sat staring at each other for a few silent and tense moments before Carlisle exhaled a large heavy and unnecessary sigh. In watching him I could see that he acted the most human of his family. Being a doctor he had honed the subtleties of human fidgeting, body language and movement to perfection.

"I feel I owe you an apology Clara," Carlisle said heavily and with obvious remorse on his face.

I did not comment but rather raised my eyebrow for him to continue.

"My wife has asked me to re-evaluate my behaviour since we discovered all that you are. Esme herself was very upset to discover that she had been treating you differently. I assure you this was not her intent. You see for us it is very rare to feel fear, to meet anything more powerful than ourselves. It is, to say the least...unsettling. Our instincts are to shy away from that which could cause us harm. Harm which although you are extremely capable of inflicting I have come to see you would not." Carlisle stated.

I sat in silence examining Carlisle for another long moment and was about to speak when he began to rush forth again, his words tumbling forward.

"Clara, you saved Izzy when we simply could not due to our own mistakes. You have become dear to my family. In looking back on my actions I see that I may have come across as...patronising or..."

"Elitist, conceited, vein and condescending, "I supplied when he hesitated.

Carlisle grimaced. "Your actions were your own, with your own reasons. I had no right to judge you for the things you did, "Carlisle mumbled as he shook his head vigorously.

"But you did. You judge me and my actions even now. You may wish to trust me and feel indebted to me yet you still despise what I did to Victoria. To Riley and the men who killed my family. I may burn in hell for those acts. I am ashamed of what they made me, but I would never take them back and it is that unapologetic note that you judge me on Carlisle." I said in a gentle yet sharp tone.

Carlisle's brow was drawn in deep thought. Twice he had made to interrupt me and then refrained.

"It's just destroying a creature is one thing...destroying a soul and condemning another to eternity in tormented darkness is something totally different." Carlisle grimaced.

I sighed loudly, "You are a good person Carlisle, I can tell that much. To live as you have chosen to, it takes character and strong principles and morals. I respect that. But let me ask you: What would you do if someone killed your only family? What if someone tortured and killed Esme in front of you? You have a great well of compassion Carlisle but even you cannot claim a Ghandi attitude in such circumstances." I said grimly.

Carlisle's shoulders hunched at the mentioning of anyone harming his Esme. Carlisle's eyes had turned coal black as he watched me, while thinking over what I had said.

"I am sorry," Carlisle whispered as his shoulders dropped and some kind of realisation hit him. I nodded and without another word rose and left the room in a blur, eager to escape the heavy atmosphere.

I headed for the garage where immediately Rose handed me a wrench and started cursing out her car while Esme brought me in a tray of snacks with a gentle smile.

I couldn't help but smile to myself. Perhaps I could be accepted here, by the Cullens, after all. In the back of my head my plans to run, to escape or perhaps try and stop changing so I could age and die dissolved to mere mist. I had found a tacit acceptance here which I wanted to explore. I just hope Izzy and Edward can work things out in their relationship.


	27. Chapter 27

Author: Sorry about the delay. University is totally swamping me with work! Its insane! Anyway, here is he Edward and Bella talk which takes places when Clara is hunting with Emmet. I really struggledwith this chapter because Izzy has forgiven the Cullen's because most of their wrong doing was casd by Edward, thus should she be twice as mad at him? If that was the case then there would be no chance for a uture between them and Izzy has already admitted to loving Edward and wanting to give him another chance. It was a struggle to but into words Izzy's rationalising of her feelings and her want to give dward another chance.

Anyway hope you like what I came up with. In other news I finally finished plotting out the story arc for this story. I kind of like where it will go and for anyone who has been wondering...Yes there will be a lemon. No there will be no Renesme. Both Clara and Izzy have some more drma to come before their story arcs are resolved.

Enjoy and don't forget to review.

Chapter 27

Izzy's POV

Clara was no sooner out the door to go hunting than I felt the cool wisp of an artificial breeze. I could feel in the tingling of my body that Edward had appeared behind me. I turned slowly to see him standing behind the sofa. His head was bowed like a repentant saint as his long, dextrous fingers idly drew patterns in the top of the sofa fabric. At this moment Edward had never seemed so young and unsure. It struck me for a moment that our roles had been reversed.

I allowed a tired breath to escape me before squaring my shoulders in a battle stance. "Edward..." I called.

Edward looked up and tried to smile.

"We need to talk. I know. Would you like to do this in my room?" He asked almost hesitantly.

I nodded, and taking his outstretched hand, followed him up the stairs to his room like a lover. The irony was not lost on me.

Edward ghosted across his room and sat on the far corner edge of his monstrous bed. I scrambled onto the bed tucking my knees up to my chest in an almost protective fashion. The silence in the room was deafening as we watched each other. Both it seemed unable or unwilling to start this overdue conversation.

I was allowing myself the juvenile pleasure of getting lost in Edward's golden eyes yet I knew the peace could not last. His eyes held such sorrow and pain that it tinged his magnificent gaze.

"How can you bear to even look at me after everything I have done and all the pain I have allowed to befall you?" Edward asked in a strangled voice as he ducked his head, too ashamed to meet my eyes.

I froze where I sat as I pondered his question. On some level I hated Edward for what he had done, for what his actions had caused. Yet this was but a small part of me, matched by another part. A part that was thankful for the human years I had been given, no matter how painful they were. I appreciated the experiences and friendships I had made in his absence. The price was high, but I could never knowingly wish to have never met Clara, to have never spent those days with the wolf pack, to havenever befriended Jacob and travelled the world. These things made me who I was.

Most importantly however Edward was my soul mate. I loved him, no matter how cliché or foolish it was.

"I can still look at you because I love you. I ache for you no matter what has happened," I said in a whisper.

"How can that be enough?" Edward asked, his voice barely audible to me as he remained in his bowed and hunched position.

I tried to smile but my face felt misshapen as I spoke, "I don't know if it is enough."

My words burned my throat and Edward's head whipped up. His eyes revealing that he was once again the burning man. A strangled noise escaped him before he tried to speak, "I understand now the true cost of my actions and even with eternity I could never hope to gain your forgiveness..."

I cut Edward off mid sentence before he talked himself into our separating again.

"No you can never be forgiven. What happened to me...no matter how I try to explain it, you could never truly understand the pain, the suffering...both physical and mental." Edward cringed as I spoke but I did not falter as my voice grew stronger. "I don't know if I can ever forgive you completely and I don't know if we even have a future. All I know is that I love you. Love isn't always enough for a relationship to work out but I would live the rest of my life wondering 'what if' if I did not at least try to be with you. I have learned that regrets are the one thing I can't live with."

Edward turned with a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes. I could literally see the restraint he was exerting so as to try and understand my words and not rush me.

"How can you love me...I hate myself for what I did," he said as he slowly moved across the bed until he was kneeling in front of me.

I hesitantly reached for his hands and idly played with his fingers. "Perhaps the worst punishment of all is that you must live with your regret and what you did. As for loving you...believe me, I have tried not to. I have pretended and reasoned with myself why I should hate you. Yet despite my intelligence and logic...the heart wants what it wants. I can see now why you did what you did. You truly thought what you did was best for me. You loved me enough to sacrifice your own happiness, no matter how wrong and stupid...your intentions were good and born of love. That makes me able to at least understand." My words were hesitant as I tried to put into words everything I felt and everything I had reasoned.

Edward's hands left mine and his right had slid up my arm to cup the side of my neck.

"In heaven and earth there is none your equal Isabella. I _will_ love you for eternity. I _will_ never hurt you again. I _will_ do anything you ask. These are not promises. These are statements of fact. If I deviate from them, I'll hold still while Clara tears me apart." Edward said in a sharp and serious voice as his eyes seared into me.

I tried to laugh but a choked cough escaped me as I saw Edward's seriousness and he never moved as he spoke.

"Edward ..." I began but it was his turn to cut me off.

"No Isabella. I _will_ do anything you ask. We _will_ date, I _will_ beg for forgiveness on my knees. I _will _turn you if you ask. I _will_ follow you to the ends of the earth. I have so much to make up for." Edward's hand slid down my neck until his index finger traced the scar at the base of my neck. His whole body vibrated with suppressed rage as he gazed upon it, no doubt remembering the rest of my ravaged body.

I could not help the instinctual blush as my head ducked. I was not a vein person but my scars made me self conscious and no amount of feminist zeal and bravado would make me feel comfortable with Edward's perfection so close. I was marked and at least physically, I was no longer good enough for him. My traitorous self esteem shrivelled.

"I don't want a one sided relationship Edward. That would just be reversing our roles from the last time. If we are to make this work we have to be a partnership. It has to be give and take. Equals all the way and no unilateral decisions." I proclaimed sharply. Edward nodded dumbly as his eyes filled with tears he could not shed.

My own eyes watered with traitorous saline and I tried to remain strong as I spoke again. "As for these..." I said as I allowed my own hand to stroke his and then trace my scar, "They are part of who I am now. If you can't accept that then we have no future. I can't look into your eyes every time we get close and see self hatred, see anger and rage at these scars which no one can fix. They are what they are. I am who I am." I intoned seriously cupping his face as he retraced my scars.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I am only angry because e I was not there to protect you. Because I cannot undo my mistakes. No matter what, you are always the single most beautiful woman in the world to me. You are the only woman in over a hundred and sixteen years to touch my heart. The only woman whose desires, likes, dislikes, quirks and thoughts I have ever been interested in. I love everything about you. You are uniquely beautiful to me. Mind, body and soul. Never doubt that I love you for who you are!" Edward said his voice vibrating with emotion and sincerity.

My eyes closed to stop the tears escaping as I pushed forward into his embrace. Edward held me as tightly as he dared and I listened to his heavy unnecessary breathing.

I slowly lifted my head seeking the cold lips of the one I loved. This kiss was hesitant. His movements gentle and passionate. It was seeking, seeking the forgiveness and translation of his love. I could never explain to another person what this felt like. Only to say that being held in Edward's arms so tenderly...kissing him...it was home. It was safety and absolute bliss. Heaven on earth, no matter how illogical that sounds.

"Izzy..." Edward asked in a hesitant whisper as his lips parted from mine.

I pulled back to look at his face. Edward seemed slightly nervous, almost shy.

I raised my eyebrows in question and Edward leant forward whispering into my ear. "C-can I touch you? Can I –I see you? Please, I need to touch you...I need to feel that this is real."

I froze for a fraction of a second, all of my self-conscious worries rushed through my mind. Was I ready to really show Edward the full extent of who I was? To be that vulnerable? Could I trust him with this weakness and insecurity that only Clara knew of?

Edward's voice was desperate, pleading and cautious. He knew what he was asking for. He wanted to prove to me that he still loved me, found me beautiful.

I nodded hesitantly giving him a quick kiss before moving away from his arms. Edward drew breath to protest thinking I was leaving but I cut him off, "Let me do this my way. Give me a moment please."

Edward nodded and smiled a half crooked smile.

I took off my aqua cardigan and kicked off my Ugg boots. Taking a deep breath I summoned all the courage I had mustered over the last eight years. I locked my eyes on Edward, reading his expression, the love and encouragement in his eyes scorching me, giving me confidence. Edward sat stone still in the middle of the bed.

My hands shook slightly as I unbuttoned my jeans and shuffled them down my legs, the scars and marks on my upper thighs revealed. The newest evidence of my past for Edward to examine on display. Edward's eyes darkened.

Slowly, still keeping my eyes locked with Edward, I reached up and pulled my long shirt over my head letting it pool at my feet as I slung it down. I stood now in nothing but my black bra and panties. I self-consciously wrapped my arms around my chest and upper arms.

Edward was across the room in the blink of an eye. His cool hands clasping my sides and his eyes burning into me.

"Please Isabella. I know I deserve nothing from you...but please, never hide yourself from me. Never." Edward said, his voice breathy and low.

I slowly let my arms fall to my sides. In reality I knew I was Edward's equal, intellectually and as a person. Yet physically I couldn't help but be shy. My once flawless skin was now permanently marked and I always made sure to cover myself. I wanted to stick out my jaw and have a "fuck you" attitude about the whole situation but in this one respect my weaker teenage self still dominated.

Edward's eyes scanned over my body taking in the marked skin of my shoulders, upper arms, my ribs, upper thighs and my back. Edward's hands ghosted over my flesh, tracing not my scars but the outline of my body. Since my teenage years my breasts had matured to round globes that were not small by any means. My thighs and narrower waist gave me a curvy hour glass figure. Dumpy I would call it.

Edward traced every curve of my figure from my ankles to my neck. He touched me reverently and his breathing seemed to speed up. Edward stroked every piece of unmarred skin between my scars and kissed each of my scars. My blood raced and I flushed as his touches ventured closer to my most intimate and sensitive places.

Edward looked me in the eyes. His eyes dark and swirling like a stormy night. "You are exquisite. I will never allow anyone...even you, to say differently." Edward said in a thick voice before pulling me towards the bed.

In a flash I was lying down, Edward spooning me at my back. He pressed kisses to my back as soft as butterfly wings and I felt a sigh of relief leave my body as I fought back tears. In this moment I was content and happier than I can ever remember.

After a few minutes of silence like this Edward stopped, raising his head to look over my shoulder at my face, "Are you all right my love? Am I making you cold?" He asked.

I smiled and then realised why he was asking. My right arm was shaking lightly.

The bliss of the moment was shattered, "I'm not cold. I'm happier than I have been in a long time. It's just a nerve spasm. That's all." I reassured him.

Edward sighed. "I wish I could do something..." I interrupted before he could continue.

"Edward, like my scars, there is nothing that can be done. We just have to be thankful that it isn't worse and try to move forward. Please try to not think about it." I said in a low voice.

Edward tried to smile to me. "I love you Isabella. I owe you and Clara a great debt. I just wish you could have trusted me with these truths sooner. I know you don't want me thinking of the past so I will try not to mention it again. Do you have your meds with you or I can call Carlisle," Edward said in a conciliatory voice.

"I have my own meds with me..." I began but cut off as Edward's brows furrowed and he glanced behind himself out the window.

"I believe there is a commotion on the front lawn. We should go make sure Clara is okay." Edward said.

With that I scrambled forward for my clothes. As I raced down the stairs I couldn't help but smile. For the first time in years I had no secrets, no one chasing me and I felt hope...maybe... just maybe this could all work out. We would have to work together but maybe...


	28. Chapter 28

Author: I am trying my best to keep updates coming despite swimming against the tide of university work, club responsibilities and organising protest rallies against student tuition fee rises. Things are a bit hectic. I love this story though. Writing it is my secret guilty pleasure. Lol I hope you like this chapter and please don't forget to leave me a review. Also if you can recommend the story to any friends you have via IM or e-mail or whatever, that too is extremely appreciated. Also the last chapter took place while Clara and Emmet were hunting. At the end the commotion Edward hears is Emmet and Clara play wrestling on the lawn and the Cullen reaction is seen in chapter 26.

Enjoy.

Chapter 28

Clara's POV

Since the great revelations of our past things with the Cullens seem to have gone from strength to strength for me and Izzy.

I haven't felt so accepted in a long time. Trusting the Cullen's has been shockingly easy. Even Izzy has been making the odd sarcastic comment about how strange it was to see me so at ease. Perhaps not being the only non human in a group made me a cuddly bear. Jasper, Emmet and I have made battles of physical might and chess our two favourite activities. The old soldier's tactical strengths showing through as always. Just last night we were wrestling on the front lawn again.

"OOf" Emmet grunted as I tossed him across the lawn before squaring off against Jasper. With the two of them attacking things were a little more even. Esme had tutted and given me that worried look each time we went for a round of wrestling, then complained about us ruining her lawn with mock irritation before leaving us to it.

Jasper flew forward again, yet unlike Emmet he did not depend on brute force. He knew that was futile with me in my true form so instead flipped over me and began a tirade of faux attacks. Jasper would run forward then speed up and change direction. It looked, at times, like multiple Jaspers were attacking from multiple angles, he moved so swiftly. Alice cheered him on from the patio and it was this distraction that allowed me the opening I needed, when Jasper went to land a hit I twisted to the side, grabbed his outstretched arm and with a flick of my wrist flipped him beneath me into an arm lock.

"I concede...again." Jasper grumbled well naturedly as I exerted pressure on his arm showing I could rip it off at any moment, while forcing his head into the grass. I released Jasper and collapsed beside him as Emmet came strolling over with his goofy grin, wiping mud off his jeans.

"That was awesome!" Emmet muttered. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, awesome. I think we should stick to chess, at least with it we beat you every once in a while." Jasper chuckled happily to me.

I smiled even as Emmet gasped in mock horror, "The major is giving up! A soldier of the south admitting defeat...say it isn't so."

"Yeah say it isn't so Major!" Alice called with a pout.

Jasper gave me one of his rare 100 watt smiles shaking his head and laying on his southern drawl. "I don't know darlin' I think you're unbeatable. I can land a few hits but you don't seem to have a single weak spot."

I laughed loudly this time even as I allowed my human shell to reassert itself and my banshee form shrunk away.

"That's actually not true." I said in a whisper.

Emmet and Jasper's heads whipped to look at me.

"What?" They said simultaneously.

"I have a weak point." I whispered even lower.

Emmet snorted even as Jasper examined me. "Yeah right. The only time your weak is if you haven't fed, your exhausted tired or you hold back. I don't consider those weak points." Emmet said in a sarcastic voice.

I hesitated for a second. I was about to reveal something I had told no one else. Did I really trust the Cullen's so much? Without even thinking I had mentioned my weakness. I must.

"Actually I do have a weakness. I'm shocked that you, Jasper, or Carlisle haven't worked it out yet." I said, still hesitant.

Jasper stared at me silently, the cogs in his brain moving swiftly yet fruitlessly. Carlisle must have heard the strange turn in our conversation because he was out n the porch beside Alice in a blink. Giving me that cold calculating look. Trying to figure out the puzzle. I had come to respect Carlisle and like him somewhat but his curiosity made him a little intense.

They silently watched me, none seeming to see the obvious.

"It's actually quite an obvious weakness when you think about it. Come on, I'm still technically a living creature. What is the source of my increased energy?" I offered as a hint.

"You still have a beating heart. You have increased organelle levels in your blood to supply the increased energy your body needs to match the soul energy your supernatural part uses. You have an increased metabolism...I don't see the weakness. You heal too fast to bleed out and making you bleed or hurting you in the first place is extremely difficult." Carlisle theorised out loud.

It was Jasper who saw the obvious. I could tell the exact moment his mind worked it out when his eyes lit up.

"Your organelles metabolise. You need oxygen for that... That's your weakness." Jasper said in awe.

"So obvious" Carlisle mused.

Emmet was bouncing, "What? What? I don't get it, so she metabolises stuff like a human. So what?"

"You strangle her, cut off her air supply and Clara loses her energy supply. That's her weakness." Izzy said as she walked out the front door.

I was in shock that she understood and it must have registered.

"What I have been with you for eight years. I don't need a vampire brain to work that much out. You still function like a living creature, you need food and oxygen to live. Doesn't take Einstein to figure it out." Izzy said with a sly grin.

"So what? Next time, we just put you in a choke hold...easy as that?" Emmet asked looking excited and confused.

I laughed again. "Um, Emmet it's a weakness, not a fatal flaw. I am still a banshee. I would rip your arms off if you ever, somehow, got close enough to strangle me. I wouldn't just stand still. Unlike a human it would take nearly eight minutes for oxygen deprivation to weaken me to a point of blackout. Trust me that's lots of time to kill you," I said with a vicious smile.

Emmet harrumphed while Jasper sat watching me. He nodded slightly as acknowledgment of this act of trust between us.

I rose and walked back into the house without further comment.

Rosalie and I had finished fixing up her car and I had been helping her tune up her Mercedes. Every couple of days she would pop into the garage to visit me at work. We would discuss the cars and she would even help out every now and then. I had truly come to think of Rose as a friend. We chatted often, I would rib her constantly over Emmet's immature nature and their sex life and in return she and Izzy would gang up on me about my lack of a steady relationship. It was fun and relaxed. Rose was always there for a chat and with her past, every now and then I wouldn't mind sharing the odd fact about my own history. Rose was a great friend and not just because she came along to save me on Alice's shopping trips. Rose understood pain and a desire for vengeance. Rose was a kindred spirit, fierce and protective of those she loved.

Esme had reverted to her motherly role and always seemed to be cooking for me and Izzy. Not having to hide my appetite meant I always enjoyed whatever she cooked and ensured there was no leftovers. Esme basked in this care giving role, I often felt guilty at all the work she put in cooking for us but she nearly bit my head off when I mentioned it. Esme cooked for me and Izzy, washed our clothes whenever we stayed over, offered a shoulder to lean on, asked how our days had been. Basically she was like a mother. I hadn't felt so taken care of since I was sixteen and Esme's smile always made me feel more human.

Edward and Izzy have been spending more and more time together in the last three weeks. We try to visit the Cullen's at least twice a week and Edward pops into the apartment every now and then too. With me not sleeping it has become a habit to pop over to see the Cullen's at night when I'm bored. The apartment with a sleeping Izzy is a lonely place.

Edward and Izzy seem to be moving forward at a steady pace. They go out together, have meals, and sleep in the same bed and although things have gotten heated from what my over sensitive ears have picked up, I know that they still haven't taken that last step. I have been pleased to see Izzy balancing her time well. She goes to work, does her admin work, spends some time with me, volunteers for the student counselling body, visits the Cullens and makes time to just lounge around by herself. I am pleased she has struck a balance between all the people and interests in her life.

Today is Saturday, the third week in November which means that next week is Thanksgiving. Izzy stayed over at the Cullens last night after going on a date with Edward to the Tacoma Art Museum. Thus with the cat away the mouse had to play.

I went to the Link last night and indulged in my own fantasies. I had booked this Saturday off and so after getting up this morning and shooing my bed companion away I went for a quick shower and headed over to the Cullen's for breakfast with Izzy.

I took my Yamaha Motorbike and relished in the speed.

In no time at all I was at the Cullen house jogging up the steps to the front door. I was barely across the threshold before I was accosted by an over excited Emmet.

"Hey Clara. Wow you have a Vodka aura that would intoxicate a vampire." Emmet mocked waving his hand in front of his nose.

"Ha ha" I shot back even as I checked my breath. Damn it, I should have used more mouth wash.

Alice's giggling form entered the room and her shrill voice pierced me, "Hmm, I see someone took advantage of an empty apartment last night. I take it you weren't alone seen as you didn't pop in here last night."

I grunted and stalked toward the kitchen even as a grinning Rose swayed out into the living room. "Oh, by the Cheshire grin she's trying to hide I would say the player of Washington has struck again!" Rose teased ruthlessly, laughing and slinging her arm over my shoulders even as I strode tall and indignant into the kitchen.

"Shh, kids. Leave Clara alone. What she does in her private life is her business...although it would be nice to see you find someone." Esme added with a concerned smile. It seemed that as the only single person in the house Esme was determined to couple me off.

I snorted loudly, "Yeah sure. I'll just go on one of those dating websites. I can see my profile now: Monstrous immortal Banshee. Smokes and drinks heavily. Curses like a sailor. Looks sixteen but fucks like a Trojan. Homicidal tendencies and glowing green eyes. Seeks like," Yeah I'm sure there's a perfect match out there," I sulked.

The three vampires in the room shot me concerned looks even as I grumbled and thanked Esme for the plate of eggs she handed me.

Izzy still clad in pyjamas and with mad bed head strolled into the kitchen accompanied by Edward. Izzy smiled and picked up the conversation.

"You know, now that we're not being chased anymore, you could try to stop changing. Suppress the Banshee and start aging again." Izzy said. All eyes in the Cullen Kitchen swung to me.

I chewed my eggs slowly before answering. "Why bother? So I can shack up with someone. I'm damaged goods, mortal or not. Besides what is there for me to live a mortal life for? I have no one I want to age with and the legends my father told stated that I can't stop changing anyway. Not until I find a soul mate to heal the damage done to my soul by the violence that summoned the banshee in me. Nice try Izzy but I don't plan on dying anytime soon. "

Izzy looked hurt and concerned."You know no one wants rid of you. We just want you to be happy, to settle down and..."

I cut in the, "Screw that Izzy. I'm happy as I am. I have my garage, some friends, alcohol, cigarettes and as many hot bodies in my bed as I can lure. In another year or two we'll move again and I'll do the same in another area. What more could I want?"

Esme and Izzy both cast me disapproving looks. Emmet was barely containing his laughter. "You're such a player...I hope you didn't sully the sofa again!" Izzy joked to lighten the mood. I nearly choked on a piece of toast as Alice and Emmet exploded into fits of laughter and upstairs I could hear Jasper being affected by the humour.

I narrowed my eyes at Izzy and then looked at Edward, "It seems I wasn't the only one fooling around." Izzy flushed and whispered "It's not like that," before harrumphing and trying to conceal a little smile. I knew they hadn't had sex last night but they weren't exactly holding hands either.

The laughter in the room died down and a realization hit me.

"We need to have a chat Edward," I said coldly and out of the blue. The kitchen froze as the room cast cautious glances between me and Edward.

"Okay...shall we go hunt?" Edward asked.

Izzy was flustered, "What's going on? Clara?"

I looked Izzy in the eye. "I swear in blood and honour I won't hurt him. We just need to have a chat," I said. Izzy visibly relaxed before snorting, "You can drop the whole over protective crap Clara."

I nodded, "All the same." I replied with a smile.

I ate the last spoon of eggs and indicated for Edward to lead the way.

We ran at vampire speed through the woods until we came to a clearing. I remained in my human form not requiring my banshee nature for the extra speed or the weaponry for hunting.

Edward spun so he was facing me and his hunched posture spoke volumes of his tension.

"Clara, I swear I will look after Izzy. I love her and we are moving at her speed. I am not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. I won't ever hurt her again. And if I did I would willingly let you tear my ass apart," Edward said, stumbling over his words in his rush.

I smiled widely exposing my too many teeth.

"That's good to know Edward but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about," I said in a slightly amused voice.

"Oh" Came Edwards genius response as his brows scrunched in confusion.

I allowed a small bubble of laughter to escape me before I schooled my expression and squared my shoulders. I allowed my irises to expand slightly and the green to begin to glow as I skewered Edward with an appraising look.

I could tell that Edward was having to fight his nature, trying not to hiss at my inhuman display. I allowed my gaze to burn him and just as the stationary vampire began to fidget nervously I asked my question.

"Do you intend to turn Izzy?" I asked in a quiet, understated voice.

Edward looked even more confused and shocked. He waited a moment in thought before slowly and hesitantly answering.

"As you know, I do not believe that anyone should be damned to this life. I once claimed that it destroyed our souls and from what you have been able to tell us, although we retain them, they are dark and unnatural..."

I interrupted Edward to correct him, "I said red eyes souls were dark actually."

Edward smiled crookedly saying, "Yes. Well even us golden eyes have had our 'mistakes' and I cannot guarantee Izzy wouldn't either. I would try my damn best to ensure she never suffered having to take a human life but...'accidents' happen. Being a vampire is unnatural, it has to cost our souls something. I want Izzy to have everything she wants, everything she deserves. A long normal life...maybe kids..."

"But..." I interrupted Edward again, prompting him to continue.

"But I love Izzy. I can't live without her again. She says she doesn't want anyone else. Insists she has no desire to be a mother, after mothering Rene. Izzy wants to be a vampire and at my most selfish level I want to be able to spend my eternity with her. Thus if Izzy wants me to...if she decides that we are working out...then yes I would turn her. As you know, we are still at an early stage of our relationship." Edward said in a strong voice.

I nodded with a small smile quirking my lips.

"Yes, well I have known Izzy a long time and these last three weeks are the happiest I have ever seen her. You have been back in each other's lives for nearly three months. Three months in which a lot has changed. In my opinion...unless you fuck up spectacularly, things will keep progressing between the two of you. This means she will eventually be changed. That creates a dilemma." I replied.

Edward once again looked confused. Wow and he was meant to be smart.

Before he could ask a dumb question I continued.

"Over the last three months Izzy and I have been keeping contact with some of our friends to a minimum. We have been keeping your reappearance a secret. It is time they learned the truth and they heard about Izzy's future plans. Izzy and I will be returning home to Forks for Thanksgiving. We will visit Charlie and have dinner with our friends in La Push." I stated.

Edward's face hardened. "The wolves," he hissed.

I allowed my eyes to flare and my voice to drop to a monotone, "Careful Edward. Those wolves are our friends and family. The treaty still stands and I will not lie to the wolves or hide from them. Besides the second we get there they will likely scent vampire on her. They must be informed that the threat to Izzy and Forks is passed. They must be told about the possibility of Izzy being turned. It will not be easy for them to hear."

Edward clenched his fists and tried to control his voice. "The wolves will treat it as a breach of the treaty. They would hunt us. They would attack Izzy!"

"Hold your tongue!" I snapped in my monotone. "Do you really believe our friends and family would try to kill us? You know nothing of the Wolves. Do you honestly believe I would risk Izzy's life? I am an honouree member of the pack and a fucking Banshee. I will ensure that the wolves understand Izzy's decision. They may not agree but they will not stand in her way."

Edward's face was indignant and he remained stiff for a moment before he nodded stiffly.

"We need to talk to Izzy. She doesn't like unilateral decisions." Edward gritted out.

I smiled tightly, "Don't worry, I will explain to Izzy."

I turned on my heel and sprinted back to the Cullen's house.

"Can everyone meet in the sitting room." I called out loud enough for Izzy and the vampires alike to hear.

The vampires appeared in the sitting room with worried looks. A few moments later Izzy walked into the sitting room.

"Where is Edward?" Izzy asked in a worried voice.

I smiled wanly. "He's still in one piece Izzy. He'll be back soon."

Just as I finished Edward walked through the door, walking across the room and wrapping his arms around a visibly relieved Izzy.

I didn't want to beat around the bush. "Izzy I think we should visit Forks for Thanksgiving. It's safe to visit your dad now and we have to explain the situation to the wolves."

Izzy went bone white, obviously shocked at my abrupt statement.

"We should visit but what is the rush. We don't have to tell the wolves about the Cullen's." Izzy said hesitantly.

"We need to explain that the threat has been neutralized and that means telling them about the Cullen's part in Riley's attack." I hesitated for a moment looking deeply into Izzy's eyes. "If you and Edward are going to be together the wolves deserve to be informed. We must ensure the security of the treaty." I said heavily.

Izzy caught that I meant her change and she blushed slightly, "The wolves won't be happy, Jacob will be pissed. Why do we have to tell them about the Cullens now?" Izzy appealed.

I sighed, "Izzy, the wolves will scent Edward on your skin. Even if we boil washed you, you have spent so much time in close contact recently. His scent is in your pores. Jacob has been ringing more often recently and we haven't visited in a while. Either we visit and explain on our terms or he will get suspicious and turn up here one day. You know I'm right."

Izzy looked worried. It was then Carlisle spoke up, "Perhaps we could accompany you," he said.

Edward and Izzy smiled at each other but I was quick to quell their joy. "No. That would not be smart. You all turning up in Forks would be like pouring oil on the flames. We need to keep the wolves calm and not expose you to them until they have calmed down and accepted the facts of what has happened and what will come." I said levelly.

Carlisle nodded soberly.

"Okay, when do we leave?" Izzy whispered.

"Tuesday morning."

Izzy nodded and in the background I heard Alice complaining about missing us for Thanksgiving.

Forks here we come.


	29. Chapter 29

Author: Ok so here is the next chapter. Also below is a recommendation.

I just finished reading Lone wolf by Princess Alexandria . It is an amazing story with a brilliant OC. It's a femslash which isn't to everyone's taste but it is, in my opinion, extremely well written and tastefully done. Check it out. I hope you enjoy it and my chapter below.

Please review as ever.

Chapter 29:

Edward's POV:

It was the First of December and Izzy and Clara were due back from their trip to Forks. I had been restraining myself for the last week awaiting Izzy's return.

Izzy had called me every day but she had been tight lipped on details. The first day she had spent with Charlie in the hospital. Unfortunately he was still showing no signs of change. Eight years of vegetation had taken their toal on his body and I could tell from Izzy's limited conversation on the subject that seeing his wasted form had hurt her deeply. She says that after all these years she has come to terms with his state yet seeing it afresh I believe always reopens old wounds. On Thanksgiving Izzy and Clara visited La Push for dinner with the pack. From what she said things were tense and for the next two days there were meetings and discussion between the pack and the tribal council as the truth of the past and the possible future were discussed. Izzy sounded exhausted on the phone and upset yet by the last day of her stay she proclaimed that an agreement had been reached. The treaty was still intact.

I was pacing up and down the living room awaiting Izzy and Clara's return. They had sworn to come straight here on their way home. I was eager to hear the full story of what had happened in the last week.

If any of those wolves dared to hurt my Izzy, physically or emotionally I would destroy them.

Jasper could feel my anxiety and my impatience. He was shouting at me in my mind to chill out.

My whole family had been on edge awaiting Bella and Clara's return. I knew that I had been unbearable this last week. Alice had to talk sense into me to stop me running off to Forks.

Starting afresh with Izzy meant trusting her and giving her the freedom she asked for.

The sound of a roaring engine grabbed my attention.

"The future just disappeared so I assume that's them back." Alice grumbled from upstairs.

The family blurred to the sitting room and I waited anxiously at the front door.

Izzy's red Chevy screeched up the driveway, tossing gravel and dust up in its wake. I could see Clara behind the wheel and Izzy leaning against the window of the passenger side.

"Don't rush her Edward. Let them come into the house themselves." Esme admonished as I reached to open the door and race down to grab Izzy.

The car fish tailed and spun to a skidding stop. I heard Izzy sigh heavily and Clara laugh lowly as she whispered, "Come on Izzy babe. Let's get this over with and you can go cuddle up with Eddie and sleep." I was pleased to see Izzy turn and flip Clara the bird with her usual fire while a smile played on her lips.

Izzy and Clara climbed out of the car and it was obvious that Izzy was exhausted. Black rings circled her eyes and a pink tinge indicated she had been crying a lot recently. Izzy seemed hunched over but smiled when she met my eye.

Clara's POV

The last few days had been...exhausting and intense to say the least. Izzy smiled as she saw Edward and stumbled forward to embrace him. I breezed past them into the sitting room where the rest of the Cullen's were waiting.

I threw myself onto the soft fluffy rug in front of the flat screen and stretched out, cracking my joints to relieve some stress.

Esme stood over me with a worried expression. "You look tired Clara. Do you want something to eat? I baked a toffee and apple cake."

I smiled at Esme, giving her one of my rare true smiles. "That would be wonderful Esme. Sleep and food weren't exactly a priority this week. A real rarity among wolves. I think I've been living off nicotine and beer," I said with a cringe.

Esme tutted me and blurred out of the room, returning with a pot of coffee and a delicious smelling loaf of toffee and apple cake.

I pulled my body up tiredly waving hello to everyone for the first time. "Hey all. Sorry, I'm a bit zoned."

"Wrestling with wolves huh Clara?" Emmet asked with plenty of innuendo and sarcasm.

Rose slapped him upside the back of his head, "Ignore the idiot."

"Huh, he's not far wrong Rose." I said as I wolfed down a huge chunk of delicious cake.

The Cullen's brows furrowed in worry at my comment.

Izzy and Edward came into the room hand in hand and I poured a second cup of coffee for Izzy.

"You want me to Irish it up?" I asked as I pulled a hip flask from my lower back.

Izzy smiled wanly, "Where do you keep pulling the whiskey from?"

I grunted. "I am a woman of many talents." I smirked as I poured a drop of whiskey into Izzy's coffee and then emptied the remainder into my own.

Izzy settled on Edward's lap with a coffee and a piece of cake.

The room was tensely quiet and I couldn't help my next comment.

"Anyone got déjà vu?" I asked and the room broke into nervous laughter.

I sighed, "You want to start Izzy."

Izzy sipped her coffee to wash down the cake and then began.

"We pulled into Forks late on Tuesday night. We went straight to see Charlie." Izzy took in a shuddering breath as she fought back tears. "It was a shock to see him again. He looks so gaunt and thin. The nurses hadn't even shaven him, he had a full beard. I spent the day talking to him and I shaved his beard off. Trimmed his moustache and cut his hair. I just relaxed with dad the first day. We stayed at my old house and the next day Clara went to see the guys in La Push. Clara told me to go visit dad again so she could inform the guys of your re-appearance, the Riley situation and sound them out about the possibility of my change at some point in the future." Izzy stated.

"You went alone to La Push to inform them?" Carlisle asked with raised brows.

I coughed slightly at his worried expression.

"Well, the wolves are great guys but they're a little volatile so I figured it would be better to drop the bombshell news on them and let them freak out with me there. Then I figured when I had them a bit more rational Izzy could come down and argue with them."

Rose's eyes narrowed, "Volatile? What happened?" she asked.

I waved away her concern, "It was fine really. They took it pretty well." I took a cigarette from my pack and hesitated at the disapproving look Esme cast me. Damn this new feeling stuff thing. I put the cigarette back and took another slice of cake. "Considering the circumstances I was impressed by their control." I said.

Izzy snorted loudly. "Yeah, they took it so well. That's why you came back in borrowed clothes, with healing claw marks and bruises covering every inch of your body."

I cast Izzy a filthy look. The Cullen's didn't need that little fact. Simultaneous growls rose in the room.

"They attacked you!" Esme growled looking for the first time like a vampire. For a split second I actually feared her while also having a strange warm sensation. I was pleased that she was concerned for me. Her maternal anger touching the lost innocence of a daughter.

I rose slowly, pushing back my lethargy and aching joints.

"I'm fine Esme. The wolves were shocked to say the least. You know me, I didn't exactly sugar coat all that I had to say. I dumped it on them and the wolves phased when I was there. They lost control for a few seconds. They didn't mean it and as we all know I can take a few hits. I heal pretty fast." I chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

I patted Esme's shoulder in consolation and embraced her as she hugged me before returning to her place across the room.

"Sam and Paul couldn't control their anger. They phased and I caught some claws. Paul managed to take a bite the little shit."

I stretched my right arm, rolling up my sleeve showing the small white puncture scars which were all that was left of the bite marks. Given another day or two, they would be gone. If I changed I could get rid of them in a minute but showing off the scars had made the wolves feel guilty. I wasn't above emotional blackmail.

The Cullen's gazed at my forearm and then I rolled my sleeve down. "I broke his jaw for that one." I said casually which elicited woops and mumbles of assent from Edward, Rose, Emmet and Jasper.

"It was no big deal. I was never actually in any danger. I let the wolves calm down. They asked lots of questions, swore and threatened for a few hours and then began to quiet down. I went home and let them sleep on what I had told them. Izzy and I turned up the next day for Thanksgiving dinner and over it and the following two days we met with the pack and the tribal council. We eventually agreed that if Izzy ever decided of her own free will to change then the wolves would not treat it as a breach of the treaty. See, all sorted." I said with a casual smile.

The Cullen's sat in silent awe giving me disbelieving looks until Jasper spoke up.

"You can't really expect us to believe it was that easy Clara. What agreement would make the wolves consent to allowing Izzy to become a cold one?" Jasper drawled sarcastically as his eyes narrowed and eyebrows raised in question.

I shrugged again, forcing an air of non chalance and casual disinterest. "The details are unimportant. All you need to know is that the wolves have been informed of recent events and have agreed to up hold the treaty."

Carlisle and Esme were casting me worried looks until Edward spoke.

"Izzy, sweetheart. Will you please tell us what happened? I feel that Clara may be down playing events and missing important facts again," he said with a crooked smile.

Izzy sighed and rolled her eyes at me when I cast her a censuring look.

"You can't really have expected them to swallow that guff Clara?" Izzy asked in a mocking tone.

"They would have to, if you didn't feel the need to recite the events back to them like a fairytale. Just leave it." I shot back.

"I could always ring the La Push tribal council and find out myself." Carlisle intoned as though thinking aloud.

Izzy shot me a dirty look. "See. They'll find out anyway."

I grumbled sourly and lay back on the fluffy rug as Izzy began to weave the true story of our trip to Forks.

Izzy's POV:

I took a large breath and sat up to recite the evens of the last few days.

"Clara came back to my house that day all covered in bruises and scratches like I said. She was wearing a set of Leah's clothes too. I rang Jacob immediately to chew him out and find out what had happened seen as Clara was skimping on the details as ever. Jacob was not pleased to hear from me to say the least. He called me a leech lover, stupid and a few other choice words which I returned with gusto. I told him I didn't want to fight, not at this time of year. So we called a temporary truce. We would have dinner tomorrow and then discuss the matters at hand."

As I spoke I couldn't help but fall into my recollections. Soon I hardly realized I was talking as I explained things to the Cullen's. I was lost in the memories:

_Flashback:_

I awoke on Thanksgiving morning cold and stiff. The night before had been strenuous to say the least. I groaned as I rolled over in my small single bed, remembering happier times here with Edward, Clara and Jake. Those days were gone and abruptly I remembered I had to go face the firing squad today... or more accurately, the wolf pack.

I could hear Clara moving about in Charlie's room. She had went hunting last night and then slept quite a bit to heal the injuries the wolves inflicted. Defending herself without hurting or killing the wolves while they attacked in a rage was not something she was used to doing. With Clara she usually killed or maimed an opponent in a matter of seconds. No hesitation. She was not prepared to defend herself without lethal or crippling force. Just thinking about my two friends fighting made my heart ache.

It was eleven am and we were due at La push for one pm for dinner with the pack at Sam's house. I groggily dragged myself towards the shower passing Clara on the landing as she went downstairs mumbling about having to smoke outside in the cold ass weather.

An hour and a half later I was washed and dressed and retrieving an apple and apricot crumble from the fridge which I had cooked last night. I threw some bottles of wine in a bag and was ready to go. Clara had been standing silently at the front door waiting for me. She had been unusually quiet and this combined with the tightness around her eyes let me know that she was stressed.

I tried to pull a fake smile across my face as we climbed into the Chevy. Clara drove more violently than usual, she pressed the gas and cursed under her breath as she skidded round one corner after another as I held onto my seat belt and the wine bottles for dear life.

In a few minutes we were outside Sam and Emily's bungalow. Five other trucks and a small car surrounded the house and the delicious smell of food wafted in the air. Raucous laughter floated out to the car. We sat in silence in the car staring at the house. The whole pack, their families and tribal elders were likely to be all crammed into this small space. It was going to be a long day.

Clara reached over and squeezed my hand in reassurance before we both climbed out of the car and walked to the house.

Clara as impolite as ever just walked straight in when she came to the door. Before all this I would have done the same. For a whole summer La push and the Packs houses had been a home from home, but now I felt like a stranger.

As soon as we walked into the house silence descended and heads whipped round.

"Oh great the leech lover's here." Paul said loud enough for me to hear. Jake cuffed him over the back of the head.

"Happy Thanksgiving. I brought some food and drink." I said as I strode forward to Emily.

She hesitated for only a second before her beautiful, destroyed face lit into a smile and she embraced me taking the food from my burdened arms.

"Oh Izzy it's so good to see you after all this time!" Emily gushed.

I smiled shyly and returned her complements.

Casual pleasantries and hugs were exchanged between myself and the pack.

Seth, Quil, Leah, Brady, Jake and Embry all hugged me while Sam and Paul remained on the couch and nodded stiffly.

Clara stood the whole time like my body guard, her arms folded and tense. A slight glow to her eyes.

"It's good to see you again Bells. No matter the circumstances." Jake said with a roguish smile. He was the only person alive who still used my old name and right then it was a small acceptance of who I was.

For the rest of the day we laughed and joked. We all ate vast amounts of food. I got to meet the other guys imprints and for a brief moment it was like old time. Sharing food and fun with my family and friends.

I loved being surrounded by these people. I discussed our travels, the beauty of other countries and my job. Clara and Jake discussed cars and motorbikes. Emily's subtly rounded belly gave away that she was pregnant and when I congratulated her she blushed furiously while Sam gave me a genuine smile of pride and joy.

"You know Sam is trying to stop phasing so he can be with me and our child." Emily whispered to me as we sat on the couch after dinner.

"What about the pack?" I queered.

"Oh Jake is taking care of that." Emily said casually waving off my concerns.

My confused expression must have given away that I didn't understand.

Understanding the pack dynamics would be important when it came to pleading my case for havi g the treaty kept stable.

I noticed Clara's head turned slightly and could tell she had picked up on our conversation from across the room.

"Well Jake is descended from the last Alpha, Ephraim, so technically he should be the packs leader anyway. Initially when Sam phased first it made him the pack leader and Jacob being so young didn't want the responsibility. However, over the last few years and after all of the vampire run ins Jake has gotten stronger and his Alpha genes are asserting themselves. Sam tells me that at times he can feel Jake straining against his authority. It was only a matter of time really. Now that you have confirmed there are no more threats to La Push other than random nomads Sam feels it's safe to start trying to not phase. It will be extremely difficult and will take some time though, "Emily whispered in a conspiratorial voice.

I didn't respond but only nodded and got lost in my own thoughts as Emily began rambling on about the nursery and colour schemes.

It was late when people began leaving and Clara caught me yawning so we decided to head home. As we said our good nights and made for the door Sam caught me and Clara by the arms and whispered to us.

"Tomorrow morning at nine am come to Billy's house. The pack and tribal council will listen to what you have to say then. We have much to discuss."

I nodded stiffly along with Clara and headed for the car. Tomorrow was going to be fun.

We pulled into Billy's house at ten to nine. Both Clara and myself still bleary eyed and tired. Clara had resorted to chain smoking again and was twitchy as her eyes skittered back and forth assessing the surrounding.

We climbed Billy's little porch and this time I made sure to knock hesitantly.

Immediately the door flew open and Jacob stood before me, wearing that cold impenetrable look I hated. It was Sam's face.

Before I could speak Jacob stepped aside waving us in saying, " The council and pack are convened on the back porch. There wasn't enough room in the house. There's a bonfire for warmth and beer in the fridge if you want it."

Clara grunted. "Best damn thing I've heard all morning," she grumbled as she briskly made a bee line for the fridge.

This left me and Jake in an awkward silence. I looked up and into his dark brown eyes. His russet skin seemed weather beaten and the new way he carried himself spoke of a hard life and violence. Jake was truly a man now.

"How could you Bells? How could you go back to that leech after all he did? I know I was never good enough... but him?" Jake whispered in a pained voice.

Before I could answer he turned his wide back to me and disappeared out the back.

I felt the sting of tears but crushed that weakness, squared my shoulders and marched out the back.

When I reached the Back porch my mouth nearly hit the floor. The porch was lined with Chairs, to my right sat the wolf pack and to my left sat the Tribal council, consisting of, Billy Black, Harry Clearwater, Old Quil and Joshua Uley .

They sat in a kind of awkward semi circle on the porch leaning forward to gain warmth from the blazing bonfire on the back lawn mere feet from them. On opposite sides of the bonfire were placed two isolated chairs facing the council and the pack. These vacant and isolated spaces were obviously reserved for myself and Clara.

The words Spanish Inquisition ran through my head and I grimaced. Clara merely rolled her eyes at the set up and defiantly gulped her beer while slapping Billy on the shoulder in greeting as she moved from the back door to her seat in one inhuman leap.

Clara smiled mischievously as the council grumbled and Seth tried to restrain a laugh.

I moved much more slowly towards the remaining empty seat. Fidgeting as I turned to face all the eyes from on high on the porch drilling into me, examining me.

Joshua Uley. Cleared his throat and stood. "This special session of the La Push tribal council and its protectors is now in session."

Oh joy!


	30. Chapter 30

Author: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

_Joshua Uley. Cleared his throat and stood. "This special session of the La Push tribal council and its protectors is now in session."_

Chapter 30

Izzy's POV:

Silence descended on the back yard at Joshua Uley's command. The faint crackle of the bonfire the only sound.

"Clara. We ask that you explain the circumstances that have brought us here today," Mr Uley's voice called in a clear, sharp tone that was more a demand than a request.

Clara eyed the assembled pack and tribal council wearily for a moment before sipping her beer once more and standing in one fluid motion.

"Izzy and I have returned here, to our home, to bring a message of peace. I am sure Sam and the pack has already informed you of the situation or else this meeting would not be occurring. However, for tradition and procedures sake, I will outline it again.

The threat of Victoria and her newborns has finally been neutralised. As you know two years ago I destroyed Victoria but could not be sure if the remainder of her followers would continue to track us. Recently it became clear that our caution was warranted. A vampire named Riley claiming to be Victoria's new mate brought an army of newborns to kill Izzy. Luckily we were in the company of the Cullen coven at the time and with their large numbers to protect Izzy I was able to dispatch the threat once and for all. The newborn threat and Victoria's followers are now officially gone. La Push is safe."

Clara spoke in a voice filled with authority, power and respect.

"You freely admit to consorting with cold ones!" Harry Clearwater demanded in an outraged voice. My blood ran cold at his disgust.

Clara's eyes narrowed. "We were interacting with golden eyes who this pack and tribe..." Clara spoke with quiet rage, stabbing her finger at each of our accusers. "... have a treaty of peace with. We were meeting with people Izzy considered family."

Sam balked from his seat and all eyes turned to him. "They are not her family. Family does not leave family alone and broken in the woods at night, " Sam said in a vicious voice. I flinched at the memory before I could stop myself.

"The Cullen's had their reasons for leaving. Reasons you would all most likely agree with. They did not abandon Izzy and we found reconciliation with them." Clara called.

I smiled faintly over at Clara as she took my side and stuck up for the Cullen's when I knew that in her heart of hearts there was a small part of her that agreed with Sam. Heck, even I agreed with Sam on some level.

Billy Black raised his hand to stop any further comment. Sam who had been drawing breath to argue, quickly deflated. In Billy the calm authority of the Chief could be seen. He remained silent and contemplative as we argued. His forehead creased in thought. When he spoke it was not with rage or wrath but quiet authority.

"The Cullen's have shown they are peaceful. That is why our ancestors forged the treaty. Their aid in protecting Izzy is only further proof of this. Yet, what is the extent of this relationship with the Cullens? That is the true reason we are gathered here today."

All eyes turned to me and Clara nodded slightly in support. I clasped my hands tightly to stop them shaking and stood slowly, composing myself as best I could.

"I have resumed my relationship with Edward Cullen..." There were growls and mumbles of disgust but I simply raised my voice and kept speaking. "... and have no plans to break off said relationship any time soon. I love him. The Cullen's are as much my family as the pack is."

The whispering comments and growls eventually died down.

Old Quil, a man who looked like he was made from paper mashe, he was so old and brittle, dragged himself to his feet using his cane. "You mean to tell this council and this pack that after we risked our lives to protect you, you have run into the arms of a cold one. He has seduced you, this monster and soulless beast. To be with a blood drinker, a disgusting animal. You are turning your back on our own kind. Charlie would be ashamed of you. There is no future with this creature, he will cast you aside once you are no longer beautiful." The old man said in a voice filled with venom and hate.

I felt the tears in my eyes at his words and his comment about Charlie had cut me deeply. Just as the hateful old man wanted. Clara took a breath to speak, seeing how the old crones words had affected me, but I would not be cowed. I was not some child anymore. I was his intellectual superior.

"I would not be with Edward if I thought he were a monster. He is flawed. He has made mistakes. We love someone for all that they are, not just the good parts. I believe my father would want my happiness above all else and you sir, have no right to assume otherwise. You have no right to even utter his name. I am an adult and have made my decision. I love Edward for the person he is. Our relationship is in the very early stages..." I took a deep shuddering breathe, preparing myself to utter the next words. Words that I had barely accepted myself. " but if it goes the distance I _may_ decide to become a vampire to remain with him."

As expected howls of disgust, curses and protests rose. A number of the wolves shook violently and gnashed their teeth trying to suppress their rage and their impulse to shift.

Above all other voices Sam's rang out with his authority, "As Alpha I declare that turning Izzy would breach the treaty. We would be forced to hunt down the Cullen's. Also I personally would rather see you dead Izyy than turned into one of those monsters!"

This pronouncement sent silence rippling across the back yard as a simultaneous sound of glass shattering rang out.

I whipped my head to Clara and saw her hunched over. The bottle of beer she had been holding was shattered, her still constricted hand encrusted with glass and bleeding.

Clara's head slowly rose to stare at Sam.

Clara's eyes drew gasps as they glowed that scorching emerald, her banshee nature fighting for release. It was not this sight however that sent ice cold shivers down my spine.

No, it was more than that. In the depths of Clara's emerald orbs I saw nothing. Nothingness. That switch in Clara that when flicked made her the single most deadly creature I had ever seen was on.

This was the look Clara had when Victoria tortured her, when she ripped Victoria apart, when she tore apart Riley's soul. When Clara allowed this nothingness to consume her she was ruthless. There was nothing beyond her capability to achieve her goals. Clara was not good or evil, merely power incarnate, restrained by nothing. Like this, to protect what she called hers, Clara was lethal. Her temper was mercurial. In this state she could kill everyone around her and feel nothing. She would hate herself later, but right now Clara was more banshee than human. A true embodiment of the death and vengeance spirit awakened by violence.

Clara only stared at Sam a moment before she was gone. In a move faster than I thought she could accomplish in her human guise Clara had blurred across the back yard and pinned Sam to the back of the house. If the situation wasn't so serious it would be comical. Clara was lean and tall at 5ft 10" but held a 6ft 5," muscle covered Sam by his shoulders like he was nothing. Sam's form began to shake and in turn Clara's skin began to glow and shimmer as it did when she was in full Banshee mode.

Clara in a movement too fast to track sunk her hand into Sam's chest. She was performing the touch. Never before had I seen Clara in this half way stage of her change. Her body seemed to flicker in and out of a corporeal form, white and hazy.

"Enough of that Sam or I will tear your soul apart!" Clara growled in her monotone voice. Sam's eyes bugged out as he froze like a statue, whimpers of agony slipping through his lips. The entire back yard sat in silent in shock.

Paul made a wrong move. He dove forward for Clara, shifting as he moved, but with a single flick of her other hand, as though swatting a fly, Clara slapped the wolf away. There was a loud snap and whining as Paul's wolf form flew backwards and crumpled.

Clara turned her cold eyes to the pack, "You will control yourselves or else I won't either. I may have allowed you to harm me with claw and tooth yesterday in your rage but today is a different day. I will not hesitate." Clara informed the wolves as she scanned their eyes.

Joshua Uley stood and in a nervous and worried voice said, " You ask us for control while you attack my son! What is the meaning of this!"

Clara turned her head to gaze upon the council, exposing her sharpened canines. "This is not an attack..." Clara said in her monotone as she constricted the hand in Sam's chest and he whimpered. "... if it was an attack you would all be dead. This is merely a reminder of who you are dealing with. I am an honouree pack member and a banshee. .." Clara's eyes locked with Sam's. " You sit above us like this is a trial. Like you could impose your will on me. You forget I am more than your equal. I want you to be fully aware that I will challenge anyone who threatens Izzy's life as Sam just did. You will harm her over my dead body!" Clara said with vicious glee before removing her hand from Sam's chest and blurring back to her seat.

Before Sam's huge form crumpled in a gasping pile on the porch Clara was back in her seat, once again fully human and sitting casually as though nothing had happened.

Clara barely missed a beat, even as the pack helped Sam and Paul to recover Clara spoke.

"You are my family, I do not want violence. If it is Izzy's choice, of her own free will, to become a vampire and only hunt animals then where is the problem? Why can the treaty not be left intact? Izzy would keep your secret, she would be with the ones she loves and of no danger to humans. Where is the problem? Can there not be an exception!"

I sighed knowing that Clara was too idealistic. The wolves would never allow this. To them vampires were monsters and their mortal enemy. They could not comprehend my wanting to become one. They would find a reason to ban my change and perhaps instigate war. A war between my two families! My heart ached at the thought. I could not survive such a thing.


	31. Chapter 31

Author: Thank you everyone for your kind reviews. They really do mean a lot to me. Please mention this story in any forms you may comment in and recommend it whenever you can. Spreading the word is much appreciated.

Enjoy:

_Clara barely missed a beat, even as the pack helped Sam and Paul to recover Clara spoke._

_"You are my family, I do not want violence. If it is Izzy's choice, of her own free will, to become a vampire and only hunt animals then where is the problem? Why can the treaty not be left intact? Izzy would keep your secret, she would be with the ones she loves and of no danger to humans. Where is the problem? Can there not be an exception!"_

_I sighed knowing that Clara was too idealistic. The wolves would never allow this. To them vampires were monsters and their mortal enemy. They could not comprehend my wanting to become one. They would find a reason to ban my change and perhaps instigate war. A war between my two families! My heart ached at the thought. I could not survive such a thing._

Chapter 31:

Izzy's POV:

The wolves crowded around their Alpha and Paul. Their eyes casting angry looks to an impassive Clara.

"The Treaty states that no vampire will bite or harm a human. We cannot allow Izzy to be changed. Such an act would create a dangerous precedent within our society. What would stop vampires from enticing our tribe members with promises of immortality and power? We cannot allow such a grey area. You of all people Clara should see the risks inhumanity presents to Izzy." Billy Black calmly replied to Clara, ignoring the pack to his right.

Clara visibly tensed at the jibe to her own inhumanity. "The wolf pack too knows of inhumanity Billy. The Cullen's do not change humans on a regular basis and the treaty stands with them alone. This would be a one off exception and you know it. Do not try to blow smoke up my ass. I see your prejudice. Besides, Izzy would not be a threat, she would be a golden eye. Carlisle would never allow inhumanity or power to corrupt Izzy." Clara replied icily, her anger obvious.

Billy sat unperturbed. "You cannot guarantee that Clara. Power corrupts and we could not be sure of any humans' safety if Izzy were changed. We have seen firsthand the strength, inhumanity and bloodlust of newborn vampires. We could not, in good faith, just hope that the Cullens would be able to control Izzy. She would be dangerous."

Clara sat forward, her eyes drilling into Billy. I could almost taste her anger and frustration. With every argument that Clara put forward Billy had countered. The council had obviously thought this through and had a strategy in place to prevent me from ever having a future with the Cullens.

Clara smiled faintly and in a forced act of relaxation sat back. "Well then, why not send a wolf to verify that Bella is being kept under control. If and when Izzy ever decided to change, I would inform you and you could send a wolf to witness the change and witness that she has control. A wolf would be able to act as a witness to the Cullen's promise that Izzy was not a threat to humanity and would be there as added insurance to assure she did not have any accidents." Clara replied in a smug voice.

Clara obviously thought she had cornered Billy with her counter offer. It seemed reasonable yet I couldn't help but gape. Clara was inviting a wolf to at some point live with the Cullens! Was she mad!

My heart sank as Billy opened his mouth to respond but a vicious growl sounded from the pack and our eyes turned toward the pack.

Sam now stood, his body vibrating again.

"You would have us babysit Izzy because she selfishly wants immortality! We are not some hired help. I will soon have a family and wish to stop phasing. Being surrounded by vampires and being on edge wondering if a newborn Izzy will take a snap at a human would do little for my control. As Alpha I could never allow a wolf to go alone. I would have to be there and that is not going to happen." Sam railed in a growling rant.

Clara stood in one of her quick motions and began to slowly walk towards Sam. Her movements paced and unhurried. Clara's head turned slightly as her eyes turned emerald and she examined Sam with a calculating look.

As Clara walked she spoke and with each step the wolves fidgeted and closed ranks closer to their Alpha.

"You seem to have quiet the problem with Izzy being turned Sam. Perhaps it would be better if you were removed from the equation!" Clara said in a cold voice as her lips spread into a falsely innocent grin.

"If you hurt me Clara, you will be banished from these lands and we will declare you a threat to be exterminated on sight. " Sam said as he stood taller and his pride got the better of him. The Alpha could not be seen to be afraid. The wolves at his back hissed and growled. Brady the youngest wolf phased but held firm behind his Alpha, awaiting the order.

Clara stopped moving for a second and her head whipped back as she laughed.

"Firstly Sam, we both know that you could not 'exterminate' me. Secondly, I am an honouree member of this people and would do nothing to threaten that or my status as family here. Thirdly, I never said I would kill you, only that your removal from this situation would be better." Clara listed with a twist to her lips as she stepped forward again.

"I am Alpha, I cannot be removed." Sam retorted.

"Hmm" Clara mused as she continued forward, looking Sam up and down. "Tell me Sam, you wish to stop phasing to be with your family. Correct?"

Sam nodded dumbly at Clara's strange question.

"You are having trouble stopping phasing though. You believe allowing Izzy to be changed would up your stress and make this goal harder. It would require more work. Sam, do you truly wish to give up your wolf?" Clara asked as her lips curled and her brows rose.

Sam stared at Clara a moment trying to figure out what she was up to. Then slowly he replied. "Yes, I want to give up the pressure of my duties. I want to live with Emily and our child, to grow old. I truly wish to give up my wolf but your requests and all the vampire stuff is making that impossible for my self control."

Clara smiled openly now barely three feet from Sam as she stood on the grass in front of him.

"Be careful what you wish for Sam you might just get it. In blood and honour I swear you will live through this but it will hurt." Clara said.

Before Sam had time to do more than pull his face into a confused mask Clara had grabbed him by his shoulders and leapt backwards from the pack carrying Sam like a child. As Clara moved I heard her whimper, clothes tear and bones crack as her Banshee nature came to the fore.

Clara landed back behind her chair with Sam in her grasp as he shook. The wolves snarled and the pack as one shifted after a moment of shocked silence, the tearing of clothes echoed throughout the yard.

It was too late however, in one motion Clara's now banshee hand delved again into Sam's chest. Her body shimmered like mist and glowed white. Seeming to appear and disappear. To one moment be inside Sam and then not. Her hand was like flowing water and mist, elongated and ethereal.

Sam yelled as Clara's hand constricted and the wolves all let out simultaneous whines and yips of pain. The pack mind somehow forcing Sam's pain onto the wolves despite him being in human form. The wolves collapsed whining and writhing on the grass.

The tribal councils combined russet skin had turned ghostly pale as they now all stood in abject horror watching Clara literally reach inside Sam.

With one final scream of agony Clara pulled back her hand and a white light tinged in lime green momentarily appeared in her hand before seeming to explode out momentarily blinding me. When I looked up Clara held her hand to her face, clasped around something I could not see. Clara's banshee face seemed drawn in pain and torment as though in a terrible mental conflict.

With one of her banshee screeches Clara thrust her hand away from herself and unclasped her fingers.

To my eyes nothing was there but the force she released was unmistakable. Clara and Sam were blown backwards from each other like opposing magnets.

Sam's large body coming to lie among his still writhing pack as Clara blew back into a tree behind her, snapping it in two like a twig.

The backyard went silent as the elders and I surveyed the damage. I raced across to Clara even as she groaned and began to shuffle to her feet.

The pack was doing similarly, the wolves regaining their feet one at a time with great effort.

"Ahh, that fucking hurt," Clara mumbled in her banshee monotone.

"What the hell did you do?" I screeched at her, even as I tried lamely to help her up, dusting off tree splinters.

"You'll see." Clara replied cryptically.

The council elders still stood in awe, Joshua Uley being the first to recover as he leapt from the porch and raced to the form of his prone son. I stared at Sam's inanimate form, relieved to notice after a moment that his chest was still rising and falling.

The wolves stared at Clara and me. I was no genius about wolf expressions but I would guess their eyes spoke of fear and awe.

A large russet wolf, the largest of them all, seemed to herd the wolves back behind Sam and then phased back to reveal Jake.

Jake stood, still naked. He cast a warning look to his wolves and then turned to Clara. I looked up like a child trying to keep the blush from my cheeks as Jake stood tall, rippling muscles, tan skin and perfect V from his wash board abs leading to a trail of dark hair... I had to look back to the sky.

"What the hell did you do?" Jacob asked in a harsh voice that seemed to waver slightly with fear.

"You know exactly what I did Jacob Black. I simply gave Sam his wish and returned the rightful heir of Ephraim Black to his true position. If the treaty is to be amended it is the true chief who should decide." Clara said in her monotone voice as she stood, her now six foot seven frame shrinking rapidly as she forced her banshee back.

"What the hell are you talking about? What did you do to my son? Joshua Uley yelled.

"Please explain?" Billy Black said in that strangely controlled, chief like voice. He was so controlled it reminded me of Carlisle.

Clara shrugged. "I made Jacob Alpha" She said in a flippant voice.

Gasps rose from the elders even as Jake growled, "How? What will happen to him?"

Clara's smile was mocking as was her voice when she replied. "Come now everyone, we know I am a banshee. A spirit of vengeance, violence and the soul. I performed the touch on Sam. Interestingly, the dual nature of the wolves is also present in your soul. There is a part of your soul that is the wolf spirit. It is what allows the shift. You didn't really think it was all genetic did you?"

Jake simply stood, his fists clenched.

"What about my son you bitch?" Joshua Uley screamed.

"Oh shut up Joshua!" Clara retorted. "He will be fine. Bit of a headache like but that's it. All I did was remove the wolf spirit part of his soul, so now he has his wish. He is fully human and can live his dull mortal life with Emily. No need to thank me. Think of it as a gift of good faith. Jacob becomes the Alpha and so it's his decision where the pack stands on Izzy's change. As Alpha and de facto tribal chief and true heir of Ephraim it is his decision."

I stared at Izzy in awe. She had just engineered a bloodless coup of the La Push wolves, all to get a more favourable Alpha. I could almost see Clara's head turning over her scheme. She was a manipulative, evil genius. Jake was more reasonable and had a soft spot for me. As well as that he was the rightful heir and his decision would be unbreakable. He was more likely to grant an exception to the treaty for me than anyone else.

"You can remove the wolf spirit? You could strip our protectors of their power?" Harry Clearwater asked in a disgusted and horrified voice.

Clara smiled a vicious smile. "Well not to boast, but yep. Scary thought eh?" Clara asked in a sarcastic voice, barely concealing the threat.

Jacob's face reddened as he turned to Clara. "You conniving..." he began but was cut off as Sam began to cough.

Jacob went to Sam's side to assess him and then turned so he could face us and the elders.

"I am taking Sam home. He needs to rest and the pack needs to discuss all the ramifications of what just happened. This meeting is adjourned until tomorrow at two o'clock." Jake ordered with a new found authority in his voice. The wolves turned and slowly began to walk away. The elders spluttered some rebukes at being sent away but grumbled and shuffled into the house.

Joshua Uley and Jake lifted Sam and began carrying him to the house, as the made it to the porch, Jake turned and called over his shoulder.

"What you did was very dangerous Clara, but as Sam asked for it, in a way, and he seems to be okay, I cannot punish you. Do not think however I will stand idly by if you ever attempt a stunt like that again. I'll rip your head off while you're human, before you even know I'm there."

Clara interrupted with a snort of amusement, "A thank you would surfice."

Jake growled and his eyes narrowed on me. " As for you Izzy, we will decide your fate tomorrow. The council and the pack will have a fair say. We will act as is best for our pack and the safety of humanity." Jake turned and stomped into the house.

I did not miss the implied threat in Jake's words that I would not be getting things my own way. Jake hated vampires with a passion and if hating Edward Cullen was an Olympic sport he would win gold. Suddenly I felt even further from a resolution.

I turned to Clara and noticed how pale she was. I linked my arm into hers as she leant her weight on me and we began walking without comment to our car. Clara stumbled and I nearly fell, only managing to keep upright by sheer miracle.

"Clara are you okay?" I asked in a concerned voice.

Clara never stumbled or needed support.

"Yeah, fine. It's just performing the touch...releasing the wolf spirit while denying that urge to feed on the energy..." Clara's body shuddered at the memory and her eyes slipped shut for a moment. "..It was agony. It was right there Izzy, that part of Sam's soul was in my hand. I wanted it so bad."

Clara ducked her head in shame.

"But you didn't!" I whispered in a fierce voice. Clara raised her head giving me a brittle smile.

"Let's go back to the house, I'm exhausted." Clara whispered.

I did not comment or mother Clara. She hated showing weakness. I simply placed her in the backseat of the Chevy and drove back to Charlie's house.

Today had gone terribly. What would tomorrow bring?


	32. Chapter 32

Author: Hey sorry about the delay but university really is taking up a lot of my free time. Society commitments, work, coursework and other stuff is slowing my writing down so I am afraid updates will take a little longer. Reviews are wonderful and always cheer me up.

Chapter 32

Izzy's POV

The Cullens sat in shocked silence, as I retold my story. My eyes refocusing on the room, as I came out of my trip down memory lane, for a brief moment. I was only halfway into the story but I knew the Cullen's would have questions at this point. Their gasps and growls as I had spoken were hard to ignore. Besides, my throat was dry and I needed another cup of coffee.

Clara had lain on the fluffy rug at the foot of the room, her eyes closed and unnaturally still as I had retold the events of the last few days. Only the rise and fall of her chest every couple of minutes gave away that Clara was alive.

"You separated a Wolf's soul?" Carlisle asked in a hushed voice as his eyes swung to Clara.

Clara lay still for another minute before she sat up in one swift motion exhaling a long sigh and shrugging.

"I had spotted the dual nature of the La Push guy's souls pretty quickly. I always wondered if I could separate them and Sam was being a dick. He seemed like the perfect test subject." Clara said casually reaching for her empty cup of coffee. Esme disappeared and returned with a pot of coffee and topped up her mug.

"What if it hadn't worked? You could have killed him!" Alice squeaked.

Clara's coffee stalled just before her lips. "Switch to plan B. Threaten to kill the pack and the elders if they didn't give me what I wanted and then maybe kill Paul to prove I was serious," Clara answered in a monotone casually raising one shoulder in a half shrug.

The Cullen's released nervous laughter for a second as Clara sipped her coffee. Their dry chuckles dying in their throats as Clara's cold eyes looked out over her mug at the room. Clara was not joking.

The Cullen's seemed to be struck dumb. Their eyes zeroing in on Clara.

"If the wolves wouldn't allow Izzy to be changed without an exception to the treaty they would eventually have sought some kind of retribution. They would be honour bound to. It would have meant a war one day, one way or another. Wars mean casualties and in my mind, Sam and Paul's deaths could prevent a larger scale conflict and numerous other deaths. In the long term their deaths would have been justified. I would prefer to not have to hurt any of them but two deaths is preferable to many. I love the wolf pack but Izzy comes first." Clara said in a cold and ruthless voice. The voice not of my friend but of the cold, calculating thing she became when what she loved was targeted.

I had heard Clara's reasoning already and had already argued this point with her. I didn't like it but I wasn't going to waste my breathe arguing.

"That's insane!" Carlisle said with a stoic expression.

Clara met his eyes with a cold stare.

"You are bound by your heart Carlisle. Bound by the compassion which is your greatest strength. However, you have never lost anyone you loved. I have. I am willing to do anything necessary to protect those I have sworn to guard. The wolves are family but so is Izzy. In the long run the deaths of two wolves would have been a small price to pay to gain Izzy's freedom and the rest of the packs compliance. If they had retaliated for a breach of the treaty later, an attacked on you would have meant more pack casualties. The sacrifice of the few to protect the many is only logical. Unlike you Carlisle, I am not ruled by fickle emotions. Besides, that was only my plan B. Sam lived and war did not occur so this is all a mute point." Clara whispered in a toneless voice.

Jasper had been nodding in his seat, his eyes watching Clara with a soldier's calculation. "Clara is right. The risk she took was necessary and her plan B would have worked. Although lacking finesse it would limit casualties on both sides by preventing the wolves from seeking war against us."

"While I disagree also, what is done, is done," I interrupted as Carlisle took breath to argue with Jasper's assessment. "Sam survived so this truly is a mute point. Would you like to hear the rest?" I continued attempting to guide the conversation back on course.

Edward was scrutinising Clara with his eyes while clutching me close.

Rosalie snorted, "Their only mutts anyway. What do we care? Please tell us the rest Izzy."

Carlisle's face scrunched up in annoyance at his daughter's words. Esme silenced her husband by lightly squeezing his shoulder. The rest of the Cullen's nodded and I took a deep breath to continue my story. Clara stiffly put her coffee down and without a word grabbed her pack of cigarettes and with her unnatural grace glided outside.

Esme watched with concerned eyes and twitched as if wanting to go after Clara.

"Leave her," I called. "Let her have her cigarette. She'll come back when she's ready. Clara never liked having people talk about her. Where was I...

_Flashback_

I slept fitfully all night. Tossing and turning, nightmares of Clara and the wolves tearing each other apart haunted my mind.

Clara had eaten two frozen pizzas when we got back and then passed out on the sofa. The exhaustion of resisting Sam's soul catching up with her.

I came downstairs early to find Clara curled up on the couch where I had left her. Clara looked small and younger than usual. She whimpered in her sleep and before I knew what I was doing my hand was caressing her forehead.

I smiled weakly. Clara and I were so alike. Both having lost our families. I moved toward the kitchen with a spring in my step and began cooking bacon and eggs, knowing the smell would wake Clara.

Shortly I heard grumbles and weak yawns as Clara came around. I walked into the sitting room and sat in the armchair opposite Clara, my back to the hall door.

Clara blinked groggily and peered over at me.

"Morning. Breakfast is ready. How are you feeling?" I asked in an amused voice watching a groggy Clara.

"Uh, I'm fine. Just tired. You okay?" Clara replied as she stretched and cracked her joints, stretching her muscles.

"I'm fine, just a bit worried about the pack..." I began but was cut off as Clara's head snapped up and in a flash she jumped over me growling.

When I turned around Clara was at the stairs behind the door to the sitting room.

Clara was tense, holding a quivering Jake against the wall with a tight grip. Jake fighting the urge to phase.

"You mind letting me go short stuff?" Jake gasped trying to rein in his temper.

Clara seemed to refocus on hearing his voice and dropped Jake, backing off with a confused expression.

"Damn you Jake, creeping in here with your wolf grace! Did your father never teach you to knock!" Clara reprimanded.

Jake rubbed his neck dramatically. "Humph, my 'wolf grace,' as you put it, has never let me sneak up on you before. Besides, you didn't knock when you came to Sams. I suppose I should be grateful you didn't rip out a part of my soul though!" Jake mumbled in an obviously sour tone.

Clara gave Jake a bitter look. "You know I wouldn't do that to you Jake. You're like my brother. I'm sorry. I'm just a bit frazzled after yesterday. Guess I'm a bit jumpy."

Jake raised an eyebrow at Clara's weak response. His eyes then refocused on me.

"I actually came by to speak to you before the meeting this evening." Jake told me in a cold commanding voice. Jake stood tall and proud, his face taking on the cold mask that Sam wore.

"Throwing your weight around already oh great Alpha?" I asked sarcastically.

Jake stiffened at my comment and then seemed to melt slightly, "No. I'm asking as your friend. Your sun." Jake said.

"Speak then Jake." Clara said cruelly, watching him in a newly scheming way.

"Privately Izzy." Jake intoned.

Clara's face reddened and was about to rebuke Jake when I cut in.

I really hated when Clara spoke for me, it reminded me of Edward back when I was seventeen.

"Let's go for a walk Jake. I can speak with my friend alone Clara. I do not need you to hover over me ever second. Go have breakfast and a shower. The foods in the oven." I commanded. Clara looked shocked and then turned on her heal stalking into the kitchen.

Jake watched me wearily as I walked across the hall and lifted my jacket.

"Let's go Jake. Lead the way." I murmured as I swung the door open.

Jake eyed me for another minute and then strode his large frame out the door as he mumbled under his breath, "Now who's throwing his weight around."

I smiled harshly. If Jake thought I was going to be cowed by a guilt trip under his brown eyes or have Clara speak for me, he had another thing coming.


	33. Chapter 33

Author. Once again I apologise for delays in updates. My down time is limited lately. Hope ou enjoy this last explanation chapter for the wolf situation. After this there will be a filler chapter, a Christmas chapter, another filler chapter, a new year lemon chapter, a chapter with a twist and tears, a chapter of redemption and pain, another filler chapter, a tying up chapter and then an epilogue. That is the rough plan but we all know that Clara and Izzy often demand more page time and an event I have in my head which should only take one chapter can often take three.(a lot like the wolf situation) So here's the latest chapter, enjoy and don't forget to review.

Chapter 33:

Izzy's POV:

Jake strode purposefully towards the woods while I traipsed after him. I moved at my own pace and if he thought I was going to run to match his mutant long strides then he was sadly mistaken.

I entered the woods behind my house where I had seen Jake enter and walked steadily behind him for about fifteen minutes. Jake gained a large distance on me but I refused to ask him to slow down or to help me. Eventually, I came to a break in the woods where a large tree had fallen. All around the felled log new saplings grew, straining for the breach in the canopy, for the pool of sunlight this tree had once occupied.

Jake sat stiffly on the log staring down at his hands. Without a word I sat beside him, pulling my shorter frame onto the mossy log and allowing my legs to swing slowly back and forth like a child.

The silence was deafening but I refused to speak first. Jake had asked me out here so I was damned if I was going to pander to his ego.

"Why?" Jake croaked. His voice a broken, bitter whisper. I looked up sharply to see Jakes reddening face glaring down on me.

"I love him," I replied in a steady voice.

"Jake's face turned grim and his voice mocking, "He fucking abandoned you! Did you get down on bended knee and beg for him to come back when you saw him? How can you be so stupid for someone so smart? How..."

Jake talked to me like a child and his questions were insulting barbs. I would not sit here to be insulted.

Jake was cut off mid question by the loud smacking sound of my hand colliding with his face.

My hand stung viciously with pain but I held myself rigid and ignored the throbbing.

Jake's head instinctively snapped to the side and remained there as a dumbfounded expression washed over him. Shock racing to become his most prominent feature.

"I did not come here to be insulted, Jacob Ephraim Black. Edward and I have been working extremely hard for the last three months to rebuild our relationship. I did not just run back into his arms and I most certainly didn't beg him for anything. In fact he begged me! Things are different this time around," I fumed.

Jakes face was like thunder.

"Even if he's changed what's to stop him abandoning you again? Even if I can accept that you love him, how can you expect me to stand aside and let you become a monster?"

Jake ranted, jumping to his feet and pacing around tearing up the small saplings in his path.

"You actually want to become like one of those things? Don't you remember what the newborns were like? The vampires that attacked your Dad! Does none of that matter to you! Can't you see how wrong it is? You'll be a blood sucker! You'll be dangerous to people! You'll never be able to have a normal life! You'll never have children!

I know I was never enough Izzy but surely there is someone out there who can give you a future, a real future!"

Jakes rant came to an end with tears in his eyes as he clapped his hands on my shoulders gazing deep into my eyes.

"Are you done now?" I asked before continuing on without letting him speak. "Firstly, I love Edward and as irrational and stupid as it is, that love means that I can't pass up an opportunity to be with him. For my heart, there will only be Edward. Perhaps if you ever imprint Jake you will understand the all consuming nature of love. Secondly, I of course have not forgotten what the newborns were like or about my father. However, I will be a golden eye, Edward and the Cullen's won't let me become like the red eyes or the other vampires, I won't hurt anyone. Lastly, my life has never been normal and I have never wanted children Jake. Thus what am I really giving up? A life of loneliness." I stated in an artificially calm voice as I reprimanded Jakes assumptions.

Jake huffed out a breath and threw his arms in the air away from me.

"Jesus Bella, Please! Can't you see how crazy this is? They have only been back in your life for three months! You would desert us for them!" Jake fumed in a defeated voice. His back tense as he stared into the woods.

"Jake!" I whispered as I rose off the log and strode over to his giant form, wrapping my arms around his broad waist.

"Jake, it doesn't have to be an us or them, not if you don't want it to be. Even if I was changed I would still consider you family. I would still be me Jake, eventually. Just a little bit more durable. I would always want to have you in my life, if you were willing. And anyway Jake, it's not like I'm going to rush back and be changed this week. I'm only here asking for an acceptation to the treaty because of Clara. You know she considers you family and she takes her honouree tribal status seriously. Clara didn't want to lie to you. Not even by omission. Clara wants you to be informed and for me to have the option freely open. One day, if Edward and I work out, I would want to be with him for eternity. One day Jake, not today." I whispered into his back knowing he could hear me.

Jake twisted around in my grasp until my face was buried in his scorching hot chest.

"Oh, Bella." Jake lamented. "You know I would always want you in my life..even if ..even if you changed. You and Clara are my family. It's just it would be so hard, we would be natural enemies. You would have to give up so much. How could you be sure you wouldn't have an accident? Could you live with yourself if you killed someone?" Jake murmured into my hair.

I pulled back to gaze into Jakes eyes. "I would be giving up much yes, but I would gain more. And I trust the Cullen's to protect me from myself if the time ever comes." I whispered.

Jake sighed heavily. "There's no changing your mind is there. Clara was right; you're different now that they are back in your life. I saw it at Sam's for thanksgiving dinner. Your eyes are lighter now, filled with joy. You smile more, laugh more and don't get that lost in your own nightmares look in your eye anymore. Humanity just can't compete with love eh?"

I was in shock. Jake and Clara had discussed me. "I don't know if that's true Jake but I am happier now than I have ever been. I want to be free, I want to have all the options open to me. I won't give up on love Jake, I'll go on the run again from you all like I did from Victoria if need be." I said with a new coldness to my voice.

"You really are too stubborn for your own good Bella. You're my family and I won't chase you like Victoria, even if you become a blood sucker. I can't destroy your happiness Bella, it would make me worse than that Edward schmuck in my book. I have no idea how I'm going to get the pack and Elders to agree to this..." Jake said with a long suffering sigh as his thumb caressed my cheek.

"Jake...you mean, you'll grant an exception to the treaty..." I squeaked trying to push back the stupid grin overtaking my face.

"Not so fast Bella. I agree but I'll have to talk to the pack and get the council on side. They will not be happy and will try to prevent any deviation from the treaty. I don't want to use an Alpha order on the pack and I can't do that with the council. I'm making no promises, only saying you have my support...On two conditions!" Jake shushed.

My eyebrows furrowed at his mention of conditions. I was about to rebuke Jake for his attempt to dictate my life to me but he rushed on.

"Firstly, don't rush the decision to get changed. Think it through and take your time. Secondly, if Edward screws up again I have your unquestionable blessing to rip him apart." Jake chortled with a vicious grin.

My face split to a grin. I could accept those conditions. "You may have to get in line with Clara but 'sure, sure.'" I said using his own words to agree and hugging him tight.

"Come on then Bells, I'll walk you back. I had better get down to the reservation and talk to the pack and council before you come down later." Jake said with a grimace at his displeasure for the obviously unpleasant task.

Together we walked back to my old house arm in arm.

When I was at the door Jake turned and headed back to the woods to phase and go home. I took a deep breath and entered the house to find an obviously annoyed Clara sitting on the sofa watching TV.

"How'd it go?" She asked in a sulky voice.

"Fine, we talked. Jake's going to try and get the council to agree to allowing an exception to the treaty. I'm going to grab a snack and do some paper work before we have to go down to the reservation. You want anything?" I said to inform Clara of Jake's favourable choice and to make a peace offering.

"No." Was Clara's curt reply as she ignored me and turned up the television.

The next few hours passed in awkward silence. Eventually it was time to leave for the reservation and Clara and I silently climbed into the car without so much as a nod.

I hated this quiet. We were about to enter a potentially hostile environment and the last thing I need is Clara angry with me.

"I'm sorry I was curt with you earlier Clara. It's just I wanted to talk to Jake alone. I appreciate all you have done for me but sometimes you forget I am capable of taking care of myself. Especially when it's just talking to someone. I can hold my own these days, in fact I've been told I can have a bit of a sharp tongue when I want," I said with a devious smile, referring to Clara's own complaints about my sharp reprimands.

Clara's hands loosened on the car steering wheel. "No, it's me whose sorry. I am just angry with myself. I know you're well capable to fight your own corner. I just get a bit overprotective at times and I know you hate that. Heck, I hate it. Can we just forget this and focus on what we have to deal with here and now."

I nodded mutely and noticed we were pulling up outside Jakes house again.

Clara climbed out of the car silently and I followed her round back of Jakes house, not even bothering to go to the front door today.

The backyard was set up exactly the same as yesterday with two acceptations. The seat I had occupied yesterday had been moved to beside where Clara sat. Perhaps a peace offering from Jake allowing Clara and I to be beside each other.

The second difference was seeing Sam sitting on the porch beside the council, not the wolf pack. My mind was confused, if he had lost his wolf then why was he here?

Jake nodded from across the backyard and we moved to our seats.

Billy Black called out from the porch. "This meeting of the Tribal council and its protectors is now in session. I firstly would like to draw to the attention of all present the fact that Sam Uley has been elected as a fully fledged member of the Tribal council in recognition of his hard work in protecting our people. Now if anyone has anything to add to yesterday's proceedings we will allow that before voting on an amendment to the treaty." Billy commanded with an impassive face.

Sam Uley sat stoically glaring at Clara who only smiled viciously before commenting. "Is there something you want Sam. You seem to be staring at me. Is there something else you wish to ask me for in addition to what I already did for you yesterday?" Clara's face was a cruel smiling mask as her eyes began to glow. Sam flinched before he could stop himself.

Sam was prevented from commenting by Jake's voice calling out in much the same fashion as his fathers.

"As Ephraim's heir, the de facto chief of the tribe and as the Alpha of the pack I wish to make known my support for Bella's petition for an exception to the treaty. I believe that she is well aware of the risks and is not what the treaty would consider an innocent human. I believe that the Cullen's will ensure she is no threat to humanity and thus she should be allowed, if she ever chose, to be changed. The pack is divided on the issue and I will not remove their free will. If the council of elders agrees to an amendment my pack has agreed unanimously to back their decision." Jake called in a confident voice.

I was in shock. Jake had supported my petition but in refusing to threaten to remove the free will of the pack to not attack the Cullens, he had placed the decision of my future into the hands of the council.

A brief flash of anger coursed through me but I quickly struck it down. I knew that this cost Jake a lot to support me and he had always hated when Sam used Alpha orders. Jake was a fair leader and would not be a dictator. It was honourable, if not extremely annoying.

The Council consisting of Billy Black, Harry Clearwater, Old Quil, Sam and Joshua Uley stared down upon me.

"Then we are back where we started yesterday Izzy. This council cannot take the word of a blood sucker to verify that you would be a true golden eye, that you would be safe to humans. Accidents can happen and we won't take such a chance." Sam Uley spoke in a weak voice.

I smiled cruelly thinking of how he was still weak from yesterday.

"The pack could act as guards and verify that Bella was safe if she is ever changed. I am Alpha now and would willingly do this task. Unlike Sam I have no children tying me here." Jake said trying to strike down Sam's argument by using the line of thinking he himself had used.

"huh" Old Quil snorted. "You may not have a family Jake but you have the pack and the pack is intended to protect our people not police little girls who want to become monsters. You have responsibilities to protect La push's people."

Joshua Uley seeing this line of argument as the cart blanche they needed to refuse me spoke up.

"Yes, the pack cannot be split up to monitor a newborn. We cannot risk a wolf and it is only our own people's word we could take to verify that Bella was not a possible threat. Besides, the time needed to verify her absolute control would be years. We could never place such a burden on our people or one of our wolves." Joshua mocked in fake disappointment.

Jake had taken breath to argue but quickly deflated. I shouldn't have been surprised. Jake was young, twenty four. He had a life and responsibilities here. I could never force him to come with me or to force one of his pack to come with me if I ever decided to be changed. Taking someone from La Push for years would be wrong. The council were enforcing unattainable conditions. My only choices were mortal death or run away when I am changed and hope I never again come in contact with the wolves. Lose another family.

The Uleys looked pleased with themselves and I was about to get up and leave when Clara spoke up.

"You say that verification that Izzy was not a threat would be needed if she were ever changed. If this was guaranteed would you allow the amendment?" Clara questioned, her eyes boring into Billy.

Billy tipped his head slightly with a hint of a smile as though pleased at Clara's line of thinking. "Yes. If we could ensure Bella would not harm a human then we would have no reason to prevent her change. She would be the same as the Cullens."

The rest of the Council nodded in turn hesitantly.

Clara nodded. "Well, as an honouree member of the tribe I would be willing to remain with Izzy and ensure she never hurt a human. I have no responsibilities to La Push and have the strength to ensure Izzy would never harm a human." Clara stated to my utter astonishment.

Old Quil and Harry Clearwater looked at Clara with a calculating view. Billy sat like stone. I was sputtering to speak and Joshua and Sam were spilling forth denials and rebukes.

"That is unacceptable"

"You can't be trusted."

"You wouldn't stay with her long enough"

They sputtered.

"Silence" Came Billy's cold voice.

Clara smiled deviously.

"You yourselves said that it would have to be a person of the tribe to verify that Izzy was safe. Are you revoking my status as a member of the tribe? Will you dishonour your ancestors and now state that you do not accept me as your equal!" Came Clara's evil reply.

The Uley's gaped like fish as the pack and council stared them down. They could not revoke Clara's status it would dishonour the tribe.

Joshua Uley got a devious look. "You would have to commit to watching Izzy for a decade after her change. Would you give up that much time to be with her? Could you guarantee that? And what if she does kill a human? She would have breached the treaty and you would have failed the pack at the cost of an innocent human life."

"I would be willing to watch Izzy for a mere decade to verify her safety and adherence to the treaty. As an immortal it would be a mere blink to me. I would ensure Izzy was safe for humans. There would be no accidents, no human deaths with me there. I would ensure she conquered her blood lust." Izzy stated with calm resolve.

"Izzy no...you can't...that's too much..." I tried to dissuade Clara from this course but she ignored me.

"How could we be sure you would adhere to this? If a human is killed the treaty is broken ..." Joshua Uley paused as something occurred to him and he smiled viciously. I did not like that look. "Would you swear an oath to it Clara? If you claim to be one of us then you would have to uphold the treaty. Destroy the Cullen's and Izzy if they broke it. Would you swear to protect humanity, to verify Bella's safety and enforce the treaty if broken? All for a decade. Would you swear it?"

Jake hissed and the council turned expectant eyes to Clara.

Joshua knew that Clara was an honourable person. Above all morals and human laws Clara adhered to her own principles and number one amongst those was maintaining her own word and her own laws. If Clara swore to do something on her blood and her honour then it was her law. There was no negotiation or appeal. To Clara it was unbreakable.

Joshua had successfully cornered Clara into either leaving without an exception to the treaty or swearing to enforce it with all that she was. Eight years ago Clara swore to protect me and she had. Clara had protected me at immense cost to herself.

My own fear swelled. If Clara agreed to this it would all depend on my control if I ever became a vampire. All the Cullen's live would be dependent on my control for a full decade.

"No Clara, you can't guarantee that, you couldn't always be there. You can' guarantee I would be strong enough to resist or that you would be there to prevent an accident. You can't tie yourself to me for a decade. It's not fair." I pleaded.

Clara turned burning green eyes to me. "Do you trust me Izzy?" She whispered.

There was only one answer to that question, "Yes...but..."

Clara cut me off with a fierce whispered response. "Then you know that I carry out my word and I swear to you in blood and honour that if you are ever changed I will be there for ten years and no matter what it takes I will ensure you never taste human blood."

Clara's words burned with power and sincerity.

"Well.." Billy Black called.

Clara stepped forward and stretched her hands out in front of her, the distinct cracks and pops of her bones cracking indicated her change had begun.

Standing before the council, Clara forced her body to slowly shift to her true banshee nature. Clara forced each physical change in excruciatingly slow increments stressing to all who watched exactly what she was.

Clara stood tall at six feet six inches and glared with searing emerald eyes at the council.

"I am Clara Nic Giolla Anbhas. I am Clare daughter of violent death. I am a protector and citizen of La Push. I am a Bhean sidh." Clara declared in her eerie monotone. Clara lifted her elongated hands and with her left index finger used her nail to slit her right palm. Vivid red blood flowing to the surface before immediately stopping as the wound healed.

"I swear in blood and honour, before all these witnesses, that in accordance with an amended treaty I will, for a decade, act as Isabella Marie Swan's Guardian. If and when she is changed to a cold one I will ensure that she never tastes human blood. I will ensure she harms no human being. I will verify her safety and control. I will, on failure of this oath, carry out the treaty of my people and destroy all golden eyes if I fail and the treaty is breeched..." Clara paused and glared at the council and then Jacob before continuing. "If this occurs I will destroy Isabella and the Cullens and will then return to La Push and offer my immortal life in penance of my failure. I will attack any pack reaming here until they counter strike and I will suppress my banshee nature until mortal death is achieved."

The pack and council gasped but it was too late.

Clara clenched her fist and blood dropped to the earth. "This I swear in blood and honour."

Clara's eyes raised to the council as she forced her banshee back and returned to a human form. "If I fail you will have blood on your hands as well and I will ensure my own end."

"What the hell are you thinking?" Jacob called as he stormed over to shake Clara.

"I only did what was necessary, what your council wanted!" Clara spat in distaste.

Old Quil and Harry were nodding. "It seems we have little choice now Clara. We accept this amendment to the treaty but we wish you had not added your final clause to your oath. It would pain me to see your life ended. I hope that you once again achieve the impossible and uphold this oath." Billy Black said before turning quickly in his chair and wheeling himself inside.

"That's it! What the hell? That can't be it" I yelled at Jake.

"You got your exception, the treaty is amended." He said acidly to me before turning sorry eyes to Clara, "I wish you hadn't done that Clara. I won't kill you to allay your guilt."

"If I am made to kill Izzy because of this I will force you to. One way of another." Clara replied icily. It was like they had forgotten I existed.

"Let's go back to the house." Clara declared and began striding to the car leaving me to either follow her or remain stranded at Jakes.

Jake cast me a sad smile and turned to deal with the pack.

On the ride home I bitched Clara up the left and down the right. I was so pissed that she would risk so much. That she would condemn herself to a decade by my side and then a death sentence if she failed to prevent any accidents when I became vampire.

Right now it was in my head that I would never risk such a thing and I would remain mortal to my dying day.

Clara lost patience, "Izzy give it a rest. I did this for you. You will never be happy like you are now unless you are with Edward and one day that will mean being a vampire. Between me and the Cullen's I swear to you, you won't taste human blood. Not ever. I swore an oath to you first and I intend to keep it. You won't taste human blood, not for a decade at least." Clara grimaced.

I complained and moaned all the way back to the house and the next day between visiting Jake and Charlie but Clara brushed m concerns aside.

End Flashback.

"So here we are. We got the exception to the treaty thanks to Clara basically enslaving herself to me for the next decade." I whispered. The Cullen's sat in silent shock.

"She swore such a thing. She can't guarantee..." Carlisle began but was cut off as the front door swung open and Clara appeared in front of him.

"I am Clara, I am a banshee. My word is law. I guaranteed it and so it will be. Izzy will have no accidents if she ever becomes a vampire. I will ensure this and you will help me or else we are all doomed." Clara snapped.

The Cullen's sat in absolute silence.

"Well it would be a lot easier if I had my visions." Alice huffed.

"I promise you Izzy, you will never take a human life! I won't fail you" Edward declared as he gripped me harder.

"I swore to protect Izzy. She like you has become my family and I will keep my word. You will be safe." Clara declared as she met the eyes of each Cullen in turn.

Clara turned on her heal and left the house heading back out the door.

I curled closer into Edward. "Clara got us the exception to the treaty so we wouldn't have to live in fear of the wolves and so we wouldn't lose our family in La Push. I don't know why she made such a risky oath to get the acceptation but I trust her. Clara wouldn't have made it if she didn't think she could follow through." The Cullen's nodded hesitantly and I saw Carlisle slip from the room.

Clara's POV:

I stood in the woods to the side of the Cullen house inhaling another cigarette. The soft whisper of air and the hushed footfalls announced a vampires approach.

I turned slowly flicking the ash from my cigarette onto the ground as I scrutinised Carlisle as he stepped closer to me.

Carlisle's golden eyes swirled as his intense gaze seemed to search my inner self.

I exhaled a cloud of smoke into the crisp air and broke the silence. "If you are here to reprimand me for making my oath you are wasting your breath. I did what I thought was best for Izzy," I snarled.

Carlisle's head tipped to the side examining me. His lips to my surprise seeming to twitch, fighting a smile.

"I'm not angry with you Clara. I'm...impressed." Carlisle said as though shocked at his own pronouncement.

I choked on a lung full of smoke coughing out, "What?"

Carlisle's twitching lips became a full blown smile, slightly dazzling me.

"You told me that I was ruled by fickle emotions. That I was too compassionate. Yet it is you who are led by emotion Clara. You blindly gave up your freedom for a decade, you swore an oath that could make you destroy yourself both emotionally and physically . You did all this to protect Izzy. To protect your family. You made the oath so that Izzy can keep the wolves, her La Push family and have Edward. You let your heart rule you. I am positive that together we can ensure Izzy never tastes human blood and so all I have left t say is ...Thank you. Your actions will allow Izzy and Edward to be together whenever they choose. You have ensured the wolves will not come after us. You have placed our fates in our own hands. Thank you. If there is anything I can ever do to show my appreciation for keeping Izzy safe, for all you have done, just say."

I was momentarily stunned but then I came back to myself. "There is one thing." I whispered.

Carlisle was in mid step to leave but stalled at my words, giving me a worried look.

"When Izzy visited Charlie there was another reason I left her alone with him. Hospitals as places of death are extremely tempting and painful for me to be around. My banshee nature fights to release just souls. When I was at the hospital I felt Charlie's soul. He is near death. His soul is just and straining for release. I had to leave Izzy alone with him, the temptation was too much. I want you to move Charlie to the local hospital. See if you can do anything for him? At least have him close for Izzy in case..." I was cut off explaining as Carlisle raised his hand to silence me.

"I understand. I would have investigated his case anyway. I'll see what I can do. This isn't so much an act for you but for Izzy. Once again you are being led by emotion. Once again you are acting in the best interest of another... I am proud of you!"

With that last remark and a smile Carlisle blurred away and I was left alone.

I was dumbstruck and slowly slouched down against a nearby tree. Damn vampire, he was right. I was just as much an emotional idiot as him. The thought brought a dumb smirk to my face.

The wolves were dealt with. Charlie would be moved here. Izzy's relationship was out in the open. Her and Edward seemed to be moving along nicely and Izzy was now free to choose eternity whenever she wished.

I thought about all the Cullen's and the conversations going on about my actions. I considered having to be Izzy's shadow for ten years when she decided to become a vampire and suddenly decided I needed a drink to go with my cigarette.


	34. Chapter 34

Author. Again, sorry about the delay. University really is killing my social life and my writing time. Hope you enjoy. PLEASE drop me a review as ever, they are really appreciated.

Izzy's POV

The days seemed to pass in a constant blur since Thanksgiving. It is now the week before Christmas. Edward and I have been spending a lot of time together although this has admittedly been hindered by the amount of coursework grading and examination prep work I have had to take on in the last week or two at the university.

Alice and Esme seem to have taken on the personalities of Christmas hurricanes. Where those two pale blurs appear a veritable Christmas tablo is sure to be left in their wake. The Cullen house has more Christmas trees and decorations than Lapland itself and much to my annoyance Alice even had the presumptuousness to break into my apartment and decorate it. Apparently the tree myself and Clara erected wasn't good enough. Holly, multiple Christmas trees and the scent of spiced apples seems to have overtaken our apartment. This inevitably led to Alice and I having a rather stern conversation about boundaries and personal space. I thought that Clara would have gone psychotic at the idea of a Cullen invading our home, yet like everything else since our return from La Push, Clara's response was lack luster at best. Clara glanced briefly at our redecorated home, observed my outrage at Alice's bold actions and then coolly stated, "Turn about is fare play. We're always in her home I suppose." And then strode off without further comment.

Clara has been spending less time with the Cullen's and I. She has become moody and distant. These are not new characteristics for Clara, as around June of every year on the anniversary of her families murder she enters such a melancholy persona. However, I have never seen it to be so protracted. Clara may be a standoffish and abrasive person to strangers but she has never been like this with me. Edward has speculated that her current mood may be in response to finally being able to take stock of her life after nearly nine years of anarchy. Or perhaps that while I remain human she is putting some distance between us, taking time for herself in preparation for the decade where she will have to be my guardian shadow.

Either way, I have missed the usual closeness and openness that we share.

That lack of closeness even allowed Alice to have a vision of me. Admittedly it was only a vision showing me dropping a glass and getting a small cut but that vision represented a shift. Clara's distance from me had allowed Alice's visions of me to resurface slightly. Alice was ecstatically happy and could not understand my dismay or shock at such a development.

I was also shocked last week by Carlisle asking me to his study and then telling me he had arranged for my father's transfer to Washington state hospital which is just fifteen minutes up the road from my apartment. Carlisle had all the paperwork ready and all I had to do was sign the consent form for Charlie to be moved.

It has been nice having Charlie so close. I have taken to visiting him at random times. On my lunch break from the university and sometimes popping in for a few minutes on the way home from work. It is very refreshing being able to see him so easily and regularly. It's a comfort just being able to talk to him. The doctors say he can't hear me but it still makes me feel better to tell him about my day and my problems, to imagine his responses. Admittedly, the first couple of times I visited, I couldn't help but feel the usual guilt over his condition and wept briefly. As Clara always told me however, there is nothing I can do for him now.

Carlisle however has started researching possible experimental treatments. In my heart of hearts I know that this is a futile endeavour, yet hope, no matter how unlikely, warms my heart.

On the first day that Charlie was brought here I went o visit him with the rest of the Cullens. Alice was very upset. She had always had a special relationship with Charlie and in her own way still does. In typical Alice style she went overboard and redecorated the private room Charlie had been placed in at some extravagant cost. According to Alice, it was best for Charlie to be comfortable and for me to have nice surroundings to visit him in. I must admit the reclining chair beside my dad's bed, is extremely comfortable when I want to relax and talk to him.

However, the return of my Dad to such a close proximity has only served to aggravate Clara's melancholy. To her, Charlie represents another of her perceived failures, no matter how many times I tell her otherwise.

The problem is compounded even further by Clara's inability to visit my Dad. Hospitals are a painful and tempting place for a Banshee to enter. Clara has on occasion done it but being in a confined room with my Dad would be too much. I noticed Clara's reluctance to visit him when we were in Forks and after much badgering she admitted that his soul is now fighting for release, that death is close and as his soul is just it would be extremely hard for Clara to not release him. This news knocked the wind from my sails. To think that my Dad's time was coming to an end was gut wrenching. Then to know that Clara could ease his transition placed a burden upon me. In my head I know that Clara releases' just souls as a penance and only feeds on left over energy. In my head I know that my Dad's soul is struggling for release. But in my heart I can't let him go. I can't lose him. As irrational as that is.

Thus when myself and the Cullen's visited Charlie, Clara had to remain behind. Segregated and alone again, compounding her downhearted state. Clara's compulsion to free just souls is natural but until now those souls have been unknown strangers. Knowing it is my Dad has brought a new weight to Clara's shoulders. For the first time she has begun to wonder that if releasing souls, no matter how just, is fair. Is it fair to deprive a family member of time with a beloved? Even if it is just and kind to the soul?

Clara's POV

As I walked slowly into the Cullen house I heard Alice's tinkling bell like laugh and Emmet's booming guffaws. Esme was attempting to scold them into silence while fighting the twitching of her own lips.

"What's got them giggling like school girls?" I asked Rose as I threw the vampires in question a pointed look.

Rose lowered her car and driver magazine to look me in the eye. She sighed dramatically jerking her head up as she spoke.

" Hello, to you too. Eddie and Izzy are getting frisky and those two are laughing at the sounds we can all hear. The rest of us try to ignore those kinds of bedroom noises or at least go hunting."

I cringed as my own hearing zeroed in on the soft gasps of Izzy and Edward. Being made conscious of their actions made my ears just zero in on the one thing I hated to hear.

In the time since the wolf incident I had been spending less and less time with the Cullens and Izzy. It wasn't a conscious decision, it just seemed my brain had so much to think about lately and being around these happy couples was not conducive to this.

The issues of Charlie and his soul, Edward and Izzy's relationship and my oath to be Izzy's guardian for a decade all swarmed in my brain. I really didn't want to think about these things.

The sounds of clothing brushing over skin, the mattress shifting, Izzy's heart hammering, Edward breathing shallowly, small moans and gasps all reached my intensely keen hearing. In the last week Izzy and Edwrad's relationship had become more physical. Sex was still not on the table but hands and lips weren't limited to chaste kisses anymore. Izzy had confided in me that she and Edward were attempting to build his control. To get his prudish Victorian ass used to intimacy. That had been an excruciatingly embarrassing conversation.

I cringed reflexively unable to block out the sounds of Izzy and Edward getting acquainted.

"Ah..umm..E-Edward..touch me" Izzy's voice whispered from two stories up.

My Jaw locked and my muscles tensed.

"It's good to see you Clara, you haven't been around much lately. Woking hard as usual I assume. Would you like something to eat? " Esme asked in her usual kind voice.

Before I could answer the sound of buttons popping, a zipper sliding down, denim shifting against flesh and then moist sounds of flesh against flesh echoed through the house to my ears.

I couldn't be here. "No thank you Esme. I can't stay." I said in a clipped voice as I turned on my heel and strode to the door.

"You only just got here. Come play Medal of Honour. You just have to concentrate on something else and then the moans kind of fade away." Emmet called in a barely serious voice as he tried to restrain a smile.

More sounds of flesh meeting flesh, wet sounds of tongues, rapid stroking, of intimate hairs being stroked with delicate hands. The sounds, so quiet even a vampire could not detect them, rang in my ears like a drum beat.

"The moans aren't the problem Emmet. You forget my hearing is much better than yours, so I hear a lot more than whispers and the odd moan. I'll see you another day." My voice was cold as an uncharacteristic blush heated my cheeks.

Rose and Alice gave me a pitying look, Esme one of concern and Emmet a cringe as he grasped the meaning of my words.

"Oh" Emmet said barely restraining a laugh.

I nodded and walked out the door at a less than human speed, eager to escape the sounds of the house.

I jumped on my bike and found myself in downtown Everson, a small suburb about a half hour from my apartment. For a minute I didn't know why I had driven here. Well, I pretended not to know, my subconscious was well aware of why I had driven here. I needed a new distraction from my thoughts. I needed another diversion to keep me away from Izzy and the cullens.

Seeing her only made my mind turn over difficult topics, was it right to want to release Charlie's soul? No matter how just the action? No matter how merciful? Was it right to release his soul and deprive Izzy of time with him?

Had I done the right thing in swearing to be Izzy's guardian for a decade? I had imposed myself on her and the cullens's for ten years without really consulting with her. I had effectively taken away her freedom...and my own.

I shook my head to dispel the thoughts and as if on auto-pilot my hands had my phone and were dialling a number from a scrunched up piece of paper.

"Hello." Came the hesitant voice down the line. I had her number but she did not have mine. That was one of the rules.

"Hi...Ciara...It's Clara, we met one night at the Link a while back..." I began almost hesitantly.

I was cut off by a small gasp. "Oh..Yes I remember. I ..uh..thought you had blown me off, I haven't heard from you since that night." Came the slightly sharp reprimand.

I instinctively scratched my neck in an embarrassed, nervous gesture even though I was on the phone.

"Um...well I was visiting family up north and I have been out of town for a while. Family troubles. I really did mean to call you back. I was actually hoping to see you." I replied, only half lying.

There was an audible silence before a much more sultry whisper sounded. "Well of course I wouldn't mind a repeat of what we had that night sugar. You want to grab a drink?"

I rolled my eyes at the quick change in pace. The lesbian stereotype of U hauling and relationships having an accelerated physical connection were not all myth...this was perhaps what drew me to Ciara that first night. She wasn't the sharpest knife in the draw and certainly wasn't after anything too serious , while having a smoking body. Perfect for a distraction.

I decided to go for the direct approach. "I was actually hoping for something more...personal. Maybe I could cook us dinner...tonight." I drawled, making my voice deeper and more gravelly, with a teasing air.

Ciara let out an amused flirtatious giggle. "Hmm... that sounds intriguing but I would prefer not to run into your flat mate again. It was actually rather embarrassing getting caught on the sofa. Maybe you could come to my place... although I can't cook...except maybe dessert."

I rolled my eyes again at the cliché and cheesy lines. This could work out very well. I always preferred using my bed mate's places if possible. Easier for me to slip out in the morning without having to deal with a clingy girl who may not understand the idea of a one night stand.

I kept my voice in its husky timbre. "Well then, maybe I could come to yours. I'll bring some takeout and a bottle of wine. A quiet night in."

"That sounds delightful." Ciara replied.

SOME TIME LATER. (sorry you don't get a lemon here. Clara is being angsty. Eddie and Izzy lemon coming soon and in theory I have a Clara lemon planned later too.)

I lay, somewhat sated, on a small double bed with a slumbering Ciara draped over my lanky form. The night had been a pleasant affair of flirting, some nice Chinese food, wine and then dessert in the bedroom.

These encounters were shallow, both fulfilling and despairing. Being with someone was so normal, so human. For a brief moment I could pretend to be just another human being, another person seeking pleasure. Yet at the same time it was a reminder that I was not human. In such encounters I must always be so careful, must never allow complete release. Must always watch my strength, my speed, my more base bhean sidh instincts kept under absolute control. I can never be free, never allow myself to feel everything. My body finding pleasure but still demanding more, demanding a partner more able to match my strength. A partner who could push my endurance and senses.

Alas Ciara's humanity limited her. My inhumanity in this most human pleasure destroying even this escape for me.

Ciara had been a more than eager partner and I had used every skill at my disposal to please her. I may look like a sixteen year old high school student, tall, toned and youthful but my inhuman strength, speed, stamina and my ability to elongate certain parts of my body made me an exquisite lover. This was what I had gathered from previous partners, from their howls of joy and their pleas for a repeat performance. I was rarely more than a one night stand however. I should probably be proud of my abilities yet all I can see is how they are tainted by what I am. I never make love. I fuck. I never do this with the lights on. I can't bear to be reminded of my un-ageing body, forever stuck in mid growth. I can never bear to see the terrible scars that remain on my sin, the cuts from Victoria and the small circular scar from the bullet that created my inhuman nature. Those are sights, parts of me I share with no one. I can never risk a partner seeing my eyes change in the heat of the moment either. Lights always off...anonymity... impersonal.

In every way I relish in these encounters and at the same time, I am crushed further by them.

I stare at the dozing form on my chest and slowly ease her off my body. I gather my clothes and with a last glance at Ciara blur out the door, no note or contact details left on her fridge. I leave as though I have never been there.

In a daze I ride my motorbike back to the apartment and find myself sitting on the sofa drinking a bottle of cider. My mind now free of distractions has no choice but to face the thoughts I have been hiding from.

Charlie's return had sent my mind into this turmoil. While Izzy and the rest of the Cullen's visited her father I had to maintain my distance simply to stop myself from pulling his soul from his body and releasing him from this limbo. Never before had I considered the touch to release a just soul as a bad thing. Always I saw it as a mutually beneficial and natural act, part of what I am. The souls of the just are released without pain or struggling. The soul is granted release and freedom, while I am given the excess life energy left over which the soul did not need to use to free itself from the mortal body. Now however, that just soul is Charlie. Another of my failures returned. What right did I have to cut short Izzy's time with her father, no matter how right and just it was! I am truly an unnatural being. It was my shortcomings that cost Charlie his health...his life. And now I desire to finish the job my failings begun. To end his life completely while feeding from it.

Just being in the presence of Izzy and the Cullens makes my mind tumble over the thoughts of Charlie, of a decade tied to a possibly feral ,newborn Izzy. Christmas is fast approaching too, and the Cullen's and Izzy are eager for their first Christmas together. Talk of presents seeming to monopolise their time.

What the hell did one get a vampire who had everything? What possible present could you give to one of the Cullens. Material objects seem so pointless to them. I feel the need to give them and Izzy something...something to show them that they are my family. To prove I am not some emotional void. To show them I care. A gift to Izzy and the Cullens to show them that my recent distance has not affected how I feel for them. Izzy, my sister, my family. Esme, her maternal care reminding me of my mother and healing some small part of my heart. Emmet's goofy big brother routine, making me feel human and ironically protected.

I would have to give them something meaningful. Something to make up for my coldness and the distance I have created between us. Something only I could give. Something worthy of them. And it suddenly hits me...I know exactly what I must give them.


	35. Chapter 35

Author: Thanks again for all the great reviews. Hope you enjoy my Christmas spirit chapter. This chapter is very short because it's only half of the chapter I had planned to write but I thought I would post this half now for you all to read and tied you over. If I had waited to write the full intended chapter it could have been a week or two more before an update. Time is kind of scarce at the minute. Hope you enjoy this...pls review.

Chapter 35

Clara's POV.

Christmas seemed to arrive in a rush. Izzy and I stayed over at the Cullen house on Christmas eve. We stayed up playing board games and listening to stories from the numerous Christmases that the Cullen's have celebrated together.

One year Alice bought a flock of Turkeys for the family to feed on, on Christmas day. According to Alice it was to try and keep in toe with the human holiday tradition; however Turkey blood according to Jasper tasted like dirt and it was a one off occurrence.

Another year Emmet streaked in the snow after losing a bet to Jasper.

Carlisle talked at length about getting a new bible and an orange for Christmas and then having to attend a four hour mass when he was human.

The stories continued all Christmas eve while we sat around a roaring fire. The couples snuggled up closely to each other while I lay stretched out alone on a furry rug in front of the fire. The sitting room was roasting hot so that Izzy and Edward could 'snuggle' comfortably. Personally, I loved the heat, being a bhean sidh I could change form and sit in the fire and have no ill effects. However, I was rather disgruntled when Rosalie compared me to a spoiled dog she had owned as a human which loved nothing more than to lie beside the hearth of her home, hogging the heat.

Izzy and I had a few drinks, (mulled hot cider) and enjoyed snacks of pigs in blankets, sausage rolls, mini quiches and vol au vaunts and mini Christmas puddings. Esme cooked everything from scratch and it was delicious. I felt guilty that she had worked so hard, mainly for me seen as the few snacks that she cooked numbered enough to feed a small banquet in order to simply satisfy my own inhuman appetite. As ever Esme would not hear of any complaints and seemed more than happy to provide the exorbitant amount of food.

Eventually Izzy couldn't keep her eyes open much longer and retired to bed with Edward. For the rest of Christmas night I played games with Emmet and related some of my earliest and fondest memories of Christmases with my own family to the Cullens.

Alice once it hit five AM was bouncing from room to room and it took all Jaspers emotional manipulation combined with violent threats from Edward and I to stop the little pixy from waking Izzy in order to get Christmas day started and open the presents.

One corner of the Cullen sitting room was dominated by a huge 9ft Christmas tree which seemed to be surrounded with mountains of brightly wrapped presents.

Izzy had fretted terribly about what to get the Cullen's for Christmas while simultaneously nagging me about what I would get for them. I had a plan...whether the Cullen's would truly appreciate my gift however would be another thing.

Finally at nine am we could no longer rein in Alice's impatience and energy. Edward begrudgingly awoke Izzy who was less than pleased to be woken at such an early hour. After a few good morning kisses and sweet words, Edward managed to get a sleepy Izzy to descend the stairs in a large fluffy white robe with matching slipper boots.

The Cullen's had even changed into sleeping apparel under strict orders from Alice. Honestly, it looked like something from a TV advert. The perfect family in dressing gowns and pyjamas gathering around the Christmas tree. I stead fastly refused to join in Alice's perfect Christmas ideal and remained wearing my comfy jeans and a Nike jumper.

The Cullen's gathered around the tree in couples and in perfect order Carlisle began to hand out presents. The gifts had been stacked and arranged by Alice according to who they were from.

Thus Carlisle firstly handed out a wrapped present to each family member from himself and Esme.

Christmas paper was torn and flew in blurred motion. Diamond earrings for Rosalie, Jimmy choo shoes for Alice. An antique civil war telescope for Jasper, a stack of computer games for Emmet, an antique metronome for Edward, a new motor cycle helmet, riding leathers and spine guard for Izzy.

All the gifts were expensive and in some what unique to the individual. For me there was a gift certificate for a ridiculous amount of money for my favourite restaurant and a pair of butter soft leather motorcycle boots made by Harley Davidson. The certificate in the box informed me that the boots were handmade to a custom design and had reinforced steel toes and soles. Even dragging my feet while on my bike or blurring at my natural speed these boots wouldn't wear out. The buckles on the side sparkle as the Christmas tree lights twinkled on and off. For a second I lost my voice before offering my profuse thanks.

Next was Alice's gifts which was a stack of clothes and Jewellery to each member of the family. Thankfully Alice had managed to buy me some things that I might actually wear.

This round of gift giving continued until I sat with a box of personalised tools, a 100 year old bottle of Powers whiskey, a small silver case of fine Turkish cigarettes, a zippo lighter with a cartoon banshee on it, more clothes, a platinum choker necklace, a stack of DVD's, a lifetime subscription to Empire and car and driver magazine. Best of all a sprank new Ducati turbo charger from Rosalie which when fitted to my motorcycle would crank the speed off the charts.

Gifts ranging from jewellery for Rosalie, a second honeymoon for Alice and a new motorcycle for Jasper had been passed around. The gifts continued to circulate until the last set of presents from Edward were being handed out.

Carlisle handed a small package to Izzy addressed from Edward. The last gift.

Izzy smiled warmly up at Edward, whispered a 'thank you' and began unwrapping her gift. Inside was a dark lather case indicative of jewellery and a long thick white envelope.

Izzy examined the plain envelope before setting it on her lap to examine the leather case. Izzy cast Edward a warning look before opening it. Even after all these years she had not gotten any better at receiving gifts with any sort of grace.

Izzy slowly opened the black leather case with an audible snap before taking in a wondered gasp. Izzy's eyes swam with tears as she gazed at the contents of the box. The Cullens and I all leaning forward to get a look at its contents. Alice the only one not moving as she sat with a smug smile, obviously once again having seen around my block to see Izzy's reaction already.

"It was my mothers. My father told me that he gave it to her the day he gave her his heart. I thought it would be appropriate to pass it on. A physical reminder that you and you alone, hold my cold unbeating heart. It is always yours." Edward said in a hushed voice, his eyes dark and intense as he reached out and caressed Izzy's jaw before lifting a large clear heart shaped stone from the box and clipping it around Izzy's throat by a thin silver necklace.

Izzy cupped the stone in wonder before kissing Edward delicately. "You forgot to say that it's beautiful too. Just like you," Izzy whispered. I wanted to gag on the sentiment it was so cheesy but the look that they shared was so intense and so private that the cullens and I averted our gaze.

Emmet luckily coughed loudly to break apart the lovers and Izzy blushed faintly. I wanted to laugh. The Cullens were the only people I knew in nine years who could make Izzy blush.

Izzy lifted the thick envelop which had made up the second half of her gift. With the greatest of care Izzy tore open the envelope and withdrew a folded piece of paper. Izzy's eyebrows scrunched in concentration as she began reading the paper. Edward smiled smugly before leaning forward and whispering in a voice we could all hear.

"It's reservations, for the weekend of the new year, for us to stay in the St. Regis Hotel. I thought the Presidential suite there would afford us a more private and luxurious way to ring in the new year," Edward whispered in a silky voice edged with mischief.

Izzy blushed blood red and ducked her head.

Emmet laughed loudly but was cut off by Alice attacking him.

It was a wonderful gift but quite honestly I did not need to know that Edward and Izzy were disappearing for a dirty weekend...quite possibly to finally knock boots if that comment about privacy was any indication.

The room remained silent for a second as Izzy and Edward hugged. Carlisle looked under the tree and then declared, "Well that's all the gifts. It seems it's time to..."

Carlisle was cut off as Izzy came back to the real world and in confused outrage said, "Wait. You didn't hand out any presents from Clara."

Izzy gave me a look mixed between outrage and confusion. Carlisle looked again under the now bare tree and then at me.

"That would be because I didn't buy anyone any gifts," I said cooly. Izzy got that cold pissed off look as she glared at me and the mountains of gifts that surrounded me.

"What?" Izzy demanded in a shrill voice as Edward murmured, "Its fine. Clara has already given us plenty to be thankful for."

I raised my hand to quiet Izzy and Edward.

"I didn't buy you gifts but that doesn't mean I don't have any." I said calmly. "Please sit back down" I said as a notably annoyed Rose and a huffing Alice had been making moves to leave.

I sighed heavily and began to try and explain.

Izzy's POV.

This Christmas was perfect and Edward's gifts had been wonderful. My blood seemed to sing just at the thought of going away with him for the weekend. With the privacy that would afford perhaps we would finally break down the last physical barriers between us.

All the Christmas cheer seemed to leave me when Clara declared she had bought nothing for the Cullens. With her increased isolation the last few weeks while still accepting the Cullen's kindness, food and very generous gifts it seemed wrong and selfish that she would not give them some small token for Christmas.

I sat trying to rein in my anger as Clara spoke. I had to listen to her explanation and after all...Clara has done so much for the Cullen's and I already. I suppose gifts are meaningless to her.

"When I went looking for gifts for Christmas I couldn't decide what to get you all. Material objects seem so meaningless considering we are immortal and you are obviously richer than God. I know you all told me that it wasn't the price tag but the sentiment that counted. So I asked myself: What can I give you that no one else can? What can I give you that would mean something? What can I give you all to thank you for accepting Izzy and I? What possible gift can I give for the kindness you have shown a creature such as I? That's when it came to me." Clara said.

Clara straightened where she sat, taking a large breath and closing her eyes. When she exhaled and opened her eyes they glowed emerald green and consumed her sockets.

"I can offer to read your souls. To give you what no other can. As a bhean sidh I can see your souls and tell you exactly what they look like." Clara declared in her eerie monotone. The Cullen's sitting room sat in abject silence. My anger washed away by shock. Clara always swore to never read another's soul, she said it was not her place to judge. This concession for her was monumental. By the quiet shock in the room, the gifts all but forgotten, I would have to guess that the Cullen's understand the enormity of such a gesture.

The question is, do they want to know if they are damned? What state are the souls of my new family really in?

This knowledge could free the Cullens or destroy them.


	36. Chapter 36

Author: I really must apologise about the delay and say Thank you to the few people who IM-ed me messages of encouragement. They meant a lot. University ended yesterday and I handed in my coursework assignment which was weighing me down. Now I just have to revise for my post x-mass exams. Oh the joys! Lol anyway I took a few hours to myself this morning to write this chapter. Before new year I hope to post my lemon too. Excited? Lol Ok so here is the Christmas soul reading chapter. Enjoy and please review.

Chapter 36

_The question is, do they want to know if they are damned? What state are the souls of my new family really in?_

_This knowledge could free the Cullens or destroy them._

Clara's POV:

Izzy had gone from furious to shocked silence in a single heart beat. By the expression of trepidation she wore I could tell she understood the significance of this gesture.

The Cullen's too sat in silence, looking shocked and a little uncomfortable. I always hated silence.

"I have been seeing souls and interpreting their meanings for nine years. Most are just dim creamy light. That seems to be the average soul. The few red eyed vampire's souls I checked on, were centrally dark and bruised. I won't lie about that, but I also won't presume that yours are the same. You are afterall golden eyes. Different colours, almost like an aura around the central colour of your soul give me an idea about what kind of person the soul belongs to. I'm not a god. I don't pretend to be. I will tell you exactly what I see, good and bad, whether that means you are damned or saved isn't for me to decide. That's between you and your god." I said into the silence. I wanted the Cullen's to understand, to know that I wasn't judging them, more like offering a check-up. It was their choice if they went down this path. Either way I would give them the one thing I could...honesty.

Carlisle as ever seemed to be the first to come out of his daze. "You can tell us if we are damned or not. You would do that for us?" Carlisle murmured in a whispered voice as though unsure of his own words.

"I will look at your souls if you ask me to and I will tell you what I see. Good or bad," I replied calmly.

Carlisle's head jerked in a stiff nod before he whispered, "Please, I would like to know what my soul looks like." Carlisle's voice although a whisper burned with passion and determination. A small quiver however giving away his nervousness.

Esme looked at me and then at Carlisle with wide eyes. Her uncertainty plain. "But...but Carlisle what ...what if...wouldn't it be better not to know..." she hesitated tripping over her words.

I understood Esme's hesitation. She feared that if I revealed that the Cullens souls were dark and wrong anyway then it would destroy Carlisle and make his sacrifice and control over the last three hundred years pointless. Knowing none of his sacrifices had saved his soul, would he give up?

I had to intervene. "I can tell you this Esme, I have glanced at Edward's soul," Edward and Izzy's heads whipped up at my admission and their eyes narrowed. "Edward has admitted he killed numerous humans in his rebellious stage yet I can tell you that although his soul bears bruising there is still a core of white light beneath those bruises. Bruises and darkness which even in the short time I have known him, have receded and healed a small amount. Any more than that, I cannot say, unless Edward asks me to read his soul."

Izzy looked pissed while Edward sat in shock. "You said vampire souls were dark and wrong, you said you had never looked at a golden eyes soul!" Izzy accused me in a heated voice.

I smiled wanly and a little guiltily as I looked around at the Cullens and then more intensely at Edward.

"Izzy you know that you are the only family I have. When Edward appeared back in your life...I ...I had to be sure it was safe. You can't tell me you really thought I would have let you be with him if he had no soul, if he was a monster? I had to check. I had to protect you. So I glanced once, very briefly at Edward's soul. I saw the light and that was enough to reassure me that no matter the terrible things he did in his past and did to you, that he ultimately had some good and had some small chance at redemption." I admitted in a hesitant voice, trying to properly convey why I had broken my cardinal rule.

Izzy looked pissed again and took breath to condemn me but Edward stilled her with a gentle caress to her shoulder. His eyes meeting mine with purpose and understanding. "I understand," He said. "You had to be sure I was genuine. That I was worthy of Izzy. I understand that. I'm even glad that you cared enough to check."

I nodded slowly as this quiet understanding passed between myself and Edward. If nothing else we understood the need to protect family. I turned my attention to Carlisle.

"Although I can't guarantee your soul will be the same, I believe that if Edward with his sins has a small measure of light then you too must not be completely damned," I reassured Carlisle.

Again Carlisle nodded stiffly, his hand enclosing Esme's in a comforting embrace. "Please proceed," he said.

"Do you want to move to another room, do this in private? There is no need for everyone to hear." I prodded lightly. Being told the state of your immortal soul did not seem to be something that should be shared with so many people.

Carlisle shook his head vigorously as he responded, "No. I have nothing to hide from my family. Besides, I think I need their support."

It was my turn to nod hesitantly. "As you wish." I allowed.

I closed my eyes where I sat on the floor and concentrated. I called to the bhean sidh within. Summoning some of its power. In the next second I felt it rush through me and I opened my eyes as I exhaled a long patient breath. A small gasp escaped the Cullens. I sat as I had before except for one difference...my eyes. These were not human eyes or the emerald bhean sidh warrior eyes I looked upon Carlisle with. These were the true eyes of my kind. The soul eyes. My green irises having expanded to engulf my pupils and the whites. However my eyes were not the static glowing green of my warrior bhean sidh form. These emerald orbs flowed. The green irises like a churning tide, swirling from deep jade to aqua green. A storm of colour that glowed and moved.

With these eyes I could see the soul of a creature. And so my gaze settled upon Carlisle Cullen's form. With this sight there was only the dark outline of inanimate objects and the glowing aura of living creature's souls.

I averted my gaze instinctively, raising my hand to protect my eyes and hissing slightly. The light burned.

The Cullens again gasped at my reaction.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Came the frantic questions of Carlisle as I struggled to again look at his soul.

"Am I truly so damned?" He asked in a crushed and desolate voice.

They had misinterpreted my actions as those of disgust.

"No, no!" I rushed to reassure him in a shocked voice. Slowly I lowered my arm, my eyes having adjusted and better able to look at his soul. "It's just I didn't expect this..." I said. My words dropping off as I focused on his soul and really examined it in awe.

"What? What did you not expect?" Esme asked frantically.

"It's so bright." I whispered in a dizzy, giddy voice.

"What?" asked Carlisle again. His vocabulary seemingly reduced to that of an infant, his voice, both hesitant and bashful, quivered as he spoke.

The words began spilling from my mouth like a stream as I tried to convey what I saw."Light of human kindness Carlisle. Your soul shines like a full moon on a clear night. It is so bright it burned my eyes when I first looked. This is rare. Most human souls are mundane and dim...yours...yours is...luminous. The other colours are like an aurora borealis. They do not touch your light but dance over it. There is bright red for true love, pink for powerful compassion and also a ghosting shadow on the very edge. It's like you expect too much, and punish yourself and others for it. It is ringed with deep orange shadows showing pride and hubris are your downfall."

I closed my eyes and shook off the bhean sidh power to restore my vision.

The Cullen living room sat once again in silence as their eyes trained on Carlisle, curiosity, love, pride and amazement burning in the Cullen's eyes for their father figure, whose humanity and sacrifice had just been vindicated.

Carlisle himself seemed like a statue, lost in his own thoughts, as his eyes glistened with tears that could not be shed.

Before I knew what was happening I was being held clear off the ground in a crushing hug. Carlisle raising me close to his chest so he could whisper in my ear. Two words that spoke volumes, reverberating with layers of emotion, "Thank you."

As quickly as I was lifted I was deposited back on the ground and Esme and Carlisle seemed to be back beside the Christmas tree embracing tenderly. I was disoriented to say the least.

Esme released her husband and shyly turned to face me, a vulnerability in her eyes that I had never seen before.

"Will you please read mine next?" Esme asked hesitantly.

And so it was, that I read the next four Cullen's souls with little fanfair. I kept my descriptions brief but honest and each time I was swept into an embrace of thanks.

Esme: The core colour is a clean white light, which is marred by two deep black bruises. They are trying to heal, to be engulfed by the light but they are shaded by burnt red showing your own guilt stops you from forgiving yourself for past sins. You also have bright red signifying true love, eggshell shading suggests a strong maternal love and pink shows compassion equal to Carlisle's.

Rosalie: Your Core colour is an intense white. There are shadows rather than bruises suggesting justifiable sins. There is a wide streak of dark amber showing vanity. Bright red for true love. Purple signifies you redefined yourself, yellow denoting strength and some masculine qualities. Finally there is dark blue surrounded by tinges of green. This denotes a strong longing for something and a jealousy associated with it.

Emmet: To my great amusement, your core colour is a swirling wispy white which I normally only see in children. You have some bruising on the edges of the core showing past sins. They are tinged with a dark green showing you are still disappointed by these failings. Yet they are lightening near their edge. Your dominate colours are strong, vibrant, red, yellow and blue. Denoting bold and dominate qualities of strength, loyalty and love.

Alice: Your soul is a dichotomy. There is a shadow over part of your soul, as if your soul like your memories is partially blocked from you. This shadow is tinted with earthy brown indicating that this is a protective shadow. The rest of your soul is a placid white streaked with red for love and azure blue for enthusiasm and optimism.

These were the easy souls to read, their bruising limited and the darkness fading as their past sins are gradually being forgiven. Their bruising limited as their 'mistakes' are limited.

This left Edward and Jasper who both seem extremely uncomfortable.

Edward exhaled loudly and drew Izzy closer to him in a comforting embrace.

"I suppose you have already glanced at mine anyway. May as well get it over with," Edward said in a voice resigned and somewhat pained.

Edward sat stiffly as though expecting my words to strike him. I could understand his fear.

I closed my eyes again to summon my bheann sidh nature and then gazed purposely onto Edward's soul.

"Your core light is a pinprick of white surrounded by dull ivory. This denotes struggle and many past failings yet you still have hope and still strive for redemption. This ivory light is mottled by a multitude of dark shadows ranging from deepest black to lightest grey as you seek forgiveness and your soul tries to recover. Your dominant colours are blue and red. You truly love Izzy and are loyal to her beyond all else. However a taint of greyish green reveals you still loath yourself and your past on some level. For you to evolve, to move forward and find deliverance you must let that go. Your soul is mottled but you have time to redeem yourself, that is one good thing about immortality."

My words were clipped and rushed as I spoke. When I regained my sight Edward was staring at me with a confused but hopeful expression.

"My soul is tainted but it still exists...there is still hope of redemption." Edward whispered to me hesitantly.

"Yes Edward, there is still hope. Sin which mars the soul is subjective. It is about personal redemption. If you forgive yourself, if you are truly sorry, if you strive to live a good life and do not fail again then your soul can be recovered," I declared.

Edward nodded stiffly and mouthed the words 'thank you' as a now weeping Izzy embraced him while giving me a watery smile of thanks.

I looked away from their personal moment to see Jasper staring at the floor, his eyes downcast and his body hunched.

"What about you Jasper? Want your fortune told?" I joked.

Jasper visibly flinched. The vampire covered in scars from battle, the fearsome warrior I had sparred with, actually flinched at my words.

Jasper's head shook slightly. His voice barely audible, even to me, as he murmured, "No. I do not need your gifts to confirm my damnation."

"Hey Jasper its..." I tried to reassure him but he cut me off with a shout.

"NO! I don't want to hear it...please" He gasped as he cast quick, worried glances between Alice and his family.

Alice tried to shush him. "Jazzy, it'll be ok. You've changed..." Alice whispered as she reached for him but Jasper shrugged away from her touch as though it may burn him.

Alice looked hurt at his withdrawal but it was then that I understood.

I raised my form to stand and in my best commanding bheann sidh monotone I said, "Jasper. Come take a walk with me."

I did not wait to see if he would follow as I strode out to the front door. The snow that had been falling, created a wonderful blank, clean canvas.

I lit a cigarette and inhaled therapeutically.

I heard the door close behind me and vampire soft footsteps pass over the crunching snow.

There was silence between us as we heard the soft snowflakes landing around us.

I partially turned. "Let's take a little walk around the house. I always loved walking in the snow when I was kid." I said in a falsely light voice.

Jasper cast me an odd look and then another back at the house before silently falling into step with me.

If anyone had seen us they would have thought we were mad. I was wearing a light hoody and jeans while Jasper was in nothing but a pair of pyjama bottoms. No doubt indulging his wife's absurd Christmas fantasy.

It was a good thing we were both immortal.

"I understand, you know? Why you don't want me to read your soul," I declared after we had been walking a few moments.

Jasper's steps faltered briefly before he answered in a growl like voice of anger, "You know nothing of the horrors I have done. I don't need you to look at my soul to tell me what an unnatural and dark thing it has become. I am a monster, I have done hellish things. You can never understand!" Jasper accused.

I couldn't help it, I laughed loudly and nearly choked on lung full of smoke. Jasper's eyes had turned coal black and he looked about ready to tear my tongue out so I sobered quickly and turned to fully face him, bringing us to a stop in the deep snow.

"I see your scars Jasper, I have sparred with you. I can see the monster that hides beneath your shell of civility. I can make a pretty good guess at the kind of life you once lead. A life of war and death. You were a red eye for a long time." I said in a matter of fact tone.

Jasper looked frustrated. "You can guess but you will never know. I killed thousands...more! I tortured them, vampire and human alike. I drank so much blood my stomach sloshed when I walked. I did terrible things and for those there is no redemption. I am damned."

"Shut up Jasper!" I shot. "You're a monster? Jasper look at me. You know what I have done. I have killed new born armies in seconds. I tortured them, did it for fun. Laughed at their screams for mercy. You saw me like that. You heard the things I did to Victoria and trust me you can't even comprehend the suffering I inflicted on my families killers. I didn't just kill people, I destroyed their souls, I condemned them without mercy to fates worse than death. I know what it is to fear eternal damnation for ones sins. But you Jasper, I expected more from you than cowardice!" I said baiting him.

Jaspers eyes hardened and he took an automatic step forward. "How dare you..." he began before I cut him off.

"Oh I get it. I saw the glances you shot Alice. You fear that if she heard you were damned then she would realize how unworthy you are of her. The family would kick you out. You were scared of finding out the truth. You are a coward. Instead of facing the truth and fighting it like a soldier, with honour, you want to hide from it." I accused in a mocking voice.

Jasper was breathing heavily as I spoke but when I finished he slumped. "Thinking yourself doomed is one thing. Having it confirmed is another. I heard what Alice's soul is like...how could I be with someone so beautiful knowing I am damned...how could she be with me? I can't survive without her." Jasper admitted in a broken voice...showing fear and weakness for the first time in centuries.

I moved towards him. "If you think that Alice would give up on you, then you don't deserve the love I saw in her soul. Would you give up on her? You're a soldier Jasper. You should want to know the facts and then you should fight. Fight for redemption."

Jasper looked at me with beseeching eyes. "But what if it's a futile fight. What if there's nothing left to save?" Jasper asked in a fragile voice.

Jasper's head ducked and in that second I acted, without permission or thought. I gambled.

"There is still hope Jasper. It will be the hardest fight of anyone I have ever seen, but you have eternity to win it. If you are brave enough for it! If you are honourable enough for it." I said in an eerie monotone.

Jasper's head rose up and his black eyes locked onto my newly swirling green ones. I was looking straight at his soul.

For a second, shock and outrage raged in Jasper's eyes at my invasion but then my words must have reached his brain. He hesitated and then asked..."There is hope?"

I tilted my head slightly and examined his soul. "I am always honest Jasper, you know this. Looking at your soul is like looking at a solar eclipse. I can see the dimming light around the edges of a multitude of black shadows and bruises. Your soul is obscured by darkness and is twisted and fractured, yet the darkness has not completely covered the light yet. There is still hope. You have a streak of purest red for love and of blue for loyalty with faint cracks of white light at the very edges of the darkness. If you are brave enough, if you are strong enough, if you can forgive yourself, if you are truly sorry and strive to live a life to make reparation then you can restore your soul. It will be the hardest fight of your existence. It will be tougher than anything the other Cullens have to face, but it is possible. The question is ...are you willing?

Jasper's eyes swam with confusion and his face seemed tense and full of pain as he listened to my description of his mangled soul. After a few moments however a smile twitched my lips. Jaspers eyes lightened and became a solid gold. His face smoothed and his jaw set.

"I'm a soldier of the south. I'm Alice's husband. Defeat isn't a word I've ever used. And I ain't no coward Clara." Jasper declared in a voice heavily layered with his southern accent and fierce determination.

I nodded as my twitching lips became a full blown smile.

"What I've told you here Jasper is between just you and me. I won't say a word. It's up to you to tell Alice or whoever else if you want. I'll always be around if you want me to check on your soul in a few years and I'll help you any way I can." I said in a voice that made my words a promise. An oath.

Jasper nodded, "Thank you," he whispered.

I nodded in understanding and turned toward the house. "Come on, Esme has a turkey in there with my name on it. I'm starving." I joked.

Jasper smiled lazily and walked toward the door ahead of me. His back straight and head held high. In that moment I saw something shift in Jasper. The beginnings of a purple streak on his soul, of a rebirth. A weight had been lifted and he strode into the house with a new confidence, a new mission for his eternity, to be worthy not only of his family but of the man he himself, knew he could be.

Jasper went immediately to Alice who hugged him enthusiastically and they curled up on the loveseat, having a whispered conversation. The rest of the Cullen couples watched them for a moment and cast me questioning glances. I shrugged dumbly, not about to break a confidence.

The couples all sat together whispering and chatting. I stretched out again in front of the roaring fire to let my clothes dry from the snow. After what seemed like a few minutes but was really well over an hour, Esme rose and began clearing away the torn up wrapping paper. I moved to help her but was given a motherly scowl, "You have done enough today Clara. Sit down. Dinner will be in an hour or two."

Esme smiled genially at me and made off in the direction of the kitchen. Carlisle followed and I sat by the tree glancing at my stack of gifts while covertly watching the other three couples in the room. Jasper was curled up around Alice's small form and she was craning her neck to gaze down on his passive face He was lying with his eyes closed now as though in a peaceful sleep.

Alice studied him and then as though feeling my eyes on her turned to meet my gaze. She looked at me, then at Jasper and finally at me again before mouthing the words, "Thank you." Her face full of appreciation and some confusion. Alice hated not knowing what we had discussed but if it brought Jasper peace she didn't care.

I nodded and reached for my vintage bottle of whiskey from amongst my presents. Pouring myself a glass I leaned back against the fireplace wall and watched as all the cullen's moved about, talked in their couples and generally went about their day with small smiles twitching at their lips. They moved with a new lightness and openness.

Breaking my rule had been worth it. I sipped my wonderful whiskey and prepared for what would be the best Christmas day in over nine years. Friends, food, presents, family and contentment. It felt surreal. I felt peace for the first time in years. I had done something good today and it warmed my insides...or maybe that was the whiskey.

Either way, I smiled as Esme called for me, asking if I wanted a snack before dinner. Today was going to be a good day.

_Merry Christmas everyone. Hope it was worth the wait. Lemon in the next New Year chapter. Izzy gets her Christmas present...that weekend away with Edward. Please review_.


	37. Chapter 37

Author: Hey everyone. I am very sorry about the HUGE delay. This was meant to be posted on new year but time has again escaped me. I promise however I will never abandon this story until it is complete...which is just a few more chapters.

Thank you for all the messages and reviews. Hope you all had a nice new year. Heres the new year lemon...enjoy and pls review.

Chapter 37

Clara's POV

The rest of the Christmas break had passed in a light hearted breeze. Time seemed to move quickly even though we did very little. Christmas day had seen Esme out do herself as I had eaten myself into oblivion. A very difficult thing to do for a bhean sidh, but the five course meal and basically eating a turkey and ham meant to feed six people, by myself, had pushed even my inhuman metabolism.

Emmet had been highly amused at my near catatonic state on the sofa after dinner. Too much food left me barely able to move and left me open to Emmet's jokes and poking my distended belly while I was too full to properly defend myself. Luckily, Rosalie had defended me and lugged the oaf away while Jasper had cracked jokes about finding my mortal weakness. Feeding me to death.

The rest of the holidays were spent watching films, playing games, snowball fights, wrestling matches and in personal time. Understandably, when the couples would engage in this I would escape to the forest to hunt, to the apartment for privacy or a bar to find some company of my own.

And so it was, that before I could really grasp what had happened, the date had turned 31st of December.

Edward blurred past me packing his car with luggage and good naturedly taking jibes about cherry popping from his siblings as Izzy came down the stairs in skinny jeans and a knitted black jumper. They were leaving this morning for Izzy's Christmas present. The couples New Year vacation ...alone in the St. Regis Hotel.

I hugged Izzy good bye as she came to the bottom of the stairs and whispered "Good Luck Izzy. Be good only if being bad isn't more fun." My cheeky grin in full force. Emmet smothered a laugh and Izzy blushed while giving me a playful punch and then slipping into the car.

Edward looked embarrassed but bounced on his toes in anticipation to leave.

Emmet opened his mouth, I assume to make another off colour joke about Edward's plans for the weekend, but Alice elbowed him in the gut and Esme shot him one of her patent motherly glares.

Tense 'goodbyes' and 'have a nice time' sentiments were offered. Carlisle stepped forward and clasped Edward's shoulders as he met his eye.

"You can do this my son. I have faith in you and Izzy. Besides the whole house has heard your ... er...progress," Carlisle said, trying to inject humour into his reassurance. Edward looked like he wanted to blush as he coughed a thank-you.

I did the noble thing and rescued him by guiding him to the driver's door of the car. "Time to go Eddy. Drive safe," I told him before lowering my voice and whispering, "Take good care of her." Edward hesitated for a second and nodded.

I could have threatened him with death or grievous bodily harm if he hurt Izzy this weekend but I knew it was unnecessary for two reasons. The first being, he knew it was implied in my statement anyway and secondly...I had come to understand that Edward would never knowingly hurt Izzy. Sure, in the past he was an ass and managed to do it anyway, but from his soul I knew he would die before actively allowing harm to come to her. In a way I trusted this idiot.

Thus, just like that, Edward revved the engine and they were gone for their weekend and the next big step in their relationship.

"Up for a hunt Clara," Jasper called. I nodded following him slowly. I would hang around with the Cullens to ring in the New Year. Once the night had passed and I had heard from Izzy and was sure she was okay I would leave for the rest of the weekend. The Saturday night Link and some sport of another kind were calling.

Izzy's Pov

The Drive to the St. Regis passed quickly as Edward drove at twice the legal speed. I was extremely nervous. This weekend was supposed to offer myself and Edward some privacy and take the pressure off so that our relationship could finally move into the next level.

I was more than ready for this progression. Hell, on a few nights, alone in Edward's room, my eager body had almost driven us to that final conclusion already. I craved Edward like a man in the desert craves water. He was gorgeous and intoxicating. I loved him. Yet that seemed to only make this final step harder. I wanted to give myself fully to him but I knew he was scared about losing control, still scared about not being enough for me. If I'm honest, that's what I fear too. That after all of this time the build up won't match the expectation. That I will disappoint him or he will disappoint me. Going to some fancy hotel seems to only add to that pressure.

These worries were not how my mind should be working. These childish fears were not how Izzy Black-Swan lived.

I decided I needed to end the awkward silence.

"Edward talk to me?" I said breaking the silence of the car. Edward seemed to jump slightly as though he were being broken out of deep thought.

"What? Oh...sorry. I was just thinking?" Edward mumbled.

I reached across and grasped his upper arm. Edward's body seemed to relax slightly and his golden orbs met mine.

"You're nervous," I stated. Edward's eyes widened like he had been caught doing something wrong and his mouth opened to respond but I cut him off. "That's good... at least I'm not alone."

My face heated slightly and I smiled reassuringly. I think Edward caught the sentiment because his body seemed to relax under my hand.

"Izzy, I don't want you to be nervous. I won't hurt you, I swear." He stated firmly.

I snorted, "That's not why I'm nervous Edward." His eyebrows scrunched in confusion at me. I sighed and swallowed any weakness or embarrassment Bella Swan would have felt. This was Edward, my partner and equal. I can say anything to him.

"Edward, over the last two months we have done... 'stuff.' You have touched me with your hands and your mouth. I can touch you. We have already lost ourselves in pleasure with each other and I have been fine, your control has been fine. I'm not scared of you hurting me. It's just...it's..." I hesitated, preparing myself to reveal another layer of myself to Edward. To give him yet another vulnerability. That is love I guess.

Looking into his golden eyes, all I saw was love and a need to reassure me, so I continued.

"It's just that I don't know if this will live up to the hype. Will it live up to all the trouble of the St Regis? Will I be good enough? You have seen my scars but...being in bed together...completely exposed...I can't help but be nervous," I admitted.

I looked up at Edward just in time to catch a number of emotions pass over his face. Anger, understanding, anxiety and determination.

Before I could react Edward had pulled the car over and was kissing me with a raw passion that I could scarcely believe.

We finally pulled apart and he rested his forehead on mine breathing rapidly, his eyes black with passion.

"Izzy, your barest touch enflames me. A single caress emotes a pleasure that I have never felt in over a hundred years. Never...EVER doubt the power you hold over me. Nothing you could ever do can disappoint me. I love you...all of you. As loath as I am as to how you got them I love you..scars and all. They are a sign of your strength and of all you have survived. You are more than enough for me. If I you would let me I would have flown you to the best hotel in the world, built you a palace to worship you in. The St. Regis is lovely but it is nothing even compared to you. Never feel like you are unworthy. If anything I am unworthy. After everything I did. And if anything it will be me who doesn't live up to your expectation..." Edward rambled.

He was anxious and his face betrayed nothing but love and sincerity.

His voice pained and desperate. I silenced him with a kiss as I saw my own insecurities reflected in him.

"Edward I have no expectations but to love you. I'm as new to this as you..." I began but Edwards face became pained and he seemed to choke on something.

I caressed his face. "What?" I asked, brows furrowed in confusion at his hesitance to speak.

"You have been with Clara...Alice said she..." He coughed. " is quite experienced. I don't want to disappoint you." Edward mumbled.

My breath stalled in my throat. At first I wanted to rail at him yet looking at Edward's dejected look I could see that he had not brought up Clara to throw her in my face or to insult me but out of genuine concern.

I sighed, kissing him again. "Edward, Clara and I was a onetime thing when we were both hurting. It meant nothing beyond comfort. Not like what we have. Edward, Clara is a friend. Our time together is something on its own. It is separate from us. There is no comparison. How you say I make you feel is exactly how you make me feel. Just a brush of your fingers makes my body tingle with a pleasure no one else can create." I blushed and looked away as I mumbled, "I have never been with a man. Never been with anyone I truly ever desired like I do you."

Edwards fingers gripped my chin and raised my ducked head to look into his swirling eyes. "I love you Izzy and I'm sorry I was ever so stupid. We are both putting too much pressure on ourselves. Can we just have a nice weekend together and what happens, happens," he whispered.

I nodded hesitantly. "No pressure, no worrying, no concern over control. I can set all of those aside; can you?" I asked

Edward nodded and then again hesitantly spoke, "Izzy, I can put that aside but if this does happen and ... erm...there is blood. My control...in the moment...might... I can't promise." Edward stuttered.

My face blushed before I could stop it and I rushed, "That won't be a problem. My hymen broke when I was with Clara... she err...well you've seen how her limbs lengthen when she loses control." I blushed harder. That was the single most awkward moment of my life.

Edward sat frozen for a second, then he smiled weakly, "I guess we have no worries then. No more nervousness, no pressure and no talking about control. Let's just have a weekend alone. Just us... natural. See where things go," Edward said gamely before turning and restarting his car pulling back onto the road.

I can't be sure but I could swear I heard him say under his breath, "Something else I owe Clara thanks for."

I ignored it and after that a more jovial atmosphere prevailed. With the awkward nerves and anticipation removed we talked, joked and relaxed in each other's company as we sped along toward the Hotel.

SOME TIME LATER:

Izzy POV

Edward's lips crashed down onto mine as we stumbled up against the door to our suite. I can't honestly remember a vampire stumbling before but as Edwards tongue danced with mine and he pushed me up against the door he certainly seemed to stumble and fumble as he tried to get us inside the room. Passion blinded us.

After arriving at the Hotel we had fallen into a much more natural pattern. The conversation was light and our gestures and touches casual but affectionate.

The suite Edward had booked was massive, there was a queen sized bed, a massive bathroom with a Jacuzzi, a study and a separate sitting area with a baby grand piano. It was all tastefully decorated with dark antique wooden furniture and rich red fabrics. It was the last degree of luxury. Our day was lazy. Edward let me take a nap after our journey. I slept soundly snuggled in his arms and when I awoke he played the piano while I freshened up. The afternoon was spent visiting the Renwick Gallery and then the National museum of women in the arts. It was a wonderful day.

When we returned Edward informed me he had made reservations for dinner in the Hotel's Adour restaurant. We both dressed for dinner. Me, in a clingy long sleeved red dress which flowed like water over my frame and highlighted my pale skin and dark hair. Once again Alice's advice on this outfit had been perfect. Edward was waiting for me at the door in a midnight black Armani suit with a casual red shirt to match my dress. He looked mouth-watering and by his raking gaze I must not have looked too bad either.

Edward escorted me to dinner where I had some kind of chicken but I can't be sure what kind as my eyes were glued to Edward and my mind conjured up numerous naughty ideas about him.

As dinner progressed our conversation and light compliments became more heated. We leaned in closer to each other. Edward's eyes darkened and he watched every mouthful of food I ate with a hungry gaze. I licked my fork clean and Edward groaned. His tongue nipping out to moisten his luscious lips and I couldn't sit still anymore. Just watching him made me hot and I found my foot ascending his leg playfully under the table.

Edward froze and his eyes fluttered shut.

My next memory was of us striding together to the elevator and the second the doors closed he was on me. His hands running over my back and down my ass, even as his lips crashed onto mine and then trailed a burning line down my neck.

And that is how I found myself being lifted bridal style and carried over the threshold of our suite door, our lips never parting. I vaguely heard the door click shut but was too caught up in how Edward's cold arms held me, how my skin seemed to burn, his lips moved with mine and my breath cam in gasps.

I felt movement and then realized that I was lying on the sinfully soft queen sized bed.

My mind seeming unable to keep up with the flourish of sensation.

Edwards touches and his kisses all seeming different tonight, less hesitant and with purpose.

I lay on the bed as Edward descended on top of me, his weight a reassuring pressure across ever inch of my body as he pulled me close. One hand splayed across my back as the other wondered across my stomach and up towards my breasts. My nipples hardened as he caressed delicious circles around my breasts and his tongue assaulted my mouth before he retreated to pepper my neck, collar bone and upper breasts with kisses. Light suction leaving a mark I'm sure, made my breath leave me in a moan as his cold lips worried my skin and heated to match my body temperature. I could hear my own heartbeat pounding in my head. My body flamed and I bucked instinctively towards Edward, trying to find some friction to relieve the burning that was building between my legs.

My hands clutched at Edwards hair and pulled him closer before tracing the defined sides of his abs.

His shirt moulding to his frame.

"Too many clothes...please." I whispered.

Edward grunted and seemed to chuckle against my skin sending even more delicious vibrations through my body.

For a split second Edward was gone for a second but then his body pressed back against mine and his shirt and jacket was gone. My hands instantly fastening to his skin, tracing the defined planes of his stomach, playing with the fine, ghosting trail of bronze hair on his lower stomach. My hands clawed of their own will and fruitlessly tried to pull him closer, to drag him into me.

Our kisses became rougher and Edwards hands massaged my breasts through the clingy material of my dress. All the while his lips never left mine.

I moaned into his mouth and he growled in return. The sounds of his desire made my body seem to burn hotter and my core rush with moisture.

I caught a glimpse of Edward as he withdrew to let me breathe and trail kisses lower on my neck. His nostrils flared and he growled louder seeming to pick up on my arousal. His growl was punctuated by the seemingly involuntary grinding of his hips into me as he flattened his body completely against mine. I could feel his erection against my stomach and my heart sped up. My left hand grabbed his hair and pulled his lips back to mine while my right traced the side of his thigh and put pressure on his straining length.

"Now you're wearing too much" Edward gasped as he disengaged himself from me. I huffed and growled softly.

I looked up to see Edwards pitch black eyes. Love, hunger, desire and amusement all swimming in their depths. My breath caught seeing his cocky half smile and his beauty as he stood, looming over me in nothing but suit pants, which were tented with need.

I pushed myself off the bed and turned around, sweeping my hair over my shoulder to reveal the zipper at the top of my dress.

I felt Edwards arms encircle my waist from behind and his lips trail down my neck. His hands slid up my thighs, over my sides, quickly caressing my rigid and sensitive nipples before reaching for my zipper. As Edward pulled off my dress he kissed my shoulder blades, my arms and licked a burning trail down my spine as the dress puddled at my ankles.

The cloud of passion receded for a moment as I remembered my scars and instinctively my arms crossed over my bra covered breasts and I turned to face Edward, removing my back, the worst site of my disfigurement from his gaze.

Edward now stood in only a pair of white boxers that strained against his arousal. He must have removed the trousers when I turned around. Edward's gaze was predatory as he racked over my body which was now clad only in black lacy bra and panties.

The remembrance of my scars had acted as a cold bucket of water to my burning desire, as it always did when I remembered Edward could see them in any of our other encounters.

I was always hesitant about showing the scars on my stomach, upper arms, thighs, under my breasts and all across my back. This was the first time that Edward had seen the full extent of my injuries all at once.

As though reading my thoughts Edward stepped forward so his arms could encircle me and his arousal was pressed to my stomach. My skin burned at the contact.

Edwards lips ghosted across my forehead and down to my ear, "Never hide yourself from me. I love you," he whispered.

Edward caressed my arms and traced my scars his lips teasing the marks on my shoulders.

He grasped my arms and gently pulled them away from their protective embrace. Edward kissed me deeply but with a gentleness that spoke only of love and trust.

Slowly my own fire returned and my mind was again clouded by desire. I fell back onto the bed as Edward kissed and licked my stomach, slowly making his way back up to my chest. I felt feverish and could no longer contain the mewling and bucking I experienced. In a lightning fast move and with a loud snap Edward tore my bra free and gazed unabashedly down upon me, manacling my hands above my head in his iron grip when I went to cover myself.

"Exquisite!" He breathed in an awed voice, saved only for devout people praying to their gods. In a slow motion, never taking his eyes from mine, Edward lowered his lips to my breasts and planted butterfly kisses over both before proceeding to catch my nipples between his teeth and worrying and sucking them each in turn.

I saw sparks and my body could barely make sense of the shocks that were being sent straight from my breasts down to my throbbing groin.

Edwards hands released mine and I gripped his hair pulling him closer. His now free left hand caressed my back, as his right hand made a slow path down my side, until he was playing with the edge of my lace panties, almost hesitantly.

I bucked at the feeling of his hand so close to where I wanted him. His cool touch to my burning skin.

All propriety and nerves gone I whimpered, "Please Edward...I need...I need you to touch me."

With deliberate slowness Edwards fingers danced under my lace garment and tickled the dark curls between my legs.

His fingers knew exactly how to play me from our many experiments in his room. Those nimble, long fingers stroking me, with the same beauty and precision with which he played the piano. Their dexterity unsurpassable.

Just the thought of his fingers so close to my core had more warmth and wetness flooding my intimate areas and dripping through the thin lace.

Edward's fingers traced my slit and with almost painful slowness parted my lips. He spread my moisture thoroughly and pushed one long lean digit into my searing depths.

The contrast of sizzling heat and his cold stone flesh made my walls clench and my body shiver. My hips flexed to drive him in further, trying furiously to get more friction.

Edwards lips trailed from my now red nipples back up to my lips and his tongue darted into my mouth in time with his finger until he added a second and the mind-blowing friction had me groaning, moaning and bucking to meet his stiff digits. His thumb rubbing firm circles into my throbbing clit which pulsed and shocked my nerves with building pleasure. The ache of my need crashing over me.

I felt like my joints were coming apart and that my blood would bubble. My voice was becoming horse as I moaned and called Edwards name as he pulled me further and further towards the brink.

"Edward...I need you...want to come with you," I gasped as I reached down between us and fumbled trying to release him from his boxers.

Edward growled and withdrew his fingers to pull off my underwear as I freed him from his boxers Once he was free from his boxers I gripped his erection, barely having time to marvel at his beauty and size as I usually did.

Edward moved down as my legs instinctively opened to accommodate him between my legs.

I caressed him lightly and hooked my legs around his buttocks and thighs, pulling us together like perfectly fitting jigsaw pieces. My joy at how well we moved together was driven from my mind as I felt his cool tip brush my scorching and enflamed opening. I moaned loudly, no longer even trying to smother my need.

Edward paused to look deep in my eyes. He kissed me gently and then placed butterfly kisses across my jaw up to my ear before whispering, "Are you sure?" I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of his request but his eyes came back into view swimming with such love and devotion I could only nod mutely.

Edward braced himself and then whispered, "If I hurt you, you have to tell me. Izzy promise me"

I nodded again trying to find my voice, "I promise. I love you."

Edward smiled an angelic smile and kissed me again. He sucked on my tongue and lightly bit my lower lip as he slowly, inch by inch pushed into me.

It felt odd at first. The strangeness and foreignness of the intrusion had me tensing slightly. The coldness of his body such a contrast to my heat .As I was stretched to accommodate him, my mind blanked out and my body fought to take in every detail of this new experience.

Once Edward was fully sheathed he exhaled in a huff, holding himself stiff and still. His eyes closed and his body shuddering under the weight of the pleasure he felt.

I knew he was fighting his own instincts to move but Edward was nothing if not a gentleman, even now. He waited to see how I was.

"Izzy, Izzy are you okay?" He whispered.

It took my mind a moment to register his question and my voice seemed lost. I smiled up at his concerned look and kissed him lightly.

I rocked up towards Edward eliciting a wondrous friction which drew a moan from me and a hiss from Edward. "Ple-ase" I moaned.

Edward began to slowly withdraw and once again pushed back in. The action sent shockwaves of warmth through my body and the oddest sensation in my gut. It was on the verge of pain but combined with a wondrous sensation of pins and needles and a euphoric throbbing.

Slowly over what seemed like an eternity but was more like an hour in reality Edward and I found an exquisite rhythm. We fit perfectly.

Edward growled and sped up his actions, his hips grinding into me with abandon. My body responding to his with matching strokes, the dizzying sensation rising and rising. Our hands roamed everywhere. We kissed and sucked and nipped each other into a frenzy.

"Oh God, Edward it's, it's..." I tried to vocalize the wondrous feeling as the throbbing and warm shocks that flew through my body. I moaned wildly and gripped Edward tighter.

"Izzy...Isabel-la, " he hissed as he reached down to rub my bundle of nerves with his thumb.

With that one action my mind went blank, white nothingness invaded my mind and I screamed out my climax as my body spasmed and shuddered in time with Edwards as he growled and we collapsed together into oblivion.

Clara's POV

I was laughing my ass off as Emmet coughed viciously while the rest of his family laughed raucously and Carlisle looked on with amused disapproval.

I was enjoying one of the Turkish black cigarettes which Jasper had given me for Christmas when Emmet had bounced out to find me for a game of chess. Upon finding me savering the taste of the cigarette smoke, which held hints of spice, rose wood and pepper, Emmet had made a joke about me having sex with the cigarette.

I had tried to explain that this was the Rolls Royce of cigarettes for smokers and that I was just giving it my full attention

The combination of nicotine and the multilayered taste was hellishly good. Emmet had given me a calculating look and crinkled his nose at my smoke so I had done what any nice person would. I offered him a drag on the cigarette. It seemed that Emmet was a bitch when it came to cigarettes as he had choked on the smoke and nearly coughed up his cold stone lungs as he swore up a storm. Myself and the rest of the Cullens couldn't help but laugh.

As we giggled Alice went silent and got her glazed vision look.

After a moment she came out of the vision and her face screwed up even worse than Emmet's when he tried to smoke. "EWWW" Alice squealed.

The Cullen's all looked to Alice in question.

"You need to start spending more time with Izzy again Clara. I don't like seeing around your shielding. There are certain situations which a sister just doesn't want to see her brother in! Eww I need to bleach my mind," Alice grumbled.

Emmet's booming laugh rang out as he caught the meaning behind Alice's vision.

Esme the concerned mother as ever turned to Alice and asked the question that burned my lips.

"So it happened, and Izzy is ok?" Esme asked hesitantly.

I zeroed in on Alice who again scrunched up her nose. "Oh it happened and she is more than fine."

A collective sigh left myself and the Cullen's.

"With that everyone, I wish you a Happy New Year and I am heading out" I said as I turned flicking my cigarette butt towards the forest and turned my mind to the Link. At least now I could relax. And drown out the images that Alice had brought to my mind. Now even Izzy had someone to be with. If I played my cards right I might manage to catch someone to warm my own bed for a few hours.


	38. Chapter 38

Author:

Hey everyone, I know it has been an absolute age since I updated but I am afraid life is hectic at the minute. Thank you to everyone who stuck with me despite my terrible updating. I was touched by the reviews that I got last chapter (although I'll admit I only just got round to reading them..seriously I have been that busy).

I had to laugh at the number of people who enjoyed the Alice comment about bleaching her mind. Also I am glad that you all enjoyed my Edward/Bella lemon. I will be honest and say that, that was one of the hardest things I have ever written. I don't read smut or lemons very often and am actually a lesbian myself so writing a hetro coupling was doubly hard. No experience or knowledge on that particular subject. Lol hope it was okay. From the few reviewers who mentioned it and a pm I got I'll assume it wasn't a total disaster.

Anyway here's the next chapter, enjoy and pls review. Also no matter how long it takes me to update I will never abandon this story. It's too near the end. Reviews and IMs remind me to update so don't be scared to use them.

Chapter 38

Clara's Pov

Since Edward and Izzy's return they have been unbearable. Any shyness or embarrassment Izzy once felt has been...shagged out of her, to put it crudely. I don't seem to be able to walk into the Cullen house or my own home without hearing their moans of passion or smelling the musky scent of sex.

It's sickening but at the same time...I have never seen Izzy so relaxed. So happy and comfortable in her own skin. In turn my own isolation has increased. I love Izzy and to see her happy but being around a bunch of sappy couples is driving me mad. The bottom of a bottle of vodka, the link and the arms of strangers have become my most frequented places in the last four weeks.

It was the second week in January however that placed the balance on Izzy's good mood. It seems that the universe cannot give her happiness with one hand, without taking away something else with the other.

Carlisle called by the apartment on a drizzly Wednesday night to inform Izzy that her father had taken a turn for the worst. Charlie's heart rate and blood pressure had dropped and the hospital were struggling to raise it. His brain scans showed that his brain activity has dropped even further despite Carlisle's best efforts and a range of new drugs. It seems that after all these years Charlie's body simply doesn't want to exist anymore and his organs are slowly shutting down.

Izzy has taken a leave of absence from the university to spend as much time as possible with Charlie. Edward and the Cullen's pulling rotation with her.

If it wasn't for Edwrad enticing Izzy home with the promise of food and sex I honestly don't think she would have left his side.

It is now the first of February and Izzy has returned to the Cullen house for dinner. Izzy is sitting calmly in Edward's arms, reassured by his presence and Carlisle's oath that if Charlie needs her he will call from the hospital.

Esme is fussing as ever and the scene reminds me of something out of the Brady bunch. Although a sombreness pervades the Cullen home there is also a strange contentedness. This odd family dynamic soothing the sadness that lies just beneath the surface.

I take the opportunity to chat amiably with Izzy for the first time in two weeks. My bhann sidh nature effectively banishing me from the hospital for fear that my instinct to release souls would over power me.

"I just made some chicken fajitas with nachos and salsa for you and Izzy." Esme called as she came in from the kitchen, holding a buffet sized tray, overflowing with perhaps twenty or thirty chicken fajita wraps. The mouth-watering scents of spicy seasoned chicken, salsa, peppers, onions and cheese waft through the air.

I smile indulgently at Esme, "Thank you Esme. There was really no need. I could have picked something up on the way back to work."

Esme's face pinched in obvious disgust as she tutted. "By that you mean, you would have stopped at a drive through for a mountain of greasy and salt laden junk food. I don't think so. These at least are healthy and tasty. Besides it's as easy for me to make thirty of them as it is to make three seen as I was cooking for Izzy anyway. Eat up." Esme scolded.

Suitably put in my place I bowed my head and thanked Esme as I began digging into the mountain of food.

"How's work been anyway?" Izzy asked as she reached forward for a fajita. It was undoubtedly her attempt to start a proper conversation with me after our distance of late.

I shrugged non committedly and mumbled around a mouth full of food, "It fine, been working on restoring a 1975 Ferrari 365 GTB Daytona spyder. The idiot owner wants to 'pimp' it out with speakers and hydraulics and all this other crap. Even mentioned wanting to re-spray it sunset metallo orange. It's a sin against motor vehicles."

Rosalie hissed, "Some people have no class. I understand putting in extra safety features or upgrading the engine but that other crap is blasphemy. A Ferrari should be cherry apple red or black. Philistine!"

I chewed my chicken and responded, "I agree but hey, it his car and his money. The guy wants to be an idiot that's his business. Customers always right and all."

"Sounds like the usual then. I haven't seen much of you lately. Even when I come back to the apartment you seem to be gone." Izzy said. Her tone was falsely casual but with an underlying accusation.

"I can't come with you to the hospital and I'd be the spare wheel hanging around here all the time. I've been hunting out of state, working on some pet projects and hitting the link a bit more. Didn't think you'd notice what with you being at the hospital or jumping Edward's bones every free minute." I shot back. I attempted to make the last part sound like a joke but from Izzy's false laugh and narrowing eyes I could tell that she had caught my underlying steel.

"You know I understand you can't go to the hospital and you're never a spare wheel Clara." Izzy soothed.

I snorted as reply and Emmet guffawed, "Ah, I'm sure Clara prefers finding better company than us at the link. That's the real reason she's never around. Oh, to be young, free and single."

Rosalie nudged Emmet and I cringed slightly at the implications.

"Yeah sure." I whispered in a half hearted voice.

Izzy was finishing her second fajita and looking uncomfortable. Her eyes bored into mine and I could tell that there was a talk between us in my near future. Damn Izzy for being my best friend. She alone knew the truth of my one off encounters and my feelings towards them and myself.

"I better be getting back to the hospital anyway." Izzy announced. She bent down to kiss Edward.

"I'll meet you at the hospital in an hour, I have to drop by the university to hand in my higher music course application and then I'm free. I love you." Edward cooed as Izzy walked towards the door with a wave back towards the room.

A few seconds later the deep rumble of her motorcycle announced her departure.

I chewed my fajita half heartedly, as my appetite quickly waned.

"How is she really holding up?" I asked, meeting Edward's eyes as I bobbed my head in the direction of the door Izzy had left through.

Edward sighed. "You know how hard it is to read Izzy sometimes. I think Charlie's long term condition has made this easier for her to cope with and her being with him so much lately is helping her to come to terms with the fact that he won't be here much longer. He's been gone in some ways for so long, she'll be relieved his limbo is over I think. Whatever happens I'll be there for her."

Edward nodded to himself. Once again my own guilt at not being able to save Charlie and the extra guilt at not being allowed to heal him ate at my insides. My guilt and anger and loneliness for a brief second seemed to well up in me and I was only pulled back to reality by a soft gasp from behind me.

I turned to meet Jaspers golden eyes dissecting me as his shocked face rested on his wife's head as she sat on his lap.

I cursed the temporary breach in my defences that had allowed Jasper to feel my emotions.

At lightning speed I rose and mumbled a "Thank you for the food but I'm late getting back to work," to Esme as I strode for the door.

A second much more high pitched and pained gasp froze my strides and swivelled me around.

The Cullen family were all at Alice's side in a second as her blank gaze and low whine of pain drew us in.

For a painful few seconds Alice was a statue as a pained moan escaped her lips. Then Alice jumped off Jaspers lap with a shrill scream. Her eyes refocused and she grabbed Edward's shirt hard enough to tear the fabric.

Her eyes darted to me and back to Edward.

"Alice...Alice what's wrong?" Edward cried.

"It's Izzy, Oh God! It's Izzy. The bike, a truck. Oh god...fire... Izzy's going to crash her bike, you have to get to her." Alice wept in a disjointed ramble.

Before a full second had passed after Alice's declaration myself and Edward were out the front door and running. I could hear the crash of the door as it broke against the wall in our haste. Then there was nothing but Izzy and the blur of the world around myself and Edward as we ran.

In my haste I didn't even change forms and with Edward's speed he could just keep up with me like this. We ran and we prayed.

Izzy's POV

The wind swept by as I gunned the bike down the main road toward the hospital. My speed just peeking the current legal limit. The purr of my bike and rumble of the engine between my legs made a smile spring to my lips even as my mind was pulled in all directions.

My worry for Charlie was ever present and in a way I had been mourning his loss for the last several years, yet his actual death would be another painful blow. I just wanted to get to him, to read to him and spend as much time with him as possible before the end.

Another part of my head was distracted by thoughts of Edward, thoughts of his beauty and the reconciliation we had managed. Feeling guilty for having such happiness while my father slowly died. Thinking less than innocent thoughts about my gorgeous boyfriend.

Lastly my mind was snagged on Clara's face as she told me she was surprised I had noticed her absence of late. I had seen Clara like this before. Isolating herself and lonely. Seeking comfort with strangers, which inevitably did her more harm than good as the superficial experiences exposed all she lacked, all that she felt she could never have.

It was these thoughts among others perhaps that made me less than vigilant as I rode down the road and I saw nothing but a flash of rusty green before a loud beeping horn sounded and then blackness overtook my vision.

My vision swam and glimpses of the world invaded my eyes as I blinked: blood, the sky, twisted metal, smoke, a dented truck, the tarmac, gasoline leaking from my bike. The images flicked across my eyes.

Pain invaded every aspect of my body, darkness and burning consumed me and then nothing as I passed out to the smell of burning...


	39. Chapter 39

Last time, Izzy:

_...as I rode down the road and I saw nothing but a flash of rusty green before a loud beeping horn sounded and then blackness overtook my vision._

_My vision swam and glimpses of the world invaded my eyes as I blinked: blood, the sky, twisted metal, smoke, a dented truck, the tarmac, gasoline leaking from my bike. The images flicked across my eyes._

_Pain invaded every aspect of my body, darkness and burning consumed me and then nothing as I passed out to the smell of burning..._

And now chapter 39:

Clara's POV:

We cut through the trees following the main road so as to get to Izzy faster and without being seen. Everything was a blur, the trees, the road, Edward at my side. Nothing mattered but getting to Izzy.

I could smell it then, even in my human shell, melted rubber from tyres, smoke and blood floating on the air.

Up ahead I can hear people shouting at each other and see smoke billowing. Humans swarm around the source of smoke on the road; some thirty feet away a green rusted truck lies diagonally across the road with a pale and shell shocked driver staring ahead.

My brain finally starts working again and I see the situation. Izzy's bike is surrounded by spectators...damn human witnesses, watching as the bike burns. Off to the side someone has dragged Izzy away, her body limp on the ground, blood splatters her clothes and she lies limp as a tall man wearing work clothes clumsily tries to administer first aid.

I instantly stop and grab Edward, dragging his body to a stop before he can rush at vampire speed out of the forest and toward Izzy.

Edward's momentum is strong and I struggle briefly to stop his forward progression but I am stronger.

He whirls around growling fiercely, his sharp teeth snap a mere inch from my hand as I whip it away and then slap him hard with a loud crack.

"What the hell are you doing?" Edward hisses.

I try to remain calm despite the inner monster wanting to kill him.

"I'm stopping you from making the situation worse. What were you going to do...hmm, run at vampire speed out to Izzy? Get seen by the humans and expose all of us. Then what? Have the volturi nosing around or kill all those humans witnesses out there. Either option would piss Izzy off and cause us even more trouble. So shut up and run at a human pace out of the forest and help Izzy!" I growl back.

Edward's face is dark and for a moment I think he will attack me before he stiffly nods and spins around to march onward towards Izzy.

I follow.

Edward moves with barely contained lethality. He briskly parts the crowd and kneels beside Izzy. His hands harshly knocking away the clumsy stranger offering poor aid.

Edward bites out, "What happened?" to no one in particular as his hands deftly work on Izzy.

He uses a belt as a tourniquet on her lower leg which has a growing patch of red and a flashing of white that can only be bone. Her breathing is shallow and wheezing, almost silent in all this noise. I can hear her heart fluttering and the sound of something like more broken bone, grating in her chest, accompanied by a squelching sound which no healthy human chest should make.

A large gash above her eye, burns on her arms and shoulder. Grazes, like a cheese graters work, cover the right side of Izzy's body, as well as a small pool of blood trickling from the back of her head.

My eyes scan the scene and I see her helmet lying by the side of the road, cracked like an egg down the side.

The trucker must have been speeding and failed to stop when he came out of the side road.

"The truck came out of nowhere and t-bone her. Sent her and the bike flying like they were nothing'." The would be, first aider confirms as he begins to ramble.

"The bike landed on top of her and started smoking, the tank must a cracked and caught a spark as it landed. It was burning a second later. I was in my car behind her and I jumped out. There weren't no time for nothing fancy, like waiting for an ambulance or nothing cause she was catching fire and I a feared the bike would blow so I dragged her away from it.

She was unconscious. I beat out the flames that caught on her arm and I tried given' her first aid but I ain't done it in years. I hope I didn't make it worse." The poor man rambled in haste.

I took a keener look at him now, definitely a farmer. His weather beaten face, tanned like leather, big hands worn and calloused while his clothes are worn and dirty. His eyes deep blue water slightly. Something any other fifty year old man might be embarrassed about but this man's concern is genuine and he helped Izzy.

"It seems you saved her life, thank you," I whisper as I squeeze his large shoulder.

Edward is still working on Izzy, frantically applying pressure to her head with his thousand dollar jacket and mumbling under his breath. Categorizing wounds and beseeching Izzy to be okay.

The squeal of car tyres announces the arrival of the Cullen's. Carlisle carrying his medical bag rushes almost too quickly to Izzy's side.

Carlisle's face betrays his shock and pain at the scene for a mere second before he buries it with his professional doctor persona.

"Condition?" he barks at Edward.

"Broken femur, compound fractures of the right ribs and right ulna. Possible broken ribs R4 and R5. Splinters I believe have transected the bronchi and collapsed the right lung. She is struggling to breathe and is coughing blood. Large gash on her head. Her pupils are dilated and unresponsive. The helmet cracked, Carlisle, it cracked... she most likely has a head injury of some kind. We need to get her to a hospital." Edward narrated in a dead and detached voice. His word becoming barely audible towards the end as his voice is coated with pain and a pleading of denial.

Carlisle refuses to comment, again, slightly too quickly for a human he is in motion. He places a drip in Izzy's left arm, injects pain killers and with the flash of a scalpel and medical tubing is placing a drainage line in Izzy's abdominal wall. The tube hisses and gurgles before blood gushes from it onto the road.

Izzy's breathing becomes easier and her heart rate lowers.

I turn in my daze to see the rest of the Cullen's with identical looks of worry and pain all standing around Rose's car. None daring to come closer with the rich scent of blood filling the air.

Sirens I have not even realized were blaring are suddenly pulling up. An ambulance and two police vehicles. I feel disjointed from my body, like time is passing by faster than I can react.

The police are shooing away the nosey crowd while trying to take statements. Carlisle is barking orders at paramedics as he aids in loading Izzy onto a stretcher. Edward is mutely following like a zombie, paler than even a vampire should be.

My hearing seems to come back to me as Esme shakes me from my reverie.

"...Clara, Clara, Carlisle says they are taking Izzy to the hospital for emergency treatment. We're going there to wait. You need to get in the car Clara," Esme begs with what can only be described as a heart broken voice. Her eyes shine with unshed tears. Tears that will never fall.

It is then that Esme gives me a watery smile and wipes away moisture from my face. "She'll be okay Clara. Carlisle won't let anything happen to her. We'll do whatever is necessary to save Izzy. Come on love," She placates.

I finally realize what the moisture on my face is. Silent tears have leaked from my eyes, like traitors stealing out at night. Unseen or heard by me.

I touch the moisture and catch a tear in almost awe. I haven't cried in a long time, not since my parents were killed. Not even when Victoria tortured me. I though I had lost the ability when I became a banshee.

In disgust I harshly scratch my face and wipe away the tears. When my voice comes it is weak and shaky, unlike anything I have ever heard before.

"I...I can't go to the hospital Esme. I...I'm not able...I am Ban...ban..." I stutter uselessly.

Esme's face dawns with comprehension as she realizes that although extremely difficult for the vampires control, entering a hospital would be far outside my own. A banshee in a hospital is like an alcoholic in a pub.

Esme nods stiffly. "Go back to the house, we'll call when we know what is happening," she says.

Then I am alone, the red Mercedes screeches off to be with Izzy. To be where once again my damned nature means I can never be.

I stand among the crowd who wonder around the crash site. An old fire truck has pulled up to douse the pathetic wreckage of Izzy's bike.

It's my entire fault. What was I thinking letting Izzy drive a motorcycle? She's human, so fragile. I swore to protect her and all I did was get her the instrument of her own destruction.

If...If she dies I'll be alone again. It's my fault.

If I had been faster I could have pulled Izzy out of the way of the truck or...or. Oh god what was the point in being a near invulnerable creature if it still wasn't enough to protect the one true friend I have in life!

Possibilities begin running through my mind and none of them are good. The crash is public. But not just small town public. The police are Washington state cops. They will file reports. There were humans who saw us and Izzy's condition. And now she is in hospital. If she survives she will be on a computer databases, surrounded by doctors and other patients. The police will question everyone as they already have begun. The papers will report the accident.

If Izzy doesn't recover by herself there is no way Edward or any of the Cullen's can save her by turning her. This whole incident is far too public. If we all disappeared over night it would be far too suspicious. The volturi would come... human authorities too would start questioning what happened to Izzy if she disappeared.

The Cullens' can't change Izzy... not now. Not while she is in hospital, the centre of an 'incident.' So that only leaves one course for her survival.

Izzy has to do this by herself. The mortal way. Carlisle has to be a damn good doctor and we just have to...pray!

Oh gods this is my entire fault.

..My ears prick up as I hear the truck driver whining to the police, his voice weak and raspy...

"...I was just on the phone for a second... just to tell a mate about the road works on i44 so he could use the back roads like me...that's why I was here.."

Fuck! This ape was on a cell phone. My friend is fighting for her life because this ape was making a phone call. The only family I have known in years...the closest to happiness I have come...Izzy's new life. It's all torn apart because of this idiot wanting to tell a buddy about a shortcut.

I can feel the banshee scream inside. My muscles protest as I fight not to change.

My bones crack and I clench my fists against the burn.

"I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to..." The little toad snivels and I lose control.

My gait, long and powerful, strides toward the little man honkered down as a police officer stands over him with a note pad and pulling out handcuffs.

He doesn't even see me until I have already lifted the smelly trucker bodily from the ground by the throat. He squeaks and whimpers in terror as I slam him into the door of his truck and force his pathetic carcus up the door until his feet dangle and he chokes for air.

The police officer stands frozen for a moment. No doubt the sight shocking him. A five eleven girl of no real build, in shabby mechanics clothes, holding up an obese, greasy trucker like he's a child.

My breathing is harsh and my eyes are straining to glow, the jade green flashing in their depths.

My hand itches to crush his throat but that would be murder and I am not so cold blooded. The banshee way is one of honour. Just cause. Whether self preservation or as the releasing reward for the just soul. A banshee must have reason to kill or to release a soul. Only that differentiates me from the other creatures of the night. The monsters. My code alone.

The young officer makes a move to pull me off the trucker but his efforts are laughable. I don't even twitch as he strains to force me off my prey.

My eyes drill the scum before me.

"If my friend dies: I will kill you. I will hunt you to the ends of the earth and you will beg for death." I decree in a deadly calm, velvet monotone. The inner banshee aura roaring to life.

The cop backs up a step and the trucker stops struggling as his horrified eyes meet mine. The feel my aura, my otherness. The truth of my statement and of my deadliness. A faint scent of urine fills the air and I drop the trucker as quickly as I grabbed him. I turn and begin striding back towards the Cullen house. To wait. To wait and hope that Izzy will be strong enough alone.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Esme's POV

It has been one week since the accident.

The house remains silent despite all but Carlisle and Edward being in residence.

Izzy survived the emergency surgery that Carlisle performed. But only just. He broke down when we were alone the night after and sobbed that if it had been any other doctor, any other surgeon...One without his increased senses, speed and reactions... then Izzy would surely have died on that operating table. My husband is always humble about his gifts and abilities and to hear him admit this, spoke volumes of the danger Izzy faced.

An emergency CT scan upon her arrival showed that Izzy had suffered a collapsed lung, five broken and fractured ribs and was bleeding into her abdominal cavity.

Lesser injuries of scrapes, abrasions and her broken arm and leg were stabilised quickly but the scan showed a much more dangerous problem.

The crash resulted in massive blunt force trauma to Izzy's head. She had a bleed in her brain which was clotting by the time it was discovered. The clot was putting pressure on Izzy's brain and after the first round of surgery to stabilise Izzy it was believed further surgery could kill her, so blood thinning and clot busting drugs, as they were so colloquially known, were administered. At first the tests showed that the clot was dissolving and two days after the surgery saw us quietly optimistic that Izzy would come out of her coma shortly. That was not to be, as on the second night she began to fit. Emergency tests showed the clot was only a surface problem, its dissolving revealed bruising to the brain and swelling. The pressure was building up in Izzy's head and likely to kill her. Yet more emergency surgery was performed. A hole drilled in the back of Izzy's skull to relieve the pressure. A medieval and primitive solution Carlisle had growled. Yet the only one that was available despite my husband's vast knowledge.

I can already foresee the large Cullen medical fund making neurosurgery its new focus in the future.

And so here we have been ever since. The last five days in no man's land. In a sort of limbo. Edward using Carlisle's influence and our vast wealth has managed to secure a private room for Izzy, ironically on the same ward as Charlie, and he has not left her side since.

The doctors, including Carlisle, have been hesitant about a prognosis.

Brain injuries of this sort can cause permanent neurological damage. Memory loss, physical disability, speech problems or a whole host of other problems. But then that was all if Izzy even woke up at all. Her condition was still critical. Her blood pressure low and brain activity erratic. One doctor had even said in a whisper that it may be better if she had died instantly rather than maybe be trapped in a vegetative state. The weasel of a doctor had said it in a whisper while checking her condition one morning as Edward pretended to sleep. Needless to say Edward 'woke up' very swiftly and most rudely ejected the man from the room. Carlisle saw to it that his rounds would never bring him into contact with Izzy again.

My family sits now in a state of absolute shock. Waiting for some change. Some sign of hope.

After the one week stage the chances of a coma patient ever waking up are vastly reduced and as Carlisle has pointed out to me numerous times to my agony, we can't change Izzy in Hospital to cure her. Firstly it would be too public, too many people would notice if she started screaming or just disappeared. Secondly, unlike Edward this was not the 1900's. Carlisle can't just declare a patient dead and sneak their body out. And finally, Carlisle is unsure if the change in and of itself would wake Izzy from her coma. It would help the damage, but what about the damages that have already healed slightly and the neurological imbalances. Would the change simply freeze Izzy in a coma? Or would she awaken eternally disabled from a coma, unable to change or improve.

The risks all round are too great and our hope seems to dwindle.

It is times like this that I truly envy a human mother. A mother who could sleep to escape the pain even for an hour, a human mother who can cook vast amounts of comfort food to distract herself and to mother her other children. All I feel I can do for my own family is offer empty platitudes.

Alice and Jasper remain in their room. Alice silently searching the future for hope as Jasper holds her and tries in vain to emit waves of reassurance.

Rose and Emmet likewise remain together. Emmet mindlessly playing video games. No smiles, no screaming at the TV when his character dies. Only broken by fits of rage where he swears to kill the truck driver who hurt Izzy, before being pulled into my or Roses calming embrace. Rose watching Emmet constantly, her eyes flickering to the house phone as though wishing Carlisle or Edward will ring with news of change.

Carlisle has buried himself in research and is scowering the globe for the greatest minds in neurology and cutting edge treatments for Izzy.

My family's eyes are all black from thirst, as all thoughts of feeding are lost to our sorrow. Even Jasper barely flinches when visiting in the hospital. A feat which ordinarily would have been hailed a miracle and celebrated, is relegated to the background of our thoughts.

We all take it in turns visiting the hospital. The scent of blood overpowered by industrial cleaners and its call powerless to our grief.

Izzy's room is small with a small sofa, a chair and a TV all surrounding her hospital bed that seems to be guarded by a magnitude of beeping and flashing machines that are attached to my beloved daughter: Izzy. Izzy so fierce and brave, in full bloom of young maturity now resembling an Egyptian mummy. Her hair shaved from surgery, her head bandaged, her arm and leg in plaster. More bandages and strong smelling substances coat her ribs, the grazed skin of her face and the burns along her shoulder. She is a so small, white bandage covered figure in her bed.

Edward sits, a silent sentinel, his eyes never leaving her, his hand always in hers, only ever moving to quickly adjust a bleeping machine or call a nurse for a new drip. Edward looks like a corpse. A man who can only be reinvigorated by Izzy when...if she awakens. Fates cruel hand, seeking to separate my son from his happiness , yet again, after so much.

And yet, at least we can see Izzy... for herein lies my second greatest worry... Clara.

While we at least can see Izzy, she dares not even enter the hospital foyer. The call of just souls trapped in painfully dying bodies screaming at her for release.

How terrible her burden. While we visited Charlie I knew it grieved her she could not support Izzy and she was struggling with the morality of her existence. Yet Izzy is Clara's friend...her sister. Something more perhaps...her last link to her humanity. Being unable to see Izzy has broken Clara.

She has taken to the woods around our home. Spending the last seven days in her banshee form. Roaming without purpose. She returns to our house each night to await Carlisle's return, to hear an update on Izzy. She stands by the window staring into the nothingness of the forest, unhearing of any of my family if they address her. Chain smoking constantly, her foot bouncing anxiously and fidgeting. Carlisle returns to deliver the report of Izzy every evening and then I offer her the mountains of food I have made but each evening, as she has never done before, she politely refuses and leaves. Her already thin frame in just one week has become skeletal as she remains in her banshee form. I fear that if Izzy does not improve we may lose Clara long before we lose Izzy.

Clara's POV

The last seven days have seen Izzy's condition take a turn for the worse. Today is the seventh day of her coma and although no one will admit it the chances of Izzy ever waking up now are slim to none.

I swore an oath a long time ago to protect Izzy and I failed. She was the first person to ever accept me for who and what I am. The only person to accept my bravado and see beneath it. To see the self loathing, the shame and the shallowness. My yearning for more.

Without Izzy there is no one to see the real me. I thought I was losing her to Edward. That now seems an acceptable fate to the alternative of death. At least with Edward I could have seen her once in a while.

I am a banshee. No one but Izzy has ever accepted that. The Cullen's try but they cannot see the truth. See that I still kill people. I release souls. Even if they are just and it saves them pain I am cutting short a life. Playing god. Me... a hideous creature playing god.

Izzy was the only one to see past my power. To offer me love for me. To see past the scars, my inhuman form and see my real weaknesses. My self doubt, my self hatred...all of it and she sill accepted me.

I will break my oath to Izzy tonight. I will end myself for breaking this oath.

That is why I am here tonight, outside Washington hospital. I am here to be what I am!

To release a soul.

To end a life of suffering.

To release Izzy from her cage.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Clara's POV

The walk toward the hospital was the single most difficult of my life.

I have been living in my banshee form for seven days, without food or animal soul energy. In my human form now I feel light headed and weak. My body aches and my stomach growls unhappily.

Living on cigarettes, whisky and anger is not conducive to a healthy lifestyle.

What ordinarily was bound to be a difficult and agonising mission will only be made more difficult by my hunger.

My legs feel like lead as I walk clumsily towards the hospital doors. The blood rushes in my head, my heart pounds and my fists clench.

The whispering of souls begging for release rises to an ear splitting scream. My mouth salivates. My need is so strong. So much soul energy in so many mortal forms, so close to death...the need is fierce. But I have a purpose tonight.

I hunch my shoulders and take a steadying breath. Then I step through the doors.

My limbs feel heavy, the banshee within cries in desire, my flesh tingles and aches. An itch that must be scratched. Curious eyes sweep over me, doctors, nurses, patients and other visitors scan my scruffy clothes hanging from my skeletal frame.

I march forward, eyes down to hide the growing emerald shine.

I move swiftly to the stairs. I can't be seen, being trapped in the elevator with others, my eyes glowing, my body screaming that I plunge my hand into another and tear free their soul.

The stairs allow me a distraction as I race up to the sixth floor. Critical and long term care wards.

Room 41, stands before me in no time. Room 23 is just down the hall like I was told.

I whip my head around swiftly, checking I have no voyeurs, before stepping into the room.

There before me lies my victim. Wired up to beeping machines. An empty visitors chair pulled close to the bed.

I push back the sudden surging need to launch myself at my prey...I cringe in disgust at my use of the word.

This person is anything but prey. They are my family.

I walk forward slowly, fighting back my instincts. Fighting back more tears at the horror of what I am about to do. Fighting back the disgust at the banshee's screaming need and joy at soon being fed.

I caress the short chestnut brown hair and imprint this last image of peace into my mind.

I reach into my pocket and pull out the envelope addressed, "Edward and Carlisle," leaving it on top of the blankets.

With one last shuddering breath I whisper my final apologies.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I couldn't think of another way to do this. I'm sorry that I couldn't even visit you. But I promise that this won't hurt. It will bring you peace. I will use it wisely. I will use the power to fulfil my promise to you by breaking another."

With those whispered and choked words I stepped back and marshalled my senses.

Finally, calling forth the banshee. She comes now, quicker than ever before and for a frightening moment I believe she has taken control of me. My bones crack and elongate, my eyes dilate and gleam. My senses growing and my jaw dislocating.

With a muted banshee wale of agony I take one final look at my victim, my friend, my family, and thrust my hand into their chest.

It's like touching lightening. My hand appears to disappear, translucent and fluid it dips into the chest and grasps raw power. A glowing hot aura which my new eyes can see.

The soul burns white with power, royal blue and purple for dignity. The white burns brighter at my touch, accepting my actions, thanking me for them and I choke at that thought but continue.

The light flashes red for love and white again for acceptance. Yes, I do it for love.

In that moment the memories rush into me and I see the entire life and personality. See their thanks and acceptance. See their acceptance and understanding for why I am doing this. They accept its necessity, are thanking me for doing it. They thank me and encourage me to have strength to do what I have decided.

And like that I tear the soul from the body and I am releasing the bright glowing orb from my grasp as my hand emerges from the chest. My hand solidifies as the orb rises up and disappears to the next plane. Even before it is gone, my jaws are wide and my hand touching the place where the soul has been. The wisps of energy remain in the body from where the soul has been release. The soul energies residual. The binding power which caged it to the body no longer needed.

On instinct my body draws that energy in, drinking it like the finest wine. It is golden on my tongue. Making my blood boil. Human soul energy...like ambrosia...unlike anything else. Far superior to the soul blood energy of animals.

My eyes roll back and a moan of pleasure slips out of my gaping jaws.

The last dying wisps of the souls energy swarm into my body and I stand tall, rejuvenated and bursting with energy, my skin glowing white, my body yanked up like a puppet on strings, my eyes blazing and my muscles burning with power.

My ecstasy and power lust is cut short by the beeping of the heart monitor flat lining and the code blue alert ringing out across the ward.

"Dr. Cullen Code Blue room 41. Resus. team to room 41." A nasally voice announces over the intercom.

Already I can hear the staff scurrying like rats in a maze.

Faster than a human eye could possibly follow, I climb out the window of the room and using my elongated fingers and strength I scuttle across the buildings side like a giant white spider. My form like mist seeming to appear and disappear. Clinging six stories up I refocus.

Onto what must be done. I scuttle to the side digging my hands into the building mortar, like a warm knife through butter. Onto my next victim...


	42. Chapter 42

_Last time:_

"_Dr. Cullen Code Blue room 41. Resus. team to room 41." A nasally voice announces over the intercom._

_Already I can hear the staff scurrying like rats in a maze._

_Faster than a human eye could possibly follow, I climb out the window of the room and using my elongated fingers and strength I scuttle across the buildings side like a giant white spider. My form like mist seeming to appear and disappear. Clinging six stories up I refocus._

_Onto what must be done. I scuttle to the side digging my hands into the building mortar, like a warm knife through butter. Onto my next victim..._

Chapter 42:

Carlisle's POV:

The exhaustion drags my limbs as I slowly make my way back to Bella's room. Back to my daughter. In over three hundred years I have never thought a vampire capable of tiring, yet here and now, I feel like the weakest human.

Thoughts of steroid combinations and electrical stimulation therapy float through my over crowded brain. All cutting edge research, all absolutely useless in helping to save my daughter.

I reach Isabella's room and pause to gather my composure. It will not do to have Edward seeing my pain and uncertainty in my body or in my mind. He suffers enough as it is.

I peer through the narrow strip of glass in the door leading to Izzy's room and see my son hunched over her fragile and motionless body.

He barely sits on the chair he has pulled to her bedside but rather almost kneels beside her. His hands capable of such terrible things, capable of tearing man and beast asunder, gently grip her fragile hand. One of the few pieces of her left not bandaged.

I halt in my motion to enter as I notice for the first time that my son's lips are moving, he whispers fervently.

My lips rise slightly in a sad smile. Edward is speaking to her. I have heard many times that some coma patients claim to have heard their loved ones speaking to them while they were unconscious. Such a loving and vulnerable state I find my son.

On impulse I sharpen my hearing to listen to his words but what I hear shocks me to my long still heart.

"Please God, please hear me. I have sinned so terribly but have tried so hard to live a better life. I have doubted and tested you over the years but recently I have come to think that I was wrong. Wrong just like Carlisle said. I thought you had forsaken our kind but then I see my life with fresh eyes. I was damned to this life but have been blind to the gifts you have given. Carlisle, a father who has tried to guide me and save my soul. Esme, a mother whose love knows no end. My siblings who torment and love me. A home and a family that no one else could wish for. Above all else you saw fit to give me a second chance with Izzy. My heart, my life. Please God don't take her from me. Don't punish her for what I have done. For what I am. She has suffered so much already and is still so kind and selfless. I beg you God... please. I would do anything for her to live. Please give her back to me!"

Edward whispered in a fervour of whispered words. My son who believed God had forsaken us, who has not prayed in over one hundred years, begs on bended knee. My heart if it could would break at the sight seems to grow heavy in my chest.

I take a step into the room at last and walk stiffly to Izzy's chart trying my best to force out of my mind what I have just witnessed.

I flick through the chart.

Edward whispers in his deadened voice, "Her blood pressure is still low and her lungs aren't taking in enough oxygen. Her blood saturation is down to forty percent. No change on..."

His disheartening diagnosis of Izzy's state is interrupted by a nasally announcement over the intercom, " Code Blue room 41. Resus. team to room 41."

Edward's head whips up as does mine in the exact same motion of horror. That is Charlie's room.

No words pass between myself and my son as we move as one towards Charlie's room. The resus team rattling down the hall behind us with Dr. Ashton following at their heels.

What more can go wrong. Charlie has been hanging on for years and here and now with his daughter just a few doors down the hall he loses his fight. If Bella wakes up, she will be heartbroken to hear of her father's death. As will my family. Alice had a soft spot for Charlie especially while Clara's sense of guilt over his injuries will compound her already fragile state.

Edward at my side growls, I shoot him an apologetic look. I immediately realise he did not appreciate my use of 'if' in relation to Bella's recovery.

We push into the room together at the same moment and freeze. The air is thick with a scent that cannot possibly be here. A wildness, mixed with leather and the faint odour of decay that follows death hangs in the air. Clara's scent. But that is impossible, Clara can't enter a hospital for fear she would...

At this horrifying thought Edward dashes forward and lifts something from Charlie's still body. Ignoring the beeping machines I step toward my son and see an envelope with Clara's distinctive scrawl marking my and Edward's names.

The horror of what this can mean begins to creep into my mind as I cast a horrified glance towards Charlie's till form.

Dr. Ashton enters the room with two nurses and a trolley containing the defibrillator and all the other drugs needed to attempt resuscitation.

Dr Ashton pauses to give me a quick glance.

"Please...I can't...I'm too close..." I try to explain. Dr. Ashton nods shortly assuming that my personal relationship to the patient has frozen me. Yet all my mind can think on is one question: Can a heart be restarted if the body no longer has a soul?

I push Edward back into the hall as he comes out of his trance and he tears open the letter. I stand behind his shoulder and together we read its messy contents at vampire speed.

A simultaneous gasp of horror echoes between us and we are moving at barely contained speed back towards Izzy.

Clara's POV

I count the windows as I move toward my target. Room 23.

I peek through the window and see the room is empty as planned. Only my target remains, still on the bed, hooked up to all the machines. I freeze for a moment taking in the sorry state of my missions goal. Bandages, drips and bleeping machines all snake around Izzy's fragile body.

My heart aches and I growl.

The room's door is still swinging shut from the constant watchers leaving. Now is my chance. My time is limited.

I pull the window open and silently enter the room. Hovering over my last victim. My eyes glow and I slowly reach out my hand.

My hand glows and my body shifts to that space between realities, allowing it to pass unhindered into her chest.

The sizzling fire of her soul roars up my arm and awakens every one of my nerve endings. I clench my hand grasping her soul.

The desire to rip and wrench it free so strong and so powerful. My body hums with energy and shakes with need. Sweat drips down my limbs and I am vaguely aware of the sound of her heart monitor beeping frantically as her heart rate soars.

The banshee screeches and cries for its hunger to be fed, to drink the energies I now hold in my hand.

I give into the banshee and engage the soul, memories and thoughts flood me, just as they did with Charlie. Izzy sees my intentions and begins t scream in my head , her soul thrashing at my touch.

The banshee's desire burns hotter, my hesitation all the time it needs to make its hungers known. I am so close. It would be so easy to free her, to release her soul.

But that is not my purpose here today. I let my own thoughts hit Izzy's soul. My reasons for this action and then I begin. I begin to force my soul energy, Charlies roaring life energy into Izzy's body, forcing it though her own soul.

My grip falters and my eyes snap shut in agony.

She is resisting me. Izzy is resisting my efforts. Her thoughts, angry and panicked hit me. After Victoria's attack I almost killed myself keeping her alive doing this very action and I swore an oath that I would never try it again to heal her. To heal the scars of Victoria's sweet touch. 'My oath is my law,' she screams at me. 'I swore,' she riles at me. She won't let me do this, Izzy yells in my head. 'An oath must be fulfilled or a banshee must die,' she screams. I can't be so foolish, I can't intend to break an oath. Her consciousness forces all these thoughts into me and I cannot help but allow a monotone laugh to escape my cruel lips. My jaw snapping open in a horrific smile.

I concentrate harder. I am a banshee I tell her. She cannot resist me. I am the warden of souls, a spirt of death and vengeance awakened by violence, she cannot stop me. I will fulfil my oath to protect her, I will do this by breaking my oath to never use my power to heal her again and if that requires my death...then so be it.

With that final thought I howl a banshee's cry and gripping my own life energy, the volcano of soul energy in my body, I force it, in one blinding swell of power, into Izzy's battered form.

Edward's POV

The words of the letter burn in my mind as I stride towards Izzy's room. Anger, hope, hatred and fear all rise trying to take dominance in my mind. The letters words burning my thoughts.

_**Dear Edward and Carlisle,**_

_** By now you will have seen what I have done. That's right, I came to the hospital. I have released Charlie's soul and in doing so I have taken into myself a vast amount of power.**_

_**I hope that you can forgive me. I couldn't think of another way. I failed to protect Charlie and now I have failed to protect his daughter. I hope that he will understand what I am about to do. With his soul energy I believe I will be just powerful enough to heal Izzy.**_

_**It is not without risk. I do not know if I will be able to resist the call of her soul as you Edward once resisted the call of her blood. Yet I swore an oath to protect Izzy and I will do just that.**_

_**I swore an oath once to never heal Izzy with my power. She knows the price of such an action. Forcing soul energy into her almost killed me once before. Even with Charlie's power it most likely will finish the job this time. Yet I am willing to pay that price for my failures. Izzy is the only family I have had these last nine years and I cannot stand by and see her waste away.**_

_**Edward, Carlisle, take care of her. Izzy loves you all. In the short time she has been back with you I have never seen her more alive and more happy. Her happiness is all I desire. Make my sacrifice not in vein Edward, do not hang around this time, change Izzy. You will have to stay far away from the Americas and the wolves for at least a decade seen as I won't be around to play guardian. Protect her. Please love her and let her know I loved her. Seeing the life she has made with you all has reminded me of what I am. I am not like the rest of you. I am alone and destined to be such for all eternity. I am a soul warden, a spirit of death and vengeance awakened by violence. I have ended lives when I have had no right and have committed terrible acts. Perhaps this will be something of a penance.**_

_**Izzy has a chance at happiness with you and your family, to be accepted for all she is. To have love in her life for eternity. It would be worng for her to die and me to live my half life.**_

_**Go to her room now. God willing I will have been able to save her. Izzy will need you Edward. You could not change her in the hospital but I can heal her. I trust Carlisle you will be able to fake her recovery occurring at a slower rate than it will have. Izzy will hate having to stay in the hospital when she is well but the facade will be necessary. You will have to remove my body from the room before anyone sees it. Bury me in Ireland please, my family plot is in Mayo. I am sure you will be able to find it.**_

_**Go to her now. My thanks, my apologies and my farewell,**_

_** Clara Nic Giolla Anbhas**_

A howl of pain that can only be a banshee's call emits from Izzy's room and drags me from my thoughts.

My feet speed up and together Carlisle and I enter Izzy's room.

The sight to greet us arresting our forward progression and pulling an exclamation of "dear God!" from my father.

Clara in all her banshee glory and terror stands hovering over Izzys' bandaged frame her body hovering, toes barely touching the ground as her skin glows and shifts as though a ghostly apparition.

I take a step forward to wrench Clara from Izzy before she can heal or possibly kill her but am stopped by the surge of light from Clara through her hand and into Izzy.

Clara's body begins to spasm violently and sounds of monotone pain I never dreamed of hearing from this most fearsome immortal issue from her slacken jaws.

Clara growls harshly as the spasms become more violent and her knees buckle. Dark blood, like tears of terrible sorrow begin to leak from her eyes, nose, ears and the corners of her mouth.

Clara's skin pales and her form begins to darken and solidify.

The spasms increase until they violently jerk her whole body, all except the hand she keeps completely still in Izzy's glowing chest. Izzy's skin takes on a healthy glow, the slash above her eye seeming to shrink as I watch, her hair shaven for surgery grows before my eyes to lush locks and the faint scars visible on her shoulder and the burns dissolve.

In this moment I see why Izzy demanded that Clara never heal Victoria's wounds. It is miraculous but the price is too high. Or maybe not, the selfish part of my brain whispers.

With one last howl of agony Clara's body whips forward and back, loud snaps crack through the ensuing silence as multiple bones break from her spasms. Then she is still. Her back arched at an unnatural angle and her eyes, emerald and wide open in horror. Her pale skin covered like fine marble in veins of dark blood. The silence breaks as a breath escapes Clara and slowly as if in cinematic slow motion her hand withdraws from Izzy and she falls backward in a heap of unnatural limbs which begin to shrink immediately. The fearsome banshee gone and a fragile body of a young woman, little more than a child, is left sprawled in blood, sweat and agony on the ground. Her chest deathly still.

A second louder inhalation draws my attention as a breath of pain expels the tortured words, "NOO...Clara why?" and my eyes fasten onto brown orbs open and aware. Filled with horror. For a moment they flicker to love and then dart back to the fallen form on the floor.

"Edward help her!" Izzy whispers as she tries to sit up. Her voice so sweet after a week of silence, I am a statue, lost to joy in the midst of the terrible tragedy.

Carlisle rushes to Clara and I embrace my Izzy. My Izzy returned but at such a terrible price. Charlie is gone and Carlisle hovers over the still and ruined form of Clara...


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Izzy's POV

The house sits in eerie silence. For the first time I find the modern white décor sterile and cold. I miss my apartment. Me and Clara's apartment. Even sitting in Edward's arms offers me no respite or reprieve from my misery.

At least here, back in the Cullen House, I don't have to pretend. I don't have to play act at a painstakingly slow recovery. Clara made sure of that.

Carlisle re-bandaged my head to hide my newly re-grown hair and swapped out the drugs in my drips to harmless saline. Then I just had to pretend to be frail, sore and feeble for a week before Carlisle convinced the hospital that I was well enough to be taken care of at home. Or at least to be taken care of by Dr. Cullen at his home. Two days later I again had to play act at being sick and accompanied by Carlisle and the Cullens I attended my father's funeral. A quiet, private funeral in Washington. We couldn't risk bringing Charlie back to forks. The wolves would attend and Clara's absence would raise far too many questions. The wolves can't know that Clara can't fulfil her oath to them.

At least here in the Cullen house I am fee to act normal. To cry and scream and stamp around. The grief at my father's passing an expected inevitability. Yet feeling his thoughts in Clara's feeling, his understanding, his acceptance and love. It tears me apart. Then there is Clara.

I am healthy. More than that, I am perfect. Like a porcelain doll. My skin flawless and radiant. My hair smooth and lush. All traces of broken bones, head trauma...even the scars and gouges from Victoria are erased. What I dreamed of countless nights, has become a nightmare; as every glance of smooth, perfect skin reminds me of its price. Clara.

Clara swore in blood and honour to protect me. Swore in blood and honour to never use the touch to heal my scars. The breaking of such an oath is always death for a bhean sidh.

The only way to save me was the touch. The very thing she had sworn never to do. Yet to do nothing would break her first oath and cause death too. Clara was damned if she did and damned if she didn't. Carlisle and Edward refuse to speak of it to the family, even I don't know the full horrors of what Clara suffered. I felt her pushing her life and energy into me and tried to resist but as always Clara was too strong. Clara suffered terribly, she knew performing the touch to save me would kill her. The physical exhaustion alone being possibly fatal even before the ramifications of her blood oaths.

The images flash before my eyes. I clench them shut but it is fruitless. In sleep or wakefulness, my inner eye keeps revisiting the sight of Clara on the floor at the foot of my hospital bed. Edward's loving eyes wide with shock at my rejuvenation while Carlisle spared my revival a brief awed glance before he raced forwards in horror towards Clara's broken form.

Her naturally pale skin was ashen and blood like gruesome rivers flowed from her eyes, mouth, nose and ears. Her skin resembling a demonic marble of red and white. Clara's human form normally so tall and lithe crumpled in on itself. Her broken back making her hunched form appear even smaller. The once agile limbs contorted and broken from the spasms that forcing her own energy and life into me had caused. All but for her right arm, almost comically pristine. The same arm and hand she had used to reach unwaveringly into my chest, to touch my very soul. The desire to feed or to release my soul must have been excruciating for her. Yet her hand did not waver, she maintained the connection even as her body rebelled at her unnatural reactions, even as her body protested so violently while she poured life and energy into me. Sapping herself of the spark of life.

I cannot stop seeing her form so still on the floor. Clara, always so rough and charismatic, reduced to the silent mess of broken limbs that Carlisle worked so frantically over.

He gently checked her pulse, and listened for her breath.

"She's not breathing and her hearts not beating," he said in that clinical doctor's voice. The calm voice, which belied the tears that welled in his eyes to never fall. The shaking of his hands and the sadness chiselled into every facet of his face.

I remember screaming then, telling Carlisle to 'save her' but for the first time ever, he seemed lost. Carlisle's hands hovered over Clara's ruined form, as though unsure if anywhere was even safe to touch. ..


	44. Chapter 44

Author: Many thanks to everyone who has stuck with my story over the last year and a half. I know that my updating has been hit and miss at times and it is because of my loyal readers, those who review and PM me that I continue on. Thank you all. My last chapter got one or two sad reviews, people upset about Clara and I even got a PM which was part threatening/part pleading for me to save Clara. To all of those messages this chapter is my response. Please review, they remind me to keep writing. x

PREVIOUSLY:

_I cannot stop seeing her form so still on the floor. Clara, always so rough and charismatic, reduced to the silent mess of broken limbs that Carlisle worked so frantically over._

_He gently checked her pulse, and listened for her breath._

_"She's not breathing and her hearts not beating," he said in that clinical doctor's voice. The calm voice, which belied the tears that welled in his eyes to never fall. The shaking of his hands and the sadness chiselled into every facet of his face._

_I remember screaming then, telling Carlisle to 'save her' but for the first time ever, he seemed lost. Carlisle's hands hovered over Clara's ruined form, as though unsure if anywhere was even safe to touch. .._

Chapter 44

Carlisle's POV

For over three hundred years I walked the earth as a vampire. Never tiring, never slowing. These past weeks however make me feel every year of my age, and feel exhaustion as only a human can.

My steps are heavy on the stairs. My wife, my darling Esme, stands at the banister smiling softly at me. Her beauty and love radiating in calming waves, instantly soothing my tired mind. Her arms pull me into a soft but powerful embrace and she tip-toes slightly to whisper in my ear,

"It will be okay love. You did all you could."

My body seems to droop in relief at her words. I look over her shoulder to the sitting room and to Izzy wrapped in Edward's arms on the sofa. Her tired eyes, rimmed with dark circles, almost like a vampire.

Izzy seems lost to her thoughts, unaware of Edward's concerned eyes and his gentle embrace.

Poor Edward. A part of him feels Izzy's pain over Clara, yet I know that a larger part can't help but marvel at the fact that Izzy is alive and well. Better than well. Her scars gone, her brain healed, her tremors cured and her body a work of perfection. A large part of Edward is ecstatic that Clara's sacrifice healed Izzy so completely. This joy at such a high price that he feels guilty for it. Guilty, knowing that his love is so great, that he cannot be sorry or wish different Clara's sacrifice.

I step from my wife's embrace and glide to the back of the sofa.

"Izzy," I call in a gentle voice, usually reserved for lulling panicked patients at the hospital.

Izzy's eyes remain fixed on the wall, her mind elsewhere.

"Izzy," I repeat a little more loudly as Edward squeezes her a little to gain her attention.

Jerking slightly, Izzy meets my eyes and smiles brittily. "Sorry Carlisle...my mind was wondering. Going over things actually. The last few days have been so intense," she whispers.

I smile equally as weakly.

"It's okay Izzy, we all seem to be a little preoccupied. Wondering on the 'what ifs' and the 'if onlys' of life is...only 'human' shall we say. I came to tell you that you can go sit with her again if you want," I said.

Izzy nods and without further word begins her pilgrimage upstairs. Like a funeral march Edward, myself and Esme follow her quietly. As we reach the second floor, Alice's head bobs out of her room and she too, along with Jasper and Emmett fall into step.

On the third floor at the end of a bland corridor like all the others, we entered through a door to our former guestroom. Rosalie stands over the bed fixing the sheets after her physio session to keep our inert patients muscles strong.

Izzy stops for a second and then releases Edwards hold to go and sit in Emmetts lap in the chair beside the hospital issue bed.

The room is plain white. Izzy refusing to let Alice decorate. Claiming that there is no need, the patient will heal too quickly to need the room personalised. Yet after ten days without much change a traitorous voice in my head disagrees.

Upon a white hospital bed, connected to two drips for fluids and nutrients, another two drips running two units of blood, a heart monitor, a ventilator and various other machines was Clara.

Her normally imposing and youthful frame, almost skeletal and paler than the white of her pillows. The rise and fall of her chest barely perceptible.

Ten days in this half life state and with every day that passes I think that perhaps I should have let her stay dead. It would have been more merciful to her and to my family. To have let her pass and let my family grieve and one day move on. But no, here we stand in this limbo, our vigil over her body...waiting...praying...begging for a miracle.

"How is she?" Izzy asked.

The daily routine of reporting Clara's condition begins.

"Her body mass, breathing and heart rate, are still stable. Her body is absorbing the nutrients, fluids and blood. The fluid and nutrients are keeping her mortal shell maintained. The blood has replenished the organelle supply in her blood and the small amount of soul energy in the blood seems to be helping. The blood work I did last night shows her organelle level is at over 300% of a normal humans but not having seen a blood sample for Clara when she was 'healthy' means I can't much say what this means. The x-rays I took show that her spine and the compound breaks on her legs and arm have finished healing, although they are still weak. Again, if...I mean until she wakes up we won't know if oxygen deprivation caused any long term damage, after all she was technically dead for nearly three minutes." I intoned as emotionless as possible.

Automatically Izzy's eyes swing to Rose who stands to attention. My pride at my daughter swells for a moment. When we brought Clara home she became a beacon and a rock. Using her training as a paediatric doctor from some years ago to aid me in caring for Clara while Edward tried to calm Izzy when she was stuck in the hospital pretending to heal.

Rosalie's gentle touch and the concern evident in her eyes as she watched me work over Clara was breath taking. Rosalie's sharp and cold facade never faltered but I know my daughter. Emmett watches her and supports her every action. To Rosalie, Clara is her friend and when Rose considers you hers then she is like a fierce protective lioness. I see her pain and love. Her laughing and happy discussions over her car with Clara seeming a distant memory. To Rose, Clara is a friend...perhaps her first and only friend.

"Since her casts have come off I have started physio to strengthen her muscles. The inert strength in her muscles is promising. I doubt if a human could even hope to move her limbs." Rose gives a haughty, half smile as though proud of her friends strength or mabe just distasteful of humanity. "I hope that with physio three times a day I can get her muscles strengthened and stop her looking like a skeleton. The physio will also prevent bed sores. " Rose stated in a strong, commanding voice.

Izzy nodded quickly, her lips quirking slightly, before her eyes fell lastly on Jasper.

Jasper's bland expression remained impassive but the slight tightening around his eyes and Alice squeezing his hand gave away his concern.

"I still can't sense anything. Every once in a while I get a faint flash of pain or a fuzzy sensation of something akin to awareness and confusion but then it dies again." Jasper whispers, wincing at his poor choice of words towards the end.

The room seems to sigh in sadness and as Emmett gives up his place holding Izzy to Edward we all begin our pilgrimage back down the stairs as Izzy begins whispering to Clara. Asking her to come back, relieving old memories.

A terrible sadness, an expectation weighs upon the house as we continue to wait.

The events that led us to this impasse constantly burned into my mind.

TEN DAYS AGO:

Carlisle's POV:

"Save her," Izzy yelled at me. My hands for the first time in over three hundred years flutter over my patient, not knowing what to do.

'My patient,' that's how I have to think of this mangled body. To think of Clara as a human patient. A human patient is something I know how to deal with.

Yet this destroyed body is more horrific than anything I have ever dealt with. After treating victims of car crashes, cannon ball injures, wars and accidents of every kind I thought I had seen it all. How wrong I was.

In desperation my mind reverts to medical basics and I begin CPR.

Clara has stopped breathing and oxygen deprivation was her only weakness she had once said. I force air into her lungs and begin compressions to pump her still heart. To force this still, dead body to come back to life. If I can bring her bdy back then perhaps there is hope.

Edward stands behind me frozen staring at Izzy. A part of my impressive mind is lost on trying to understand her miraculous recovery but now I must think...I must put all of my mind to saving Clara..saving the saviour of my daughter, my son and my family.

"Edward," I shout. "Edward!" I shout again. This time he snaps back to reality and focuses on me.

"Edward ring Esme. Tell her to get Emmett to bring my medical bag to this room as quickly as possible. I want him and Rose here. Get them to come in through the window. They must not be seen. Tell Emmett to run, the car is too slow. Have Rose bring Emmett's jeep and back it up to the space below the window of this room. Then tell Jasper and Alice to go and get as many medical supplies as possible and kit out the spare room. I have medical equipment in the house, put it all there and then tell them to go out and buy or steal whatever else we will need. Herat machines, x-ray machine, saline drips, blood, a bed. Everything!" I rhyme off at vampire speed.

Edward stands again in shock for a moment before whipping out his phone and yelling into it. It takes Esme a moment to understand what Edward is saying, even her vampire ears struggling to hear his super fast speech and her brain struggling to comprehend our situation.

Edward snaps his phone shut and strides to open the window of the room before sitting on Izzy's bed and wrapping her in his arms like a man embracing a block of ice after a week in the fires of hell.

Izzy whimpers and asks, "Is she okay? Will she be okay? Oh god Clara you idiot!"

"She's dead but I'm trying!" I bite out in a moment of impatience that has not happened in over a century. Izzy whimpers but I refocus on performing CPR.

I hear gurgling, indicating a pierced lung. I'll have to put in an emergence drainage tube, my mind supplies.

My compressions eliciting quiet crunching noises as Clara's broken ribs protest my attempts to draw her back from death.

A minute or two later, but seemingly a lifetime later, I hear Emmett enter the window of the private room. His heavy frame thudding as he leaps clean in through the window.

"Oh fuck!" he declare as his huge eyes take in the room.

"Emmett my bag!" I demand.

In a blink he has handed me the bag and I begin trying to treat my patient.

Clara is not human so my treatment is improvised. I incubate her airway and quickly show Emmett how to push the plastic bubble to breath for her. Then I perform an emergency chest tube, draining and re-inflating her left lung. A large pool of blood congealing around her body. Clara's metabolism alone burns off substances like alcohol at an accelerated rate so following this logic I inject ten times the normal human amount of Adrenalin to shock her heart into beating.

All this I do in less than two minutes.

I strain my ears as I again begin chest compressions, thumping on her thorax until quiet cracking issues. That's when I hear it. Slow, oh so slow. Like her heart does not want to beat, less than one heart beat every five seconds. But it's an independent heartbeat none the less. As inhuman as it is, it will do.

"Her hearts beating, not much, but its beating. I hear Rose's car outside, we need to get Clara back to the house so I can stabilise her. No doctor here could treat her." I whisper in a calm but emotionless voice.

Izzy collapses into Edward, tears marking her face. Emmett is in shock, he pumps the bag to fill Clara's lungs on auto pilot, his statuesque form breaks and he asks, "But Dad look at her, she looks like a pretzel?" He whispers.

Emmett like all my children only ever calls me 'dad' in times of utter hopelessness or sadness. His one word highlighting the dire straits we found ourselves in.

"Her broken limbs and back at this point are irrelevant. Hopefully Alice will have obtained a portable x-ray machine so I can deal with them later. Clara isn't human, superficial things like broken bones, as we have seen, heal quickly with her. Our main concern now is getting her out of here unseen and then I can fix her up." I stated even as I gathered the broken body clumsily in my arms and made for the window. Pushig down my doubts and praying I was right. Praying there was some hope.

Before Jumping with Emmett to the car below I turned to look at the pool of blood on the floor.

"Destroy the evidence." I whispered to Edward.

PPRESNT...

And so I find myself tiredly sitting in my wife's arms, searching my vast knowledge for anything that could help the broken form in the bed upstairs.

Emmett sits with Rose half heartedly watching television. His mind obviously on the woman upstairs who he has come to see as a sister, a wrestling partner, a friend and fellow joker. Rose snuggles beside her husband, her eyes distant, no doubt devising more treatments for Clara; her friend.

My wife absently strokes my hair as though I was a house pet. Yet I ignore it knowing that all her mind can do is fight the grief at the thought of perhaps losing a woman she has begun to see as a daughter. A girl who she fed and mothered like she could never do with our other children. A child who with her broken past actually needed mothering.

Alice sits edgily at the window, fruitlessly searching the future for the girl who saved her best friends life and who joked constantly with her.

Jasper's brows are furrowed as he tries to fight off our sadness and seeks the emotions, those flashes of feeling from Clara that can offer hope. Hope that someone he calls a friend and ally will survive. Two words, Jasper attributes to very few.

My mind debates adding another two drips. Perhaps through the veins in her feet, the extra blood may offer just enough soul energy to draw Clara back from the abyss. It would mean robbing another blood bank.

My more moral self is horrified, yet the father and husband in me sees the sorrow of my family and laughs. I would do anything to save Clara. To save my family. To save a girl who saved Izzy and then became part of us, whether she knows it or not...

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

_So there you have it. Clara did die but was brought back. Sort of. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review._


	45. Chapter 45

With thanks to those f my readers who are sticking out my terrible updating. Thank you for your patience. Thank you to all my reviewers. Reviews really do make a difference as anyone who writes fan fiction will know. A special thanks go to DutchGirl01 and jordynnem who sent me a pm and a random review respectively recently to remind me to update. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 45

**Clara's POV.**

For a time there was nothing. I have that vague sensation that time has passed, that I have missed something, but I am unable to grasp what. The floating in the darkness at first disturbed me. Perhaps soon I would be cast into hell for my numerous and unforgivable sins. I await to see the appearance of St. Peter at the pearly gates. For him to eye me critically, to run his finger down his list of entrants, and then with a disgusted growl, to pull the lever for the trap door to send me to the burning pits of hell. I wonder briefly if it will feel like the burning of my first transformation. That awful, unforgettable pain, magnified a thousand fold and never ending. Yes; that sounds like hell. I fear it yet know I deserve it, but do not care, Izzy was worth it. She deserved a chance at happiness, a happiness I was destined never to find.

For a brief moment I am darkly amused by my image of heaven. So influenced by cartoons and my catholic upbringing. If I had a body in this strange, dark consciousness I would chuckle.

After what feels like an indeterminate amount of time floating in the inky blackness it begins to recede. Slowly at first and then suddenly I am surrounded by white light. The cliché is not lost on me.

In the next instance I realize I am whole again. I have a body. I am dressed in boyfriend style distressed jeans, heavy biking boots, a white vest shirt and a long military style black jacket which has the most intricate woven design I have ever seen. It's an outfit straight from some fashion wish list in my head. My natural instincts have me ignoring the clothes and I survey the surroundings for danger. Everywhere is white. There seems to be no floor or ceiling, no here or there. Just vast whiteness. The implications on the laws of physics make my head hurt and my brain is confused by the sensation of standing on something but seeing nothing when I look down.

I call to the banshee to enhance my senses, to see further and hear more.

I open my eyes and...nothing. I see no differently. The shock has a startled sound escaping my lips as I try to focus harder, to open myself to the spirit of death and vengeance...but there is nothing. I am alone in my body.

For a brief moment, joy washes over me. I am alone, I am free of the banshee. Then the hollowness of those words hit me. I am alone. For so long the banshee has been part of me. She was always there. A horrible destructive force, lying dormant and then awakened. Yet always there. A terrible burden but a constant companion. Part of my soul is missing. All the times I wished to be free of the inhumanity and beastly thing I am, run rampant in my head and although I feel more human and normal than ever I also feel weaker and less whole.

A soft chuckle from behind me has me whirling around and a weak human growl leaves my throat as my blunt human hands claw to defend myself. My momentum however is stopped by the sight before my eyes.

"Daddy!" I whisper in awe and longing. My voice taking on the sound of a small child.

The man before me stands in blue jeans, a button down collar shirt and soft brown loafers. He isn't overly tall at only 5'10" but his smile his wide and welcoming. His skin is weather beaten from too many days working outside, his hair thicker and darker than I can ever remember it being. No grey hairs dare to intrude upon the black lustre. His moustache is neat and trimmed on a face that bears no wrinkles or signs of sadness. This is my father but better. He looks healthy and about 15 years younger than when I last saw him. There is no blood, no bullet wound marring his chest.

"Alright little drewy-beg?" He asks softly. (Pronounced drew-hee beg)His West of Ireland accent is broad and thick as it wraps me up in warm familiarity. Drewy beg. A pet name for the youngest and often weakest of an Irish family, the endearment only my father ever used for me, no matter how old I got.

My resolve breaks and no longer caring if this is a cruel dream or not, I race to my father's arms. He falls back but engulfs me in a crushing hug. I don't care that I'm 24 now or that my tears are staining his lovely shirt. My hard ass image dissolves. I am a daughter in her daddy's arms. Arms I thought would never hold me again. His scent drifts to me, a soft note of 1881 aftershave and the hint of mint from the body wash my mother insisted he always use, mixed with something vaguely like the burning turf of Mayo but which is uniquely my father. Home. Safety. That's what it feels like. Something I thought I had lost.

His rough hands rub circles in my back like they did when I was sick as a child and he shushes me while whispering quietly his love and how he has missed me.

After what feels like an eternity my father grows quiet and his grip loosens, so he can lean back and look at me. His dark green eyes, so much like mine, sparkle with tears as he speaks, "Come on a grá, (love) we need to talk and you have gotten a bit big for sitting on my knee."

Reluctantly I slip from his grasp but do not move too far away as I sit beside him, staring in awe.

My mind begins to race about what he could want to speak of and my heart sinks. If my father is here, does that mean he knows what I became? What I did?

My father looks me over and he must read my worry in my face just as he used to read my guilt when I was bold as a child.

"Well drewy I suppose I should explain a few things..." he begins but I interrupt as a new thought occurs to me. "Am I dead? Is mom and Matt here too?" I rushed to ask.

My father smiled wanly. "No Clara, you aren't dead, or at least not completely. Your mom and brother have moved on. Only one person can come and talk to you here and it was thought I would be the best bet."

"What do you mean not completely dead?" I asked hesitantly.

"Well this is sort of like a waiting room. You can decide if you want to move on or if you want to go back. At the moment it's your choice." Dad stated calmly.

"Move on to where...I ...I wouldn't be with you...I did awful..." I hesitated; stammering out my sins as I realized that moving on would mean damnation. I wouldn't be with my family.

My father's face sagged for a moment as a bone deep sorrow overtook him and a bitter half smile tugged at his lips, "Oh a grá you really have been lost since we left haven't you? We have all watched you, you know. Your mother, matt and I. We kept an eye on you. We know what's been happening..."

I sob escaped me, my head ducking into my knees to escape the shame and disappointment that was to come from my father. I tried to edge away from him but that warm strong hand settled on my shoulder. I flinched.

"Clara Mhaire Aine Nic Giolla Anbhas look at me!" My father commanded.

Like any child, I obeyed that tone and the dreaded utterance of my full name.

"You are my daughter and I will always love you." A sad look again taking over my father's youthful face as he spoke. "And in death we can see that some of our mortal beliefs and prejudices aren't true. On the other side, things become clearer."

My confusion must have been obvious as my dad smiled wanly and continued to explain.

"I always knew that my children had the potential to become banshee. It was from my blood after all that it was passed on. It was the reason I wanted to get us away from the trouble at home. I didn't want the violence there to touch you or your brother. Foolish it was, I see that now. Fate has a funny way of changing things. I never imagined my delicate little Clare bear would be the one to awaken a spirit of vengeance and a soul reaper. Yet, you unlike your brother always were fiercer in your emotions. No matter how much you claim to be unfeeling I always saw it. Don't think I didn't know you had threatened Matt's girlfriend the first time you met her. Really Clara, you were a full foot shorter than her and a skinny wee thing yet you grabbed that poor girl and dangled her at the edge of the stairs in our home and told her you would break her if she ever hurt your brother. Your brother...the footballer the size of a fridge, needing protection..."My father reminisced barely holding back his chuckle.

"She had to be warned and Matt was too soft. She would have broken his heart without a second thought. I gave her a reason to think twice that was all, or at least to be gentle with him. You always taught us that family came first, without thought or exception." I tried to defend myself quickly.

My dad smiled wryly. "I suppose it was kinda my own fault. Family ... whether blood or not is the most important thing but with the bheann sidh influence I suppose it wasn't the best lesson to give you. I know what you did to the men who took us from you Clara!" My dad said harshly.

Tears dripped from my eyes and I could no longer stand his disappointed look.

"I did awful things Dad. I know I'll go to hell. I know I disappointed you and mom. I destroyed those men's souls, Riley's soul. I felt no remorse. I damned Victoria to a horrendous fate. I ended Charlie's life. I killed numerous newborns. I live a life that would shame you, a promiscuous and shameful life." I whispered brokenly.

I felt my father stiffen beside me. "Oh Clara I really did fail you didn't I?" He sighed. I tried to rebut that comment but my father began speaking in a rush. His eyes boring into mine and colour rising in his cheeks as his anger rose.

"You are a bheann sidh, you can no more help being that than a lion can help being a lion. Yes it is a terrible sin to destroy souls but nothing is ever truly destroyed to God. And none are beyond redemption. If you chose to move on as your soul is now I would say you have a 50/50 chance of joining me, your mother and brother. You forget that not everything is black and white Clare. Some things must be weighed on the scales. You sacrificed eight years of your life to protect Izzy. You were prepared to sacrifice ten more to watch over her if she changed. You resisted the temptation of the bheann sidh to kill indiscriminately. You bear scars as testament to the sacrifice you made to save Izzy from Victoria. You tore your own soul bonds to save Izzy after she jumped off the cliff. You sacrifice your own life to save her after the bike crash. You swore bheann sidh oaths in blood and honour to protect another, to see her happy and you followed through on it. You showed a family of vampires that they have souls, you offered them redemption from their sins. You cannot believe that these things, these sacrifices, these acts of love, do not count in your favour against your sins?"

I sat in shock, my eyes wide as I tried to process my father's words. "But I killed, I separated the wolf soul of my friend, I destroyed others. I ended the life of a friend and I was only fulfilling oaths when I made those supposedly selfless decisions. An oath to save Izzy's life contradicted with an oath to never heal her. I had to break one so I am destined for death." I shook out.

My father sighed, "You still see things too cleanly. Too black and white. You do have the choice to go back Clara. You are not condemned for you actions with the wolves. You were protecting Izzy, stopping a bigger war and fulfilling an oath. Also you fulfilled one oath by saving Izzy in that hospital. You broke the other by healing her but you did technically die as payment for it. You also made another stating you would stay with Izzy for ten years after her change. An oath to the wolves, made in blood and honour, it is that oath which gives you the choice. You die and you break it and stay dead. You seek to fulfil it and you must return to the land of the living. Do you really think Charlie blamed you? You felt his soul, his consciousness. He knew your reasons were pure. Any father would be happy to give up their life for their daughters." My father gently touched my cheek acknowledging his love for me was just as strong.

"You did terrible things daughter " my father continued, "but as you told Jasper, no mark upon the soul is irredeemable, if given enough time. You could return as an immortal and work for that salvation to truly purify your soul. To use the banshee to fulfil your oaths, to find love to calm the spirit of vengeance and to live a long life to redeem yourself. It would be 50/50 whether you would be able to follow me to paradise now Clara. I don't want to risk that for my daughter."

I sat again in awe of my father's words. "You still want me to come with you, to be happy, even after all I did...even though I'm.."

"Gay!" My father interrupted.

My father smiled and if I wasn't sure I was dead before I sure as hell knew it now.

"Clara the prejudices I held in life are gone now. When you cross over you see that love is all that really matters. I was brought up a certain way, a religious little country boy in the back hills of Ireland. I am sorry my prejudices scared you, made you hide who you are, made you hate some part of yourself. Admittedly I'm not exactly happy with the way you have been conducting yourself in matters of the heart...my daughter a bit of a cad...the shock." My father teased with a falsely serious face.

Again more tears swelled in my eyes, "Thank you dad. But who could ever want me, want the thing..."

"Oh do stop the self deprecation Clara, it doesn't suit you." My dad snapped. "There is a soul destined for everyone. Love, if true, literally conquers all. I want you to be happy daughter, no matter who or what that is with. True love will calm the bheann sidh and you could choose to age."

My mind whirled with thoughts. Someone or something meant for me? What the heck did that mean?

"I thought a soul mate healed the tear in the hosts soul which called forth the bheann sidh. Why would I not choose to age. To be rid of the bheann sidh? To do otherwise would mean immortality. I would never see you again, never move on" I stated curiously.

My father smiled proudly. "You always did catch the small details kid. I can only tell you that it's a choice to age. Someone is destined for you Clara. And immortality is a falsehood. Eventually, even if it takes thousands of years you will move on, even if death only comes when the sun burns out and the earth dies. We will meet here again, just don't be in a rush to move on, soul mates are hard to leave. Enjoy your earthly time together." My father winked with an all knowing and smug smile.

I stuttered and hesitated. Not knowing what to say.

"Come along kid it's time to go. Izzy is waiting for you along with the rest of that overly pale family you have gained. You have things to do there." My father said as he stood offering me a hand to pull me up.

I eyed him cautiously. "I thought you said it was a choice. I could risk moving on now. Why do you seem so sure I'll go back?" I asked.

My dad laughed heartily and then pulled me up and into a hug, and whispered into my ear. "You are my daughter Clara and you are brave. You have honour first of all so you won't abandon your oath to guard Izzy for a decade after her change. She is your friend just as Rosalie and the other cullens are. They are family now too and you don't abandon family. Secondly, you want to find redemption, to earn you place on the other side with us. Thirdly, you have been living a half life these last 8 years but now you could try again. Enjoy life, embrace your new family, love and live openly. I know you won't deny your old man the chance to see you live happily for a while. To see you actually fall in love. It won't be easy but you wouldn't be my daughter if you weren't prepared for a challenge."

I sighed into the hug. Dad was right on all counts and with that single thought I saw the door behind dad appear. The door back to the real world.

"I love you Daddy. Tell momma and Matt I'll see them soon. Thank you." I whispered as I moved to the door.

"I will and I love you too baby, tell that family of yours on the other side I said thanks for looking after my trouble maker daughter" he teased as I opened the door and stepped through to the darkness.

**Rosalie's POV:**

It was two weeks now since Clara had made the monumentally stupid decision to sacrifice herself. Her body seems stable at least but that is not saying much. Her once powerful and athletic frame skeletal in its thinness. She seems so small that I often fear that the weight of the covers on her bed might be too much for her chest to expand when breathing. Such a juxtaposition from the all powerful and vicious bheann sidh.

Izzy sits quietly downstairs with Edward. The only time I can get her to leave Clara's side is when I need to do the physiotherapy on her weakening limbs.

I grasp the thin leg of my friend and begin the exercises.

Friend.

When I first thought the word it frightened me. I have never had a friend. Don't get me wrong, I have Alice and Esme and the rest of my family. But they are just that... family. We share but a few interests and Emmet is my mate first and friend second. Humans are too enthralled or too scared of our vampire natures and too temporary to be friends yet Clara is none of these things.

Clara is independent, strong and self assured. A modern woman who depends on no one for her self-confidence. She is caring and fiercely protective of those she calls hers. All characteristics I admire and believe I myself possess. We share a genuine interest in everything car related and can talk endlessly about it or spend hours in comfortable silence while working on one of our cars. We can shop together, and unlike with Alice, it's fine for us to want our own styles that don't match the vogue magazines. Clara looks at me and sees a beautiful woman, a nice compliment for my vanity and even though she can appreciate it as much as any man, she never treats me as a dumb blond or an object to be drooled over or harassed. Clara sees past the looks. We can joke and tease each other, insult each other in ways which would cause a fit of anger if another spoke the words, yet the comfortable honesty sets me at ease. We both share painful pasts and have similar ideas on vengeance and justice. In her, I found a friend. A true friend.

The leg that I move backwoods and forwards is thinner than it should be but better than before I began this treatment. The ten days of immobility while the casts held her splintered bones together saw her muscles waste away at an accelerated speed as her body cannibalised itself for every available resource. The blood, fluid and nutrients we now have pumping into her body through numerous veins seem to be keeping her body alive. The exercise helping to rebuild her lost muscles. Clara, I know, would hate to awaken to a useless body, to a frozen form.

I push the leg back again and exert some more vampire strength to build resistance in the muscles. Even in this weakened form the inherent strength in her muscles far exceeds a human. I am careful while working the muscle not to dislodge the newest IV of blood Carlisle introduced into Clara's femoral artery, allowing a larger supply of blood, organelles, and hopefully, soul energy into her body.

My cold hands run along her inner thigh to check on the IV, the steady beeping of the heart monitor has reached 20 beats a minute. Still dangerously low for a human, but thankfully Clara is far from human. Her last blood test showed her organelle levels were at 500% above a normal humans and yet her body still needed more.

My cold hands trace the outline of the femoral artery shunt. The smell of the donated human blood would normally cause, even me, a problem, yet here, now, with Clara's inert form, it holds no draw. Her skin is smooth and hotter than an average humans, she feels almost feverish.

"If you wanted to feel me up you could have just asked." A deathly weak and croaky voice whispers, too low for human ears to hear.

My hand freezes its examination of the shunt on her inner thigh and slowly...oh so slowly, I lower Clara's leg to look up to her face.

Clara's eyes are barely open but I can see the green depths of her eyes watching me. Far duller a green than I can ever remember seeing. Her lips seem to try and fail to twitch into a barely perceptible smile.

"Clara?" I whisper, barely trusting my voice or believing my eyes.

"Hi." She croaks again, the sound just a little louder and sounding like she forced it out between rocks in her dry throat.

The bedroom door swings open and my family storm the room. They must have heard the small whisper too. Izzy is held in Edwards's arms and is frantically scanning Clara's from.

Carlisle steps forward, kneeling beside her to begin his cool doctor's checklist of questions while the rest of us stand in silent shock.

I offer up a silent prayer of thanks to a God I long ago chose to ignore and look back down at my friend, her dull green eyes flickering over all of us, surveying Izzy more closley and then drifting back closed into sleep.

"She is exhausted, we need to let her rest. She will probably be in and out of consciousness for the next few day." Carlisle said calmly in a voice belying his excitement and relief.

Izzy moves to sit on Clara's bedside and gently grasps her hand as she whispers thanks for this miracle.

"She joked." I choke out in a slightly hysterical voice.

Izzy and the rest of the family look at me with confused expression.

"I was doing her physiotherapy and checked the femoral shunt on her thigh. She told me if I wanted to feel her up then all I had to do was ask." I say in that same shocked, half amused voice.

The room is silent until Izzy snorts, "Typical. We are all worried sick and she comes back cracking jokes. Trust Clara to only respond to the chance of getting felt up by a hot woman." Izzy giggles in that same breathy fashion and a fond relieved smile washed over her face.

"Ah well my Rosey does have magic hands I always knew that, but If you two girls are gonna play I want an invite." Emmet jokes loudly trying to break the tension. I slap him on the back of the head in reflex. The familiar occurrence breaking the tense atmosphere and breathy laughter takes over the room even as I stare again at Clara's inanimate form. Yes she's going to make it. No matter what it takes, my family will see to it.

A small smile graces my lips as hope springs in my chest. My friend will make it.

...

Please review.


	46. Chapter 46

Mnay thanks for the kind reviews and words of encouragement. Special thanks to a new reader called HappyEndingLover, whose reviews and pm made me smile. Many thanks to all reviewers. Please enjoy.

Chapter 46:

Izzy's POV:

I had been sitting beside Clara's inert form for nearly two days since she woke up for that too brief a time. It was a Wednesday and an anxious calm had overtaken the house as we waited again for her to awaken. Clara's breathing had taken on a deeper and more powerful nature, while her heat rate had risen to 100 beats per minute. Carlisle was having to change the blood transfusions and nutrient drips far more regularly as Clara's body had seemed to become greedy in its need for sustenance to feed her recovery.

I was alone drifting in thought at her bedside when it happened. The hand I was holding twitched. A small movement, with little strength but a conscious act none the less.

A small groan escaped Clara's chapped lips as her body, still for so long, twitched in movement.

I slid off my seat to hunker down beside her bed, close to her head. I squeezed her hand whispering in a small brittle voice,

"Clara... Can you hear me?"

Her eyelids fluttered a moment before opening. Her face scrunched in discomfort as the light burned her eyes, so long closed and used to darkness. Clara blinked rapidly and her pupils shrunk, being swallowed up by the now dull green of her irises. The green so weak it seemed tinged with grey.

My hand rose of its own accord stoking softly over her cheek and drawing her attention back to me.

Clara's eyes met mine and for a moment confusion reigned in them, before recognition and joy flickered to life.

"You look well," Clara rasped. Her hand leaving mine and grasping her dry throat in discomfort.

A hysterical giggle escaped me as I reached for a glass of water on her bedside. Clara tried to sit up but my hand on her shoulder pushed her back down and whether through exhaustion or compliance she dropped back.

I brought a straw to her lips and let her drink.

"Small sips, you've been unconscious for over two weeks. I don't know whether to hug you or slap you, you idiot." I rasped with a weak smile.

Clara coughed weekly as the straw left her lips, the glass almost empty. I scowled at her contrariness in ignoring my instructions.

"Well, considering how I feel right now, either action I believe would hurt." Clara answered sarcastically but with a very real wince as she again attempted to sit up.

My inquiry into her condition was cut short as the door to the room opened with jarring force and the whole Cullen clan marched in. I suppose they had heard Clara's awakening and couldn't hold off any longer.

"Hi" Clara whispered quietly and in a nervous tone.

The Cullen's all stood in awe.

"I think I speak for my whole family when I say; it is very, very good to see you awake Clara." Carlisle volunteered to break the awkward silence.

Nods of agreement and soft smiles were shared in concurrence and Clara cast nervous glances between the faces.

As if only now realising her own state, Clara glanced around the room and her gaze swept over her form.

"It looks like a small hospital in here and I feel distinctly like a pin cushion. I am beginning to get the sad realization that Rose wasn't feeling me up for the pleasure of it, especially since I look like I've been on one of those stupid Hollywood size zero diets." Clara joked weakly, casting what I believe was meant to be a wicked and flirtatious smirk at Rose but which came out as a mere shadow of its former self, weak and brittle. "How bad Doc?" Clara asked in a more serious voice.

"To coin your own phrase. You will dance again." Carlisle began weakly, quoting Clara's own words from after the newborn attack in which she was injured.

The attempt at levity failed and Carlisle cast a swift glance at his family.

Edward cast a meaningful look at his father, as they obviously communicated telepathically, then stared intently at Clara. For a moment I thought he would speak but then he turned to his family and quickly ushered them out. "Let's leave Carlisle alone a minute with his patient. I'm sure we could all do with a quick hunt now that Clara seems to be on the mend." With that the family all left, throwing Clara relieved smiles as they went and Emmet waving like an idiot.

I stood to leave as well but Clara's hand grasped mine with a surprising strength for one so fragile.

"Stay?" She whispered and the hesitancy made it into a question, as though she were afraid I would refuse.

I dropped back on the bed as Carlisle made his way across the room.

Clara's brows knitted together in a confused mask. "What did Edward mean; they could all use a hunt?" Clara asked

Carlisle saved me from answering as he spoke while checking Clara's drips and her monitors.

"The family haven't exactly been feeling the need to stray too far from the house while you have been incapacitated." Carlisle answered before using the conversation as a segway to discuss Clara's health.

"I take it you couldn't see the darkness of their eyes, indicating a weakening of you visual acuity. Before I examine you, can you tell me, are you experiencing any other symptoms or pain?"

Clara's eyebrows remained scrunched in confusion as though trying to figure out why her condition would ever warrant the Cullen's skipping hunting.

"We were all worried about you." I offered and the shocked, almost disbelieving expression that took over her face made my heart ache.

As quickly as she could, Clara rearranged her features, pulling out her calm mask of indifference. I knew it was exactly that, a mask and beneath it Clara was struggling with what she had done and our reactions to it. Her nervousness and shock clearly telling me that she had not expected this kind of welcome.

To cover her confusion Clara focused on Carlisle and began answering his question yet I knew it to be the distraction it was.

"My senses all feel dulled. My sight is a bit blurry and my sense of smell is deadened like I have a bad cold. Everything seems to hurt. My chest hurts and every breath is an effort. My limbs and back feel a little like their burning and I feel weak." Clara answered in petulant tone. Her admittance of feeling any pain at all, an indication of how bad it must be.

"What happened?" Clara asked as her eyes swung for a moment from Carlisle, to me and then back again.

"What? You mean when you almost killed yourself and I had to watch your body tear itself apart and die?" I shouted in a sudden fit of rage, my eyes watering with tears.

Clara flinched at my fit of emotion and her hand left mine as though burned.

Carlisle's hand came down on my shoulder to calm me and he addressed Clara in his cool doctor's voice. Explaining so rationally what had happened, as though the events had not almost destroyed us.

"After you healed Izzy your body was badly damaged. I had to perform an emergency chest tube and CPR. Rosalie and Emmet came to the hospital. It took an inhuman dose of adrenaline, some violent chest compressions and a lot of hard work to restart your heart. I think you were clinically dead for almost 5 minutes and even when your heart restarted it was beating extremely slowly. Not a good sign, as previously when injured your heart rate accelerated. Rose, Emmet and I snuck you out the window of Izzy's private ward and brought you here. Alice and Jasper went about procuring medical supplies. I won't bore you with the details but it took several minor surgeries and the resetting of nearly every bone in your body and considerable effort to put you back together again. We have put in 4 blood transfusion lines, including the arterial shunt at the top of your left thigh to introduce as much blood and soul energy into your body as possible. As well as two drips feeding you nutrients and fluids. After the casts were removed and your bones had set Rosalie commenced Physiotherapy to prevent any more muscle wastage after your body cannibalised almost 60% of your net mass to keep you alive. All told you were a mess, and it took a massive amount of time and energy to save you. So if you don't mind you will resist the urge to cause yourself anymore harm in the future."

Carlisle spoke coldly and detached, all but for his last line which he delivered in a more commanding and angry tone. A tone I had never heard from Carlisle. If I was on the receiving end of it I would wrap myself in cotton wool and follow his every command to stay healthy. That tone implied he would be very pissed off if Clara ruined any of his good work in keeping her alive.

Clara's face had slipped to shock for but a moment before recovering its cool indifference. Clara nodded slightly but solemnly. "Trust me doc, I don't ever plan on going through that again." Clara mumbled with yet another wince.

"Good," is all Carlisle said before beginning his examination.

I moved to the seat to give Carlisle room to work. Clara flushed slightly when she noticed she was dressed in only a light hospital style gown and looked about ready to argue with Carlisle's examination, but whatever she saw in his expression had her jaw snapping shut.

Carlisle was gentle and methodical as he poked and prodded Clara from head to toe. Checked every sense, shone lights and hit her with little hammers all over. Clara winced several times and sucked in sharp breaths between her teeth when something delicate was touched. Most telling and heart breaking of all was the exhaustion even this small exercise took. Clara literally had to lean on Carlisle for support as he helped her sit forward so he could examine her back. The bruising on which still had not fully gone down. Her face flushed a little and I could see her uncomfortable twitches as Carlisle's cool hands touched her old scars. Even now Clara's self consciousness warred with her cool mask. Her eyes darted over her own body, taking in the new fine scars on most of her limbs, the new scars where her broken bones punctured her flesh and her death prevented her from healing them. Clara would wear yet more scars for me. She winced and gritted her teeth as Carlisle meticulously checked and prodded at each and every vertebra. I winced myself at just the remembrance of Clara after she healed me, the way her back contorted on itself as she lay in a pool of blood at the foot of my hospital bed.

Clara did not miss this as her eyes surveyed me over Carlisle's shoulder.

"Well, all things considered I think you are in magnificent shape. You will need lots of bed rest, food and the drips will have to stay up a while. I will give you something for the pain, I reckon five or six times the usual dose of morphine should do for now. Amazingly however, I believe you could walk away from this with nothing more permanent than a few scars." Carlisle mused as he scribbled on her chart. Clara by now was staring at me with an unbearable intensity and didn't even seem to notice Carlisle injecting painkillers into her drip.

He stopped and glanced between the both of us. "Ah, perhaps it is time you two spoke privately. I believe I will join Esme on her hunt." He spoke quickly and then before I could disagree he blurred from the room. The silence enveloped us.

"So..." I said nervously, drawing the word out.

"So, I released Charlie's soul, broke my oath and saved your life and almost died. Surely you have something more to say than so?" Clara said bluntly.

My rage was about to boil over but the hunched set of her shoulders stopped me. I looked closer and nearly gasped at what I saw.

Clara wasn't being blunt to be cruel, no, rather it was defensive. I took in her hunched frame, resting against the pillows Carlisle had stacked to help her sit up. Clara held herself as though readying for a blow. Her hunched posture, defensive eyes and fragile small state making her look like any blow could shatter her. And that was it exactly. She was expecting my anger, my castigation of her actions.

"My father was destined to die, he had been in limbo for too long and if you remember the week before this all happened I was at his bedside waiting for his death. You released his soul, eased his suffering. A reward for a just soul, to have the release eased as you said. You're the one who touched my father's soul though, what did he feel about your actions?" I asked in a calm, almost serene voice. The effect perhaps somewhat lessened by the small crack in my voice near the end, something which seemed the norm now when I speak of the loss of my father.

Clara sat staring at me as though I had grown a second head. My cool logic and acceptance scrambling her brain.

Clara looked at her hands and the corner of her lips tugged into a sad smile as she mumbled what sounded like, "The second person to point that out." Before she faced me and answered.

"Your father saw the reasons for my actions. He... He thanked me. I could feel his love for you, it was so strong. So pure. He didn't care about the whys and hows. His love pushed it all back, he just knew I was going to help you and that's all that mattered to him. He loved you Isabella." Clara whispered sombrely. Her voice stronger and more serious than ever. She spoke my full name, a rarity like an eclipse, but it was spoken in a different lilt as though influenced by Charlie's own drawl.

The traitorous tears spilled down my cheek and I moved forward slowly to wrap Clara in a gentle hug, whispering "Thank you" in her ear.

At first she was stiff in my arms but I refused to let go until she relaxed and her hug drew me in closer.

"That means I was saved by two people who love me then." I whispered as I returned to my seat.

"You know I would have done it differently if I could have Izzy...It's just..." Clara began to qualify and try to explain her actions but I already knew. Edward and I had talked it all out after I had read her letter.

"I know" I whispered cutting her off.

"Clara... Did you mean what you said in that letter? That you thought you lived a half life that you thought so little of yourself that sacrificing yourself for me was such an easy choice..." My words tumbled out, trying to vocalise all of my conflicting questions and emotions.

Clara smiled sadly as she cut me off in turn, "Sort of. It wasn't all that. I had sworn to protect you and to never heal you with the touch again. Both in blood and honour. Those are conflicting oaths. To not fulfil one meant breaking the other and fulfilling one meant breaking the other also. Even if I hadn't considered you family and your life worth more than mine I still would have healed you. But I do see you as family Izzy, You are beyond family and you know what I'm like about protecting those I call mine. It didn't hurt though that I thought my life meant less. I am a bean sidh, I am alone, I am a freak, covered in scars and I'm so messed up...while you had a real chance at happiness. It made sense. My life didn't mean anything. I used to think I was undeserving and doomed. Guilt and shame are terrible things."

I listened intently trying to understand. My heart warming at being called family. Yet I picked out something important in her words.

"You used to think? You were? You believed? You mean you don't feel like that anymore? What changed?" I asked confusedly. Don't misunderstand. I was excited and happy that Clara was beginning to see her own worth but such a 180 degree change in such a short time had me confused.

Clara smiled. Not her usual painful smile or her intimidating grin or even one of her socially acceptable mask like smiles. No this was different. This smile was wide and real. Her cheeks flushed a little on her sallow, thin face, her lips red and plump allowing a hint of teeth to show and pulling the skin on her face back so that the lines of worry, the lines too old for one frozen at sixteen disappeared. For an instance I saw the happy, innocent little girl, sister and daughter that Clara had been. The person she was, the body she had been frozen into, until pain, suffering, responsibility and self hatred had weighed down her unchanging form and created her mask.

She was beautiful. I couldn't help but smile a little too in return. Then the smile became a little smaller, easing as she answered. "Dying makes you re-evaluate some things. Helps you see things more clearly, less black and white as they say." Clara mused cryptically. She must have caught my confused expression as her face softened and the smile shrunk a little more and in a serious whisper she said, "I just had a change of perspective. Maybe I'll tell you about it one day."

I was alight with curiosity but Clara's serious tone held my tongue. If my friend needed to keep this part private for now then so be it. I planned to have eternity soon and I am positive in that time I will find one day to get her to explain.

We both watched each other then in silence before Clara hesitantly interrupted. "Are you okay? Carlisle told me what happened with me but he never mentioned you."

I smiled slightly at Clara's concern.

"Well understandably I was a bit hysterical when I woke up and saw your crumpled body at the foot of my bed. After your heart started beating again I calmed a little but was near hysterical in my attempts to get up to see you. Edward helped to keep me calm and had me play unconscious when the doctors came into the room to tell him about Charlie. I was mourning my father and upset about you. A few hours later Carlisle appeared back saying you were stable. I guess I shouldn't have doubted his abilities or your stubbornness to survive. It was then a case of planning my recovery. I had healed completely. Everything, no nerve spasms, no scars, no broken bones, heck, even my hair grew back lush and without split ends. Carlisle re-bandaged my head to cover the hair and I kept my casts on. Carlisle mapped out a plan for my recovery and miraculous awakening. After I pretended to wake up I had to act like I was still weak and in pain but Carlisle took over my case and was able to get me discharged into his care a few days later. Thank God, as Edward kept telling me my acting skills were awful and I was anxious to get back here to see you. That and having casts on when you don't need them are itchy and sweaty." I complained, trying to joke weakly.

Clara's eyes surveyed me. It felt clinical and intimate in a strange way. I could see her eyes zeroing in on the v cut neck line of my shirt and the short sleeves which exposed my arms. These clothes before the healing were off limits because they showed too much skin and revealed too many signs of my past.

"Are they really all gone?" Clara asked in a brittle but hopeful voice.

I knew what she was asking and in answer I stood up, turned around and pulled up the back of my shirt.

I heard Clara gasp softly. I knew what she was seeing, porcelain white and perfect skin. My back was like a brand new and exquisite piece of silk. All the scars, the burns and gouges of Victoria's abuse...gone. A feather light touch hesitantly touched my skin and I peaked over my shoulder to see Clara's hand reach out for my back. Her fingertips lightly touching my skin, as though to check it's not an illusion.

After a few moments I pull my shirt back down and swivel back around to face Clara. The sight I see makes my breath catch.

Silent tears have leaked down Clara's cheeks. In all our time together I have never see Clara cry. Not since I met her on La push beach as she mourned her parents and wondered the world alone.

I gently brushed the tears from her cheeks and tried to settle Clara with humour. "I have never seen you cry. Come on Clara, you better stop or people will think you are going soft." I teased.

Clara caught my hand in her weak grasp, the IV tubes straining in her arms against the movement.

"I cried when you first met me and again when you got hit by that fucking truck. Both times were at the thought of losing family. Both times were in sadness. Now I'm just happy. Happy that it worked, that you are safe and healed." Clara whispered.

I had no words for that and so I leaned forward and hugged her until her tears had stopped.

Clara yawned, the days events obviously catching up to her. She needed rest to heal.

"What happens now?" Clara asked around a yawn.

I took a moment to think. "Well first of all, you heal and get better. Then I hand in my resignation at the university. I'm sure they'll accept my car crash and brush with death has made me want to re-evaluate my life. Then we move away with the Cullen's and Edward changes me. He has been most anxious to do that since the accident. Then you play bodyguard for a decade and we spend the rest of eternity as a family...hopefully finding you some perfect woman to put up with you or maybe just a new woman each night to keep your bed warm" I joke at the end.

"That easy huh?" Clara asks gruffly.

"That easy" I answer sarcastically making it obvious that our lives will always have ups and downs.

"Maybe finding someone wouldn't be so bad, I'd hate to be stuck around all you soppy couples for eternity." Clara deadpanned but with a serious undertone that had me pausing in thought.

"Well that's it, its official, you must have brain damage if you are considering settling down.I'll have to call Carlisle to give you a brain scan. The player of Washington is considering turning in her strap on. It's impossible!" I cry in mock outrage.

Clara looks seriously into my eyes, "No, just part of that new perspective thing I mentioned. I don't want to be a cad all my life and anyway just being open for something more serious doesn't mean I can't have fun until I find the one." Clara's tone took on a rich timbre and her lips curved deviously, "Besides, we both know I have no strap on to hand in. With my abilities I don't need one to rock a woman's world." Clara teased as her eyes brightened just a little with the jade light I have missed so much.

My blush was uncontrollable and I screwed my eyes shut. I laughed loudly as I stood up and turned to go. "And with that I will go and wash that mental image out of my mind while you get some much needed sleep." I called as I strode for the door.

"Okay, just go easy on Edward now that I have you all hot and bothered!" Clara hollered, wheezing slightly as she overexerted her healing lungs and battered ribs.

Around a yawn of exhaustion and a grimace of pain she called, "When I wake up and Carlisle and Rose get back send them up please."

I nodded sombrely as I smiled and closed the door.

I stood on the other side of the door and after a few minutes the quiet deep breaths of Clara in a deep sleep drifted to me. She was back and healing. I sighed in relief and went in search of Edward. I had really been ignoring him recently and after so long at a physical and then emotional distance from him I needed him. My bodied cried out for comfort and the reminder to us both that I was alive and well. More than well. Thanks to Clara.

...

Please review.


	47. Chapter 47

Author: With thanks to DutchGirl01 who PM me and reminded me to update. Reviews welcome and really enjoyed.

Chapter 47:

Rosalie's POV:

The blood sated the raging inferno in my throat. Funny how one forgets their pain and thirst when their only friend is walking the tightrope of life and death.

"Hey Babe, your eyes are golden again... let's see how fast I can turn them back to black?" Emmett purred as he wrapped his huge frame around me. His boyish face so at odds with the mischievous smile and the seductive glint in his eye.

My body came alive at his touch and my yearning for him flared. After two weeks in which no one felt like anything passionate at all, that pent up feeling, mixed with joy and relief rushed to the surface.

"MMM..." I practically purred as I melted into his arms. The high from feeding sublimating into m passion for my husband.

"Very quickly if you keep playing like that..." I whispered as I tilted my head to catch his lips in a heated kiss.

Things were just about to get interesting when Carlisle blundered through the trees looking abashed as he interrupted us.

"I apologise Rosalie, but Bella informs me that Clara would like to speak with us. If you could possibly come now? I don't know how much longer she will be able to fight her exhaustion." He said hesitantly.

I sighed, sadly pulling back from Emmet and had to suppress my giggle as Emmet literally growled.

"God Carlisle just five more minutes! I'm going through a sexual drought that would have made your Jesus consider a deal with the devil." Emmett whined in a voice remarkably like a 5 year old being denied candy.

My chuckle escaped freely as it had not in weeks. "Emmet love, only five minutes! That doesn't sound very fun...maybe I should hurry back to Clara. From what I've heard, she's guaranteed for more than five minutes!"

Emmet's mouth hung open stupidly before it snapped shut into an adorable pout. I couldn't help but laugh harder still at his expression and then even more when I caught sight of Carlisle trying to suppress his own mirth.

"Clara needs me right now Emmy bear. She's still not better and..." I began to explain in a soft voice before Emmett cut me off.

"I get it Rose. She's your friend. She's mine too. I know you hide it well most of the time, but your care for those you love is one of the reasons why I love you. You do what you have to. Then when she is better I reserve the right to bring you back here so we can spend ALL night demolishing a section of this forest in the most IMAGINATIVE way possible."

I smiled indulgently. There was so much I could say. I still can't figure out what I did to deserve such a gentle, patient and wonderful husband. I would be lost without him.

Instead of trying to muster up the words, I kissed him chastely but with all of my love, and gave him my best smouldering look as a promise of good things to come later. I departed, quickly followed by the swift sounds of Carlisle.

I entered the house and began making my way to the stairs. The soft sounds of Bella's moans reaching my overly keen ears.

Edward and Bella were at least putting an end to their drought. A spike of jealousy shot through me but I reminded myself of Emmet's promise and refocused on the shallow breaths of Clara in her room.

"How is she?" I asked as I heard Carlisle fall into step behind me.

"Exhausted, quite a bit of pain and her senses are all pretty dulled." He relaid in his calm and clinical voice.

We ghosted to Clara's room.

I opened the door silently and glided to her bedside.

Her eyes were closed and her breathing deep and regular as though she were lightly slumbering. Her skin chalky white and stretched against her skeletal frame. The dark circles and fragile frame a testament to the destruction she brought upon herself for her family, for my family.

My friend. Selfless. Powerful, but hopefully only temporarily weakened.

"Clara..." I whispered gently as I lay my hand on her shoulder, trying tenderly to wake her.

Clara jerked slightly and her eyes snapped open, flashing emerald green and then back to their deadened greying green.

I didn't flinch at the sight of her otherness.

"Hellooo nurse" she joked weakly , stretching out the word like the cartoon animaniacs.

"Hello yourself." I deadpanned back, straightening up to stand beside Carlisle.

"What is it you need from us Clara? Name it and it is yours." Carlisle said in the noble and authoritive voice of coven leader that he so very rarely used.

"Jesus, Carlisle don't sound so serious." Clara tried to chuckle as she sat up, but a sudden wince stilled her motions and I blurred forward to help her sit up.

"You nearly died and look like the sick anorexic sister of an articulated skeleton. Don't even try and brush this off with your swagger. It won't work." I snapped back

Clara slumped slightly and looked me in the eye for the first time. In that look I felt as though she could see my soul. The irony was not lost on me. The hidden thoughts and accusations in my mind seeming to shout to her: _You nearly died. You nearly took my friend from me. You hurt me. You hurt my family. But dammed if I'm not overjoyed your stupid ass is alive._

"I'm sorry" She mumbled.

"I need you to remove the drips and then send Jasper up. After that I will be needing your help Rose. If you would?" Clara explained plaintively.

"It's too soon. The drips are all that are keeping you from completely cannibalising your body right now. Esme is cooking you a variety of foods that should be ready shortly. Once you have started consuming the calories needed to compensate for your weight loss and the hyper rate your metabolism has been working to heal you we can remove the drips." Carlisle explained patiently.

Clara was immediately shaking her head weakly. "No. I need soul energy first. Not the tiny amount in the second hand blood. I need to hunt. I need to take down a herd or two of deer, maybe three. The drips aren't enough. I can feel the bheann sidh clawing under my skin. She is starving. I know I will need help getting there but I have to feed. That's what I need your help with Rose. If you help me, I can hunt. You're the only one I want there though. I don't want to be a spectacle for everyone. That and I don't want Jasper seeing me stuck with tubes when I talk to him. He's a soldier and I am a reaper of vengeance, call it pride but I can't look any weaker than I am in front of him. Trust me guys...I know my body. Please." Clara begged.

I took a breath to protest but her heart felt 'please,' a word Clara rarely speaks made me hesitate. I couldn't understand her only wanting me with her to hunt but I pushed aside that question for later.

"Damn foolish idiots. Trying to show off who's the most badass with all your scars. What do you need from Jasper?" I said.

"That's between him and me. Will you help me?" Clara said with forced calm.

I clenched my jaw and nodded shortly. I could see Carlisle hesitate and then slump and move forward to start fiddling with the first drip on Clara's hand. "I want someone with you at all times and you will tell me everything you experience. If the pain gets too much or you feel like you are about to pass out then you tell us. If you are going hunting, Rose will carry you to a herd and incapacitate the first few and bring them to you to drink from. There will be no argument on this!" Carlisle ordered resignedly.

Clara slumped back allowing Carlisle to work. "Thank you." She whispered.

"I'll go grab your bag from your room. We'll have to suture shut the artery when we take out the shunt. I'll tell Jasper you want to see him too." I said and then turned on my heel leaving Carlisle to finish removing the IVs. I blurred down the stairs and out the front door following Jasper's scent to himself and Alice.

Jasper had been sitting placidly on a rock outcrop with Alice on his lap whispering quietly to each other. The air carried the faint scent of blood from their hunt and upon my noisy approach from downwind Jasper acted on instinct and whipped up, placing himself between Alice and the incoming stranger.

His instincts ingrained as ever.

I slowed slightly and allowed my emotions to level out from the nerves and exasperation with Clara to the curiosity over why Clara wanted Jasper and the familial love I had for him.

Jasper relaxed immediately and wrapped his arm around Alice who rolled her eyes at his antics.

"I can see why you're here now that you're away from Clara. I'll send Jasper back to the house in about an hour." Alice trilled happily.

I sighed exasperated at my quirky little sister.

Jasper smiled indulgently and I began explaining, " Clara is awake and asking to speak to you when we are done taking out her drips. She is insisting on hunting . We should have her ready to go in about an hour so if you drop by then you can speak to her before she heads out. Any ideas what she wants to talk to you about?"

My jealousy must have shown in my emotions as Jasper raised an eyebrow at me. I couldn't help but be irked that Jasper could help my best friend in a way I can't. I am the one who helped keep her alive and her muscles working after all. They barely spend any time together.

Jasper's eyebrows draw together in obvious thought as he too tries to understand the reason for this meeting.

"I am unaware of any reason. Perhaps her death ...or rather near death has thrown up some emotions she wishes to discuss. If she relaxes her shields I can read her sometimes and I did study psychiatry once. Perhaps that is the reason?" Jasper asked.

I shrugged and without further word returned to the house, swinging by Carlisle's room to grab his medical bag.

The smell of cooking food permeated the house as Esme sang and cooked for Clara. The awful smell mingling with her singing and the now steady breathing of a Bella who snoozed in satisfied sleep.

It was fiddly work to remove the medical equipment from Clara's room, the IVs and the more complex arterial shunt. Clara only winced minimally as we froze the surrounding area, removed the shunt in the artery near her groin and sutured it shut. Clara protesting the need the whole time and me reminding her that until her healing factor kicked back in after a good feeding, she could well bleed out from the open artery healing too slowly.

Clara's real pain showed more profoundly when we began removing her remaining bandages. The extra movement taxing her weakened muscles.

"Thank you Carlisle," Clara said weakly. " I would appreciate it if you could leave the rest to Rose. No offense, but now that I'm conscious I ain't too keen on being naked in your presence."

Carlisle chuckled, "oh, and Rosalie is so much better? I am the Doctor after all."

A slight blush spread across her cheeks and then the trademark devilish smile crossed her lips.

"Well , what can I say? I would never rock your world, but Rosey here? I'd be more than willing to, and who knows maybe after a gander at the goods she'll change her mind. At the very least I'll get the sponge bath I want from the goddess of Vampires."

I chuckled along with Carlisle this time and he then bowed his head in mock defeat and left quickly.

"I was actually serious about the help please Rose. Only if you don't mind. I could kill for a shower and to get out of this hospital gown." Clara whispered hesitantly, her head and eyes downcast. I looked closer and saw the awkwardness settling over her.

"Well, so long as you don't start moaning in pleasure or trying to feel me up, I'm sure I can oblige," I joked back.

Clara's body stiffened. "I would never do that, it was only a joke. You're my friend Rose, I wouldn't ever disrespect you by trying to take advantage of your kindness." Clara whispered with a new fierceness.

My eyes softened and I smiled at my friend. I knew that she would never do that. Clara could see my beauty, commented on it often, but unlike with the human males I was surrounded with daily, I never felt like an object to her. Clara saw me as a friend, an equal... a person.

"So how are we gonna do this?" I asked surveying her weak form.

Clara in a fit of energy her body should not be capable of, swung her legs off the bed and attempted to stand. Said legs quickly turned to rubber and she tumbled forward.

I gathered her up with my shoulder under her arm.

"No more of that!" I hissed.

Further comment was cut short by Clara's laboured breathing. If possible she had gone whiter and her complexion waxy. Sweat pelting down her face as she tried to pant through the pain.

"Ouch. Guess I'm not really capable of the whole one foot in front of the other thing." She panted pitifully.

"Come on" I whispered, gathering Clara's legs and carrying her bridal style towards the en suite bathroom.

"I think a bath will be better for your muscles and easier to do." I said as I set her in the tub and quickly removed the hospital gown.

My movements stopped as for the first time I took in all the evidence of her ordeal. Even without my enhanced eyesight I could count every one of her ribs, her collar bones, shoulder blades, elbows, pelvis and knees stood out at awkward angles. Pushing at thin pale skin. Her small breasts stretched flat across her chest, her hair lank and dull. Then there were the scars. To human eyes most would look like faint marks and discolouration but then there were the more pronounced ones. Thick ropey red strips and lines. Every limb at some location seeming to be marred by a linear line of scaring, where her bones had broken through her skin after healing Izzy.

Self consciously she wrapped her stick thin arms around her body and painfully pulled her knees up, curling her body away from my eyes.

"Guess Emmet hasn't got anything to worry about after all. " Clara whispered mournfully.

My heart broke for her and I gently pried her arms down, "This is temporary. You'll be back to your lithe , athletic, womanising figure in no time. The scars are mostly invisible to humans and those that aren't are badges of your love and courage. Any woman who can't accept them is undeserving of you. You are beautiful inside and will be outside too soon enough." I told her sternly. Clara relaxed slightly, and rolled her unmistakably shiny eyes.

"Enough of the crap. Run that hot water, I am freezing. Lack of body fat and all. As hot as you can, I'm still fireproof." Clara jibed.

I took her lead and turned the tap so steaming hot water, scalding for a human, began to rapidly fill the tub.

Clara sighed deeply as the water rose, turning her skin pink and the tension from stress and pain drained as her muscles relaxed.

I lifted a sponge and using vanilla body wash began washing my friend, my sister. If only I could so easily wash away the pain that she had endured.

"I've been meaning to ask you about upgrading the onboard computer in my Mercedes. The touch screen struggles to pick up our cool touch and it is so slow, I was thinking of adding some extra cache to bring the CPU to vampire speed but I can't figure out how to up the screen touch response..."

I mumbled on about the comfortable and safe topic of car upgrades as Clara sat enjoying my care. I shampooed her hair, combed it through, rinsed her off and lifted her out of the bath. Using the softest towel on her newly delicate skin i dried her off.

"Thank you, Rose. I couldn't let anyone else see me like this. I'm meant to protect Izzy and she would blame herself if she helps, me and Alice aren't that close and I know my proximity hurts her head a bit because I block her visions. Esme would get all emotional and well the boys...well just ewww. Thanks Rose. I forget sometimes what it's like to trust people. Trust enough to be weak." Clara whispered as her eyes locked on mine.

Instead of pushing her I just lead the topic on. "You sound nostalgic?" I noted casually.

Clara's smile was small and slightly lost.

"I was remembering when I was a kid back in Ireland. I fell off a wall I wasn't meant to climb and scraped my leg. I pretended it didn't hurt and tried to hide it so I wouldn't get in trouble. My big brother noticed though; he sat me down, cleaned the cut, muttered about not climbing walls, stuck a plaster on it and told me it would be our little secret before sending me back out to play." Clara mumbled.

I couldn't help it anymore so I hugged her tightly and she hugged me back.

After a moment we released each other. Both feeling uncomfortable at the emotion on display, I grabbed a t-shirt and some loose khaki trousers to help Clara into as we both took a minute to recover.

The knock came to the door and I whispered for Jasper to come on in. Clara sitting on the edge of her bed freshly washed and clean looked like a sick 13 year old kid in baggy clothes but at least it was an improvement on the near dead skeleton look.

"Hello Jasper. Thank you Rosalie. We shouldn't be long and then you and I will go hunting. Could you ask everyone if we could meet to talk while I eat Esme's delicious smelling food after we get back from my hunt? I feel there are some things we need to discuss together." Clara said in a voice far more normal and strong than before.

I nodded and with a last cautionary glance between Jasper and Clara I left to disperse the message and wait for Clara to be done.

As I left the room, Clara spoke, "And anyone in this house who would be rude enough to ease drop on this conversation would be doing me a great insult so I would ask them to listen to some music or leave the house."

I couldn't help but smirk. No doubt Edward or Alice would have tried to listen in purposely or accidently. I would not have done so, Clara would tell us when she was ready. As if on cue Debussy began playing loudly from Edward's room.

Jasper's POV: 

Clara sat on the edge of the hospital bed which had held her for the last weeks. The clothes hung loosely on her gaunt frame and her eyes were dull green but were now alight with life and the recovering of her usual flame.

My soldiers mind, born of the wars, was calculating her weakness and whispering that now was the time to attack if I wanted to take out the powerful creature. In disgust with this part I squashed those thoughts and summoned the feelings my family held for her, the memories of our play fighting and laughter. I remembered this amazing creature reading my soul and offering me hope, a way to fight for redemption and in that moment all that remained was my desire to help this new sister.

It was the first step in healing my soul.

"You look ...better darlin'" I said politely as I surveyed her.

That wicked smile with too many canines overtook her mouth.

"You're still a southern gentleman Jasper. You can tell the truth you know. I look like shit." Clara said archly.

I shuffled slightly, my ingrained southern manners making me feel uncomfortable. "It ain't right to say such a thing to a lady." I mumbled.

Clara laughed briefly before a slight wince cut her short. "Lady my ass."

We lapsed into silence. Our eyes meeting. Predators both weighing each other. Darkened souls seeing each other.

Time ticked by slowly as I waited for illumination on what Clara needed of me.

"I need your help." She said bluntly. 'Bingo' I thought.

"You're family. Name it." I answered equally blunt.

"Death made me think about things. I need to be worthy. I need your help healing my soul." Clara whispered.

I stumbled back a step.

"You more than anyone know what my soul is like. Surely you should ask Carlisle or Esme?" I stated firmly.

Clara shook her head. "It's exactly because of that, that I need you. You can help me without judging. Without being horrified. I have promised to help you heal your soul, now I need you to do the same." Clare breathed emphatically.

I stood silent for a time, thoughts racing. Clara remained silent and allowed me to think. I owed her for the hope she gave me and if this healing was to confront her past then I could understand how she believed only I would not judge her or look at her with disgust. She had seen my soul and not flinched. I would do the same.

"What do you need?" I said resolutely.

"Plane tickets to London, some cash and a new passport, my old one doesn't look like my supposed age anymore. Most of all; your company on the trip and your patience to not question what exactly will be involved. Your trust in effect." She listed without hesitation, showing that this was not a spur of the moment plan.

"You have my trust." I said instantly, surprising myself. I trusted few people and this woman had earned it without me even realising it.

"When do you want to go and how long for? " I questioned.

"Tomorrow morning if you can. Two weeks at most." Clara replied with military precision.

My face turned down in a grimace before I could stop it. I never liked leaving Alice so quickly or for so long and getting a passport in 24 hours from Jenks would be difficult. Not impossible with the right blend of fear and money...but difficult.

"It can be done, but will you be fit for such an expedition." I asked casting a meaningful look at her weakened form.

Clara stiffened at my comment. "I'll be ready by then. I am a Spirit of vengeance." Is the only response I got.

I nodded sharply when no further conversation began and turned to the door already hitting speed dial on my phone, "Jenks, It's Mr. Cullen. I need an emergency rush job, no questions and no excuses. Set whatever God damn price you like ..."

Rosalie's POV:

I heard the tail end of Jaspers phone conversation.

It had me wondering why Clara needed new and why Jasper was sounding so threatening. He was going to give Jenks a heart attack.

I Hope Clara isn't planning on doing a runner. I wouldn't let her if she was.

I glided into the room and caught Clara just before she collapsed.

"Clara are you Okay?" I questioned urgently.

She groaned miserably. "I think I taxed the last of my reserves. I'm feeling all woozy and I really need to feed."

Without further comment I lifted her into my arms and was jumping out the window. My senses expanded and I began heading for a small herd of deer. The local population here was about to take a massive dip.

I set a woozy and barely conscious Clara down gently on the ground and sprinted after the herd which had scattered at my approach. It didn't matter, I am a vampire and determined to help Clara.

In under 3 minutes I have snapped the backs of two of the largest bucks and am dragging them both back to Clara. They cry out and loo terrible sounds of pain but this is the only way to provide her with fresh, live soul energy.

Her eyes flutter at my approach. I push the creature's neck towards her. "Drink" I command but Clara seems to barely be able to lift her own head.

In desperation I rip into the neck and spill blood, forcing it to her mouth.

At first there is nothing and then slowly she begins to take small gulps of the slowly dying deer. It struggles but I hold it steady and then Clara latches on.

Her thirst kicks in and she is drinking the deer like a human teenager would a slurpy.

The deer kicks its last and I immediately thrust the second towards her. Clara's eyes snap open and it is no longer my friend I see, but the glittering emerald eyes of the bheann sidh. Her fingers have begun to elongate and she takes the deer firmly from me. Her jaw unhinges and clamps down on the throat. With each gulp the deer flails less and Clara transforms. Her eyes grow brighter, her frame stretching as cracking and grinding of bones echoes. It reminds me sadly of resetting all of her breaks after she healed Izzy.

Eventually the deer kicks its last and Clara stands. Her form supernaturally tall now, all her limbs stretched to what seem new extremes by her thinness. Clara's body wavers slightly as it is yanked up like gravity has stopped affecting her. Her toes barely touch the ground. For a moment I think she will fall but then her skin begins to glow its wispy and insubstantial colour. This is the bheann sidh, more spirit than creature.

The jaw clicks open revealing the elongated canines and that monotone of nightmare follows, "I'm fine to hunt now. Stay here, I don't want to mistake you for prey."

And with that pronouncement Clara is gone. Not even a blur of movement. I can hear the deer scatter, their wails and then nothing. Trees snap and it begins again over and over. I trail slowly behind always staying far away. I bury the evidence, dispose of the corpses.

After an hour, 12 moose, a bob cat and 6 possum lie dead and I stop counting as I move to dispose of the next ragged body.

Carlisle's POV:

It was over two hours after Rose and Izzy's rapid departure that we heard them return through her bedroom window. Two distinct patterns of footsteps. I smiled knowing that Clara was able to walk unaided.

A short time later, after Rose had demanded Clara change out of her bloody clothes footsteps began coming down the stairs. My children and Izzy were in the sitting room and I waved them into the dining room as per Rose's instruction. Esme was placing the final dish of the immense banquet on the table.

Rosalie walked in with a beautiful smile and then stepped aside to reveal Clara.

A Clara standing under her own power, at least 20 pounds heavier, with shiny healthy hair, a faint healthy glow to her skin and a sarcastic smile on her lips.

The table gasped at the transformation and Izzy jumped up and hugged her sister.

"You look...It's... oh my!" Was all the garbled sense I could get out.

She was not fully healed, her walk was slower, her eyes still not the full shiny green, her skin a touch pale and still much too thin, but the improvement vast.

"Yes, yes I'm a miracle, now where's the food I am starving!" Clara grumbled as she hugged Izzy back.

"Your hunt was successful then?" I asked still in a daze even as Clara and Izzy began chatting and heaping plates with food.

Rosalie snorted. "You could say that. I think we should not hunt in this immediate area for the next while, let the wildlife recover a bit." Was her sarcastic retort.

"Hey!" Clara shouted indignantly around a bite of roast beef. "I was hungry. By the way, some fabulous spread" She said casting a grateful smile to my dazed wife as the recovered Clara tore into the food. "Spread," I think was an understatement. Esme had gone out and bought almost an entire butchers worth of meat. There were two massive joints of roast beef, racks of ribs, lamb legs, loaves of bread, bacon, cheese, butter boiled potatoes, chicken and a host of dishes I could not identify. I had teased Esme that she was cooking too much, even for Clara, but watching the young woman almost inhale mouthful after mouthful I began to realise that maybe we would need more.

A load crunch brought silence to the table.

After it had repeated a third time I, like the rest of the tables astounded occupants, realized Clara was eating the BBQ ribs, bones and all.

Clara sensing eyes upon her, looked up from her food, "What? I'm REALLY hungry and I need the calcium!" She exclaimed indignantly.

"Eat whatever you need Clara, no one's judging you. " Izzy reassured quickly, casting accusing and quelling glares at us all.

"Well um, maybe you could enlighten us to this meetings purpose?" I coaxed Clara.

She drained a pint glass of water which Esme quickly refilled and she said, "Well I think we should maybe get some concrete plans in place. Izzy tells me that she is handing in her two week notice. What then?"

Before I could answer Edward had spoken up. "Then I turn Izzy. There will be no more waiting. I won't risk losing Izzy again." He said in a voice laced with authority and sincerity. His arm snaking around Izzy's waist and his eyes staring unflinchingly into Clara's.

"Good. Glad you are making the right choice at last." Clara said.

"When was this decided? We can't do it here?" I stuttered as I tried to catch up. It was rare I was out of the loop in my family.

"We decided together...um kinda this morning. Edward was hoping we could use the Cullen house close to the Denalis. There's fewer people about." Izzy stated calmly.

God Bless my vampire mind as it raced to catch up with this news. "Well I will have to hand in my notice as well, and the family can join you to help you with your new born phase.

"That's not necessary Carlisle..." Izzy began but I cut her off.

"We are a family. We stick together. Besides, I have waited a long time to oversee your transformation Miss Swan" I said in my best snooty doctor voice.

Izzy smiled and her eyes scanned the room and even when falling on Rose they found no resistance.

"We will begin packing and Esme and Alice can co-ordinate the move. Jasper we will need new papers..." I began planning but was cut off.

"I can't. Edward will have to go sort out your new identities, I will be away the next two weeks." My newest son said calmly.

Again my axis tipped but before I could ask for an explanation which all of my shocked family (accept Alice of course) seemed to want, Clara intervened.

"That's my fault. I'm borrowing Jasper for two weeks from tomorrow morning. I have some business to attend to overseas and elsewhere. We will meet you all in Denali."

"What? Why? Where are you going? You're not healed yet!" Izzy effectively articulated all of my concerns.

"It's personal. Jasper and I have some business to attend to. I swear it's nothing dangerous and if I keep eating sufficiently I will be back to normal quickly. I have some soul searching to do you could say. After everything we have been through Izzy, just trust me on this and don't ask questions. Please. I need to do this for me. There are things I have to put to rest. When that's done I'll be by your side for eternity, the proverbial ninth wheel just like we said." Clara implored.

Edward's eyebrows were drawn in concern, obviously trying to read Jaspers mind but by my sons serene expression I could tell that he was keeping Edward out.

Izzy's face warred between rage, sorrow and worry before settling on exhausted resignation.

"I suppose I could never hope you would just sit still and be babied for a week or two. You know I trust you... and whatever you need to do, do it and then come back to us, your family!" Izzy said while fighting back tears.

Clara visibly relaxed at the lack of a fight, as too did Jasper who clutched Alice tighter.

"It seems we have some packing and farewells to do then. Until Denali at least." I said mournfully.


	48. Chapter 48

Authors note:

I've been having trouble writing the journey that Clara and Jasper are to embark on. Clara has a few things she needs to do before she can settle in Denali. The Denalis themselves offering a new set of troubles. Getting the order right and doing it in a single chapter is proving problematic and I don't want this side journey to drag on for numerous more chapters. In the mean time while I try to fix the problems with Clara's journey to make the ending I have in mind more believable I wrote this little filler chapter. I dedicate this to DutchGirl01 who likes her Jasper/Clara bonding. Thanks for reminding me to post something. This was originally a scene from during their trip but I feel it fits better before they go. Enjoy and review.

Chapter 48:

Jasper's POV.

After the immense banquet Esme had prepared had been reduced to nothing more than a few bones and empty serving plates, Clara excused herself graciously and returned to her room to sleep. The entire family and myself consciously ignoring the odd sight of Clara's unnaturally distended midsection from the vast amount of food she had eaten.

At the sight of a Clara who looked almost pregnant her stomach was so swollen, I could feel Carlisle's curiosity and amazement, before he suppressed it. My gift allowing me to feel the massive exertion it took for my adoptive father figure to suppress his scientific curiosity at Clara's unique physiology. I smiled smugly in his direction and I got a good natured frown in return, along with a dose of exasperation.

Shortly after the sounds of Clara's snoring filled the house. The fact she was sleeping yet again and at only 7pm, an indication to my mind, born of war, that she was still in a weakened state despite the rapid improvements.

Rosalie and Emmet were whispering to each other and with coy looks headed out towards the forest through the French doors. The waves of lust and sexual tension rolling off them in such strong vibes that I took Alice's hand with every intention of spending the rest of the night showing my love how much I would miss her over the next two weeks.

Alice squeezed my hand but remained standing still as I tried to lead her to the stairs.

"Just a moment love," she began, "My visions are still hazy but I think Izzy wants to ask you something."

Used to my wife's quirks I remained where I was and sure enough Izzy turned in her seat on Edwards lap on the sofa and asked, "Hey Jazz. Do you know what it is that Clara is up to? Two weeks away without any explanation. And no offense but why is she taking you? You're not exactly..." Izzy trailed off. I sensed her hesitancy and embarrassment welling up but was aware of the point she was trying to make.

"Her closest ally?" I offered in a neutral tone. "Perhaps not. Clara has only indicated to me that she has some things of a personal nature to deal with. I believe that her brush with death has made her want to re-evaluate some issues in her life. Although I am unaware as to what exactly this may involve I would in all likelihood not tell you even if I knew. This is something of personal importance to Clara. She holds private matters about myself in her confidence and I would not and will not betray the trust she has placed in me. Clara will probably tell you what this is about at some point. Until then, I would ask that you not pull my loyalties between yourself and her. You are both my sisters."

Izzy watched me carefully as I spoke and her head ducked slightly in embarrassment. Yet, her intelligent eyes, and the waves of suspicion, telling me she believed I knew something. I was not going to break Clara's confidence about why she wanted me, rather than one of the other Cullen's to come with her. A dark past is something I understand the need to protect others from.

"I apologise Jasper. I should have known better. Just take care of her for me, okay? She seems tough but as we saw, Clara isn't as untouchable by emotion or by physical harm as we may want to believe." Izzy whispered fervently.

Acknowledging the truth of her words and the weight of the responsibility her trust bestowed, I nodded solemnly. A weak gesture to denote the seriousness with which I took her task, but I reinforced my intent with a shot of protectiveness, familial love and loyalty to Izzy.

Her slight shudder and then gentle smile letting me know she accepted my sentiments. Edward nodded beside her, as always maintaining silent counsel despite his gift, and without further conversation I left with Alice to enjoy the time we had left before our separation.

Some 12 hours later Clara awoke. Her transition from sleep to wakefulness abrupt and violent as she gasped and an inhuman growl echoed throughout the house. I had spent a night of pleasure with Alice, a night I believe was cut short by her incessant need to pack bags for myself and Clara. My little nymph of a wife, hardly understanding the concept of: 'travelling light.'

I pulled on a pair of jeans and made my way to outside of Clara's door. Rosalie having only returned with a smug looking Emmet a few moments ago stood, with practically a forest of dirt clinging to her torn clothes, hesitantly outside Clara's door too. I shook my head slightly and after a moment's hesitation she left to return to her room and to clean up.

Clara's breath had calmed and just as I was about to knock her voice floated in a whisper through the door.

"Come in Jasper."

Having become somewhat used to Clara's senses which put my own to shame I entered the door without giving too much thought to how she knew it was me. Clara's senses unnerved me at times, having been in numerous wars, any person with such an advantage made me naturally weary.

Clara sat on the side of her bed with her eyes closed, in an oversized worn Boston hockey jersey that hung below her waist. The change in her appearance from last night yet another shock. Her weight had jumped up again, the distended stomach seeming to have flattened and the nourishment spreading out to her body. Her musculature looked much more in line with her previous actual weight and athletic build.

"You have a bad dream? You're lookin' better darlin'" I said as way of greeting.

Clara snorted. "Just nightmares, but one of the curses of my many deeds," Clara sighed defeatedly. "Must be nice never having to sleep. To never have to face those demons."She whispered.

"We have perfect recall, different to yours. In every idle moment I can relive my deeds. Often they intrude upon my every waking mind if I am not vigilant to stay busy. I would imagine your usual reduced amount of necessary sleep offers a more freeing experience, and I suppose not all of your dreams are bad? I think dreaming is actually something I miss, now that I am stuck in an endless day." I replied in a melancholy voice.

Clara laughed in a strangled way. "Hear us, like two war vets competing about who suffered the most."

Opening her eyes and seeming to dismiss the topic Clara held her arms out in front of herself examining her hands and arms. Her gaze drifting to her pale legs. She clenched her fists slowly and the distinct sound of crunching bone resounded too faint for human ears.

Clara's head still ducked, she laughed humourlessly, tracing a faint scar across her lower thigh, "I feel better today. Still weaker and lighter than I should be. My body is still reabsorbing some of the bone fragments. The mechanics will be back to full steam soon. Only the cosmetic damage will be permanent."

Clara finally looked up and before I could comment her gaze swept over me and she said matter of factly, "I've never seen you shirtless before."

It only then dawned on me that I had only put on jeans to check on Clara. My chest, arms and neck were fully exposed, showing the patchwork of crescent scars that marked my body.

Unbidden self consciousness rose up. My spine straightened and my fists clenched as I waited for Clara to make some comment.

Alice was the only person I was ever comfortable showing my scars to. She alone did not look at me with pity, sadness or outright fear. No matter how loving the Cullens were, they could not shake the instinctual flinch or the pity in their eyes when they caught a glimpse of a scar.

Clara's head tilted. "Don't look so rigid Major. I ain't going to jump your bones because you came into my room shirtless. You're handsome and all but you have too many added extras for me to make a play for ya. Besides I actually think of everyone in the house, Alice might actually manage to kill me in some imaginative pixie way if I put the moves on her cowboy."

My mouth dropped at her open teasing. Trust Clara to immediately think of some strange sexual innuendo to make me forget about my discomfort for the scars. Being alone semi naked in her room was not even a thought I had considered.

At my impression of a fish out of water Clara laughed uproariously before calming and looking at me more intently, no pity, no real emotion at all in her eyes but friendliness, "Yours are like a pattern. Distinctive and... Pretty even. You've seen my scars Jasper, all different sizes, shapes, colours. Hard to hide and ugly. After healing Izzy I assure you they have only gotten worse and more widespread. It would be hypocritical of me to react to something so superficial. Seeing souls I know that a person is rarely what they show on the outside."

I was even more astonished at her proclaiming my scars pretty. My eyes drifted to the faint scars on her exposed arms and legs which denoted where her bones had punctured flesh while she healed Izzy and was unable to heal the wounds after. My mind flashed to the image of Izzy's mangled back which she had shown us, shortly after we discovered Clara's nature. Guessing from the vague description of Victoria's torture of Clara and the little snippets we overheard Rose and Alice saying about Clara's scars from when they cleaned her up after the newborn fight, it dawned on me that Clara knew exactly what it was to have scars. To be self conscious and marked by your past failings.

My expression must have cued Clara into my discomfort as I suddenly received a jolt of strong understanding and comfort. Clara purposefully dropping her shields so I could feel her emotions.

I nodded silently and sent back a feeling of familial love, protectiveness and comfort. Clara smiled snarkily and then shut her shields.

"Enough mushy stuff. What time is our flight." Clara asked.

"Whenever you are ready to go. We have open tickets of sorts and Jenks assured me your passport would be waiting with my man at the airport. Alice unsurprisingly has packed you a bag. We're ready to go the moment you want to." I replied.

Clara nodded as though this was all normal, glanced at her clock that read 7 am. "I'll grab a shower, change, have a quick bite, tell Izzy good bye and then we will hit the road. Can you ask Esme, if she doesn't mind, can she make me some bacon sandwiches? I need to keep my protein intake up."

"Esme would make you another banquet happily if you asked. She likes being able to mother people at the best of times. Combine the fact you actually need to eat and gave her a scare recently and her maternal side is in overdrive." I joked back.

A soft look overtook Clara's face and for a moment the lines around her eyes disappeared. For but a second she looked like the 16 year old girl her frozen body was, the daughter she had been before the bheann sidh and the pain of life had aged her in its intangible way. As quickly as it came it left.

Clara stiffly, and slowly at first, rose from her bed and began striding to the door of her en suite.

I was about to turn around to leave when she spoke again.

"Jasper." I turned to see her standing in the door to the en suite, looking at me over her shoulder.

"I trust you Jasper. Thank you for doing this for me. I can see how it upsets you to be away from Alice." An expression of hesitancy, looking out of place on Clara's usually confident and bravado laden face, shadowed her features as she looked at me. The indecision warred on her sharp features before clearing and with her back still to me she whipped off the oversized shirt. Standing in only black, CK, baggy men's boxers, Clara's back, upper thighs and the true extent of her scarring was exposed to me.

The whirling scar tissue on her neck, from the ragged new born bite, a savage scar always peeking out from her collar. The small scars across her legs and arms, bad as they were, dwarfed to the true horror of the scars her back revealed.

Along her right side, almost hidden to my gaze, three parallel scars ran across her ribs. Lacerations purposefully cut, brutally inflicted with precision. Clara's back was a cacophony of scars. These scars were deep, jagged overlapping lines, puncture wounds and thick, red, ropey lines. The skin from her shoulders all the way down marred with pits and lines. Different shades, colours, thicknesses and gouges of scars all mixed up across her back. Strips on the back of her thighs and left side looking distinctly like where someone had tried to literally skin her alive. The straight long line of her spine at regular junctions marred with scars from where broken ribs or vertebrae had punctured her skin.

Seeing this I could now understand how she could call the pattern of my own scars almost pretty in their half crescent regularity. Yet we both shared the truth. That no matter who you showed your scars to, no matter what the media or silly romance novels said. Scars were ugly, they hurt and nearly always reminded us of things we wished to forget.

I did not react. I did not show pity. I did not flinch. This was an act of trust. Showing me willingly, what she had shown no other. Clara was right, we were both scarred. She understood and she trusted me. I nodded slightly and before I could speak she stepped into the en suite and closed the door.

With a deep sigh I turned to go find Esme to cook for Clara and made up my mind up once again to help Clara in any way I could.

Please review. Hope you enjoyed. Also I am addicted to Rizzoli and isles recently(watch the show. Love it) a writer called 'mauraandapriest-NEVER' wrote a story in response to a challenge that I wrote. We had a blast e-mailing each other lines and paragraphs to include. I love the resulting story. It's called: 'Crossing lines for Maura.'


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

Jasper's POV

"Clara will be down in a few minutes Mom, she was wondering if you wouldn't mind making her some bacon sandwiches before we leave. As astonishing as it sounds, she claims to need more food." I said with heavy sarcasm.

Esme smiled happily, "Of course, the poor dear, I'll make her something. Hmm...maybe some eggs and fruit salad on the side to balance it out as well…" she muttered to herself as she headed for the kitchen. Bacon sandwiches it seemed weren't going to be enough to appease my over protective mother, a balanced breakfast of highest standard was about to be whipped up I was sure.

I turned to see Carlisle sitting in an armchair, his legs crossed and posture casual as he appeared to read a book. To any outside observer he was human. His mannerisms and the way he carried himself simply masked his vampire nature better than any other I had have seen. I envied my father his control sometimes, the ease with which he could appear oh so human. Yet, I knew the hard work Carlisle had put into remaining human, the courage and self-sacrifice it had taken. I was proud to have him consider me his son, his kindness far exceeded anything I deserved after what I the acts I have committed in this life.

"How does she look this morning?" Carlisle asked as he dropped his book into his lap and his eyes met mine. His voice and gaze shifting to what I categorised as his professional doctor persona.

"Well, if you mean; does she still look pregnant? Then no. Her weight has shot up again and she looks healthier. When she moves I can tell she is stiff and feeling weak still, but she is masking it well." I assessed as I moved to take a seat on the sofa adjacent to him.

"To be expected. I honestly am still amazed at the rapid progress she has made so far. Her recovery and the speed at which she is metabolising food is truly fascinating. How her human guise has adapted to meet the energy requirements of her immortality is simply a miracle of evolution, or the deft hand of a creator I can but call an artist. Do you really think she is ready to be making this journey she is so intent upon?" Carlisle asked. His continued awe and curiosity at Clara's abilities providing me with a constant source of amusement.

I sighed deeply as I thought upon Clara's recovery. Hesitantly I tried to articulate my thoughts, "Honestly? I think she is too stubborn to wait any longer before she leaves. Whatever this journey is, it's important to her. From what we have both see, I think it is a safe bet to assume that if Clara considers something important to her, there is very little anything or anyone can do to stop her. Bella is living proof of that."

Carlisle's eyebrows bunched together, a rare scowl forming on his patient angelic face. "Yes, that is true but I am still worried. No matter how she tries to cover it, she is still weak. I…" Carlisle sighed in defeat and met my eyes, "I am worried for her." He stated plainly, his voice thick with emotion.

I smiled sympathetically and grasped my father's shoulder in a reassuring gesture, "Dad, she is still a Banshee. Besides, I am going with her, and I promise, I won't let anything happen to my newest sister. I may not play nursemaid as well as Rosalie or doting mother like Esme but I will look after her." I stated with all the conviction in my heart.

Carlisle's frame seemed to droop a little and his hand covered mine tenderly. "Thank you son. I can think of no better protector for her. Forgive the worrying of an old man. The last few years have been tough on our family and I can't seem to help but worry these days."

My father's voice was tender and quavered a little with the tiredness of three centuries. "Well isn't that the job of a father: to worry." I chided light heartedly.

Carlisle was prevented from offering any reply as a white blur raced into the room and bowled into me, knocking me flat onto the couch. I smiled involuntarily. No matter how quick that blur was, I could always recognize my wife. Her arms wound around my neck in a rare overt display of affection as she plopped herself on my knees.

"I'm going to miss you Jasper Whitlock," She said mournfully.

My own heart ached at the thought of the two week separation, but I had to be strong for Alice.

"Well, Mrs. Whitlock, it's only for two weeks and I promise that wherever we go, I will bring you back something pretty. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder and I am sure when I return you will have thought of some, elaborate and brilliant way to show me just that." I whispered, my tone becoming deeper and I underlined the intent with a burst of lust to Alice.

Carlisle watching us chuckled good naturedly. Alice constricted her arms a little before releasing me and standing up.

She stared deeply into my eyes and pouted for a moment. Before I could offer any more reassurance, her body stiffened and her gaze became unfocused.

Alice's emotion's spiked and a heavy wave of excitement, lust and arousal rolled off my wife.

As her gaze returned to normal, a darkly seductive and mischievous grin overtook her face. "Oh Major, you have no idea what I have planned for your return." Alice's voice was pure sex, dark, thick and raspy. I swallowed involuntarily as I watched her eye me like the most delicious prey.

Then like a cloud being blown away by the wind it vanished and Alice bounced on the spot, returning to her normal energetic self, "But until then I had better bring down your luggage. I see you will be leaving in a little under an hour." And with that declaration my wife disappeared back up the stairs in a blur.

I sagged back into the sofa and rubbed my eyes. "That woman will be the death of me." I muttered in faux sorrow as my mind whirled on what exactly Alice could have foreseen, what could she possibly plan for my return? My body was already heating just thinking about it.

Carlisle chuckled at me and a gravelly voice from the stairs behind me called, "Well, if you got to die Jazz, I can think of no better way than as the result of the machinations of that stunning little woman. If you're afraid, I'm sure I could handle Alice in your stead." Clara mocked with dark delight, a smug grin on her face as she made her way carefully down the stairs.

I growled half-heartedly at Clara, and Alice's falsetto voice rang down the stairs, "In your dreams Clara."

Clara only smiled wider, "Oh Ali, my dreams are never so vanilla as to only you by your lonesome. Why in my dreams…" she declared impishly before being cut off.

"Perv! I don't want to know." Alice indignantly, but with an underlying laugh hollered back.

"Please don't talk about my wife like that." I sighed tiredly.

Clara glided into the sitting room but the action was lacking some of her usual grace and effortlessness. Not to mention Clara usually strode powerfully into rooms rather than gliding like a perfect lady.

"I was only messing with you Jazz. I'll tease to rile ya, but I'd never really think about your wife like that. Hell, Izzy used to tell me that I was blind to any woman with a wedding ring on." Clara shrugged easily, belying the seriousness of her words.

Clara dismissed me from her field of vision as she sat down and looked across at Carlisle as his sharp gaze assessed her.

I tried to see what he saw as concern and curiosity began to surface in his emotions.

Clara's boyfriend fit jeans hung loose and low on her hips, trailing the hems onto the ground. Her waist and thighs still narrower than they should be. The hoody she wore was loose and seemed to smother shoulders that had not yet regained their full width and musculature. At her throat I could see she was wearing a body armour undershirt. The collar not lying flat to her throat, making me wonder how many extra layers she was wearing underneath it to try and bulk up her appearance. Her cheeks had some colour and her skin was looking more natural but still lacked the vibrancy of true health. Her eyes at least held chips of jade in their depths, their startling green returned to their normal colour.

"You look better. How do you feel?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm fine." Clare said shortly.

Carlisle simply raised an eyebrow and set his face into harder lines, fully prepared it seemed to drag answers out one slow question at a time of need be.

Clara sighed in exasperation and threw her hands up in the air.

"Fine. I'm tired, bloody starving hungry, I feel cold and am wearing like 7 layers of shirts, a pair of leggings under these jeans and 3 pairs of socks. My body is still using so much energy to rebuild that it has decided my body temperature is no longer a priority and it shouldn't bother regulating it. I feel weaker, lighter and my back fucking hurts." Clara snapped.

Silence reined for a second before Clara took a deep calming breath before speaking in a more civilised and reasonable tone, "However I do feel fine. I don't feel my best, but even below optimum as I am right now I am stronger and better than human normal, so please, stop worrying and giving me those concerned eyes. So long as I keep sleeping and eating I _will_ be fine. I'll give you my word in blood and honour if you need it."

"That won't be necessary." Came Esme's unusually cool voice.

"You say you will be fine and so we believe you. We understand how important this journey is to you Clara, it's just that we worry about you. I will turn the heating up and make sure that Alice has packed you appropriate clothing to keep you warm. Now come along, I made you breakfast." Esme said, her voice gradually returning to its normal warmth as she spoke.

Clara nodded and rose to follow my mother.

While she ate I sought out my wife for a private goodbye. We were not a demonstrative couple by our very nature. Unlike Emmet and Rosalie, or more recently Edward and Bella. That in no way diminishes the passion of our mating. Emmet once asked why Alice and I so rarely told each other 'I love you.' I told him that to someone capable of feeling her love and sending mine directly to her and a wife able to see us together in the future eternally…what is the point in mere words or even actions? Simply holding Alice's hand while we push our emotions at each other with my empathic gift creates a bubble, a world all to ourselves of bliss and perfect unity so pleasant and private that no other couple on earth could ever understand it. I often think that it is why other couples seek to consume each other in public displays of affection, they are striving for the unity that my gift grants us so easily.

It is perhaps forty five minutes later that Alice, tightly curled around me on my lap, playing with my short blond curls, shifts and stands, breaking the moment of perfection. "Come," she says, "It's time for you to go."

I feel her love and the tinge of sadness at my leaving and in response I send back my reluctance to leave and all my love for her. Alice shoots me a small smile. Together we make our way downstairs to the sitting room where all our family have now gathered, including a still sleepy Izzy.

"I put your cases in the car." Emmet says to me. The oddly solemn atmosphere making my goofy brother uncomfortable.

"Right then, take care of stretch over there Jazz," Emmet bellows as he gives me a brotherly slap on the back with his immense strength, and shooting Clara a wink and offering her a jovial fist bump which she begrudgingly returns with an indulgent smile.

Clara smiles and steps forward to embrace Rose who returns the hug with uncharacteristic enthusiasm. Her lips graze Clara's ear and move in a whisper too quiet for me to hear. Clara smiles reassuringly as she releases her. "No stress sista, I'll be fine. You just make sure to find a real wreck of a car for us to work on in Alaska or else I'll be bored out of my skull when I get back," Clara says with what I can tell is false cheer by the small jolt of hesitancy and nerves that leak through her shields.

In one of her motions that are too quick to follow Clara tosses a set of keys to Rose who struggles to catch them even with Vampire reflexes. "And I trust you to sell my garage to someone decent if you can find a buyer while I'm away, and to pack up my half of the apartment without letting your pervy husband steal too many of my more personal toys." Clara says with a mischievous grin and a salacious wink. Emmet guffaws loudly and pouts while Rose smiles, the gesture of trust not lost on her.

It is the brief burst of jealousy and anger from the silent Izzy that catches me unawares and by the glance to his mate by Edward he has caught the feeling from my thoughts too.

"I'll have a new Alaskan wardrobe waiting for you when you get back and your suitcase has a nice mix of things no matter where you end up. Come back soon." Alice offered in a subdued tone from my side.

Clara nodded solemnly.

Esme bustled forward to engulf Clara in a maternal hug. Her eyes gleaming with the venom that so long ago stole away her tears.

"Now you be careful, make sure you eat enough and if you need anything at all you don't hesitate to ring us okay? We are all here for you and I want you to stay in touch, no making me worry with long silences!" Esme babbled in her motherly tone and where Clara would have sassed anyone else who dared to speak to her as though she were the 16 year old child she embodied, her shoulders actually relaxed and she replied with utmost sincerity, "I promise Esme."

Esme turned that maternal look upon me and I could feel the rest of the families amusement and indulgent soft love.

"That goes for you too Jasper. Don't push your thirst too much, that pain isn't necessary. If you need anything you call us and look after Clara, make sure she remembers to eat properly and not just survive on alcohol and tobacco!" She said sternly, casting Clara an accusing look. I, a Major in the Confederate army and feared savage of the Southern armies smiled in return, "Yes mom," I replied in a falsely exasperated tone, pushing my love towards her.

"If you need anything just give us a call. I hope you continue to heal well and that this trip provides you with the peace you seek," Carlisle said to Clara who nodded in return, her face softly curious. Carlisle's words hinting at the unknown reason for Clara's journey, yet Carlisle had always been the most intuitive and compassionate of us.

Clara walked closer to Edward and Izzy. "I trust you to look after Izzy while I'm gone." Clara said to Edward as she offered her hand in a solemn shake. The words and the meaning escaping none of us, least of all Edward, who shook with a soft smile and a "Thank you, Good luck" as his only farewell.

All that was left now was Clara and Izzy. They stood silently watching each other for a moment, a whole conversation occurring without a word being spoken.

"I still don't understand why you have to do this, but after everything you have done for me, trust and a few weeks away from me is the least I can do. Hell, we've been joined at the hip for eight years and after I am changed you are bound to me for another ten. If I was you I would want a vacation away too." Izzy said, her voice trying but failing to convey humour in the tight atmosphere.

"It's not that Izzy. You know I have no problem being with you. You are my friend, my family. I just have to do this. I'll explain one day I promise." Clara retuned in a resigned tone before scooping Izzy into a tight embrace. No sooner had it begun than it was over and Clara released her and passed by us all to the door calling out, "I'll see you all in Alaska in a few weeks."

My family watched Clara leave and with my own quick farewells I departed after her. I climbed into the driver's seat of my silver Jaguar and pulled out of our long driveway offering a wave in the rear-view mirror to my family as they waved us off. Clara sat quietly in the passenger seat.

I drove for almost an hour in silence before Clara's voice cut through the tense atmosphere.

"You said you sorted the paper work for the passport and open tickets to London, I'll owe you for those, I'm sure they cost an arm and a leg on such short notice." Clara's dull voice intoned as her eyes remained fixed on the dreary weather outside her window.

I cast her a sour look which I am sure she caught from the corner of her eye. "You're family. You don't owe me anything. Hell, with Alice's clairvoyance and Edward's mind reading we are never short of money." I told her, leaving no room for argument.

Clara finally twisted in her seat and offered me a soft smile in thanks. "So what's the cover story? Are we siblings travelling to visit a relative or what?" Clara asked giving me a sceptical eye as she pointedly looked at my blond hair and Nordic features, an utter contrast to her darker Celtic and Romanian features.

I smiled in return. "The passport I have waiting for me states my name is Jasper Whitlock aged 19 and yours says Clara Whitlock aged 16. With the surnames we could pass ourselves as siblings but I don't think we will run into any problems though. I'm sorry if the name upsets you but it is just for this trip and it will make things easier, plus the passport will last you at least five of six years this way." I replied.

Clara shrugged good naturedly. "Nah I don't mind the name, mine is kind of conspicuous and I resigned myself to having to change it a lot in my long life anyway. When Izzy and I were on the run I got documents with a few different names. It was either change my name and age or we ran into whole hosts of problems with the emancipated teen paperwork, especially in Europe that stuff doesn't fly. What do you mean though we won't have a problem? Airlines won't let an unaccompanied minor fly internationally; you'll have to pose as my brother. You still haven't asked where I want these open tickets to take us either other than just London." Clara stated, her face taking on a confused cast as her eyebrows scrunched together in thought.

"None of that will be an issue. Trust me" I responded in my best mysterious voice with a mischievous grin.

Clara huffed good naturedly rolling her eyes. "Whatever, I'll trust you soldier boy."

I smiled smugly and refocused on the road as we came close to our turn off.

I watched Clara in the corner of my eye. She sat up and began to take in her surroundings.

"Jasper… where are we? This isn't the way to the airport." Clara said incredulously.

I laughed at her tone as she now watched me suspiciously, but before I could answer her we reached our destination and the sign that gave it away.

"You didn't!" Clara said, her voice the oddest mix of shock, horror and excitement.

The sign for Airlux private airfield passed us by as I answered, "Well, you never really told me when or where you wanted to go so a private jet is just easier and they ask less questions. Besides, the family owes you and this will be a hard enough trip without having to deal with commercial planes and screaming kids. Faster too, which considering how much I already miss Alice is always a good thing."

Clara's eyes focused on me with fierce intensity, "Thank you Jasper for doing this, for helping me. And I am sorry you miss Alice."

I grasped her hand across the gear stick, I had not intended to make her feel guilty. "You gave me the chance to save my soul Clara, you saved Izzy and by extension my family. Nothing you ask is too much, this will be a very hard trip for you and I want to help, in fact I am honoured to help."

Clara squeezed my hand reassuringly, "Thank you." The words were simple but the sudden rush of gratitude that Clara allowed to flood past her shields to me said it all.

I pulled into the airstrip. A number of interconnected, small, squat buildings and hangars sat in a row, beyond which a runway stretched forth. I pulled up in front of a modern steel and glass building. How I hated such things. Modern architecture had no style, no soul, it was cold and clinical, but then perhaps I was just stuck in my old fashioned 1800 ways.

I had barely stopped the car when a distinguished man with impeccably cut hair, a sharp business suit and shiny black shoes glided out of the building, closely followed by three younger men wearing the Airlux uniform of dress shirt, pants and a red waistcoat.

Two of the young men retrieved the luggage while another came forth to take my keys. He would drive the car back to the Cullen house for it to be crated up and sold or moved to Alaska.

"Good day, young Mr. Whitlock I presume? I am Mr. Malone, an associate of Mr. Jenks. These are your papers." He said smoothly as he passed me a brown envelope with a condescending smile. I hated being called young man or boy. For Christ's sake I have been alive since before this man's father was an itch in his Grandaddy's balls.

"The money has already been wired to the account Mr. Jenks specified. Good day." I said through gritted teeth as I brushed past the waste of skin.

Clara fell into step beside me, not even bothering to cast a glance back at the offended Mr. Malone.

"Not very civil of you _young _Mr. Whitlock," Clara teased in a falsely aristocratic accent. I growled lowly, only making Clara laugh all the more.

We entered the glass and metal monstrosity to be greeted by a room bedecked in pine, a leather corner sofa to the right with a coffee table, doors to the left leading to the hangars and directly in front a reception desk manned by a receptionist who rose at our entrance.

"Good morning and welcome to Airlux. I am Katrina, how may I help you?" She asked in a voice that sat nav recorders would kill for. It was equal parts cultured professionalism and sultry helpfulness.

Katrina had long curly hair that even from here I could smell was bleached to within an inch of it's dried out existence. She was beautiful by conventional standards, watery blue eyes, a narrow nose and a face which seemed to sit in a perfect sultry pout. All this set upon a curvaceous figure clad in a form fitting business dress with a cleavage that flirted with the line of impropriety.

As we approached I saw the moment she became enamoured with my vampiric camouflage, seeing only my unnatural beauty, despite my true nature and the scowl I had set upon my features. Lust barrelled into me as her eyes slowly raked my form

I opened the envelope to retrieve the passports, setting them on the counter.

"The Whitlock party of two, flying to Britain." I said shortly.

Katrina seemed to shake herself as she smiled even wider and deliberately sat back down as she took the passports and brought up our booking on her computer. Her lower position presenting a clear view into her abundant cleavage.

I was unimpressed while a glance to my right showed Clara was deeply amused by the woman's behaviour while she herself enjoyed the abundant cleavage offered for display. I shot her a dirty look.

"What would Esme say if she caught you ogling a woman like that?" I whispered to Clara too quietly for a human to hear.

"Probably that she isn't good enough for me." Clara responded archly in an equally quiet whisper.

I choked on a laugh, because it was probably true. All Esme wanted was for Clara to settle down.

"Are you okay? Would you like a glass of water?" Katrina asked in response to my cough.

"No thank you." I answered. Katrina smiled and finally got on with looking at our passports.

"Jasper Whitlock and Clara Whitlock." She read aloud, her voice caressing my name and then turning much colder on Clara's. Her emotions fluctuating from jealousy to annoyance.

For the first time Katrina shifted her attention and seemed to only now notice Clara. Her gaze was cool and calculating. Clara said "Hi," and offered a crooked smile, flashing the edge of teeth in a confident leer. Katrina missed it and her gaze became calculating as she skimmed Clara's form, her youthful face, the Superdry lumberjack hoodie and the boyfriend fit jeans. Then almost as quickly as she assessed Clara she dismissed her. To this woman and her superficial beauty, she was obviously no threat, an assumption reinforced by the swell of satisfaction and smug delight which surged in Katrina.

"Your sister?" Katrina asked in a falsely sickly sweet voice, completely ignoring Clara and thus missing the brief flash of hurt that passed across her face.

I felt my anger swell in my belly at this woman's condescension, her quick dismissal and her cold manner. This superficial woman could never hope to know the character of my newest sister, could never hope to be worthy of her attention, never mind my own. She disgusted me. With my vampire quick mind I made a decision and tried to keep a straight face.

I smiled making Katrina smile back but my next words soon erased that, "With our colouring? Nah darling, this here is my new wife, my Clara bell. We're heading to Britain on our honeymoon. Ain't that right sugar?" I said, laying it on thick in a Southern drawl, as I looped my arm around Clara's waist and dragged her to my side, sandwiching her body to mine. I chanted in my mind, 'play along' and was rewarded when after a second the rigidity of Clara's body sagged and the shock in her eyes turned to mischievous delight.

Clara turned to look at Katrina, her face now half buried in my chest as she faked peeking out coyly at her. "Oh Jazzy, I'm still just getting used to my new name. Forgive my husband he has a possessive streak a mile wide." Clara demurred, then snuggled even closer to me, "Ain't that right sweetheart?" Clara cooed as her right hand came up to softly caress my cheek and play with my curls as she gazed lovingly at me. It took all of my will power not to laugh.

Thankfully, the show had the desired effect.

"Oh!" Katrina said coldly. She gathered our passports and the newly printed paperwork.

"If you will take these and exit through the door on your left, follow the corridor to the door marked hangar 4 and your Pilot and crew will meet you there. Your luggage has already been stowed away for you. Have a nice trip." Katrina bit out, casting Clara a bitter look.

Clara and I made our way to the door and arm in arm entered. We strolled down the seemingly endless corridor for about a hundred metres before I stopped rigid. "Do you think we are far enough away she can't hear us?" I asked between gritted teeth, my voice tight.

"Yes," Clara replied equally as strained. A beat passed and then we both cracked up laughing. Tears ran freely down Clara's face she laughed so hard and I struggled for breath like I never had since I was human.

After a little over five minutes of laughing we regained the ability to speak. "Oh God, your wife! Whatever will Alice think! I didn't know you were into polygamy Jazz!" Clara gasped out with thick sarcasm before dissolving into another giggling fit.

"It was the only thing I could think of." I said. "Did you see her face, she looked like you had slapped her."

"She was just lucky I didn't. The old cow. I get she must be strictly dickly when she didn't respond to my smile but Christ the dismissal. Ouch. She is probably sitting at her desk wondering what weird sexual kinks I fulfil for you to have married a tomboy like me!" Clara giggled.

I began laughing again as I reached out and indeed caught a dose of anger and confusion from the direction of the receptionist.

We sedately began to walk back down the long corridor. The silence between us comfortable and only broken by the occasional giggle.

Door number four finally appeared and we entered into a cavernous hanger which held a small gulfstream plane for our private use. A red carpet had been stretched out in front of the steps, the pilot stood to the left of the steps to the open plane door and to the right a short brunette airhostess with delicate features offered us both a glass of champagne.

"Good Morning Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock. It's a pleasure to have you flying with us today. I see the manifest says we are flying to London. If you would like to climb aboard and take your seats we can be underway shortly." I smiled and nodded politely at the man's professionalism.

"Certainly," I said as Clara took the glasses of Champaign from the airhostess with a flirtatious and confidant smile. The poor woman made to protest at our apparent age but whether it was the smile or the outrageous amount of money Airlux was being paid to place this jet and their staff at our disposal for two weeks, she thought better of it and merely smiled back politely. Apparent underage drinking it was then.

She handed me one and sub whispered, "I'll drink yours too."

We made our way onto the plane which was adorned in warm chestnut panelling with a matching table to the right and a bar to the left. The dark leather seats were large and spacious. The plane seated no more than ten people with ample space for them to stretch out or even lie down.

We made ourselves comfortable, juggling our glasses as Clara knocked back the Champaign. The plane began to taxi to the runway and the airhostess returned to take our empty glasses.

"Hello, my name is Ashley and I will be your stewardess for this flight. We have a fully stocked plane and you will find the menu of available snacks, beverages and gourmet meals which we have on-board in the pouch to the right or your armrests. If there is anything you need Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock please don't hesitate to ask. I will just take your glasses and ask you to buckle up for take-off."

Clara plucked my glass from my hands before Ashley could move, she turned and stood towering over the smaller woman as she offered the glasses to her by the stems, purposefully touching her hands with a gentle caress.

"It is Miss Whitlock, we are siblings, not married. I insist however you call me Clara. I so hate formality, don't you Ashley?" Clara crooned, her eyes reaching deeply into the unsuspecting girl and for a brief moment the otherworldly aura of Clara's making her presence transcend that of a tall, beautiful athletic girl. Clara's smile was soft and inviting. For a moment the stewardess froze and then with a blush and a quiet "of course" she scrambled to the back of the plane. A spike of lust jabbing at me in her wake.

Clara folded her lean frame back into the seat with lithe movements, smiling smugly.

I shook my head. "How the hell do you do that?" I asked amused.

"Near perfect gaydar. No matter how cute and feminine they look, I can spot them, even when they are lying to themselves sometimes. My enhanced smell picking up hormones, adrenaline, arousal and my hearing monitoring heart rate might help too." Clara replied smugly.

I shook my head and then let out a dramatic gasp as I clutched at my non beating heart, "To think you have divorced me already, and us not married even ten minutes. Now you are planning on cheating with the stewardess on our honeymoon." I cried dramatically in a whisper. Clara began to snigger.

"What can I say, she's prettier." Clara deadpanned before again breaking out in a fit of laughter.

"Ugh" I sighed, "Just no joining the mile high club while I am here. I so don't want to hear that." I jested.

Clara pouted dramatically, "You ruin all my fun."

The plane began picking up speed as we barrelled down the runway for take-off. "I think you have spoken and laughed more in the last two days than in all the time I have known you." Clara observed.

I looked back quickly on the last few hours. "I suppose. We have interacted more on a personal level, and we are alone here. Or rather with less people. There are less emotions here for me to constantly shield against or be influenced by and no vampire emotions at all which are a lot stronger than human ones. I suppose it makes it easier for me to be myself and interact with people. I love my family don't get me wrong but they do make me a bit more reserved at times. Unless we are playing or wrestling or I am alone with Alice." I ruminated as Clara watched me closely.

The plane lurched as it left the ground yet neither of us really moved, both easily able to compensate for the change in direction and gravitational forces because of our supernatural natures.

"So…" I said, drawing the word out.

"Why are we going to England specifically?"

Clara watched me for a moment, her features freezing and her eyes going cold.

In a monotone she replied. "To start my road to redemption. To free Victoria. To find and destroy her head."


End file.
